Things have been rough lately. And it was painfully enough for him that he couldn’t do anything for her. Is she okay? Is she hurt? Can she sleep well? Those questions have never been answered but nonetheless kept on running through his head. He can still clearly remember that fateful night when Dara heard him say himself how much he doesn’t like her.

                “Hyung, do you like Dara-noona?” His bandmate Seungri asked him.

                He laughed before answering. “What? That stupid noona? No. I mean c’mon. She’s older than me and she’s stupid. She’s just a noona, ok?”

                He was about to say more when they heard the door slammed shut. He stood up to see who or what it was but only found a box nicely wrapped. He sat back down again completely forgetting what happened.

                He and his bandmates have noticed she was not around as she is supposed to be, and her bandmates as well. And she has not been returning any of his calls or texts. Finally, he was called to YG’s office in a cloudy afternoon. He went, thinking he’d finally have the chance to know where the stupid is. And then he might give her a good scolding.

                He knocked before entering. A cold ‘come in’ answered him.

                “You called for me YG?” He said before coolly sitting down on a couch. YG was on his chair, busy on something on his desk.

                “This coming Friday, I will hold a press conference for the 2NE1 girls.” He finally said as she walked towards Jiyong.

                “Why? Yeah, did that stupid do something wrong again this time?”

                YG charged and picked him up by his collar before punching him. Hard. He flew down the floor with blood dripping from his lips. YG picked up the tissue box on his desk and threw it at him before going behind it to get something from his drawer.

                Before he could ask why the hell YG punched him, he threw the same nicely wrapped box at him.

                “If I could, I would’ve punched you harder and many times as long as it really satisfies me. But then, I remember that she still loves you. But then again, you’re nothing but a big fat . And all this time, you still are.” He leaned against a wall.

                “What are you talking about?” He managed to stammer as he wiped his blood.

                “And you’re the one to speak, stupid. Don’t call her that again. Find out yourself why we will have the press conference. That one belongs to you. After you’re done, go out.”

                That night, he mustered up the strength to open the box. He saw a letter and a watch. He opened the letter and recognized the hand writing: it was hers.

I’m overwhelmed with fear;

have I told you that you’re lovely?

Yes. More than anything, than ever.

Please laugh for me. Cry as well – I

                consider your voice music.

Never whisper!

I’m afraid to miss whatever you say.

Tell me, “I love you.”

So that it’ll retain, even if,

the noises, along with it your singing,

                drowned. Away. Forever.

                Take care always. Stay well and healthy. You are who you are; you’re special.

-D.

                He could only think of what she and YG are talking about. He thought about it until the day of the press conference came.

                They were at a scheduled shooting for the upcoming MV they will release alongside with the new album, nonetheless he asked the production noonas to keep him posted about the press conference. It was his turn for the photo shoot when the news finally came.

                “We are retracting Sandara Park’s contract with YG Entertainment, also known as Dara, due to ear problems that may cause her not to be able to continue her career as a part of the girl group 2NE1 under the said label.” YG said.

                “Let’s hear now Dara’s statement.”

                “Ay, yes. I have decided, alongside with YG himself, to retract the contract I signed with them due to my health, especially my ears. I have consulted with the doctor and he has advised me that if I continue to being exposed to loud noises which is the nature of my career as idol cannot be avoided I’ll be deaf in no time…”

                All went black when he heard her say she will go deaf. At the exact time he heard the word deaf.

---

                Has he waited for a year? No, he wasted a year for countless reasons he could think of. One of them is that he’s afraid of hurting her again. He can’t have her crying again the next time they see each other. Yes, he did try to talk to her after the press conference but failed. They only said hurtful things to each other, at least he said most of them; he’s admitting it. He still doesn’t know why she was avoiding him—she was trying to escape from him when they were alone that time.

                “Don’t hurt me anymore as much as you have hurt me, Ji.” That was all she said before leaving him completely dumbfounded.

                It was this night, like other nights he had, that he wakes up in the middle of the night to read her letter again. He opened the box, and there: still the letter folded and the unused watch. He first read the letter for about three times before finally deciding to check out the watch. When he was to put it around his wrist, a carefully tucked folded paper between the lock fell down the floor. He picked it up and then looked at it.

                Mahal Kita.*

                He can read it but can’t understand it. He knew the meaning of those words, but can’t remember it. He’s sure she taught him those Filipino words. He was so mad about it when he finally realized he could just surf on the net on its meaning.

                He is so stupid for not realizing it all before a year was wasted. But it’s not all too late yet, right? How dumb of him that he even denied his feelings for her. He feared the most that she might not be feeling the same about him anymore. He feared that even than her not being able to hear anymore.

--

*Mahal Kita - Filipino for I love you