When we arrived at the dorm, I felt all weary but the sweet couple was still chattering over which country to go. Both of them snuggled together on the couch, Taemin lying on Minho’s board shoulder, his warm hands wrapped around his tiny waist. 

“Hyung, how about New Zealand? Do you remember we went they to take our photo shoot for the day and night book? The scenery there is really beautiful.” Minho nodded. 

“We will go whatever place you want to go.” I didn’t know Minho can be that cheesy. His sentence his somehow saying, the place that Minho wants to go is where there is a person called Lee Taemin. My eyes turned to look at Kibum, do you know how much I want to tell you this too? 

I can’t go to where you want to go but I really hope you would stay in Korea for me. At least keep me accompanied. He noticed that I was staring at him, he only turned away. Jinki, how do you think I could even take a step closer? I haven’t even made a step, he’s backing away. 



It was twelve in the night, I flipped and my bed numerous of times. I just couldn’t fall asleep. I got up, I couldn’t let my heart calm down at all. There’s only a way to help me. I sneaked out of the room and to the three other members shared room. 

I crouched beside him, staring at his peaceful sleeping face. I caress his cheeks softly. He gradually opened his eyes, his hands held onto mine. I stopped my action. 

“What are you doing here, Jjong?” he whispered sleepily. He rubbed his eyes so cutely. 

“I can’t fall sleep. Can you keep me accompanied?” I made a sad puppy face, hoping he would agree. He grinned slightly and pulled me along back to my room. I was glad that both of us were skinny enough lie on the bed. I hugged him as if he was a pillow, buried my face at the crook of his neck. His scent and his warm made me feel sleepy. 

“Goodnight Jjong.” He whispered in my ears. 

“Goodnight, Key.” I muttered before I find myself floating into dream land. 



I finally made up my mind to break up with SeKyung. Even though we were a couple but I don’t really spend time with her all. Although we frequently message on phone, I don’t feel anything for her. There was no point of continuing at all. 

It was cold tonight, I was standing at the park that was near her house. I decided to end this once and for all. I saw her walking in my direction. You can do this Jonghyun. 

“Hey, Sekyung.” I brought up a smile. 

“Oppa, what was it that you want to talk to me about?” I took a deep breath in. 

“Let’s break up. There’s no point continuing this relationship.” Her expression changed, 360 degree. 

“But Oppa, we are a perfect match. Even the fans have started to accept us.” 

“Sekyung, I’m sorry. All these while, you weren’t the one I really love. I used you to make the one I love comfortable around me, but I find it even more painful in this way. It’s not you, it’s me.” I explained. 

“Alright! Kim Jonghyun! Listen up! I’m the one who is asking for a break up and not you! So get it clear!” She turned away, stomping her feet in the snow. Finally, I’m back as in single. Right now, I just want to tell Kibum about this. 



I snuggled under the warm cover to get close to Kibum. This time round, I was sleeping on his bed. He stirred up awaken by movement on bed. He looked at me. 

“Kibum, I broke up with Sekyung today.” He smiled. 

“Am I the last one to know about this kind of things again?” he asked sarcastically. 

“No, you are the first one.” I pressed his forehead lightly on my chest, making him listen to my heartbeat. How I wish you would know that my heart is beating for you. 



We continued staying as best friend, performing for those end of year events. Like usual, we would provide moments for the fans to scream and shout. I was glad you never pushed me away. I never thought you would agree to the pocky stick, but did. Even though you were the first one to move away, but I’m already very happy that you were willing to do it. 

Soon this year was coming to an end. Kibum, I’ll make you fall in love with me by next year… This is the promise I made to myself. All of us gather in the living room, watching variety show as we spend our day off together as SHINee. During commercial break, Key finally stood up. 

“Guys, I have something to tell you all…” Key stood in front of us, there was a question look on all of us. He took in a breath before announcing the news. 

“I’m going overseas to further my studies.” Just with one sentence, he totally broke and shattered my dream. Dreams of him, forever by my side… Shattered… 

“Key, you are joking right?” I was hoping he said yes, but he was dead serious… I know, I could see. 

“I’m going there next week.” I felt a throbbing pain in my heart… What’s the hurry? 

“Actually, I had received the letter a long time ago… I just didn’t tell you all… I had a talk with manager hyung… He had already told me about the company having the thought of letting SHINee to have a vacation… This is when I decided to further my studies…” Key, you already knew, why… Why did you keep it to yourself? So all these while you never pushed me away was just to create memories for me to remember when you’re gone. Right? 

But do you know memories would soon be habits? Without you, I don’t know how to fall asleep at night. Since you kept it from me, I guess… You really want to leave me, so I won’t stop you. 

“Go then.” I felt hurt, how can he keep it from me? I’m his best friend for god sake. I went back to my room, slamming the door behind. 




It wasn’t a surprised that Jonghyun didn’t sneak in tonight after Kibum said that he was leaving. Either did Kibum went over to have a nice chat with him. In the quiet room, all I could hear was someone soft sobbing. I’m sure it wasn’t coming from Taemin. Then there’s only one person left. I made my way to his bed. 

“Key…” I called his name softly as I placed my hand on his shoulder. 

“Jonghyun, is angry with me, right?” How can I lie when what happened in the afternoon showed everything? 

“Kibum, you should know that he would be angry. Why did you even decide to leave?” He shook his head in despair… 

“I can’t stay in Korean anymore… I just can’t…” I pulled him in my arms, embrace him. 

I didn’t bear to get angry with him for too long, actually after a day, I started talking to him again. After all, he’s leaving me for five years… ing five years… It’s really a long way ahead… Since it’s an unchangeable fact, why don’t I treasure the last few days I can have with you? 

Every minute of the few last night, I held you in my arms. I would definitely miss this warm feeling, how his skin was pressed against mine. It’s been an hour since we both laid ourselves on the bed. You should be sleeping soundly, right? I used my fingertip to trace his features, how would it change over the five years? No one knows… 

Surprisingly, a week passed just like a blink of an eye. We stood at the departure area. Each of the SHINee member hugged him, saying their own goodbye speech. I was the last one without a doubt. 

I gave him one last tight hug. I didn’t really want to let go because, the moment I let go, it’s another five years before another hug. 

“Kibum, I’ll miss you a hell lot.” I said softly in his ears. 

“I’ll miss you too Jjong.” I let go of him reluctantly. He took his bag and walked in. I waved goodbye. 

That day, he still left. 



After his departure, I started to have this kind of illness… There would be this aching feeling in my heart, I couldn’t explain the pain, but it just hurts… a hell lot. I remembered that day, I spent the whole afternoon and night, staring at the sky… A song name “보고싶다” kept replying in my mind on that day… You just went off not for long, a few hours after departure, I’m already longing for you. 

I don’t know what I was waiting for… Just waiting… Maybe you would fly back that night, hug me from behind saying that you won’t ever leave my side again. I sniggered at my own thoughts… How can that be possible? Without you beside me, taking care of me… I find my wound took a longer time to heal up and the pain was more painful than before. Maybe it was because you weren’t there telling me that it doesn’t hurt… So it hurts so much. 

Every day I would wait for you to online but to find more disappoint every night. You weren’t there, were you that busy with your work? Can’t you even email me a ’hi’? SM has decided to promote SHINee B, it’s SHINee very own ballad group. With Jinki and Me being the members. We were to release an album in 2011 March. 

On the other hand, Taemin and Minho has moved out and into their love nest. Due to the fact both were still studying, they postpone their honeymoon trip to graduation. That’s why Minho was still doing his MC job. 

In the SHINee dorm, there were only two members left. What kind of SHINee is this? After Key left, followed by 2min… The laughter in this house seemed to disappear. Jinki hyung tried to make the dorm sound alive by joking around with me, but it always fails to bring back the feeling… 

“Jinki hyung, do you know why Key left?” Jinki shook his head, but from his eyes… I know he’s lying that he doesn’t know… 

“I don’t… But Jonghyun, when that time comes you would know the reason.” But when? I don’t know if I can handle this kind of mental state… Because I really wish him back… I know studying wasn’t the main reason at all. What’s the true reason behind it? 



The first years did past with a lot of pain and agony. Sunbae and fans compliment that my singing skill has improved. With more feeling put in while singing, the song would become more beautiful. The most important thing was that all the songs from the album were all related to missing someone… And that person is you Kibum… I really wonder if you seen any of my email, because you never replied one. 

Do you know much I wish one day when I check my mail, your name would appeared at one of the unread email? 

It’s already one of my habits to hug you when I sleep. Right now without you, I can’t fall asleep in the night all because of the missing warm… My insomnia was getting bad, about a week later I was given sleeping pills to aid my sleep… But you know what? Without them, I can’t fall asleep… 

I’m desperate for you… Jinki tried helping me, now he becomes the person laid beside me… But he can never replace you, Kibum… We are just trying to help each other from the pain… 

During March, we finally officially announced our break up. Kim Jonghyun is no longer taken. The company was quite happy about the news and therefore decided to let me promote as solo. 

The second year, I debuted as solo singer while Jinki hyung when on acting in movies… I’m still singing to those heartbreaking songs. I wonder if you have heard my new album yet. I wrote one of the songs which delicate specially to you, do you know it? 

It’s about regret… Jinki hyung debuted as solo singer the third year you left. SM the ballad was going to prepare the fourth album. Like that another two year passed… It’s already been five year since you left… Not a single piece of news from you. I really wish I could fly over to find you just to make sure you are safe… 

“Manager Hyung, can I get a few days off?” 

“Why? Do you want to go home and find your family members?” If I want to spend time with my family, I don’t have to take a few days off… 

“No, I want to fly over to US to find Key. I’m worried about him. There weren’t any news from him at all…” 

“Don’t worry, he’s fine over there.” He just said that he’s fine… How can I trust his words? How can I not worry? 

The day you left me, it’s still so clear in my mind even though it’s five years from today… Hearts still aches for your warmth… I walked out from the performing stage and out of the building. Every day was the same for me, promoting my new album, singing at different kinds of stage… This time round I was promoting my fifth mini album while Jinki was filming for the new drama. 

There wasn’t news from him, only news from Minho and Taemin… They left two years ago and gotten married overseas and living in peacefully together, I’m so jealous… I also wish I could do the same. But if it’s not Key, it won’t be a happy marriage… 

The van was already prepared in front of the building I don’t understand is… Why was it the SHINee’s vans? I could feel a familiar presence; it was a presence of certain some who I had always dreams to meet. The group of photographers made a way for someone… Flashes from the camera were blinding me, soon I could see the unknown figure clearly… He was back… 

“Kibum…” I didn’t care if it’s weird for two guys to hug. I just ran to him, wrapped my arms around him tightly… You’re back… You lost a lot of weight, but the smell on your body was still the same… It’s really been too long since I last feel your warmth… I know it’s wrong for me to cry in public, but I just can’t help it… I lean my forehead on your shoulder; words seemed to choke in my mouth. 

Your hands caress my hair lightly, I miss your gentleness… A lot… 

“Jjong, let’s get in the car before we cause a chaos here.” I nodded my head as I wiped away the tears were rolling down. We all got in the van, the van that was left alone for quite sometimes. When I got in, a kid was sitting beside Key, his small hands were wrapped around his arms. 

Did manager hyung bring his child along? But isn’t his child already attending middle school now? I wanted to ask to answer the question in my head, but I didn’t need to… 

“Jjong… This is my son, Jongyeon.” He introduced as I gape at him with my mouth opened wide… 



I peeked into the room only to see Kibum caressing the little boy’s hair. I didn’t know what kind of atmosphere was it. He pulled the blanket over his body up to his chest. He kissed Jongyeon’s forehead before switching off the table light. No matter how much I wanted to ask him to explain who this kid was and how did he get this kid, I choose to wait. 

He saw me standing at the door, I know he’s free to talk now. I quickly make my way to the living room to have a nice chat with him. 

“Who’s that kid?” The moment he shut the door to the bedroom, I asked. He sat beside me, his expression was still calm. 

“Didn’t I tell you that he’s my son?” So does that mean you slept with some ing and got that pregnant? Since you love children so much, she threw the child in your care as she left you… Isn’t it? 

“Who’s that girl?” I know my tone sounded more like reprimanding as a lover rather than asking him as a best friend. I just can’t help it. 

“She is a silly girl who gave up love for his man.” From his expression, I know it’s true… Does that mean he is that man? Does that mean he loves that girl? That kind of eyes showed as if he had experienced it. 

“Where’s that girl now?” His crestfallen look, did the girl left? 

“She,” he paused. “She died. She died the moment the baby was born.” Are you grieving over her death? There was someone in your heart after all… Why can’t it be me? 

“She never let that man know about the child existence.” Never let that man know about the child existence… Doesn’t that mean… 

“This kid isn’t you and that girl’s child?” He shook his head, he looked as if he wanted to say something more but words were stuck in his heart, as if he was keeping something from me... 

“No. I… I’m only responsible for taking care of this child.” He looked away not to let me see his straight in his eyes. I chuckled at my own interpretation. Key was only helping his best friend to take care of the child… He’s not the father of the son after all… 

I just hug him in once again after the long hug in front of the building, I took a deep breath in to smell his unique scent. I miss his warmth… I miss his smell… I miss his smile… I miss him… He rubbed softly on my back not breaking this perfect moment. 
 

Jonghyun moved away slightly, hands still around Kibum’s waist. He leaned down slightly and captured Kibum lips with his own. The kiss wasn’t rushed neither was it rough, it was very gentle. He on his bottom lips, begging for entrance. Since Kibum was too shocked by his action, it was easy to invade him. His tongue wrapped around the younger boy’s gliding up and down, doing everything so slowly. 

Jonghyun pushed the rapper down, letting his back touched the couch. His hands slipped underneath his t-shirt, softly touching the pale skin beneath. Jonghyun broke the kiss and hovered a little down, and biting on his pale neck. This was when Kibum started pushing Jonghyun away, struggling under him. 

“Jjong… We can’t. Ngghh…” Jonghyun rubbed their heated crotch together to prevent Kibum from saying anything more. 

“Didn’t you say we are just satisfying each other needs? This time I need you…” He captures his lips once again but was rougher and more desperate. 

“Jjong… Jongyeon… is still…. around…” he managed to mutter between kisses. 
 

“Appa?” A soft and almost inaudible voice was heard. Both of them turned to look at the source of the voice, it was by Jongyeon. Jonghyun didn’t know where did Kibum get the sudden boost of strength and managed to push him off. He fell down on the floor. Kibum quickly ran to his son’s side, carrying the little boy in his arms. Jongyeon’s hair was messy, a teddy bear was in his hands. 

“Don’t worry, appa is here.” He kissed the boy’s forehead and went back in the room, leaving Jonghyun on the floor staring at both of them. 
 

“Don’t worry, appa is here.” I managed to recover from the shock, I thought I had him at that point of time… But just the little boy’s voice, tables seemed to turn. I guess that kid was really important to Kibum. Was it because they have been together for a long time or another hidden reason that he’s hiding? 



It’s the second day he came back to my side again… Even though I can’t hold him tight at night like five years ago, but at least I still have a lot of chances in future. The aroma of my favourite food lingers in the air. He’s cooking up his Key’s sausage, which was made with some kind of species that makes it different from normal sausage. 

“Key is the best! Cooking my favourite food.” I showed him my famous puppy smile before stealing one of the sausages and put it in my mouth. 

“Yah Jjong… Did you brush your teeth?” I gave him a guilt smile, he knows I didn’t. I heard the door opening, this time was Jongyeon coming out from the bedroom. 

“Umma is the best! Cooking Jongyeon’s favourite food.” He also smiled… But why do I feel his smiles were like a puppy? And the way he talks, just like mine… Wait, just coincidence. No one can ever resist the food made by Key. His little fingers made his way to the plate, picking up the well chopped sausages and popped it in his mouth. 

“Kim Jongyeon! Did you brush your teeth?” Key placed his arms on his hip, giving off that motherly feeling again. I carried him up in my hands. 

“Don’t worry I’ll get both our teeth brush up!” I carried him high up in my arms, acting like an airplane flying to the toilet. I saw a small toothbrush neatly placed beside the other five new toothbrushes. Did Key change it? He is still how he was in the past, making sure the house is in order… 

I helped him to squeeze out some of the toothpaste on his toothbrush and some on mine. We both started brushing, it funny how we both do the same thing at the same time. After everything, I carried him all the way back to the kitchen and have our breakfast. 

Our breakfast… Sounds nice in a way that makes me feel that as if Jongyeon, Key and I are one family. 



After that wonderful breakfast, I kept little Jongyeon accompanied by watching Spongebob Squarepant together. Key was in the kitchen, cleaning up the dished like a housewife. Was it my imagination or it true that we’re a family? I guess I really miss Key too much until, I beginning to have this kind of hallucination of us being together as lovers… 

I heard the jingling sound made by the keys, Jinki is back. He came in with anticipating expression. Why wasn’t he surprised for the fact that there was a child with me? 

“Where’s Key?” the first question he ask from the moment he stepped in. I pointed at the kitchen, his million watt smile appeared on his face. I followed him behind, peeping into the kitchen just to make sure Jinki hyung doesn’t do anything else. 

“Kibum, welcome back.” Jinki stood beside Key and received a long hug from Key. Wait, why didn’t he initiate a hug when we meet? A gentle tug on my t-shirt, I turned to look down at Jongyeon. 

“Ahjusshi, didn’t you promise to watch Spongebob with Jongyeon?” I cursed myself for that. Despite knowing that kids are the ones who take promise from adults by heart, I still promise him in such things. I nodded and went back to the living room with Jongyeon. 

I guess Jinki hyung won’t do anything intimate with Key right? He’s such a gentleman. 



I acted as if I didn’t really mind, but I kept turning to their direction. I’m just making sure, that’s how I lied to myself. Both of them exited the kitchen, I quickly turned to look away as if I wasn’t looking at the first place. 

Then I waited for a few moments before turning to them. Jinki spread his arms out, as if waiting for someone to jump in his arms. 

“Jinki Ahjusshi!” he screamed as he ran into his arms. Jinki carried little Jongyeon in his arms, as if they knew each other for quite some time. Have they met? 



We were at the airport right after dinner, this time round it was the 2min couple who was coming back. I turned my head to look at Key and Jongyeon. His little hand would always be clinging on to Key’s hand. I can safely conclude that the kid reliance on Key is a lot. We saw them approaching the arrival hall. Key, who was pulling Jongyeon along, walked towards their direction. 

Since Taemin is Key’s son, I don’t really mind their long hug. 

“Key umma! I miss you so much~” Jongyeon looked a little shocked. 

“Umma, who is this hyung?” His innocent big eyes were staring at them, they looked surprised. 

“Is this your kid, Kibum hyung?” Little Jongyeon hid behind his umma, peeking at the two newly introduce adult. 

“This is my son, Jongyeon.” He introduce to the sweet couple before kneel down to his son height. 

“Jongyeon, they are all my friends. This is Taemin and Minho.” Friend was a position which I don’t want to be in. I don’t want just be your friend, I want more… 

“Taemin hyung and Minho hyung!” Wait, why did he call me ahjusshi while he called the two lovebird hyung? Do I look that old? It doesn’t matter since Jinki was called ahjusshi too. Jongyeon’s voice was a little too loud, a few people has started to crowd around us. 

“Is that Kim Jonghyun and Lee Jinki?” I overheard some loud converstation, this is bad… 

“It’s SHINee!” One of the girls shouted causing more and more attention to gather on us. 

“We have to go now, let talk later.” As a leader, it was his responsibility to deal with problems. Kibum quickly carried Jongyeon in his hand and we all exited the airport as quickly as possible… 

But that night, the video of us in the airport was uploaded in Youtube. 

A lot of fans started commenting, guessing that we would comeback as SHINee. Some even started asking about why Jongyeon was there and we were leaving along with the kid the moment people spotted us. It means that we can’t keep Jongyeon in the dark anymore. 

And we were right, manager told us to bring Jongyeon along with us to the company.