It was like that every week. They'd meet up at school and spend lunch together. And then during the weekends, they'd work together at the dock. Jinki actually had something to look forward to. He was just happy for once.

But he couldn't hide everything from Jonghyun, and that was the hardest part in their friendship. He wished Jonghyun didn't have to see him on the days when he'd come with a black eye or limping. He knew Jonghyun was worried and he deserved to know what was happening at home, but Jinki could never sum up the courage to tell him. Jonghyun was kind and considerate enough to not ask though, and Jinki silently promised he would tell him one day.

If it was one thing Jonghyun was curious about, it was how Jinki had the skill to sleep anywhere. Not only could he sleep in corners and tight spaces, but the older male slept as if he was dead. Nothing could wake him. He was the deepest sleeper Jonghyun had ever encountered.

And the weirdest thing is that little things could wake him up in a second. The sound of the teacher slapping a book or a ruler against his/her desk. Dishes crashing and breaking. A shout that wasn't meant for him. A loud bang. Jonghyun could be screaming in his hear and he wouldn't budge. Then Jonghyun would accidentally hurt himself and let a small whimper slip out and Jinki was up in a second.

Another long, tiring day at work and Jinki was irked of the stench of fish, a smell that constantly reminded him of his boring, pointless life. It gave him a migraine that crushed his stamina and stabbed his weakened limbs with numbing sharp needles. He began to trudge as he worked, wobbling slightly from lack of balance. And finally, when his manager called 'break time' he collapsed against Jonghyun's side, both hidden perfectly from view in Jinki's secret hideout.

Jinki rested his head against Jonghyun's shoulder, a gesture that proved how close they had become in the last few weeks. And although Jinki didn't want to admit it, despite their comfortable actions around each other, there was still a wall between them. As if someone had put a broomstick between them, separating them. They could reach over it,  under it. They could lean past it, stretch across the line. But in the end, there was still a broom between them.

Weary, Jinki rolled his head onto he was comfortably tucked inside the crook of Jonghyun's shoulder and he stared at the sun, allowing that warm touch to soothe him. There was no sun in his dreams. Well, perhaps there was, seeing as the sun was a star, but in outer space it was merely a speck of dust. A neighbor to dear Luna, who could talk to no one but Onew and Donald.

"Stop staring at the sun, Onew."

Sometimes Jinki didn't respond to Onew, forgot that he was that amazing person in his dreams. Because no matter how much he wanted to be Onew, Jinki would always be Jinki. It was life, it was reality.

But sometimes Jinki felt pride swell inside his chest. Because Jonghyun didn't view him as Jinki the Loser, but Onew the Friendly, Smiley, Hardworking, Handsome Friend. And Jinki didn't mind that. He preferred that, actually.

"I told you, it doesn't hurt."

Jonghyun leaned his head on top of Jinki's, sliding closer to the other male 'til their thighs were squished firmly together. He tried peering at the sun, only to be pierced by it's bright glare. "Huh, I wonder why it doesn't hurt for you."

"Beautiful," Jinki whispered, dazed.

"Hm? The sun?"

Jinki snapped out of his stupor, sputtering and shifting almost all of his weight onto the former. "Hm--uh--yeah!" He nearly shouted into Jonghyun's ear. Jonghyun scrunched up his face as the ringing in his ear slowed to nothing. He looked at Jinki, amused with his flustered actions. What was he thinking of, when he was looking at the sun? Jonghyun can only imagine. Jinki was full of secrets, one by one curling next to his ear and caressing the soft flesh there. 

And he was too busy thinking about what Jinki was thinking about to realize that the other male was blushing. Although Jinki was relieved that Jonghyun hadn't caught him staring at him, his heart pounded furiously, knocking against his ribcage. His palms began to sweat, along with his neck and forehead. 

The thing was, Jonghyun is beautiful. He reminded Jinki of his dreams, the ones where that bright, bright light would come out and dance with him. The light that was brighter than the stars, resembling a jewel. It was like there was a Jonghyun for Jinki and a Jonghyun for Onew. Truthfully, Jinki felt like Jonghyun was the string connecting him to his dreams. And it may have sounded foolish, but just maybe.... His dreams could come true with Jonghyun.

Jinki knew that it was impossible, for the sky to be the ground and for the ocean to be the sky. But as long as there was Luna and Donald and Jonghyun and Audrey-ssi, Jinki could be Onew. And then he could escape from here. 

Wouldn't that be nice? he mused to himself, You have big dreams, Jinki. I'm afraid too big though. They will never come true.

A quack of 'Onew! You're back!' made Onew realize that he was home. And he greeted Donald back, ready for another day of being free. 

Jonghyun stared at the sleeping Jinki, astounded that he would fall asleep on him. But the male leaning against him looked so peaceful, so soothed. As if he wasn't hiding any secrets, as if he was really okay. Jonghyun couldn't find the heart to wake him up. He let the sun soak them up in a warm embrace and he too drifted off to slumber land. 

----------

"Get up! Get up you ing bastard!" Harsh fingers grabbed both of his ankles and yanked his body out from under his bed, yanked his innocent bones nearly out of their sockets. The woman feasibly pulled him too hard for when Jinki's head was almost exposed to the dusty air, his temple knocked against his bed frame. A bunch of black dots, shining and changing colors before him. He couldn't think right at the moment.

"Do you hear me?! Are you deaf?! When I tell you to get your up, you get your lazy up! Jinki! Stop looking like some ing retard and get your lazy up this instant!" Jinki? No, my name is not Jinki. I am Onew, my name is Onew. Why do you keep calling me Jinki? "Jinki! Are you not going to listen to your mother? I went through ing hell just to have your face so you better listen to me, you little ! Get up!" 

For just a second longer, Jinki wished he was numb from his temporary head injury. He wish he would somehow die from that small impact. Or maybe he could have hit the wrong nerve and was diagnosed with amnesia. Yeah, he would have liked that a lot. It would be a hell of a lot better than hearing his own mother curse him. He was living with the devil alright, and the devil was watching him right now, laughing at him like he was a pathetic fool.

And Jinki couldn't do anything but take it, deal with the devil's bull. Because later on he would sleep and forget about it for a few hours. And then he could just sleep again, never having to think about such things, such hurtful words. 

"Look at me!" The woman slapped his face and shoved him into her face, thin fingers his uniform's collar. "Be a polite piece of for once and talk! You never talk! If I wake you up for school, you act like a ing thankful goddamn child and you say 'thank you'! You hear?!" Yes, Jinki could hear, but he could not speak. He would not admit that the reason was because his throat was too dry, throbbing and painful as a lump lodged inside threatened to spill itself.

And what would come out of his lips if it did explode? Sometimes a scream, when he was conscious and everything hurt. Sometimes a cry, a whimper, when they were arguing and he hoped they wouldn't notice him. And at times, a sob, when he wished he was free. Everything ended with a nap. And everything began with a slap. 

"I should have never had you, you ungrateful bastard. You and your father are bastards! No respect for the people who give you a home and food! No respect for the people who take care of you! Not even a damn thank you for waking you up, just disrespect. Your father thinks he can beat me up like a doll? He thinks he can slap me around? What, like I was you? Some ragged piece of that ruined our lives?" She scoffed, slamming a bowl of rice onto the dining table. The china material shattered and cut whatever was within distance.

A swift arm swished the broken pieces onto his lap and face, as if it didn't hurt, as if it wasn't supposed to. But it did, it always did. She started laughing, almost maniacally. "You're the reason why your appa and umma are fighting. If I hadn't had you... if you weren't such an insolent ... It's all your damn fault, Jinki! Your appa and I could've been happy! We wouldn't be arguing or hurting each other! But it's all because of you! Get out!" Usually she'd grab his collar, but Jinki was never the type to have luck. She twisted a fist full of his hair and dragged him towards the front door.

"Get the out! I ing hate you!" A kick to his rear, to his hip, to his sides. The door opened and the woman practically threw him onto the pavement, his elbow breaking his fall. "You ruined this family! You bastard! You sleep all ing day like life's so damn easy, but that's bull! Jinki, you were better off never being born. I wish you'd just die and get out of our lives! So we could be happy!" 

"M-Miss?" 

Two heads turned towards the sidewalk where Jinki's jewel and the most handsome boy he's ever seen stood. But instead of the usual cheery smile, those lips had parted, followed by a flaccid jaw. Eyes were wide, wide with horror, terror. What the hell was happening before his eyes? Why was Jinki on the floor, crumpled like an abandoned doll, beat up and dirty? Why was this woman yelling at such a wonderful person? 

Jinki's biggest secret had just been revealed. 

"Who the are you?" she hissed, all but snarling at Jonghyun, who still couldn't quite get over his bewilderment. "This 's boyfriend?" She hadn't pointed at Jinki with her finger, but her spit was enough to pinpoint who exactly she was referring. "Don't go near him, he's a bastard. He'll up your life, just like he did to me." She spared Jonghyun one last glance, eyes softening. A warning, some advice to get the away from Jinki and flee. 

Once she was out of their sight, Jonghyun immediately ran to Jinki's side. But Jinki was already up and walking, heading towards the small town's only high school. His lids were nearly shut, eyes tired, a drowsy expression hiding any signs of being in pain. Once he sat down in his first class, Jinki will take a wonderful, long nap.

"Jinki? Jinki, what just happened back there?" My name is not Jinki. "Was that your mom? Does she do that to you every day? Does your dad do that, too? Jinki! Jinki! Please answer me!" I am Onew, my name is Onew. "Please, Ji--just--Onew!" 

His feet skidded to a stop, halting just before a stop sign. The sign on the other side of the street was blinking bright orange glow, telling them it was not safe to cross yet. Jonghyun caught up to Jinki, a gentle hand gripping his forearm. "Onew... Can you please..." He paused to swallow, eyes blinking rapidly. Jinki felt his stomach drop, his arm sliding out of Jonghyun's hand and replaced with a shaking palm. "D-don't cry, Jonghyun..." 

Jonghyun shook his head, biting his lip as he ducked his head. "Please just tell me what's happening. Tell me what you're hiding from me. I wan--I need to know, Onew. Please." Jinki stared at his handsome face, saddened by the tears that were falling. He brushed one away, his shaking hand squeezing Jonghyun's tightly. "Not here." 

The infirmary was not the place Jinki had in mind, but Jonghyun insisted getting his recent wounds checked. Jinki agreed reluctantly, reminding himself that if he skipped again he'd be in big trouble. The nurse was of course as always worried. She dabbed each bruise with an oily substance used for healing skin, and bandaged the ones she deemed too horrid for public exposure. And as always before she left to tend to other duties, she gave Jinki strict instructions. Normally, Jinki would be able to attend class, seeing as bruises were nothing (Jonghyun started tearing up again after hearing this; how could this be nothing?), but she knew that the two boys needed some alone time together.

Jinki found it much easier to speak if he wasn't facing Jonghyun. He laid leisurely on his back, hands crossed across his stomach. He knew that Jonghyun was laying right next to him on his side, waiting patiently. He couldn't run anymore, couldn't hid anymore, couldn't lie anymore. It was time to face reality and tell Jonghyun. He couldn't keep avoiding this because deep down Jinki knew that this, whatever this was that was happening, was wrong. It was a problem that needed to be fixed. 

"P-perhaps... I am not being treated particularly ni-nice at home," he started, voice barely above a whisper. The short sentence hung in the air and as it sank back onto the sheets, Jinki found himself sounding pathetic. He barked a laugh, lips twitching. He was trying so hard to hold himself together. "Go on," Jonghyun softly encouraged, one hand on his arm, the other playing with Jinki's hair.

"I am not... They don't love me, my parents. They argue a lot and about many things. Money, who's sleeping with who behind who's back, insurance, who gets what, the menu for dinner, the menu for breakfast, why was who home later than usual, everything. And it's always little things, the itty bitty details that set off the ticking bomb. But the reason for all these arguments always lead back to one person: me.

"And all the shouting and yelling and hoarse voices lead to violence. A slap, a punch, a push. A push leads to throwing, throwing leads to things breaking. All this nonsense, this chaos, this bull makes me go hide. And it's only a few minutes after the throwing do they remember me, remember the reason for their fighting. And then I'm dragged out of my dreams, ripped from Donald, and they beat me. 

"Beat me as I scream and cry, beat me 'til I can't speak anymore, not even the tiniest of whimpers. They toss me around like I'm a plastic doll. I'm not a plastic doll. I'm actually a punching bag, because that's how they treat me. Like their punching bag. And then I sleep to escape all of it. Sometimes they forget, sometimes I hide so well they don't remember me. Those are the best few hours of my life. No, one time I slept for three days straight. Not a single pinch of pain, not a single vibration of any sound. 

"I was in heaven, I was free. That's all I ever wanted to be, Jonghyun. I want to be free. Free of the devil's hold because I can't take it anymore. How long can I stand this, do you think? How long until I'll snap and be driven over the edge? Driven to suicide? I work so hard in school, the seven hours of no fighting, and then on the weekends I work even harder at work, the twelve hours of no fighting. But right when I step into that hell place, I'm ed. I'm truly ed." 

Jinki turns to gouge Jonghyun's reaction to his confession because the other male hasn't said a word since he started. Perhaps he talked too much? Perhaps Jonghyun really didn't care? But Jinki was a bastard to think like that. He promised that after this, he could never think about Jonghyun like that, like a bad person similar to his parents. 

Because Jonghyun was crying. His hold on Jinki's arm tight and secure, almost as if Jonghyun was the one who was drowning and pleading for help. "A-aren't you scared?" Jonghyun hiccups. Jinki shakes his head. "Not anymore." Jonghyun shakes his head, tears falling rapidly, continuously, endlessly. He takes hold of Jinki's hands, cradling them to his chest. "I'm scared," he admits, breath ragged from his harsh breathing. He couldn't seem to calm down, not after what he just heard.

Jinki turned to his side, now facing Jonghyun. He freed one of his hands and placed it on Jonghyun's cheek. "Why are you scared?" Jonghyun's shoulder shook as he tried to turn his feelings into words. "I'm s-so scared that one day... one day you will be driven over the e-edge... That your parents will go t-too far and h-hurt you too much... I'm scared that you'll think of suicide and leave..." He lunges onto Jinki's chest, burying himself in the cotton of his uniform.

"You can't leave, Onew... You can't leave because I need you and want you and I love you. I don't know how to help you, but I promise I'll try to find a way to. Because you mean everything to me, Onew. I love you, you know? I love you so, so much," Jonghyun whimpered, momentarily forgetting Jinki's tattered body. 

But Jinki didn't mind either because nothing hurt anymore. Because for some odd reason, it felt right hearing those beautiful words come out of Jonghyun's beautiful lips. And it felt even more right as Jinki buried his lips inside his hair and whispered 'I love you' back. Once, twice, maybe ten or twenty times. As many times to get Jonghyun to calm down. 

And when he did, both realized that they just confessed to each other and both spent the day redfaced, hands entwined. 

I love you, Onew. But you know what? I love Jinki the most. Jinki, you may feel like you are worthless, that you are the piece of your mother calls you and the your father taunts you to be, but you are the first person to ever befriend me. When we were together, you were not Onew. You were never Onew. Onew is hot and has a wonderful voice. His best friend is Donald Duck and he sometimes plays chess with the moon. Onew's ground is the sky and his sky is the ocean. The person who was always with me was you, Jinki. And the person I fell in love with was you, Jinki. Your honest smile, your remarkable laugh, your voice that is smooth. I fell in love with your warm hands, your sleepy eyelids, your hardworking personality. Onew isn't any of that. Onew is amazing, but you are simply better than him. I wish you could see that.

You are not worthless, because without you, there would be no me. I wish to be your shield, to be your armor and protect you from any harm. But for now, I'll work on making your dreams come true. And together, we can be free from our miseries.

---------

"Is it really okay to be skipping work?" 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes, tugging harder on Jinki's wrist. "My appa said yes, Onew, so yes! Come on!" He was a child, excited to see what he was getting for his birthday. But it wasn't Jinki's birthday (he had forgotten a long time ago) and he was more than excited. Jonghyun said that this would probably be the best thing that would ever happen to him. 

As they trembled further and further inside the forest, a big metal wing slowly came into view. Jinki frowned in Jonghyun's direction, who just smiled and pulled him along. They ventured a little farther until an empty vast of green surrounded them. And in the middle of the lush meadow, laid a shiny airplane. "Jonghyun? What is this?" Jinki looked at him, stunned by the large machine awaiting them. Jonghyun grinned again and marched towards it. He turned around and spread his arms wide, humming a 'ta-da!'. 

"I was in the army before I met you, you know. I know how to fly this thing and today, Onew, we are going to be flying." Onew continued to blink, unable to move from his spot. Jonghyun laughed and jumped into his arms, hugging him. "Don't worry! I promise you'll be safe! Today, I am going to make your dreams come true." 

Jinki had no idea what Jonghyun was talking about and he was still a little goofy as Jonghyun tucked him securely into the passenger seat. He was given headphones and a microphone and a life jacket. All the necessities for being inside an airplane. When Jonghyun pushed a few several hundred buttons and they began to lift off, thats when Jinki realized that this was indeed happening for real. He grabbed onto Jonghyun's arm, shrieking. "J-Jonghyun! Wha... what are you doing?! Are you trying to kill us?!" 

They passed the few acres of bright green trees and slipped over the ocean, silently, calmly. Jonghyun hummed to himself, knowing full well what he was doing. He's done this many times before. "I want to make your dreams come true," he said again, focused on their altitude and speed. Jinki looked at him with confusion once more, before he was being lifted off his seat.

The straps across his torso strained against his shoulders and Jinki squeezed his eyes shut. Sleep, sleep, sleep! "Jin--Onew! Open your eyes! Look!" Very slowly, Jinki opened his eyes. Despite the awkwardness of this new feeling, Jinki found himself sort of getting used to it. And then he peeked upwards and his next breath was knocked out of his chest. 

The sky... the sky was the ground and the ocean was the sky... They were upside down. Jinki looked over at Jonghyun, tears b the corners of his lids. Jonghyun's smile was bright and beautiful and possibly the biggest Jinki had observed. "Do you like it?" He nodded, his smile now mirror Jonghyun's. "Yeah, I love you. I love you a lot." Jonghyun blushed and pushed him lightly.

And he did the most reckless thing ever. He let go of the control and stretched his arms forward, til they grazed the glass above them. The ocean sways below them, oblivious to the duo and singing its heart out. Its waves crashed across the blue expanse, sometimes overlapping. Jinki mimicked Jonghyun's actions, no longer afraid. His arms were longer and he was able to place his palms along the glass.

He was touching the sky. 

Onew's sky.

Looking out the side window, Jinki could see the sky, littered with puffy clouds. Onew's bed, Onew's home, Onew's land. The place where he belonged, the place where he was free. 

His dreams came true. 

But then a sense of emptiness followed after the euphoric ecstasy. And Jinki realized that he didn't feel free. He wasn't. As Onew, Jinki would never be free. He would be trapped as someone else, as someone better than Jinki. He gazed at his jewel, no, not Onew's, his, Jinki's, and Jinki knew what he had truly needed from the start. 

You have made me become this person, this person who loved and was loved in return. You have made me happy, made me smile and laugh freely. I love you, Jonghyun. More than anything, I love you with all my heart. And no, not as Onew. I will forever admire Onew as my role model. But I love you as Jinki, Lee Jinki.