Baby, Don't try to stop me.
Baby, Don't Try to Stop Me.
Hi! I hope you like it! This is an AU fic, in case you couldn't tell! xD Sorry for any mistakes I missed.
Disclaimer: I own nothing~
WARNING: If you are suicidal DO NOT read this. It might be triggering.
This was it. Soon everything would be over. I wouldn't have to pretend anymore. I was going to end my life, this was the fastest way to do it. I looked down at the gleaming razor blade in my hand. It was new and extremely sharp. I stood in front of a mirror tears running down my face, I really wish there was another way but I had to do this. I just can't live like this anymore, I hate how I'm depressed all the time. I hate how I never have any energy to do anything, ever. I hate how ugly I am. I just... I can't do this anymore. And really, what's the point in living anyway? I could go on and get a job and be successful but what's the point? Everything is just pointless in the end. Nothing matters when it comes down to it, there's no point in doing anything. No point in happiness no point in sadness. Because eventually everything will just go away. This world is a horrible place and I don't want to live in it anymore.
Some people can make in this world, some people can find reasons to live even in the darkest of times. Those people are made to live. Those people can enjoy the privilege of life on earth. I was not one of those people, I didn't ask for this gift so I am returning it. Humans have free will for a reason, and right now my own life was in my hands and I was about to take it. I just, I can't do it. I can't go through the good times and bad times in life, to me it wasn't worth it. The only thing I will regret leaving behind is Onew. He is beautiful, he radiates happiness like the bright sun. He's one of those amazing people who always find the good side to things, one of those people who are made to live. He does not need to have his light tainted by my dark cloud of depression. I can picture his reaction when he finds out I've murdered myself. I really don't want to hurt him like this but, I just can't bring myself to live anymore.
I pocketed the blade and head out of the bathroom. I was leaving the house, I did not want Onew to be the one that finds me. So I had found a secluded spot where I would do it. I had found an old trail in a nearby forest that lead to a small field. It would probably be a while before anyone would find me. I had left a note on my pillow after I snuck out of the bed I shared with Onew. I felt bad leaving Onew alone like this but there was no other way. I quietly slipped out of the door. It was around six in the morning, so it was kind of light outside. The forest was near where I lived so I could walk there, it actually wasn't that far. I was walking at a very fast pace, wanting to get this over with.
A warm breeze floated through the air as I quickly made my way to the forest. The sky was clear and the birds were chirping it would be a beautiful day. If only I could enjoy it. I arrived to the small field and sat down in the middle of it. I began to cry again, my depression taking me over. Soon I'd be gone from this world, soon it would all be over. I hope Onew will understand, I really hope he won't hate me for doing this. I took a deep breath and withdrew the blade from my pocket. I held it up to look at it as it glittered in the sunlight. I wasn't going to slit my wrist... No. That most likely would not work. I slipped my fingers up to my neck to find my pulse, I was going to cut right there. Right on my pulse. I'd cut open the external artery and bleed out within minutes. This had to work. I tilted my head back and began to feel my way up to my pulse with my fingers once I found it I grabbed the blade and positioned it right over it. All I had to do was press down and...
"DON'T!" A voice called out... It was Onew. How did he find me?
"...How did you find me?" I asked, removing the razor from my neck and turning my head towards him.
"I woke up when you left the bed, at first I thought you were just using the bathroom but then I saw you walk towards the front door. At first I wasn't sure if I should follow you, but then I saw that you had been crying so I followed you out of the house." He said hurt etched all over his face he took a step closer to me.
"Don't! Don't come any closer! If you do, I'll do it right now!" I exclaimed , I needed to get him to leave, I couldn't let him stop me.
"Kibum... Why? Why didn't you come and talk to me?" He asked, he looked so heart broken. It hurt to know I was the cause of his pain.
"I'm sorry Jinki...I'm so sorry. I love you...But what's the point? I just I can't live on like this anymore... You'll be happier without me I promise. Goodbye." I brought the razor back to my neck. This time, it would all be over.
"KIBUM!" I heard Onew yell and I felt something yank my arm away from me pulling me up to my feet. I tried to pull back, I had to do this. I needed to do this! I can't live anymore!
"Let me go!" I cried trying to pull my hand with the razor in it back to me. I had my hand clamped around it so hard it dug into my palm but I didn't care. I deserved the pain. Blood began to drip down my palm making my grip slippery as Onew tried to pry the razor from my hand. Eventually he succeeded he got the now bloody razor from me and threw it as hard as he could into the forest. Tears were running down his face just as they were running down my face.
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!", I screamed, "I WANT TO DIE! Why won't you let me die?!" I screamed hysterically and he pulled me into his arms. He held onto me tight.
"Kibum, please. Calm down and think about this! Do you really think I'll be happier without you? Well I won't be! I'd be devastated! I love you Kibum, I love you so much! Just the thought of living without you breaks my heart!" He exclaimed. I was about to reply but he spoke again.
"Please Kibum, I know this is selfish... But if you can't live for yourself can you at least live for me. I need you, Kibum!"
"No you don't. You don't need me! No one does!" I retorted trying to break out of his embrace even though I didn't want to, I loved being in his arms.
"Please Kibum! You're better than this! You deserve to live. I know you don't believe me but, how about I make you a deal?" Onew suggested. I just nodded weakly giving into his embrace, sliding my arms around him and burying my face into the crook of his neck.
"Let's go home, Kibum. I'll bandage your hand and then We'll get back in bed and I'll hold you in my arms till we fall asleep, Okay? And then tomorrow we'll look into getting you help, from a real therapist. I'll help you too, I'll help you find all the little things in life that make it all worth living. I'll help you find happiness. And after a while of you going to a therapist and me helping you be happy you still want to die then you can do it. It's your life and I can't stop you from doing anything. But I'd like you to give yourself another chance Kibum, and if it doesn't work then...You can do it." He whispered.
"I don't know..." I trailed off.
"Please. Just give yourself another chance." He pleaded.
"Okay..." I don't know why I said that, I should know things don't get better. But for once I felt like maybe I could just try.
We went back home and did exactly what he said. He bandaged my hand and had to change his shirt because I got blood on it earlier when we hugged. Now, He held me in his arms; rubbing small circles on my back with his hand. I felt more tears coming as I snuggled closer in his arms, burying my face in his chest.
"I love you, Jinki." I whispered.
"I love you too, Kibum." The sound of his sweet voice saying those words brought a smile to my face. A real smile. Just this once I feel like, Maybe everything can get better.
Originally I was going to have Key go through with it but I decided not to last minute xD
Hope you enjoyed~
Oh and Shameless self promotion: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/232695/sit-and-listen-angst-oneshot-shinee-taemin-depression
If you liked this story could you maybe go and read that? I'd be really happy if you did! xD
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