After our first kiss, Tiffany and I shared many other firsts: first date, first double date, first time walking through a haunted house, first job, first salary, first time doing it, first heartbreak…

Sometimes life can take some unexpected turns, leaving us confused and lost, not knowing where we are, what we are to do, which path we are to take. Living life is like riding a bicycle: we have to learn to ride it slowly by slowly, advancing inch by inch, taking baby steps, learning to find balance, steering it down the right roads, avoiding rocks and holes, and once you get the hang of it, you will never forget how to ride… but accidents can happen. Especially when you’re still just a beginner like Tiffany was.

It was the week after graduation and the excitement of the newfound freedom has yet to die down. We were finally ready for life, to stand on our own two feet. But Tiffany still has not achieved one of her ultimate life goals: to learn to ride a bicycle. And I made it my duty to teach her.

Every morning I would ride to the park where I would meet her and each day, I made sure she progressed a little, even if it only means she can ride one more feet than the previous day. Tiffany was a fast learner, being the determined and hardworking girl she was. Especially when I would reward her with a kiss for every foot she moved. Soon she was able to ride alongside me while I ran around the park. And sometimes we would race each other.

Maybe I let her go too early, before she was really ready. Maybe I should have paid more attention, been a little more careful. Maybe I should have never left her side, and these things would have never happened.

It was a test. A test for Tiffany to show me whether she has mastered the skill of riding a bicycle. But what we didn’t know was that it would also be a test for both of us, a test of our love.

I told Tiffany to cycle around the park by herself while I timed her. She hesitated at first, doubting her own skills.

Promise you will be waiting there at the end? She asked me.

“I’ll always be here for you even when you don’t want me anymore.” I sealed my promise with a kiss.

Tiffany got on the pink bicycle I had bought for her and began the test. Everything was going fine, except that she was a little behind in time. I waited by the maple tree, my gaze alternating between my watch and down the pebbled pathway.

Please, God, let her be safe.

But God didn’t listen to me that day.

I remembered Tiffany’s triumphant smile as she came into view, peddling with all her might. Her eyebrows here furrowed with determination, her fingers clenching the handles tightly, her feet moving up and down rapidly. She speeded towards me as I opened my arms wide, ready to welcome her.

And in a second everything changed. Her frown and her smile were replaced by a look of terror, one hand was lifted for me to hold, was wide open in a silent plea for help. I rushed forward as the loud call of my name resonated within my ear, but I was one second too late.

“JESSI!” And she was gone.

Everything was a second too late.

“Tiffany…” I pulled her into my arms, but she was gone, unresponsive.

The culprit rock skidded into a stop a few feet away from us, the back wheel of the fallen bicycle turned round and round, the maple tree bled where it was hit, Tiffany bled where she was hit. The warm blood soaked her shirt and mine. The red against her paling face. People gathered around, talking in low whispers, a few touched my shoulder and said some things. But I saw nothing except the girl in my arms. I heard nothing except her scream that echoed in my mind. It was the first time I heard her voice but at that moment, I did not know that it might also be the last.

~~

That summer day 9 months ago was the last time I saw her.

Tiffany was taken to a hospital, straight into the operation room. I heard that she lived, and everything went back to the way it was. Except, of course, she was no longer with me, which made everything different. I broke my promise; I let her get hurt. Mr. Hwang forbid me from appearing in front of her and they left for America a week after she was released from the hospital. There was only one mean of communication between us but Tiffany did not answer my emails. She had disappeared wholly from my life.

I drifted over time and days, living on guilt and the mere hope of seeing Tiffany again. Waiting on the bench by the lake proved to be futile but I did not stop. I sat under the maple tree every morning, basking in the gentle sunlight, allowing myself to fully indulge in my memories of us. All 274 mornings were spent the same way; the hope that I feel during those times refilling me with the energy to live through another day without her.

And this morning was just another morning like the others. The geese are waddling around my legs as I stared out over the lake where the water was sparkling under the sunlight and listened to the chirping of the birds in the tree. These cranky white feathered animals were slow to accept me as a replacement for Tiffany, their regular morning breakfast provider, just like how I was unable to accept Tiffany’s sudden disappearance from my life. But as time passed, everything seemed okay again… at least for the geese.

“You and I are friends now, right?” I patted the smooth head of a random goose that quacked a ‘yes’ back at me. “Good boy.”

A chuckle from behind interrupted my conversation with my new friend and the goose was distracted by the piece of bread that the owner of the musical laughter had thrown to it. There was something familiar in the sound of the chuckle and the way the geese reacted to the bread. It reminded me so much of Tiffany. I unconsciously held my breath as a warm hand was placed gently on my shoulder. I knew this touch. I had been missing it for the past six months.

“Tiffany…” My heart was caught in my throat when I finally laid eyes on the very girl I had been longing to see. My mind blanked out of everything other than the eye-smiling girl standing in front of me, as if nothing has changed.

That goose is a female you know?

I remained staring at Tiffany, waiting for my mind to take in the fact that she was back.

Jessi??

A wide grin erupted on my face when her hands wrote out my name in the air. Springing out of my seat, I jumped into her waiting arms.

“Fany-ah, you come back and the first thing you say is that I’ve got the geese’s gender wrong?! Not even a ‘hi’?” I jokingly slapped her back and then nestled closer into her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. “I missed you so much.”

Tiffany giggled and pushed me back by my shoulders to look at me in the eyes. The mood turned serious as she nervously bit her bottom lip and cleared .

“Tiff?” She silenced me with a finger on my lips and smiled that loving smile of hers.

Tiffany opened and said, “H-hi Jessi.”


A short Epilogue

“Fany-ah, so you can speak now?” I asked while staring at my girlfriend in wonder. Tiffany ducked her head shyly from my eyes and nodded happily. “How?”

After the accident, I was able to talk again. So I got treatment and I practiced speaking when I was in America.

“Say something else.” I’ve been trying to convince her to say a word other than ‘Jessi’ for the last five minutes but my attempts were futile.

I’m not ready. She shook her head and cuddled against my chest while pulling my jacket closed over  both our bodies to fight against the chilly breeze. She was hoping for me to let it go.

But I wanted to hear her voice again. That beautiful melodious voice… “Come on honey. Just one word. If you love me.”

I do love you.

I heaved a sigh and gave the fight up. For now, she was back and that was all that mattered. I closed my eyes, rested my head on top of hers and tightened my arms around her waist. A couple of silent moments passed before the weight on my lap shifted and two warm hands cupped my cheeks. I reopened my eyes and stared into those brown orbs right in front of me. I waited while she opened , her lip quivering as she tried to form the words she wanted to say. Everything grew silent around us and her voice was the only thing I could hear.

“Jessi… I.. love you.”

Those three words opened up my soul and filled it up with love again. The corners of my mouth curved up in a smile while tears blurred my vision and her confession echoed in my heart. I secured her in my arms as I whispered back ‘I love you’ to her repetitively. Our love filled up the silence that never existed between us.