"I love you," Himchan muttered softly, his hands in his pockets and his head hanging low.

"I love you too," she whispered back at him.

Himchan swiftly lifted his head in surprise, "Nari?!" No one was in front of him. Himchan dropped his head again and--straying away from the bad boy image his debut gave him--started quietly crying to himself.

"Sh-she's g-gone," the boy stuttered.

Inside of his house, Jongup, Yongguk, and Zelo stared at their depressed bandmember. "How long is he gonna be like this?" Jongup asked, still watching Himchan on the deck.

Yongguk shook his head and blinked a few times. "I don't know...he's taking this really hard. He shouldn't be so sad right now."

"Hyung , his girlfriend just died...why SHOULDN'T he be sad?" Zelo spoke in a strong, yet quiet tone. He realized that getting over the loss of a loved one is hard, especially if you aren't allowed to attend the funeral due to schedules, not that it'd ever happened to him.

"I know but...I hate seeing him like this," Yongguk admitted, compassion and sorrow in his eyes. "I'm gonna go talk to him." Yongguk set his bottle of soda on the counter and walked out onto the deck. "Himchan?"

Himchan stopped crying for a moment and held his breath in. "Yeah?" He didn't want anyone to see him like this, sad and full of sorrow.

Yongguk took a seat next to Himchan on an empty deckchair. He looked at Himchan, whose eyes were now red and puffy from tears, and thought of something supportful to say. "Himchan. I know this is heard for you and all but...it's been a while. If Nari were here...she would want you to be happy and get over it," Yongguk lightly tapped Himchan's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"Yongguk," Himchan shakily began, "You don't get it. I loved her and I wasn't allowed to go to her funeral to say goodbye...this wasn't supposed to happen. If...if I had just paid more attention then she wouldn't have died..." Himchan's voice was now getting sloppier and less clear, "It's my fault she died!"

Yongguk shook his head. "It's not your fault. You weren’t the drunk truck driver that hit the car." He spoke in a soft, yet firm tone.

"YES IT IS!!!" Himchan stood up angrily and threw his glass of water on the deck. “IT’S ALL MY FAULT!”

Meanwhile, inside, Zelo and Jongup watched the two intently. "What's happening? What did Yongguk say?" Zelo asked, not having payed well enough attention during the last 5 minutes of the conversation.

Himchan looked down at the floor. "I-I'm sorry, Yongguk. Just...I needa leave." With that, Himchan turned around and quickly ran off the deck and inside the house, passing Jongup and Zelo on his way out the door.

...

"I'm singing my Blue~" Angelica sang while walking down the practically empty sidewalk. "It's empty for a night in Seoul..." she muttered to herself.

While walking down the sidewalk, Angelica felt a cold wind come over her and she heard a faint crying noise from a nearby alley.

"Hello?" Angelica peered down the deserted alleyway, the darkness making it hard for her to see anything. After a few more sniffling sounds, the outline of a person was clear to Angelica's eyes. "Hi-Himchan? Is that you? It's twelve at night what are you doing crying in an alley?" Angelica was clearly not used to seeing anyone crying in an alley before.

Himchan shook his head and wiped his tears without saying a word. Shamefully, Himchan stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Angelica, who stood there watching him, curious as to why he was acting so strangely. Angelica gently took the paper and unfolded it. In her hands, was a picture of Nari, her best friend and Himchan's girlfriend before the accident that had taken her life. Angelica clenched her teeth and looked up at Himchan. "Himchan...I'm sorry. You must feel terrible but Nari's gone. We all loved her a lot but we need to mo-"

"Why are you telling me to move on?! She slipped from my fingers, Angelica! I practically watched her die!" Himchan asked, a tone of anger in his voice.

Angelica took a deep breath. "I'm not. I just want you to be happy again. Nari would too." Himchan glared at the girl who stood before him.

"No...she wouldn't want me to forget her."

"Didn't she love you?!?! Aish, Himchan I’m not telling you to forget her! I’m telling you that she would’ve wanted you to move on and to not be sad and blame yourself for the accident!" Angelica yelled at Himchan. Himchan remained silent, while Angelica stared at him with daggers in her eyes. “She did. And you know that. She would’ve wanted you to move on, but you can’t. Himchan, the day before she died, she told me that she loved you more than anyone. She said that if anything were to happen to her, that she would want you to live happily with the rest of your life.” Angelica stared at Himchan who let his head hang down.

“Why would she say that?”

“Himchan,” Angelica sat down on the ground next to the crying boy. “She had just been diagnosed with cancer. She didn’t want to tell you, because she knew you’d be heartbroken. She didn’t want to stress you out right before your comeback.”

He shook his head, not wanting to believe a word she said. “No. She would’ve told me."

“Himchan, I’m sorry but it’s the truth,” Angelica laid a hand on his shoulder, tears welling up in her eyes. The boy quickly pulled away from her and walked away without saying a word.

…

"Channie,” Nari’s soft voice cooed. She sat in the passenger seat of Himchan’s new car and looked at him lovingly. “You’re sweet, but keep your eyes on the road!”

Himchan chuckled. “But you’re so beautiful! I can’t help but stare at you,” he told her, trying to look at her face again.

Nari scoffed and shook her head playfully. “I won’t be pretty when we get into a car crash because you won’t pay attention to the road.” She stared straight ahead at the road while Himchan continued staring at her angel-like features.

"Aish, I’m sorry. I’ll pay attention,” they approached a red light just as Himchan said that. “Oh! Good! Now I can stare at your pretty face,” the boy shifted his gaze towards his girlfriend.

Nari smiled at him and lightly blushed. “Awe. Aren’t you sweet?” She took his face and held it in her small hands. She lightly pecked him on the lips before turning her head and looking at the stoplight. “I love you...oh look, the light’s green!” She pointed at the now green light, signaling him to start driving again.

Himchan took the steering wheel and pressed down on the pedal. He looked at her one last time as they began to cross the intersection.

As the two love-birds began driving, a drunk truck driver sped down the street perpendicular to the one Himchan and Nari drove down. He pressed the acceleration with a drunken smirk, not realizing the car that was just passing by.

“H-HIMCHAN!!!” Nari screamed as the truck came crashing into the old mustang. The large semi-truck had crashed into the tiny car so hard, the smaller vehicle flipped over entirely.

Everything in Himchan’s sight slowed down. His vision became increasingly blurry and he reached for Nari’s hand as their car tumbled. Finally, after what seemed like hours, they landed upside down. The semi truck had come to a complete stop and so did the young couple. Himchan’s eyes closed as they crash landed. After a second, he opened his eyes and quickly glanced at his girlfriend. “NARI!” Blood ran down the side of her head and her hair was a mess. In the distance, Himchan heard the sirens of an ambulance and police cars. Tears began to well up in his eyes and he sobbed her name. “NARI! WAKE UP! IT’S ME! HIMCHAN! PLEASE!” he begged.

The tears kept flowing out of his eyes. “NARI! PLEASE!” Himchan continuously called her name and begged for her to open her eyes and let him know she was still there, but she never did. He was never greeted with her green eyes opening up, or her sweet, soft voice telling him that she was still there.

She was gone.

…

Himchan woke up in a cold sweat. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hands and he tried to slow down his breathing and calm down. “It was just a nightmare...” he said, relieved. Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes as everything from that day flooded back to him. The crash, the tears, the sirens. Everything. Including the lifeless face of his girlfriend, who would never return to him.

He shook his head and sat up in his bed. He looked to his right and saw Daehyun calmly sleeping in the bed next to his. Himchan sighed and fell back in his bed. He stared up at the ceiling and bit his lip. After a minute of lifelessly staring into space, he turned to his right and faced the picture of him and Nari at the beach on his nightstand. He stared at the photo longingly and remembered the happy memories they had. Afraid that he might have another bad dream, Himchan slowly slipped out from under the covers and grabbed his hoodie. He tiptoed out of the room he shared, careful not to wake up his roommate. The tired boy made his way down the hallway silently and into the kitchen. From there, he opened up the screen door and stepped out onto the porch.

He took in a breath of fresh air and imagined all the times he had brought Nari out onto the same porch, including the time he had gotten down on one knee and asked her to promise that when they were old enough, she would marry him. Himchan smiled at the memory and took a seat on the deckchair. He looked up at the stars and immediately remembered the way his girlfriend had loved to watch the stars at night. Again, he smiled at the memory of Nari happily gazing at the night sky. 

Himchan looked back down at the ground before pulling a folded piece of paper from his pajama pants pocket. In almost everyone of his pants pockets, Himchan had a picture of Nari just invade he had ever felt lonely and she wasn't around. He lovingly gazed at the picture, then back up at the stars. "Nari," he whispered. "If you can hear me, I want you to know that I love you." Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but he kept speaking. "I'll never love anyone like I love you. I'll always remember you and everything you've done for me. You gave up so much to be with me and we didn't even go public with our relationship. You just wanted to be with me, and that's all that mattered." He looked down and smiled at the picture of the girl he loved so much in his hands. "I'll remember every memory we had together for the rest of my life and you'll always be my first love. Nari...I love you more than anything else in the world, and even though you're not here, I know that you're watching me and making sure I'm safe. I'll never, ever forget you."

With that, Himchan propped both of his legs on the deck chair and laid down. He watched the stars above him twinkle in the moonlight and he slowly felt his eyelids getting heavier and heavier before they finally shut and he drifted off to sleep. In his hand, he held the picture of Nari against his heart as he dreamt of the good memories he and her had together. 

He began to dream, and soon enough, he had dreamt of her angel-like image. She looked at him and simply said, "I love you, too. I always will."

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how  was it? i hope i didn't disappoint you~

this was my first time writing a sad/angst story and i'm really anxious to see how i did, so please leave a comment telling me what you thought.

thank you for reading and subscribing~