SKY OF LOVE
Childhood friends, that was what they were. Best friends, that is what they are now. Lovers, that was what they wanted to be in the future. But is society oh so kind? One can only shake their head in dismay. As much as they hated to admit it, gays are frowned upon in society. Especially in South Korea. What's wrong with us? Why can't they see we love each other like how humans do? Why can't they see that we are normal? Why, Hyukjae, why? The pleas of Donghae went by unheard; Hyukjae simply didn't have the answers. How do you define love? Donghae had asked Hyukjae one fine day as they sat on the couch, watching some random mopey romance movie. "Love, is when your heart beats faster as you see that one special person walking towards your direction," Hyukjae answered simply, not tearing his eyes away from the television. I guess I'm in love then. Donghae had replied, cuddling closer with Hyukjae. Me too; Hyukjae smiled to himself, secretly stealing glances at Donghae every once in a while.
----
"That guy is such a ," A co-worker of Donghae's whispered to him, pointing to their new CEO. "I mean, look at the way he walks and dresses, it's so obvious," He continued. Donghae stopped typing his draft to glare at the said man. "What's wrong with being gay?" Donghae snapped. Taken aback at Donghae's sudden moodswing, the co-worker replied, "Everything, of course," Donghae then stormed out of the room angrily, leaving his co-worker to wonder what he'd said wrong.
----
The sky is beautiful, isn't it? Donghae sighed, admiring the beautiful Mothernature. Hyukjae just stared ahead, deep in thought. You alright? Donghae nudged Hyukjae as if sensing his discomfort. "Listen," Hyukjae began carefully. "I don't think this - us - is going to work. We're better off being friends, ya' know?" Hyukjae continued, averting his gaze from Donghae's, his hands in his pockets. What? Donghae stared at Hyukjae in disbelief, his tears falling down endlessly. "Hey, don't cry. It's better this way, we'll still be friends, right?" Hyukjae muttered softly, wiping away Donghae's tears. Slap. Hyukjae touched the side of his burning cheek and stared at Donghae. I hate you! Do you think it's that easy to get rid of my feelings for you, pretend it never happened and be friends with you? Was it that easy for you? Donghae shouted, his tears still falling. "Easy for me? It's been anything but easy for me! Do you know about the countless insults I get everyday? Do you know how hard it is to get a job just because I'm gay? Do you know anything about me, Lee Donghae?" Hyukjae hissed. Weren't you the one that told me we'd get through this? Weren't you the one that said we'd be together forever? Weren't you the one that promised me we'd never part, no matter what happened? You've changed; I knew you, but not anymore. Donghae replied in between his sobs sadly.
That being said, Donghae left Hyukjae on the balcony alone, with tears streaming down both their beautiful faces. Hyukjae fell to his knees, his hands covering his face. The tears were endless. He thought it'd be easy, he thought that he'd feel as if a whole load was taken off his shoulders. He was wrong. Very wrong. He felt worser than ever, and he was sure that Donghae was hurting much much more.
----
"Give me one more chance, please?" Hyukjae pleaded, standing outside Donghae's closed door. Donghae was on the other side of the door, and he refused to open it. He was scared that he'd melt under Hyukjae's mesmerizing eyes and take him back in so easily. Donghae pressed his back on the door, trying hard to hold back his tears. They fell anyway. Give me more time, Hyukjae, you hurt my trust. Donghae replied sorrowfully through the closed doors. "I'll never let you go, I promise," Hyukjae tried yet again while banging lightly on Donghae's door. Your promises are nothing but empty lies. Go home! Donghae flared, his tears stinging. "I won't leave until you come out," Hyukjae persisted. Donghae tried to reply, but an uneasy feeling in his stomach stopped him from doing so. There was a lump in his throat dying to get out. Hurriedly, Donghae dashed to the bathroom, opening the toilet's lid. As he finished vomitting, he looked at himself in the mirror, only to find blood on his lips. What's wrong with me?
An hour passed. Hyukjae was still outside Donghae's door, banging it every once in a while to tell Donghae that he was still there. Hyukjae sat outside, his back facing the door. He had his knees huddled up to his face to keep him warm. It was after all, very cold outside. "Aren't you going to come out?" Hyukjae asked for the nth time. Donghae shook his head even though he knew Hyukjae could not see him. Donghae then proceeded to the door, pressing his back against the door again. He too had his knees huddled up to his face. He didn't feel cold, he just wanted something - someone - to hug. Just then, a soft song could be heard from outside Donghae's door. Hyukjae had a song; Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
It's our song. Donghae breathed, closing his eyes to enjoy the deep meaning of the song; as well as to relive the sweet memories he had of Hyukjae.
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
The song played like a lullaby for the both of them, lulling them to sleep with their backs pressed against the door. If it weren't for the door and Donghae's stubborness, they would have had their backs pressed on each other's, treasuring every moment.
----
When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
Donghae turned off Hyukjae's MP3 that currently had their song playing on replay. Carefully, Donghae placed Hyukjae's body to lie against a wall and put some blankets over him. It was freezing cold; Donghae was surprised Hyukjae hadn't turned into a block of ice yet. Donghae then touched the side of Hyukjae's face gently, admiring Hyukjae's define features. Before going off, Donghae placed a kiss on Hyukjae's forehead like he always did, like the good ol' times.
----
"I'm really sorry, but there's nothing we can do," The man in the white coat apologized. Donghae was speechless. How could he have..? How long? Donghae muttered. The doctor knew what he was refferring to. "Around a 100 days. Your heart can't withstand too much pressure, medication can only help to prolong it and make the pain go away for a while," The doctor informed, looking at Donghae sympatheticly. Thank you, I understand. Donghae bowed his head down low, thanking the doctor. He then left the room, shoulders stooped low in a dejected manner. Tears were b in his eyes and all he could ever think about was Hyukjae.
----
"Where'd you go?" Hyukjae enquired as soon as Donghae returned home. Donghae just looked at him with his blood-shot red eyes. "Hey, have you been crying?" Hyukjae's facial expression softened, his voice gentle. Hyukjae.. Donghae croaked, walking over to Hyukjae's wide-opened arms. They hugged each other for a while, happy to finally be in each other's embrace. "What happened?" Hyukjae asked as he sniffed into Donghae's hair. Nothing, I just missed you, that's all. Donghae lied, tightening his grip on Hyukjae's body. Hyukjae, oblivious to Donghae's lie, smiled to himself in pure happiness. "I missed you too," Hyukjae mumbled. Donghae then pulled away and stared into Hyukjae's single-lidded eyes. He brought his hand up to Hyukjae's face, gently it. Hyukjae caught hold of his hand and grinned, pulling Donghae into a deep kiss. Unknowingly, Donghae let a few tears escape in the middle of the kiss. "Hey, what's wrong Hae?" Hyukjae asked worriedly. Hae.. Donghae repeated the name softly. He was going to miss Hyukjae calling him that. I really missed you, Hyukjae. Donghae shook his head and smiled weakly.
"I'll never leave you again, I love you," Hyukjae swore. I love you too. Donghae replied, burying his head deeper into Hyukjae's broad chest.
----
98 days had passed. Donghae's time was getting limited. His breaths grew shorter; it was harder for him to keep up with simple physical activities. He could feel his time coming. He just didn't have the heart to tell Hyukjae. Huff huff.. It was suffocating; his chest hurt. Getting up from his bed slowly, he mentally thanked Hyukjae for being such a heavy sleeper. Donghae swallowed down his pills and immediately felt a little relief take over his body. Huff huff.. Donghae clutched his heart in pain. His time was coming. Very soon. Donghae's vision was getting fuzzier. Everything seemed to be a blur, but it bothered him how he could see Hyukjae very clearly. Panting, Donghae placed a kiss on Hyukjae's forehead before stumbling to his study-table to write a letter.
Beloved Hyukjae,
I'm sorry.
Argh! Donghae screamed at the growing pain in his chest. In that moment of pain, Donghae had accidentally knocked the table lamp off the table, making a loud crashing noise. "Donghae?" Hyukjae called out sleepily yet worriedly. Don't come here.. Donghae pleaded silently. It was getting harder to breathe. Huff huff.. Donghae fell to the ground, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. "Donghae! Oh God what's happening?" Hyukjae screamed, rushing over to Donghae's side. Hyukjae's tears fell to Donghae's cheek, damping it. As soon as it hit Donghae's face, a sudden gush of memories flooded his mind.
Donghae! Can we marry each other when we grow up? I love you! Hyukjae had asked when they were little kids.
I love you, Donghae! Hyukjae had confessed his love at the beach, with lightsticks lighting up those 4 beautiful words.
Donghae! How do I look? Hyukjae had joked as he tried on a women's dress in an attempt to cheer Donghae up when he'd failed his University entrance exam.
It'll be alright Hae, as long as we have each other. I'll never leave you, I promise. Hyukjae had comforted him when his parents had rejected him and thrown him out of the house.
Stay away from him, touch him again and you're dead! Hyukjae had protected Donghae when a few guys from around the neighbourhood had pushed him and called him nasty things. He could never forget the look on Hyukjae's angry face.
Let's adopt a baby one day Hae. I want to raise kids with you.We'll call him Eunhae, how about that? It's kind of cute huh? Hyukjae had proposed, looking at Donghae lovingly.
I want to grow old with you Hae. Let's grow old together and live in a small cottage with your favorite flowers surrounding us. Our kids would've grown up by then, so we'd have the house all to ourselves. Let's have a rack just for mangas and we can stay up all day to read them together. We can bake together, watch movies together and not have a care for anything in the world. Wouldn't that be nice? Hyukjae had dreamed about recently. Donghae remembered how he didn't have the heart to tell him that it'll never happen.
"Hae tell me what's wrong!" Hyukjae cried out, holding Donghae in his arms. Donghae weakly brought his hand up to Hyukjae's face - like he always did - and it. I love you, remember that. Donghae mumbled softly, his vision blinded by the cloudiness of his tears. "I love you too, so tell me what's wrong, please!" Hyukjae pleaded, bawling. I'll miss you.. Donghae smiled weakly before closing his eyes and taking his last deep breath. "Donghae? Lee Donghae?" Hyukjae screamed hysterically, shaking Donghae. It was no use. Donghae was lifeless and unmoving.
----
Hyukjae took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air from high up in the mountains. He'd taken a week off to refresh his mind. He needed to calm himself down, and the mountains was the perfect place to relax. Hyukjae stared up at the sky as he clutched Donghae's last letter to him in his hands tightly.
Beloved Hyukjae,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for not telling you this earlier, but I didn't have the heart to. I was scared; weak. I feared you'd be depressed, so I tried to make the best out of my remaining days. I really am sorry. I have a weak heart; my days were shortened, my physical activities were cut short. My heart is failing, and I will eventually leave you one day. It hurt to think about the future. It hurt to think about your future without me. I was selfish, I know and I'm sorry. Like dust, will our memories together fade away? I hope you don't regret meeting me. I wish you all the happiness in the world, Lee Hyukjae. I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill your dreams. Move on Hyukjae, find someone better. Continue loving the sky, don't do anything stupid, alright? If you ever try doing anything silly, I'll be sure to come back as a ghost and haunt you. I love you Hyukjae. I know it's not easy to forget, I've said it once myself. It's not easy, but it's not impossible either. Remember our song?
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Remember, you are not alone. I'll always be with you, in mind and in soul. I'll always be in your heart. This isn't really goodbye Hyukjae, for I will always remain by your side. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me, thank you. I love you.
- Donghae
Tears began falling down as Hyukjae reread the letter again and again. A part of him hated Donghae for not telling him, but he'd figured it was for the best anyway. "You idiot," Hyukjae mumbled to himself, wiping his tears away.
----
A Year Later
Hyukjae smiled to himself as he read the letter pasted on his living room hallway, safely secured in a frame made of gold. "Idiot, how can I ever regret meeting you? If I had not met you on that day, then I would not have experienced that pain and sadness, and memories filled with tears. But, if I had not met you, I would also have not experienced that joy, excitement, preciousness and the feeling of absolute happiness. How are you now? I continue to love the vast blue sky," I love you.
A/N: Sorry in advance ;) Hope you enjoyed!
@misspauline: here's your update xx
@parkchanmi3: yeaaah was kind of inspired by it! here's your update xx
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