5 months ago

You woke to the smell of food being cooked. You opened your eyes and looked around, confused on where you was. You saw that you were on Taeyang’s bed but you really didn’t remember how you got there in the first place.

 You rubbed your eyes, trying to get the haziness away, and then you remembered exactly how you ended up at his house. Your eyes suddenly saddened and you really just wanted to go back to sleep, and pretend it was all just a bad dream.

Taeyang woke up about three hours ago and the first thing he did was to pay Seung-hyun a visit. He knew that the one person he could always count on to know what was happening to you would be Seung-hyun. He really needed to know what made you cry like that. Another thing that was nagging him was why Seung-hyun didn’t do something to prevent it from happening. Seung-hyun was suppose to make her happy, he was suppose to be the one who made sure a smile would always be on your face. Taeyang made him promise that and Taeyang just needed to know the reason for you to at his door and looking as if you cried the whole night.

Flashback (2 hours ago)

Taeyang knocked loudly at Seung-hyun’s door, really impatient to know what happened last night. But what Taeyang saw really shocked him. Seung-hyun’s eyes had dark bags under them and his face was pale.  All Taeyang could think of was how Seung-hyun looked like hell. He looked as if he had not gotten very much sleep and he seemed as if he was ready to fall over at anytime. He took another look at the disoriented Seung-hyun and he finally had an idea on what was going on. Seung-hyun and you were probably having a really bad fight.

Seung-hyun let Taeyang in and Taeyang’s eyes widened when he saw the shape his apartment was in. The usually neat and tidy place was cluttered with clothes at random places, pages of paper everywhere, and even some used ramen cups were everywhere. Taeyang took a look at the kitchen and the sink was piled high with unwashed dishes and the table was full of take out boxes.

“What the hell happened to you?” Taeyang said, looking at Seung-hyun, who staggered towards the couch. He flopped down with a huge sigh and closed his eyes. Taeyang once again noticed how horrible Seung-hyun looked. He seemed as if he lost a few pounds, and the normally sleek black hair he had looked dull and flat. When Seung-hyun opened his eyes, Taeyang saw that the usual bright brown eyes, was replaced by a dull and lifeless one.

“Work is just a bit stressful.” Seung-hyun answered, avoiding Taeyang’s narrowed eyes. Taeyang did not believe that excuse, not even for a second.

 “Bull. You know better than to lie to me.” Seung-hyun sighed and stood up from the couch. He looked around at his apartment and seemed as if it was the first time he noticed the mess. He started to pick up some of the trash and made his way to the trashcan. Taeyang followed him and just continued to look on with narrowed eyes.

“What’s the reason for the early visit Taeyang?” Taeyang walked in front of Seung-hyun and looked him in the eyes.

“Don’t try to avoid my question Seung-hyun. I know something is wrong and you can’t hide that from me.” He crossed his arms and Seung-hyun just ran his hands through his hair, thinking of the best way to explain things to Taeyang. He knew Taeyang wouldn’t stop until he got it out of him, so Seung-hyun decided to get it over with.

“I, well I just, don’t think things are ...working out…between ------- and I.” He started to explain.

“ I just… don’t …don’t think we are meant… to be together. I think… it would be better if… if we broke up.”  Seung-hyun’s voice cracked, and he kept his gaze on the shirt he was holding. Anger was immediately present in Taeyang’s eyes when he heard this.

“So, what you’re trying to tell me is that you are throwing her away, and that’s why I found her at my doorstep last night? That you’re the reason she cried until she passed out? That it was you who cause tears to fall down her face when you promised me that you’ll always make her happy?” Taeyang’s voice sounded even, almost as if he was trying to suppress his emotions. Seung-hyun’s head snapped up, and his eyes widened when he saw the anger apparent in Taeyang’s eyes.

“Threw her away? I didn’t throw her away. I would never throw her away. I just feel as if it’s better for us not to be together.” Seung-hyun said, with no emotions shown on his face. “Her tears will stop after a while and then she will be able to move on to another guy.” Seung-hyun choked out.

Fury started to form in Taeyang’s eyes, hearing the dismissive way he spoke about you and the hurt you were feeling at the moment.

“She kept crying, even while she was asleep. She kept whimpering and the whole night, she wasn’t able to sleep through without more tears falling. Why would you hurt her like that Seung-hyun? I didn’t trust anyone with her, but you! , I trusted you the most and that was why I let you be with her! She was so hurt by that ing bastard Jinwoo and I thought you would be smart enough not to do the same to her!” Taeyang’s cool façade started crack as he saw the unchanging emotions on Seung-hyun’s face.

He started to pace around the room, running both of his hands through his hair. The emotionless mask Seung-hyun tried hiding behind disappeared in the middle of what Taeyang was saying. He started to fidget in front of Taeyang, hating to hear about you being in pain. He knew it would hurt a bit but he didn’t think you would be in this much pain. He thought this was the best way to end your relationship, without causing too much pain.

“!” Taeyang slammed his hands down at Seung-hyun’s table, “Don’t ing tell me I judge you incorrectly Seung-hyun! Don’t make me hurt you like I did with that bastard!”

Seung-hyun looked at Taeyang in the eyes, with a furious look on his face. “Do you think I really want to hurt her? That my intentions have been to cause her pain? God, I tried my best to cause the least amount of hurt to anyone!”

“Well looks like you’re doing a ing great job at it!” Taeyang swore at Seung-hyun. “All you’ve done is mess up and hurt someone who cared greatly for you, who loved you!” The argument they were having was getting really heated and they were losing the cool they always had.

“ you Taeyang! I’m doing all of this for you!” Seung-hyun finally blurted out.

“For me? How the hell is breaking your promise and hurting ----- be all for me? How can seeing someone I care about cry their eyes out, be all for me? I thought you, out of anyone, would know me better than that! I thought you would know that what I hate the most is seeing ----- sad!”

Taeyang started to get closer to Seung-hyun’s face, really screaming at him for his stupidity. But Seung-hyun looked back at him, equally angry at his accusations.

“Do you think I want to see ------ sad? Did you think I really want to hurt her like Jinwoo did? Well then you really don’t know me then Taeyang! Are you an idiot not to notice how much this is hurting me too? Are you really stupid enough to believe that I would throw away the greatest woman I ever met? You ing idiot! I’m doing all of this for you Taeyang! Godammit! This is all because I found out that you’re in love with her! I found out how much you were being hurt because of us! I wanted to stop what we had before it become too much before we both couldn’t give each other up. And I could not let that happen because I wanted to stop hurting you!”

Taeyang’s anger did not get placated with Seung-hyun’s outburst. It seemed to make him even madder, and in a blink, his fist connected with Seung-hyun’s face. “You moron! Did I ask you to do this? Did I ask you to help me? Because of you ‘trying to help’ you just caused more pain to ----- and yourself! Did you think I wanted this to happen? Did you think I would be happy knowing that I was the reason two of the people I cared about are miserable? Did you even think about how she would feel about this? How she would be hurt from this? You really ing messed up Seung-hyun! I didn’t want any of this to happen because I know that she only sees me as a brother.”

“God she is in love with you!”

Seung-hyun touched the cheek that Taeyang punched and suddenly the emotions he had been holding back started to catch up on him. Tears started to appear in his eyes and tried his best to hold them back.

“I thought about her feelings Taeyang. She never left my mind. I thought about her feelings and that was why I tried my best to make myself horrible to her. I ignored her calls and I made it so that the feelings she might have when she thinks of me is hate, instead of pain. I wanted it so that it would be easier for her by making her hate me, so that the end of our relationship will not cause her pain, but just …hatred towards me. I would rather have that Taeyang. I would rather have her hate, than to have you suffering like this.”

 The tears he did his best to keep in uncontrollably fell down his cheeks. Taeyang looked at his friend and all the anger he was feeling slowly started to melt away. He rarely saw Seung-hyun cry, and when he did, Taeyang knew that he had buried his feelings far too long. He sat down next to Seung-hyun and just let out a huge sigh.

“You really need to stop always putting my feelings first Seung-hyun. I really appreciated it when my parents first died, but I’m a lot stronger now. I don’t want to always be the one to ruin things for you, to be someone who only gives you grief. As for my feelings for ------, I’ll handle it on my own. I’ve been able control them for a few years already, so I know I can continue to handle them.”

Taeyang stood up and walked towards the door. He reached the doorknob, and twisted it open. Before he stepped out he looked back to Seung-hyun and said, “As for your relationship with -----, do your best to fix it and just worry about your own feelings. Try your best to explain it to ----- and beg to go back with her. I know both of you love each other so I don’t want be the one to pull you guys apart.”

Taeyang closed the door to Seung-hyun’s apartment and slowly went down the stairs. He rubbed a hand on his face not even caring how Seung-hyun found out in the first place. It was bound to happen anyways so just kept repeating a mantra to himself.

 ‘I can do this. I will keep my feelings at bay. I can do this. I will not wish for anything more with ----. I can do this.’

End Flashback

Taeyang heard muffled sobs coming from his room and he put down the pan that he was holding. He ran to his room and saw you clutching onto a pillow, tears falling down your face. She looked at Taeyang and more tears started to flow down your face.

“He’s just like Jinwoo. They use me when I’m helpful to them but they easily throw me away when my purpose is finished.” You sobbed out. Taeyang sat down next to you in the bed and pulled you into his arms. He held onto you tightly and just let you cry out all of your tears.