The first time Kim Himchan met his best friend’s baby cousin was not exactly pleasant for him.  Granted he shouldn’t say baby since she officially entered her toddler years that very day.  However, he did not care much about that technicality.  He was only five after all.  All he knew was she smelled weird, and her vocabulary was even more limited than his.  Oh, and she liked to draw, as evident by the picture she shoved in his face the second he stepped in the door.  Normally Himchan would have barked something about personal space.  However, he had promised his mother he would be on his best behavior.  So, instead of snapping at the birthday girl he accepted the, rather terrible, drawing with a strained smile.    

If he didn’t feel completely out of place, he would have found it cute way she stumbled over to Yongguk and clung to his arm telling him with half gibberish how happy she was.  He watched, mildly interested, as Yongguk nodded enthusiastically and accepted the second picture in her little hands, almost identical to the one she gave Himchan.  She turned back to Himchan, still clinging to Yongguk and was about to say something only to have Himchan’s and Yongguk’s mothers usher the three to the table where the rest of the party was.

After several attempts to get Jae to sit at the top of the table she stubbornly sat next to her self-proclaimed best friend Daehyun and being two, he was not too keen on sitting away from his mother.  Moreover, when she started eating her share of Tak Toritang and kimchi there was no way she would move until she was full. 

To Himchan, Yongguk’s mother made the best Tak Toritang in the world, though he would never admit it to his mother.  And considering Himchan was perhaps the pickiest five year old in the world, according to his mother, getting him to eat this well was rare.  Because of this, he hadn’t even noticed the disaster that was occurring right in front of him.  Jae had the brilliant idea of trying to feed Daehyun bits of kimchi even though he was making grabby hands for her chicken.  

The adults found the interaction adorable and even made jokes about how the two will start dating when they get older.  Himchan was completely confused, why did adults think everyone wanted to marry each other?  Himchan didn’t even know what Play-doh he wanted to use during free time at school tomorrow.  Actually, now that he thought about it his favorite Play-doh was stolen by that stupid-

Himchan stopped moving looked over at Jae and Daehyun who were grinning as bits of kimchi slid down Himchan’s face.  He didn’t know why the little brat decided it was a good idea to fling kimchi at him but he knew he was going to get the boy back.  “Hey,” He growled darkly and pointed his spoon at the pair, “apologize.”

“Calm down Himchan-ah they don’t know any better.”  His mother mumbled soothingly as she gently wiped the kimchi away.  Himchan didn’t care, he never did anything like that when he was that age.  At least that he can remember. 

“Sorry kimchi oppa.”  Jae snickered

“What did you call me?!”  Himchan roared, the last of his little nerves fading away, and when Yongguk started to snicker, he whipped his head towards him, glaring darkly.  For all he knew it was Yongguk’s idea. 

“Yongguk oppa says you smell like kimchi sometimes. But now you really smell like kimchi.”  She giggled as if it was the funniest thing she heard in her like and Daehyun, not knowing any better, giggled with her. 

Himchan on the other hand, was furious.  He smelled like that because he would help his mom make kimchi every couple of weeks.  Huffing he picked up his spoon and started jabbing at his food again, ignoring his mother’s attempts to sooth him by rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head.  Now he was really jealous of his sister who got to stay home with dad because she was sick.  That is until cake arrived because cake is wonderful and to little Himchan solved all problems.  Even when Jae called him, kimchi oppa before they left it was all right because Himchan still had a slice of cake in his hands.

He thought, or more so hoped, that when Jae got older she wouldn’t call him kimchi oppa anymore. 

She didn’t stop. 

Every time she visited Seoul, she called him kimchi oppa at least once.  Even when he turned ten and should have been use to the annoying name he snapped at her every time.  When he was thirteen he finally figured out, she did it now just to annoy him and with that knowledge the next time she visited, he did not let the ‘affectionate’ name bother him.                  

And he would never admit that when she stopped visiting when he turned fifteen that he kind of missed her calling him that.  A part of him knew Yongguk knew he missed it but his best friend since diapers was gracious enough to not say anything.  Though he was certain the gummy boy somehow in private.  Somehow. 

At sixteen, he completely lost contact with her.  Every time she called Yongguk he wasn’t around and she never bothered calling him though she had his number.  To be fair, Himchan never called her either even though he wanted to.  More than he would admit.

However, to say he was shocked when he found her, as a freshman in college, sitting by an easel in his drawing class would have been would have been a gross understatement.  Sure, this was drawing level and he was only taking it to fill his schedule since the last class he needed wasn’t available until next semester.  Still, the chances of her being in his class were slim to none!  For a few minutes, he thought it was a trick of the eyes, she didn’t look like the thirteen year old he remembered and yet she did.  Her braces were gone and her facial features were more defined, but the dimples were there, her smile was the same and so was her laugh.

Regardless of his urge to go and talk to her he took his seat two spots behind her own and tried not to think about what he would do.  In his mind he couldn’t walk up to her and say, “Hey look time no see you’ve grown up a lot in the last five years, how have you been?” Especially when he was the reason, they lost contact in the first place. 

Another boy took a seat next to her, someone he vaguely recognized as a freshman from the floor above him.  And, judging by his accent when they started talking, from Busan as well.  So at least she has more friends than when she was thirteen.  Good, she can’t rely on Daehyun forever, he thought with a curt nod of his head.  Though he couldn’t help but wonder how she would do without Daehyun.  As far as Himchan knew, they had been joined at the hip since diapers.  And for half a second Himchan was paranoid to bring up Daehyun in conversation. 

Class started before his tongue stopped weighing a ton in his mouth and he silently cursed under his breath.  And here I thought not having a class with Yongguk would be a relief, he thought dryly as he lazily started to sketch.  Drawing wasn’t his forte and the reason he took this class instead of music theory with Yongguk was to relieve stress.  Now he would spend the entire time feeling awkward.  “Following Yongguk around like a puppy would have been better,” He grumbled, pressing his pencil against the canvas harder, only half-aware of the professor shooting him amused looks. 

Three scrapped sketches of a plant in the window later, Himchan realized class released in just a few minutes.  Unable to look at the mess on his sketchbook anymore he started to pack up.  Sneaking a glance over at Jae, he couldn’t it when the corners of his lips turned up; she certainly improved.  He laughed quietly as he thought of the first drawing she gave him, still tucked away in his desk at home. 

To Himchan’s surprise as she turned to put her pencils away in she finally noticed him and smiled brightly, “Himchan oppa?  You’re in this class?”  She sounded so happy that most of the awkwardness Himchan felt melted away.  However, he could get his mouth to open and could only nod in confirmation as the professor gave some last minute information Himchan didn’t hear and dismissed the class.  Perhaps the class wouldn’t be as awful and awkward as he thought. 

Glancing at his phone, he smiled a little to himself; he had three hours until his next lecture and the dorm was too far.  A nap in the courtyard sounded great right about now.  Especially if no one was around the big tree close to the entrance, it had the best shade on campus. 

He was able to doze for a few minutes when he heard the scratching of a pencil on paper.  It was faint as if far away but just in earshot, just enough to drive Himchan insane.  For a few minutes, he tried to ignore the insistent noise but eventually he felt as if the scratching was against his brain.  Abruptly sitting up, he looked around for the source and couldn’t hide his shock when he spotted Jae a few feet away with a an apologetic smile on her face.  “Jae what are you doing?”

“Drawing you I thought you were asleep.  Yongguk never told me that you were such a light sleeper.”

Himchan groaned; Yongguk, he thought bitterly, just the name I didn’t want to hear right now.  With a gruff

‘humpf’ he his side, arm under his head acting as a pillow.  “Isn’t it a bit creepy to draw someone without them knowing?”

“Not at all I do it all the time.  Besides, it’s you.  You may have forgotten about my existence but you’re still kimchi oppa to me.”  Guilt built up in his stomach and he started to turn around, an apology and hopefully decent explanation on his lips.  “No!  Stop don’t move!”  She leapt forward and tried to stop his moving, “I already started drawing you again and your position is perfect don’t ruin it or I’ll sit on you.”  Himchan quickly got over his shock and turned back as instructed only squirming a little when she fixed his shirt for him.

“Same old Jae,” He muttered with a short, soft chuckle. 

“Did you say something?”  She questioned, distractedly as her pencil flew over the paper.  Himchan laughed and shook his head, ignoring the feeling of her eyes boring into the back of his head darkly.  After a few minutes, she paused and hummed softly, “You have a very nice back by the way.”

This time he laughed loudly and ignored her huffs of annoyance as he shifted to a more comfortable position.  “Wake me up in two hours Jae.”  She mumbled something along the lines of hard to work with models and he took that as a yes, settling down to take a nap. 

~~~~~~

Himchan hated college.

Actually, that was a lie.  Himchan liked college a lot.  The freedom, the parties, the different classes and all the opportunities were almost addictive to him.  He liked having friends with similar interest but he also liked being able to have friends from other departments as well.  And he loved the recognition as one of the best janggu players and pianists in school.  His daegeum playing still needed work, regardless he had pride in his abilities, and a lot of it.  And the past few weeks reconnecting with Jae was wonderful.    

But when he walks into a party and finds Yongguk’s ex-girlfriend clinging to an already tipsy Yongguk with a lusty look in her eyes.  He didn’t blame her.  It wasn’t easy to deny Yongguk was attractive.  But that wasn’t what bothered Himchan.  What bothered him was that Yongguk did nothing, nothing to push her away or tell her to kindly go herself.  Himchan realized that Yongguk wouldn’t do that, even to his ex-girlfriend, even if she was, in Himchan’s eyes, the biggest in the world.  That didn’t make seeing it hurt any less. 

He told himself a year ago to get over Yongguk.  That it wasn’t going to work.  Yongguk showed him absolutely no interest and Himchan would know they’ve worked out together, shirtless.  Yongguk didn’t bat an eye while Himchan felt like shoving his best friend against a wall and acting out what he saw in page forty-nine of his older sister’s sleazy romance novel. 

And dear god he didn’t want to think about the time they were drunk and he pounced the poor, unsuspecting boy.  If Yongguk hadn’t fallen asleep…

“And sitting here on a swing sulking is much better,” He growled as he kicked at the dirt under the swing. 

He intended to stay on campus but his feet carried him farther to the park a few blocks down; the site of a small party a few nights ago actually.  And one could tell by the few bottles that had been left behind.  Admittedly he would much rather be here than his dorm room, that was too close to where the party was.  Way too close. 

Kicking at the dirt again, he swung forward a bit and let the momentum take him for a few swings.  “Stupid Bang Yongguk and his stupid ing smile.”   

“So, did he reject you?” 

Almost falling out of the swing he looked to his right and found Jae sitting at the top of the slid, legs pulled up to her chest, arms around her knees.  The lamp a few feet off barely gave enough light to illuminate her but Himchan didn’t mind now that he knew it was her.  “What are you doing here?”  He questioned when his shock wore off.

She hummed loudly and tapped her chin.  “Well, let’s see, I went to the party with Junghwan to keep an eye on his friends and I saw you storm out of the house like a pissed off three-year-old.”  Himchan didn’t need to see her to know that she was smirking.  “So I followed you to make sure you wouldn’t do something stupid.  And lone and beyond you’re being an idiot.”  She slid down and walked over slowly, hands in her pockets and shaking her head.  “It’s been years kimchi oppa but you haven’t changed one bit.”

This wasn’t what Himchan wanted to hear right now at all.  Scoffing he looked away from her and tried to ignore the fact she took the swing to the right of his.  “What’s that even mean?  And stop calling me kimchi oppa,” He added with a growl.  He didn’t want annoying nicknames right now, he just wanted to be left alone. 

A corner of Jae’s mouth turned upwards slightly, “You don’t know why I call you that do you?”  She took Himchan’s silence as a yes.  “It’s something Yongguk told me when we were younger.  You know how a meal isn’t complete without kimchi?  Or at least for me anyway.  You’re like that; life isn’t really complete without you,” She reached out and shoved his shoulder lightly, “even if you don’t believe it.  Idiot.  Just because we fell out of touch doesn’t mean life was especially dull without my favorite testy oppa.”

Himchan’s face twisted in mock disgust and he pushed her shoulder as well, “You’re so cheesy go away.”

“Yongguk is the-”

“Don’t speak so informally about him,” Himchan snapped.

“I thought he was ‘stupid Bang Yongguk’ and he had a ‘stupid ing smile’ or am I wrong?”  Himchan, once again, wasn’t able to respond.  “Anyway, Yongguk is the one that came up with it he’s the cheesy idiot I just liked annoying you.” 

Himchan didn’t even bother addressing that.  He was too tired, angry and emotionally drained to try to start an argument.  “So you think he would reject me?”  A part of him wanted to hear that.  He wanted to hear Yongguk wasn’t interested so he could maybe stop feeling like he was going crazy.    

Jae was silent for what felt like ages to Himchan but once again, he didn’t have the energy to even get annoyed with her.  “If he does, he’s an idiot.  But you’ll never know if you don’t put on your big boy pants and ask him.  I’ve heard the way he talks about you Himchan...” She trailed off, hesitating to tell him too much.  She knew it was between Himchan and Yongguk and she shouldn’t be sticking herself in the middle of everything as it was.  “And if he does I’ll kick his .”  

Himchan laughed dryly, “I would love to see that Yongguk can pick you up with one hand probably.” 

Jae laughed sarcastically and tugged on one of the swings ropes pulling Himchan closer.  “Shut up and lean on my shoulder because you’re still sad and Yongguk’s ex-girlfriend is a .”

“Well that’s something we both agree on,” He muttered darkly as he leaned his head on her shoulder.  Admittedly it was nice, there was no one he could talk to about his growing feelings for Yongguk and Jae had always been a good listener, when she wasn’t scolding him.  As she played absentmindedly with his hair, he muttered curses towards Yongguk and his ex-girlfriend and everything he ‘hated’ about Yongguk and slowly, very slowly he started to feel better. 

Just as he opened his mouth to mention something about getting food, Jae’s phone rang and she nearly jumped out of her skin, knocking Himchan away.  Curious by her reaction, Himchan leaned over and raised a brow as soon as he saw the name on the text she received.  “Dae-”

“Shut up I’m being a good dongsaeng.”  She blurted out and grabbed Himchan into a hug almost pulling him out of the swing.  He chuckled, but hugged her back, still appreciating her efforts from earlier.  And he had to admit though he wanted the earth to swallow him hole not twenty minutes ago having someone to talk to about it without being judged was nice.  Especially when she didn’t talk back when he started ranting about how Yongguk shouldn’t smile. 

“Yes you are,” He assured her while glancing at her phone.  Even if you don’t follow your own advice, he thought with a grin.

Himchan knew as soon as he left this park, that he would have to step back into reality.  But for right now he was happy to let out some steam.  Because no matter how much he called Yongguk an idiot, or how much that damned girl hung all over him, Yongguk needed him.  He had just forgotten about that for a while.  And that was enough; for now.             

“So, you and Daehyun-”

“Shut it kimchi oppa.”

But he still hated that name.