To other people, they would seem like a couple, and Chanyeol didn't mind. In fact, he liked it. He liked to fool himself that yes, they were a couple, yes, they were together. But then Kris would say nah, we're just friends, and Chanyeol would smile and laugh, but every time Kris said that, deep down he'd break a little bit more.

Sure, he knew. He knew Kris didn't like him the way he did. He knew that, to Kris, he was nothing but a friend. His best friend, yes, but still just a friend. But Kris constantly gave him such mixed signals, it made Chanyeol very, very confused. In front of everyone else, he'd treat him like everyone else, or sometimes even lose his temper on him, something that he never did to anybody else. Then when they were alone, Chanyeol could almost imagine Kris his boyfriend. Kris was so good to him, which was, again, something he never did to anybody else. He knew, because he asked. He was never like that to Baekhyun or Kai or anyone else.

A few times, he had almost gathered up the courage to ask Kris if he liked him or not, but always at the last moment his nerve would fail him. Maybe he didn't want to know the answer. Maybe he didn't want to lose this beautiful friendship. He didn't know, but he could make do with the situation. After all, they were as close as two friends could be, and he was content with that.

Was this love?

But then, one day out of the blue, Kris called him and told him he had a boyfriend. And it was Tao. Chanyeol had suspected that Tao had a crush on his Kris, but he never imagined that Kris would return the sentiment. This... changed things, to say the least. Kris became incredibly moody. He had always been moody, but Tao made him even more so, and Kris was near dangerous when he was in a bad mood. At first, they were sickly sweet and all that, and even though Chanyeol didn't like it, had a hard time controlling his raging jealousy--- he squashed these feelings, because Kris was happy and that was all that mattered.

Was this love?

Then the fights started. They would fight over such inferior things, like how Tao forgot to get an extra fork for Kris at lunch, or Tao going home alone. Trivial things. They would make a big fight out of it, and the first time it made Chanyeol really scared. Scared that they would break up with each other, scared that it would break Kris's heart. It didn't even occur to him at the time that that would mean Chanyeol would have a chance, no. He was too worried about Kris's happiness to care about himself. Then by nighttime they would've already made up and forgiven each other.

At first everyone said it was normal. "Lovers' quarrel," they called it. After the first few times Chanyeol learned to ignore these fights. It'd all be alright anyway. He still worried about Kris, of course, and those pangs of jealousy that plagued him every time they made up in the end hurt, but he ignored that too. What else could he do? Nothing, except be there for Kris when he was unhappy and be happy for them when they'd made up. It made Chanyeol feel like he was second choice, a mere substitute, like Kris only came to him when he couldn't go to Tao, and it disgusted Chanyeol--- no, it made Chanyeol disgusted at himself that he could be so weak, so forgiving.

A lot of times Kris would ask Chanyeol out for lunch, or go home together, or study--- little periods of time that Chanyeol treasured, times when he could fool himself that Kris was single--- but nine and a half times out of ten Kris would call off all the arrangements because "Tao needed him". And every single time, Chanyeol would smile and say it's cool, it's alright, but it wasn't cool, it wasn't alright. It made Chanyeol sad, and sick, sick at himself. Baekhyun couldn't understand why Chanyeol was so obsessed with Kris--- all friends were the same, weren't they? But Kris wasn't the same. He was different. He made Chanyeol weak in a way no one else could.

After a while, Chanyeol realised that, among all the friends he had, he was the only one who didn't have a crush or already in a relationship. Only Baekhyun knew about Kris, and Chanyeol had begged him not to tell anyone. So in order not to direct any unnecessary attention to himself, he started declaring his crushes for this-and-that. He'd say he had a crush on a girl, a hot one, and pretended to blush and acted all shy when his friends mentioned her. Sometimes he pretended so much it would seem real, that even he himself would believe in the skillfully woven lie, and he was happy for a while. But then Kris's face would get stuck in his mind and he would realise that he could fool himself for only so long. Then he'd say he wasn't interested in that girl anymore, and he'd pick another one, and the cycle would begin again. It was never long enough for anyone to egg him on to confess, and he was determined to keep it that way. He didn't believe in a fake relationship, no matter how real it felt.

Months flew by. Kris and Tao's first anniversary came and Chanyeol was determined to let go once and for all. It was stupid, pathetic even, of him to hold on to this hope for so long. He bought a beautiful couple keyring for them and they loved it, and at that moment Chanyeol was convinced they were truly in love. He had to let go.

And for a month or so, he really thought he had. He felt free, freer than he had felt in a long time. He pushed all thoughts and fantasies of Kris away and locked them up in the farthest corner of his mind. He brainwashed himself with constant repetitions of "Kris is just a friend, Kris is just a friend", until he totally believed it.

Was this love?

Then Kris and Tao had the biggest fight yet. Tao was a very jealous and possessive person at heart, and he was jealous of anyone and everyone, including Chanyeol. Kris had finally lost his temper when he found Tao sulking in a corner, again, just because Kris won't stop fooling around with his friends and pay attention to him. Kris told Chanyeol all about it, of course, and Chanyeol, as usual, comforted him. He expected by the next morning they'd be all good and sweet again, but to his surprise they weren't. Kris had tried to make it up to Tao but he wouldn't accept. He was convinced Kris was having an "affair", as Tao liked to call it.

That was the worst week of Chanyeol's life. Seeing Kris so broken and being so... so helpless. The only thing he could offer were words of comfort and a shoulder for Kris to lean on. He wanted to kill Tao so badly, or at least yell at him, but until the day Kris didn't have feelings for Tao, Chanyeol would keep his opinions to himself. But that didn't stop Chanyeol from comparing himself with Tao, from thinking how much better a boyfriend he'd be to Kris. He knew he would be better. He could make Kris smile even when in tears when Tao only made the tears flow faster. But Kris seemed to believe that the one who made him cry was the one for him, not the one who made him smile.

In the end, as expected, the two of them made up. Their fights became less frequent but lasted longer. Chanyeol gradually got used to these fights.

Two months before their second-year anniversary, Kris and Tao broke up. To say that Chanyeol was beyond shocked was an understatement. They were so much of a couple that they seemed inseparable, especially when one considered the amount of fights they've been through. Chanyeol rushed to Kris, thinking to console him, but strangely he wasn't unhappy. Chanyeol asked and asked him if he was alright, and Kris said he was, but Chanyeol suspected there was something he wouldn't talk about. Chanyeol didn't press further.

Kris said they weren't together anymore, but they seemed more close than they were before. Chanyeol thought he would have a chance, and for a moment, he rejoiced, but seeing them so much more intimate crushed his hopes cruelly.

One day, Baekhyun asked Chanyeol if he still liked Kris. No, he replied simply. But what he didn't tell Baekhyun was that he didn't like Kris--- he loved him. He had figured that out. And sometimes, when it came till true love, the feeling didn't have to be mutual. As long as he was happy, you'd be happy. And that was all that mattered.

This was love.