Sitting in a corner, i pondered about what couldve been if i wasnt who i am now, Heechul, a member of Super Junior. I wondered what couldve happened if i hadnt auditioned at all. Would i have been happier? Would i be married now?

Hankyung told me that he wasnt going to participate in any more activities with the guys. He never told me about the details even though i asked him a lot of times but all i knew was that it involved the company. I became enraged at the thought that they are treating him different. I became distant for a while, i wasnt smiling at interviews nor was i cracking any jokes. I felt betrayed that they allowed a member to fall into ruin just like that. Why wasnt he given fair treatment like any of us? Was it because of the fact that he's not Korean?

I decided to go away for a few weeks and think alone. I tried contacting Hankyung but i found out that he wasnt allowed to talk to any of us. I became angry at the thought. It also crossed my mind to leave the group permanently. If this is how they take care of idols under their management then they better forget about me. Being an idol wasnt all that its cracked up to be. I even asked myself if i was happy.

I cut my activities from the group for a while and spent a few weeks in the Southern Province of Korea, I was glad that there wasnt many ELFs around. It felt really peaceful. I was really down at the time and i needed a friend. I didnt want to tell the other members in fear that they might not understand how im feeling.

One time, i was sitting in an uncrowded park, still pondering on my life when a young teenaged girl approached me and asked. "Annyeong Oppa~Arent you a member of Super Junior?" she smiled at me.

I just smiled weakly at her, every time i hear the word Super Junior i remember Hankyung. She sat down next to me and said. "Super Junior is the best group for me!" she said with a thumbs up sign. "Why are you alone Oppa?"

I glanced at her but didnt answer, she doesnt look like a crazy fan so i stayed with her. Although i didnt talk much, no, make that "i didnt talk at all", she still stayed beside me and talked to me. (She loves to talk) i thought in annoyance but i didnt leave. She faced me and grinned.

"Oh yeah~Oppa~ I never got the chance to thank you guys since i didnt have the opportunity to do so..." she said. I faced her confused.

"Did you know that Super Junior helped me change my life?" she beamed. "I used to think that i didnt have any purpose at all..."

I listened to her without saying anything. How could we have changed her life? i wondered. "We are no more different than the other idol groups out there."

"Even though this might sound crazy, I have met many new and real friends because of being an ELF." she said. "because of them, i am still alive..."

"What happened?" i finally asked curious.

She faced the ground. "It happened a year ago when i got into a fight with my father, i felt crushed because i found out that he left us for another woman, even though he knew my mom was dying..." she said. I could see little tears forming on her eyes. "Oppa... Did you know i was so close to ending my life?" she said.

I stared worriedly at her. "I was so grateful i met my friends before that happened, they protected me and told me that one person wasnt enough for me to destroy everything i had lived for..." she said. "that Suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem... and i realized how stupid I was..."

She looked at me. "I am grateful for Super Junior that i had met these wonderful friends of mine, and they are like my second family just as you have your Super Junior family..." she wiped her tears and smiled at me. "I have been a fan of you guys for a long time, and being an ELF, i know how much of a family you guys are even though we cant personally see it, but we feel it..."

"Dongsaeng, would you think any differently of me if i said that i dont want any part of that anymore?" i sighed and i glanced on the ground.

"Oppa? Why would you think about that?" she asked bewildered at my sudden question.

"Do you know about a member of ours who didnt come back with us?" i asked.

"I know about Hankyung Oppa, I also felt that it was unfair for him to be treated that way... but arent you his friend Oppa? Wouldnt you wait for him till he comes back?" she asked. I was surprised at her comment. It hadnt crossed my mind that Hankyung might come back. All i was thinking about is the anger i felt at his departure.

"We were happier when were all together..." i said sadly and faced her. She just shook her head and held my hands.

"Tsk tsk Oppa~ Happiness itself does not stay... Everyone experiences sad times as well... only moments of happiness do..." she smiled. "How could you even think about leaving your other family members! Dont you think they might be sad if they heard you like this?" she said. "Arent they with you now? You should confide this with them"

"They might not understand me..." i said.

"Oppa, im sure theyd understand you more than i do... If you need to have someone with you, don’t be afraid to say so … " she said and smiled at me.

I looked at her happy face. She didnt think any differently of me even though i told her i might leave the group. Even though i just met this girl today, i feel her sincerity and love towards us. I realized how stupid i was to sulk just because Hankyung left. He might or might not come back but that wasnt enough reason for me to leave.

Here is a young girl, telling me how grateful she was of Super Junior, that it changed her outlook on life. She experienced more troubles than me and here i am sulking.

I realized my purpose as an idol. It was to touch the lives of people just as our group touched the life of this girl. I remembered our happy moments as a group, How strong our bond have been whenever issues came up. I smiled and patted this girls head.

"Thank you" I whispered. She looked at me confused. She didnt understand why i was thanking her. I didnt bother explaining and ruffled her hair.

"Cute Dongsaeng~" i cooed. Just then i heard shouting coming from inside a car. I didnt quite understand because its spoken in another language but i was sure it was her friend.

"Coming!" she shouted and she looked at me. "Heechul Oppa dont leave the group! Ill be going to your concerts! Fighting!" she said and did a fighting pose as she left me sitting there. I smiled to myself and slapped my forehead when i didnt even got to ask her name. I went back to Seoul the day after.

Here I am in the concert, smiling at the crowd. Not forced but genuinely. I faced the crowd of ELFs and smiled. Even though Hankyung, Kangin nor Kibum isnt with us anymore, i wouldnt give up. For im facing the reason why i am still an idol, the ELFs, my Ever lasting Friends and my second Family, Super Junior. I glanced at the guys. They look like idiots, sometimes they act like idiots as well but i love them.

This one girl, an angel in disguise, helped me realize how stupid i was and how pathetic i wouldve been... Now, here i am ,still Heechul, still a part of Super Junior, always and forever, striving to be the best because amongst that raging crowd, i know she's there... cheering me on and thats what matters to me...

Maybe someday Super Junior might return to be the 13 membered group they all loved but i know when that day comes, the ELFs will still be there gladly welcoming us back with open arms.

(AN: DONE! No bashing if you dont like it... NO BASHING if you think its not how Heechul acts... Its my own opinion... Comments are loved as long as they are within reason... :P I wrote this because i miss the 13 membered Super Junior as well... T__T)

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