The first time we met was at my first dance class I attended in my life. I really want to learn how to dance, good thing mom allowed me to take classes to enrich my “hidden talent”. Our instructor came in to announce some twist for our recitals.

“We’ll be doing tango for our recitals. Now I have to choose your partners.” I felt nervous about this because I didn’t know anyone in the class. He paired girls and boys and now it came to my turn.

“Okay, Soojin, your partner is Kai. Make friends.” Who was it? I turned around to look and saw a tall guy approach. He wasn’t even looking at me. I was disturbed at the earphones plugged in his ears. Does he even know?

At last he looked at me. He has such handsome face, but his skin is dark but it suited his face. He said his name and bowed down.

“You’re Soojin right?”

“Y-yes…” I stammered. He’s handsome, really.

The instructor then started the tango lessons. I’m not a dancer but I tried to learn the steps. Though it’s so awkward, Kai looked so comfortable. He held my hand appropriately, as well as the position of his other hand on my waist. He carries me perfectly. He doesn’t tremble even though our bodies were so close. He would also teach me the right posture. He seemed experienced at ballroom dancing. I could see he’s good at it. We did the tango steps, and to be honest, it was difficult for me. I got pressured by this guy here. He seemed so familiar with tango already. At last, our classes were done and I tried to ask him but he suddenly disappeared. I searched him quickly; I peeked at the window and saw him walking at the sidewalk of the city. He walks so briskly. I wanted to know more about this mysterious guy.

I wanted to talk to him. He wasn’t friendly, so I think I should take the move. He’ll be my only friend. He entered the practice room quietly, that I noticed him sat beside me. I started the talk.

“ahh.. h-hello.” I bowed awkwardly.

He was busy again listening to his music player, but he glanced at me and smirked. Wow, that smirk. Why does it have to be so heart melting? I felt more ashamed. Then I noticed some girls looked at us. I could hear the whispers telling,

She’s so lucky.

I hoped he was my partner.

Is he really famous?

I looked at him trying to befriend him. I was hesitant and shy. He continued to be entertained by his music player. How to be like his music player? I hope I can also entertain him the way he wants.

“K-Kai?” He didn’t look.

Oh my, how can I do this? My urge to talk to him stopped when our instructor came. It’s our next lesson and it was a harder one. We tried to make eye contacts, but I can’t do it. Why can’t I stare at him? I could feel him staring at me. Suddenly he noticed I was uneasy with him.

“Let’s have a staring game.” I looked at him to listen. “If you lose, you’ll treat me dinner after this.” He made a heart melting smirk again.

God, why he wanted to play with me? I don’t know what to do, but I found myself laughing and agreed with him. He started the game while the class is going on. Suddenly I can’t control myself I laughed.

He smiled, “You lose! You’ll treat me after this!” He was giggling.

For the rest of the time I tried to feel comfortable with him. He played with me for the whole time and tried to joke around. He kept reminding me about dinner, telling me his favorite dishes and some stuff he likes. So I think I have to treat him after this. To be honest, I enjoyed.

The class was over and we found ourselves laughing. He’s really funny, and he kept teasing me. We went out and he brought me to a good restaurant. It wasn’t extravagant but it was ordinary. It’s okay, as long as it will fit my budget. I wasn’t expecting I’ll be spending for this stupid guy who seemed so happy teasing me after I lose on a staring game with him. He chose the order and it was an ordinary dinner: pork barbecue and rice. At last, we came to talk.

“You’re not Korean huh?” I asked, trying to for revenge.

“It’s just that I wanted to try different foods, not the same dish all the time.” He answered.

He loved eating, I could see on the way he eats. Even though he loves eating, he still eats in a cool manner. We shared about our favorite foods and we knew we loved the same foods. I love eating too, that’s why I’m fat, but not really the obese type. My face is round but my form still looks good with my body.

“That’s why you enter dance classes?” he asked, I could sense he’ll start teasing me again.

“Yes, to lose weight. You can call me pig if you want, you kept teasing me since our classes.”

“Hi pig. Sorry if I ordered your species here.” He started giggling again.

I too and he seems entertained. Yes, I already know how to be like his music player. Once we finished eating, he grabbed me to leave.

“Wait, I still have to pay this.” I told him to wait.

“Forget about the staring game. I absentmindedly paid everything before we ate. Let’s go.” He was in a hurry and he grabbed me out of the resto.Absentmindedly paid? So it wasn’t his intention to pay. This guy, really. I was amused.

Weeks slowly passed by and we became really close friends. He would treat me for dinner every after class, bring me at the park to stroll and send me home. He’s open and we share about ourselves at the park. He wasn’t tired of listening to my life’s stories. He would share also about his life, like how many his friends were, or how he loves dancing but it is me who keeps on talking. One day he asked me something.

“Have you ever been in love?”

What kind of question is that? I thought. “Yes. I’m in love with food.” I tried to make him laugh.

“Umm, serious talk.” He faced at me and looked straight at my face. He intended to talk seriously; I can read it in his eyes.

“Umm.. I don’t know. I think I haven’t fallen in love yet.” My eyes looked up.

“Really? Not yet?” He faced at the sea where we were facing.

I asked him the same question. There was long pause, but I looked at him eagerly waiting for answer. “I think so.” Our eyes met, and he said these words that touched my heart.

“I’ve never been in love like this.”

We stared, but we weren’t playing. We were sharing the same feelings for each other. He wasn’t sure, his feelings weren’t clear. I also can’t explain the feeling I felt that time. I glanced at the sea, but he was asking me to look back at him.

“Soojin-ah,”

Cold breeze brushed the park. I gazed back at him waiting for him to tell me something. He suddenly went closer to me. I didn’t know if I would move or not. He slowly tilted his head closer to mine, I was feeling he was going to kiss me. I was too late to move away, our lips felt each other, as the wind in the park helped us feel cool. I remained as stiff as possible while he was busy enjoying what he did. After that, I bowed my head and lost my mind. He gulped, feeling guilty of what he did.

“Sorry.” I didn’t know where my mind went. That was my first kiss.

Next day I still can’t find where my mind went as I head off to the dance class alone. Since we met, this day was the first time he didn’t get me from home. I arrived at the studio and spotted him sitting at the corner. He was the only person at the studio.

“Where’s everyone?” I asked.

He stood up after seeing me. “Our instructor said we don’t have classes. We’ll use this time to practice for our recitals.”

“Ahh…” I nodded. The atmosphere was awkward again.

“Sorry, I didn’t drop by your house. And about last night—“

“It’s okay…It’s okay.” What the heck am I saying?

I still can’t explain what I feel for him. I don’t know if I was in love just because of the kiss, or I think I was just surprised at how fast the events were. He smirked and hugged me tight. I wanted to be wrapped around his arms, to make my heart feel warm too. My feelings are getting more vivid and clear to me. I want to be with him. I felt happy there will be no people watching us. I will not hear whispers about how lucky I am. But honestly, I thank God I met him, I felt so lucky someone would take care of me and entertain me by joking around all the time.

And so we started our practice. This last practice is different from the practices we made for our recitals. We weren’t playing. We weren’t laughing and teasing each other. He didn’t call me pig, and I didn’t call him dark. We danced like there’s no tomorrow, cherishing every moment our bodies were close to each other. I want to be held like this. I want him to take care of me. We were doing it like it’s our turn to perform, where everyone watches us and we don’t care. We were really serious in the practice. I didn’t know how many times we were doing the dance. Until evening came, we didn’t stop the practice. I didn’t care the exhaustion. I can dance with him until forever ends.

Even though it was the nth time, he still would hold me tightly. We moved around the whole room with grace and passion. I can feel his body filled with sweat and his arms were already kind of wobbling, but he would hold me closer to his wet body. Until the time I was about to bend my body back, he intentionally bring his arms really low that the two of us fell on the floor. At last I was able to lie down and rest my body a bit. While I was gasping for air, I could feel his pant on my face, realizing he’s on top of me. I can see his wet face, like he’s just finished taking a shower. Now I was between his arms but we didn’t say a thing. He then stopped panting and had the courage to say something.

“Can….can you hear…my heart beating?” Before I could say a word, he continued. “It’s beating for you.” He can’t stop breathing so hard.

“K-Kai oppa…” Without a second, he kissed me.

It was hotter than that in the park. We’re drenched in sweat and still he made it with passion. Why I wanted this moment? His feelings towards me are now clear. I think we’re in love.

This day is the day I’ve been waiting for—recitals. I’ll be seeing Kai again. I can’t wait to dance with him, and I hope it’ll not be the last time. We’ll still be seeing each other. I tried on the dress I’ll be wearing on the recitals. What will Kai’s outfit look like? I hope I can still concentrate dancing this afternoon with him, like how we danced the whole afternoon yesterday. The scenes that happened kept replaying in my mind. I feel so happy and inspired. This time I wanted to express how happy and blessed I am through the dance. And also, how I loved him after all the care he gave to me during our dance classes.

I waited for him at the auditorium lobby. Many people came: family and friends of my classmates. I didn’t want to invite my friends. For my fat body I’ll dance ballroom, which would cause endless teasing. I liked Kai’s teasing than that of my friends. I wonder if he’ll bring his friends. Now the auditorium is calling all dancers, why he hasn’t still come? He’s too late. Isn’t he excited? I checked my phone and called him, but he hasn’t answered. I’m getting worried right now.

*~*~*

“Thank you for coming, Kai. You still loved me all this time.” Kai remained silent and continued to sip some juice. “Your suit is lovely. Will you still perform at the recitals?” Maeri held his hand. She came from the U.S. to study nursing. It has been a long time since they haven’t met, and their only communication is the internet. “I just arrived from the U.S., then now you’re gonna leave me?”

Kai cleared his voice. “I spent all this time for dance. Please let me dance for the last time.”

Maeri gasped and leaned in her chair. “Okay, but I’ll watch your performance.” She stood up and approached the car. Kai didn’t move in his chair. She turned after realizing he didn’t follow her. “I’m giving you the last time to dance, so let’s go to the auditorium. It’s almost time.”, she asked him to come with her. At last he stood up and hurriedly went and drove the car.

I can’t stay put at my place anymore. The program is starting and I haven’t seen him around. I can’t calm myself. I can’t settle down. Suddenly, a man in suit came in the backstage. It was the man I’ve been waiting for so long. I approached him and told him everything I felt, how I was worried about him, asking him why he doesn’t answer me and how nervous I am during his absence. Everyone at the back looked at us. Unexpectedly, I noticed a lady clinging to his arm, looking at me so shocked.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she asked. I was surprised too. I was more nervous this time. “You’re Kai’s partner? Nice meeting you. I’m Maeri, Kai’s girlfriend.” She bowed down to greet me and smiled.

My eyes remained big, while I was trying to control myself. My heart started to ponder. All my feelings pouted and everything turned gray. I looked at him and I caught his gulp. He had a girlfriend, after all the things he had done: treats me dinner every after class, accompany me at the park, danced with passion, kissed and hugged me. Everything he did turned meaningless. I wanted to let him feel how hurt I am, but I shouldn’t do it here.

“And you?” she asked my name.

“S-Soojin. Kai’s partner.” I bowed with respect. I can still control myself.

Our instructor came and told us we were the next to perform. Finally, Maeri bid goodbye to her boyfriend who fooled me all this time.

She kissed him in his cheek. “Do well, Kai.” She just smiled at me, and finally left.

Now we’re left in the room. I want to tell him how hurt I am; he fooled me all this time. Instead of expressing all these feelings, tears suddenly fall from my eyes. He hugged me really tight.

I tried to get away from his arms, but then he told me, “I thought you wanted to be in my arms.”

A lot of tears formed and dropped from my eyes. I stopped struggling; instead I cried my heart out. He didn’t loose the grip and he kept mumbling the word “Sorry”.

The song was near to end; he hurriedly wiped my tears and held my hand. “Let’s dance this well. Remember how we danced yesterday? Don’t worry; she’ll not be watching us.”

The instructor entered to call us for the last time, while I hid myself on him to cover my face.

Now were on the stage. This is the moment. I should act like nothing happened. Even if it’s painful I should feel this song. We danced just like yesterday, moving along the whole stage, feeling the closeness of our bodies, and dance like no one’s watching us. Our eyes met, but we weren’t playing a staring game. We wanted to do this because we loved each other. He had been the guy I’ve met, the guy I learned to love, just by his teasing, treating me dinner and wandering at the park. When the song almost ended, he didn’t bring his arms really low for us to fall. I think our love will be over after this. He’ll be happier with his girlfriend. And leave the memories we established, including me.

We posed at the last, and with surprise, everyone were in awe as they stood and clapped for us. The commentator and our instructor were amused and they could feel our passion for dancing, even though it was only for a month, they saw us the most enjoyed in the dance classes. We bowed to them for thanks.

After that day, I haven’t seen Kai anymore. I didn’t even bother to talk to him, as long as I enjoyed and learned in my summer classes, everything’s fine. After all, that’s the reason why I attended the classes—to learn and lose weight. And yes, I lost 5 pounds! Not bad, with the practice and hanging out at the park with the man who cheated on me, who wouldn’t lose weight?
But I thought my mind would be Kai free. It will be a day before class starts, when a beep of a car woke me up. I thought it was mom and dad, but they called me out of the room. They’re preparing for breakfast. My little brother who came from biking outside, didn’t recognize the unknown visitor and kept on calling me.

“Eonnie!!” He approached me sweating from biking. “I didn’t know you had a suitor!”

“What?!?” I shouted.

I hurriedly went out of the house and saw Kai bringing a huge bouquet of roses. He was wearing casual and light blue colored blazers. He looks so handsome while he was under the sun. He was smiling, and I think he was amused at my little brother. He came to see me? For what?

“The recitals are over. What made you come here?” I asked while approaching him. He remained silent but he kept on smiling and looking at my eyes. “What?”

“Are you still mad at me? You’re not answering my calls.”

“Why, did you answered my calls before? Did you know how I was worried I thought you wouldn’t come? Or how I was hurt after knowing about that Maeri girl who was your girlfriend? Or--” His laugh stopped me from talking.

“I knew it, you were jealous?” He still smiled at me while I paused for a moment and think how I could defend this.

“No…No…Why should I?” while looking around at our beautiful garden, I tried to change the topic, “What can you say about our new garden?”

“We broke up.” He ignored my question. I was caught up by what he said and looked at him.

“What? What did you say?”

“Maeri broke up with me, since she’ll be aspiring to be a doctor and will be busy for her exams. I think she’s sick of me.” He wasn’t sad about their breakup; instead he smiled back at me.

“So, you need encouragement for you to move on?” while I was patting his back.

“I need you.” He’s still looking at my eyes.

“That’s okay; you’ll move on and find another girl who will love you.” We caught up staring at each other.

“Soojin-ah… Do you love me?” he asked me a serious question.

I didn’t answer him. I can feel he still has something to say. He swiftly brought out a small box. The people from the back were astonished; I realized my whole family saw the whole scene. Kai just laughed and as he opened the box, it was a necklace. The locket was a shape of a pig.

“Have you seen my necklace?” he asked, and my eyes saw the same necklace he showed hanging at his neck. I giggled while he fixed the necklace on me. Everyone watching were howling and teasing on me.

“Do you like it?”

I nodded while I could feel I was blushing. He held my face, but because everyone’s screams were louder, I immediately hugged him.

“Thank you.” I whispered to his ears.

“I love you, and I’ll never let you go. Even if we don’t see at the dance classes again, I’ll still love you. I’ll never cheat on you again. I’ll make you laugh until we die, just love me the way I loved you.”

Just because of our same interest in dancing and in many things, at the end we still see each other because we study at the same school. I love his whole being, even though he cheated me once, he promised me he’ll never do it again. We continued dancing, for this is where everything started. Now I know what it feels to be in love, I’ll never let go of him ever again. I’ll dance with him until forever ends…