So confused - -" which pair should be main in this story.. fall in love with KrisMin when write them, but can't seem to lose XiuHan either... greatest dilemma ever ....hrrr

@Teeheehaha-ara yes... i wondered so..lol :))

@baboracoon hehehe... our Baozi is always handsome ^ ^.

@smiley44 we all know they are on tumblr sometimes too, hahaha

@bambino He is a cute hyung to every one, he deserved more love  ^ ^,

@Raelin thank you for reading my fic :))

Well, this chapter is lame... all the scenes happened in an hour (but it made me few days to finish the details - -").... please be patient and read it... i'll make it more fun next chapter >.

tumblr materials ;

- rumored : Kris dated a Chinese trainee girl and one day they went for a dinner after variety recording

- Minseok's mom tell him, not to stand beside Kris, 'coz Duizhang is so tall and handsome

- Kris didn't fold his finger when Xiumin say "the one who was born later than me" in 100days fan meeting in Korea. 

- Xiumin is the most mature one in the group

- Luhan and Tao are the most noisy members at the dorm

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Chapter 5 : The feeling get through...

…

..

It’s almost year and a half they spent times together after formed up the group, exchanged smile, laugh and cry moments.

Six of them became family, how nice. But it couldn’t be complete without another six boys in Korea.

Round face boy stood there at the balcony, hummed slightly along with the songs from the earphone.

When he misses them, he will listen to their songs in Korean version.

Closed his eyes and tried to digest, which voice belongs to which one of them.

He could recall all of their smiling faces when they were together, practiced hard everyday, dug the foods together like beggars… it was really fun, hope they can share those moments again more often…

“ Kyungsoo-ya, I miss you …” …said a name of the voice’s owner he just heard……just in case, the wind can delivery his message…

Do Kyungsoo is the dongsaeng he feels the most comfortable to hang out with.

The boy gives out the warm feeling, even Kyungsoo is younger but he always worries about this and that for the eldest.

“ Joonmhyun-ah … are you asleep already??...” … asked the stars on the sky…

While a member observed him from inside the house, behind the sliding glass door, still didn’t want to disturb.

Checking on the short boy, standing there with his back face the house direction, the dim light from inside pouring on his body, with the soft light from the blue moon glazing on his side profile.. made the atmosphere looked more dream like, drawing a person there to put steps closer.

…..

“ Hey…” .. deep low voice and sound of the door slid  intruded the silence… Xiumin looked back at the direction.

“ oh.. Kris.. “ …noticed the tall boy then lowered down the earphone..

“ what are you doing? It’s late now.. we have recording tomorrow …” …soft voice didn’t sound forceful or reprehend, tall figure walked through the balcony bar and rested his back on it (almost , since he is so tall), stylist standing as usual.

Short boy couldn’t find the exact answer so he just kept silence and looked back to the view outside.  Kris checked Xiumin’s action from his eyes’ corner.

“…I thought you don’t like the dark place..” .. the leader still continue, considered the atmosphere which is kind of dark, well… it’s not that dark but just not enough light. This handsome guy looks cold and silence, but actually he is the third most talkative and playful one in the group, from Tao and Luhan.

“ … to say it clearly, I can’t stay in cramp or locked place, the darkness is just the decoration to make the situation worse.” …turned to smile at his friend. Kris nodded understanding, lifted his gaze up to the sky.

“.. umm… I see.. “ … don’t know if it’s just he thought it all by himself, but he felt like Xiumin always cut it short when he tried to have a conversation with him. Xiumin played with him, laughed with him, even hugged him. But nothing special in it.

“ but why you are still up, how about your beauty rest..{lol}..” … teased the leader who is always so strict about sleeping hour.

“ well… I can’t sleep.. “ …then sighed a long breath,

Xiumin furrowed an eyebrow… if Tao or Lay or others said that, he wouldn’t wonder at all, but it’s Kris.. a well known sleep head giant…

“ huh??... what’s wrong??....” ….it must be a very big event that kept this man from his bed.

Kris looked at Xiumin, trying to say something but dropped it out … how can I tell, I can’t sleep because of you, after the night I kissed you… the thought never let me go, the feeling of your soft and sweet lips still vivid, I feel it every time I close my eyes.. It will be fine if I was just shocked from the thing called kissing a man, or the kiss was disgusting or anything.. but the feeling of ‘I want it more’  is killing me inside.

“ …a lot got into my head recently…. Umm…. hey… have you ever fallen in love..” .. Tall boy finally let his voiced out, with his glance spot at Xiumin. The one who was asked stared at Kris curiously.

“ so…. are you… perhaps.. love sick??...” …guessed from that question… ohhh.. it sounded like big problem now..

“ you didn’t reply yet… tell me… have you ever love someone..” … persisted the answer

“.. umm… sure thing, at this age.. I probably fell in love once or twice.. but when I realized my dream comes first and the love matter comes second, I don’t bother with it no more..”  … the answer was so strong as the tall boy expected.

“ why ‘probably’.. can’t you just say if you love somebody?….” repeated the word.. Xiumin smiled at his friend

“ ..are you interviewing me.. {grinned} … I can’t say I absolutely fell in love, I was so young at the moment, the feeling of like and obsess got the best of me sometime too, and it ended up that we all became friends..” … told his story, turned to look at Kris properly.

“ I’m not like you or YiXIng or Luhan, I never love or be in that kind of deep relation.. I don’t know.. and don’t think I can give you a nice suggestion, you may need to ask Yixing, that boy is always sincere when it comes to love..” .. smiled warmly to his tall friend.

Kris smiled back, don’t know if he should be happy that the person in front of him never love no one, his heart is vacant, or other hand should he be upset for the fact that Xiumin still doesn’t know how to love

“.. no.. it’s ok listening to you.. it’s new.. I never heard this side of you… I also want to know, what’s kind of person you like, how to make you love…” … then recognized his sentence sounded a bit weird..

“ Well, I mean… I want to know.. umm…. How to love or how to be loved… I’m pretty lame when it comes to this stuff… you know it… ” .. … hid his gaze, felt embarrassing for no reason..

“ why Kris? What’s happened between you and your girlfriend??...” ..asked bluntly, and Kris’s eyes widen from the question.

“ what?...girlfriend?.. who is it you’re talking about?..” ..his face told that he is really amazed with what he heard. Xiumin chuckled, hit Kris shoulder slightly.

“ you don’t need to hide, buddy..{smile} …we all know about your girl, that Chinese trainee girl you went on a dinner with today.. lol.. “ …. Tilted his head, found it’s funny to see Kris’s priceless expression.

“.. wait.. Minseok-ah.. I think you got something wrong here…” tried hardly to calm down himself from the frustration

“ nahh… it’s fine.. we understand.. being idol doesn’t mean you need to leave love.. we will try to cover it up for you too, so you can spend more time with her..” …so generous…but no thanks!!

“ Minseok-ah, it’s not like that…” ….can’t contain his words to explain, damn!!.. when Minseok decided to have a quite long interaction with him, why it happened to be this topic!!...

“ But Kris, you may need to be more careful next time, sasaeng fan caught you this time and told story on internet, but it’s still good they couldn’t get your photo.. so no evidence, this type of fan is more dangerous than paparazzi .. you know? Paparazzi take photo and sell it to publishing for money, that’s how it works for them. But sasaeng fans will just immediately put your photo on the internet, no money deal and no one can stop them… don’t you think it’s scary?.. be more caution, ok?.”.. Xiumin winked at him in understanding, patted his arm like trying to encourage him.

Kris snatched that hand roughly to stop the action. Xiumin shut his smile, startled at the strength from Kris’s grip.

“ You got it all wrong, Minseok.. can you just listen to me.??..” …he didn’t know either why he felt so desperate when he found Xiumin mistook the girl as his girlfriend.

“ She is not my girlfriend… I just felt sorry for her that she came all the way here to see me, and we know each other before hand, that’s why I went with her.. nothing such love between us” …his voice was serious and well composed. Xiumin blinked at him tried to get his hand off of Kris’s strong grip.

“ ..ohh.. you don’t need to deny it that much… I’m just worry you will get caught…” …felt slight sore on his hand,

Kris didn’t let go, pulled Xiumin closer so he can face him directly..

“ I don’t love her.. “ …still stuck at the point, he wanted to make sure his friend didn’t get the wrong idea about it.

Xiumin tilted his head, used another hand to unwrap Kris’s grip, don’t care the less distance between them… the distance that they can feel each other’s breath..

“ alright.. alright.. why so serious all of a sudden, it not like you at all… love or not love, it’s nothing to do with me.. just let me go already.. it’s hurt..” … whined out

Kris realized, he used too much strength on that soft hand, he let go of it almost immediately.

“ I’m sorry Minseok!!...” … he felt so confused now, what is it he cared too much if Xiumin will think he has a girlfriend…

Xiumin raised his small hand up to check if it’s bruised from the grip, Kris still apologized frantically.

“ it’s ok.. I’m good now…  be careful next time, you giant…” …forgave and pouted at the tall boy when seeing his hand with the red finger print on it.

Kris looked down on that cute face which is right below his chin, then let out a small laughter..

“ Minseok-ah, you are so small.. and so cute.. hahaha…” …can’t seem to stop laughing anytime soon.

“ Yah!! Who wants to be as big as you!!  Stupid giant!!  shut up!!...” …yelled at the tall boy…

Kris tried to stop laughing, changed into a sweet smiled ..

“ …it’s not a bad thing Minseok-ah, you are extremely cute this way…” … his words were sincere, his gaze also showed the same.

Xiumin lifted his head to look at Kris’s face.

“ … that’s why my mom says, to stay away from you, having you beside me making me even shorter..” .. still pouted cutely.

Kris chuckled, enjoyed seeing Xiumin’s various face expressions, then sat down on a chair.

“ How is it, I’m sitting now. Can you forgive me for being so tall a moment ago? Hahaha…” … don’t know why, but he laughed a lot, smile a lot in this passed 15 minutes.

Xiumin also looked at him questionably.

“ what is it so funny?! you giant!..” … soft voice raised up but still sounded cute.

Kris shook his head with smile still painted his face.

“ don’t be mad Minseok-ah, I just… feel so happy and relax to be around you…” … lift his head to look straight at the older boy in front of him, and continued his talk.

“ may be because you are warm, just like a big brother…” …rolled his eyes, not sure if it is like that.

“ I thought you don’t like the fact that I’m older…” …lifted an eyebrow asking..

“ I don’t mind someone is older than me, just I don’t like it when I’m younger than you…” …smirked with his symbolic smile. Xiumin tilted his head at his friend’s words.

“ I don’t see the difference tho…” … sighed to the tall boy. Kris formed his lips into straight line, trying to find words to explain

“ Umm…well, how to say it properly. I mean that I’m ok for you being older, I can rely on you anytime.. that makes me feel secure, but because I’m just a little bit younger… so you never open your mind for me…” ….reach one hand out, holding on to Xiumin’s arm…sighed a long breath desperately..

“ I want to be more reliable for you, but I feel so weak now, I don’t even know how to deal with myself … “ … the tall boy looked lost for a moment. Xiumin patted on a strong arm rapidly to encourage the younger.

“ Nahh… you are good.. “ … don’t know what to do in this situation. Kris lifted his gaze to meet Xiumin’s …

“ why are you so blunt?....  I’m trying to cling on you now, can’t you just play a nice hyung to me?... just like you always do to Tao and everybody…” … whined out and that draw a giggle from the eldest.

“ hahaha.. ok..ok..  alright.. this hyung is ready, tell me now.. what is it made you desperate this much…. Hm?…” … what a super cute hyung… younger boy felt his heart raced like crazy, can’t help but threw himself at the person in front of him, snuggled his face to that firmed with muscle chest… but still it was really soft and warm…

The short boy gaped in surprised, never thought.. that strong Kris can transfer to this lost puppy. Then slowly wrapped his arms around the broad shoulders, patted on the back rapidly.

“ I hear you heart beating…” … tall boy murmured, pressed his ear closer, closed his eyes to absorb every single moment…

“ surely.. I’m alive.. well, let me hear what you will say… hyung is here for you..” …. Soft sweet voice said. Kris stayed still for a minute, then singed before let out his words…

“ Chinese?? … how can I understand you??.. “ ..the eldest had no clue what the boy in his arm was saying..

Kris let out a secret smile, pulled soft body even closer, continued his lines in Chinese.

Xiumin lifted an eyebrow, really.. he didn’t understand at all what Kris was saying, he heard his name in the sentences many times and the words ‘I’ ‘you’ ‘don’t understand’ ‘hurt’ ‘brothers’ ‘sorry’ ‘don’t know’ ‘friends’ ‘family’ ‘love’ … but can’t really assemble them to a nice sentence with the right meaning.

He let Kris continued for a fair five minutes, no less, and assumed that Kris was talking about his family… well, he must missed his family too…  wait till the younger paused for a while then asked..

“ what did you family address your name at home?..” …whispered to the blonde boy. Kris didn’t let go of Xiumin, just answered with his low voice..

“ ….Yi Fan….” …. He didn’t want to open his eyes, so scared this moment will turn to be just a dream..

Xiumin smiled to himself, raised a hand to pat softly on the blonde hair…

“ it’s alright Yi Fan… I’m here for you no matter what.. it’s alright…” … the voice was so tender. Kris felt his eyes burnt, he really felt like crying… but yet… the person said it’s alright… so it should be alright… He swallowed a lump of tear, not to let it show. Just Xiumin listened to him.. so it’s ok now… Kris stayed silence in that hug for a while, it was a calm moment, the two could hear each other breathing sound, he didn’t want to let go of Xiumin.. never want to.., but it would be weird when two guys hugging this long. He slowly spread his arms apart, free the short boy to stand straight. Kris still hid his red eyes, he didn’t cry.. but it was still red and Xiumin didn’t insist to catch him for that.

“ well.. finally the hyung didn’t understand you a single word.. hahaha..” … trolled himself.

Kris inhaled a big breath and looked up to the elder.

“ It’s good enough.. thank you for hearing me out. If I didn’t say it, I might die from frustration..” … smiled warmly again.

“ you should say it to Luhan instead, he could understand you, and you can get a nice advise from him..” …referred to third party, and that made the handsome face gloomed down a little bit.

Luhan … yes… Luhan.. that guy is the second eldest, that guy is perfect at everything … and that guy.. always by Xiumin’s side, the fact gave him a sharp pain in his heart.

If the standing position is not arranged that way, only if Xiumin has to stand by him, he would surely take care of Xiumin by himself.. will never let anyone lands a hand on this precious person.

He hates it the most when Luhan holds Xiumin’s shoulder, when that pretty boy leans close to Xiumin for translation or even when the two laugh together.

All those incidents only gave him more jealous.. but either way.. it made him to understand his feeling clearer.

“ I don’t want others to know what I was saying, it’s ashamed of me… you too, you don’t need to understand it now Minseok-ah, give me sometimes… I’ll finally say it in Korean for you..” …then stood up next to XIumin, put an arm on the eldest’s shoulder..

“ It’s late now.. let’s go to bed…” …told his friend with a better expression. Xiumin looked at him and smiled back.

“ you look a lot better.. [grinned} …just go in first.. I’ll go back in a little bit…” …pushed slightly on Kris’s back, tall boy narrowed his eyes curiously, wonder what Xiumin will do out here, but well.. this one always behave like this, he has his own world to attend sometime.. hope one day Xiumin will let him into that small world too…

“ ok, I’ll leave first then..” …the best for him, after saying things he wanted, he started to feel sleepy.. patted on Xiumin’s back one more time then walked away..

“ good night..” …waved his big hand in the air,  left with his drowsy eyes, passed the glass door that he left it open from the start, finally disappeared from Xiumin’s sight.

Xiumin let his eyes follow his friend a bit longer, then sighed to the dark…

“ it must be hard on him to deal with us eleven brats… “ …. Sat down on a chair, enjoyed his thought silently for a while.. still wonder what did Kris just say?... his expression was so painful…

“ as an eldest.. I should be more reliable for him too..” …mumbled in the dark, stood up prepared to leave, grabbed an empty glass on the table and headed down to the kitchen.

The whole house fell in silent at this hour, but the hallway always have the light left open. Xiumin stepped in the kitchen, washed the glass and kept it in place.

“ …Minseok..” …

“ oh my god! Luhan! You scared my to dead!!..” .. the cold voice scared the out of the short boy… he whined to his best friend, one hand touched his chest which his heart already skipped the beat.

“ … “ the blonde boy didn’t say a thing, just stood there in silence…

“ why are you here? Need water?..” ..  picked a bottle and handed it out, but Luhan still stood there with no action. The elder looked at the younger, suspected his friend was walking in his sleep or what?... well, should I just wake him?

Xiumin walked to Luhan, waved his hand passed that pretty face a few times.. still no respond.. he left his hand in the air like that.. and suddenly Luhan snatched at the hand..

“ damn!! Luhan!! You scared me again!!..” …tried to snap his hand back.. but Luhan just held onto it tightly..

“ what did Kris just say to you? …” … finally the boy said something… Xiumin furrowed an eyebrow.. so.. Luhan saw them??..

“ oh… I don’t know.. he said in Chinese..” … felt slight pain from that strong grip.. so he snapped again with all his might, finally got his hand free… waited to hear what Luhan will say..

“ … “ … no word left that beautiful lips..

“ well… if you don’t need anything, I may take my leave now.. you should go back to bed too.. night! ..” said all at once, quickly walked pass Luhan, headed straight to his bedroom.. can’t stop thinking… oh.. Luhan at his sleep walk and sleep talk is too scary.. hope he can get back to bed safely.. phewww…

Luhan stood there by himself, his fingers clenched tightly forming a fist….

“ so you don’t know yet.. Minseok.. “ …grinded his teeth while saying it.. Thanks that he ate too much watermelon after dinner, so that he had to wake up going to toilet, so that … he was able to witness the scene.. heard and saw all those things. Also thanks to stupid Kris who left the door opened…

“ Wu Yi Fan … I see everything now… Baozi is mine.. and mine alone… don’t you dare touch thing that doesn’t belong to you….” … he bit his lower lip real hard, tasted the blood that start bleeding…. How can I calm my anger when I saw you two like that… the scene stuck inside his memory, flashback again and again.. the words that Xiumin didn’t understand… it surrounding in his head.. driving him crazy..

….. “ Minseok-ah… I don’t know how did this happen, but I can’t stop thinking of you.

It hurts me a lot, I feel like dying, knowing we can never be lovers.

Minseok-ah, I’m a man and you are a man, this should never happen, I’m sorry.

I don’t understand this feeling at first, thought of it that I might like you brotherly way.

But it’s not that sense for now, my love for you is clear, you are my everything.. my friend, my family and my whole world.

Please forgive me… I’m being like this, I just can’t help myself no more.

Minseok-ah, I hope I can tell you my real feeling one day.

Can you wait for me, that one day.. when I’m brave enough.. when I can step out and say to the whole world how I feel to you.

Until that day, please never let go of my hand.. I need you…” ….

Luhan stood there, grabbing his chest… felt it’s hard to breathe from frustration… he didn’t miss a single word… all of them were loud and clear via the opened glass door. And Xiumin’s voice that piercing right through his heart, the voice that made him almost stops breathing…

…..“ it’s alright Yi Fan… I’m here for you no matter what.. it’s alright…” …..

.....

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to be continued...