The main vocal was staring at the Jongkey picture the fans took last week. It was a couple of pictures where Jonghyun pretend to kiss Key. Actually if it wasn’t because he cared about the image in front of the fans, he would have kissed his cheek right at that moment when he gets the chance. He smiled idiotically to himself 

“Hyung, what are you doing?” the low voice came from behind, which gave puppy look alike human a fright. He immediately slammed the screen down and prayed mentally that he was too fast for the rapper… 

“Nothing much, I’m just surfing the internet.” He forcefully grinned, trying to hide the fact that he lied. Minho looked at the older man, still suspicious about his action but didn’t continue asking. 

“I see… Well, I wanted to ask you if you are using the light, because I want to sleep.” Jonghyun shook his head as tonight he has something much more important to do. 

“I’m not using. You are free to switch off the lights.” He got off his bed and left the room to find his soon-to-be lover. The diva was still watching Korean drama like usual, he jump on the couch and sat beside him. 

“Bummie, I have something to tell you.” Key nodded but eyes still glued to the television screen. 

“I love you, Kibum.” he confessed and followed by a pregnant silence. Key froze for a moment; Jonghyun’s heart was beating like crazy as he waited for his reply. 

“I love you too, Jjong.” The rapper hugged Jonghyun and rubbed soothingly on his back. Jonghyun didn’t know confession was that easy, he always thought love was so hard to get like how fanfic authors at different fan site wrote. Everything went smoothly. Key broke off from the hug and continued watching the drama. He knows he wasn’t taken seriously… 

“I really love you Key….” His expression showed as if he was irritated and looked at Jonghyun. 

“I know, I know... I love you too. Let me watch finish the drama and stop disturbing me… I’m not like Minho who will play with you all the time.” Jonghyun then realized he only said he loves him too was to make him stop disturbing him… Jonghyun took the remote controller and paused his drama. 

“YAH! KIM JONGHYUN! WHAT THE HELL AE YOU DOING! It was just getting exciting.” He didn’t scream as loud as he would normally. It was because he still took in consideration that his favorite son was sleeping and it was in the middle of the night. 

“Key, I’m not playing with you… I’m serious… I love you.” His mouth hanged wide opened. 

“You… you mean you are a gay?” 

“No… I don’t like guys, I only love you.” Jonghyun grabbed his wrist and slammed their lips together. It wasn’t what he had originally expected… He thought after the kiss, Key would lean on his chest and then they would live happily ever after. But, he was wrong. His action was much violent. He struggles as he pushed the shorter guy away, the shocked expression on his face. He stood up, his hands touching his own lips… That moment Jonghyun know Key couldn’t accept his love. Key ran back to his room, slamming the door behind him and locked it. 

“Key…” Was the only name he managed to called out despite the pain he felt in his heart. 
 

I hated this feeling… It has been a week… No matter what I do, you choose to ignore my presence. I was stupid, I’m an idiot… I am stupid that I confessed to you, I’m an idiot that loves you… Right now, I lost you and even lost the chance to be your best friend. Your smiles were no longer for me… Just for the others… But the moment our eyes meet, it changed into something different… There were no emotions at all… 

I really don’t want this to go on… I want my Key back… I don’t want to drag this any longer… It would only accumulate more and more unhappy memories. I don’t want this to happen at all… What I want now was not for him to love me back … All I just want was our relationship to be back as best friend… At least I could love him from a closer distance… At least I could care for him without being rejected. 

We were all in the dance studio as per normal, my gaze was always on him. His every moment, I could remember it clearly, the little details… How his hands bends, his sweat drips and his hair flips… It replayed in my mind in slow motion… It seemed like I can’t stop myself from thinking about him, even if he was just right in front of me. It was addictive… 

Soon, it was break time. Onew and Taemin went to buy some drink, it was time for me to take action. I had plan with Minho, telling Minho to lie with me… In order to get back Key, so that we would be like in the past… 

Minho buried his head between his books. I made my way into our bedroom and sat on his bed. 

“Minho, I need your help.” I told him the whole story, hoping that he would help me. Since he told me before he like Taemin, I guess my secret would be safe with him and he is always the peace keeper in our house… 

“No wonder Key hyung has been ignoring you lately… I guess, not all people can accept this kind of stuff… I’ll help you hyung.” I sighed… Finally, I could relax a little… 

“Don’t tell Taeminnie about this. I can trust you with my secret, right?” I raised one of my eyebrows. 

“Your secret is safe with me.” He patted on my shoulder. 

I signal Minho to take action, we both made our way to Key. 

“Key, about that day… It was just a bet between us. We bet on your reaction, like how would you react when I told you I love you…And didn’t I say before that I like Sekyung?” We had already planned our lines and rehearsal in our room a few times. I just hope Key would buy it. 

“Sorry hyung… I didn’t dare to own up, because I was really afraid that you would get angry… It seem like you were only angry at Jonghyun hyung… And it’s unfair to him… That’s why I decided that I should also bear the burden.” Everything was going fine, I just have to wait for his reply. At first it was just a blank look, but soon his dramatic self was back… 

“HOW COULD YOU TAKE THAT AS A BET! OH GOD! I really thought that Jjong was a gay. Next time, play a better joke. It’s not funny at all.” He stood up and hugged me. 

“Sorry Jjong, I shouldn’t be angry with you at all…” You kept me hugged tightly in your arms, once again feeling your body warmth. At least, I could be around you again… I can see your smiling face again… Minho showed me a thumb up and left silently and giving both of us some time to be alone. 

“Anyway, I will always love you as my best friend. That’s why we have this BBF chain right.” 

“But, I hate you.” You said and smack my arm jokingly, I know…. It was still painful for me… I started laughing, you always say the opposite… You look at me with your normal smiling face. 

“I know, I love you too.” And I meant it. I was just saying what I really felt in my heart, but you just took it as a joke… No matter how much you are crushing my heart, I will just accept it… Even if my heart was shattered, I will use the shattered pieces of my heart to love you… I just content to be able to share your joy and woes with you… 

I don’t know how I got myself in such situation. Holding on to someone else hand, strolling quietly in the middle of the night. I never thought I would date someone else other than Kibum. The most unbelievable thing was that I’m dating with my dream girl… 

Dream girl and the person I love is two different thing. One is someone that I want to spend the rest of my life loving and the other one is someone I use to fill up the column when an interview ask about my dream girl. I don’t love her at all, she was just someone that I admire, because the only one I love is Kim Kibum. 

Even though we were both listening to the same song, walking along the same street… But my soul was somewhere else and our hearts weren’t connected. I have once felt my heart connect with someone even though we weren’t next to each other. 


“Bummie, I can’t sleep.” I complained to my best friend. Even though I was down with swine flu, I can’t stop myself from thinking about him at all. I can’t get rid of him from my mind. 

“Jjong! You should be resting your body now, instead of calling me in the middle of the night!” Even though he was screaming from the other end of the phone but at least he’s worried about me. 

“I can’t sleep.” I protested. 

“Eat some sleeping pills or count sheep.” He suggested but I choose to ignore because I have a much better idea that will get me sleeping in no time. 

“Sing me a song.” I stated. 

“Huh?” He didn’t get what I said…. 

“Sing me a song, kibummie.” I muttered with stubbornness. 

“What?!” Before I could even repeat myself once again, my throat went dry and started coughing. I don’t know why, I couldn’t stop myself. 

“Are you alright? Hurry up and drink some water.” His voice became much gentle. It took me a few good minutes before I recovered. 

“Yeah, I’m alright.” I was kind of happy to hear his worried voice. 

“Alright, I’ll sing you a song. After the song, promise me that you will sleep… Okay?” He sounded like a mom, making a deal with a child… I couldn’t help but to smile and agree with him. He started singing the song ‘In My Room’ from our first album, the trio song. Even though he cracked up at some parts and hummed his way through some… But to me, his voice was like music in my ears. 

“Gadeuk nama cause you're still in my room” I sang together with him the last part of the lyrics. That was when I felt out heart was connected as one, as if we both could feel and hear each other’s heart beating…. 


“Jonghyun? Jonghyun?” My thoughts were disrupted by someone. It was Sekyung. 

“Sorry, I was thinking of something.” She smiled and looked into my eyes. 

“It’s okay. I reached my house anyway. Do you want to come up to have some coffee?” I shook my head. I heard Joon said once, when a girl invites you over for some coffee, it means she wants you to keep her accompany tonight, not sleeping. But sometime not sleeping may result into something more… 

“Sorry, I have schedule in the afternoon tomorrow.” She looked a little disappointed but it didn’t really would affect me. I waved goodbye and watched her disappearing into the lift. 

I dragged myself back to the dorm, only to find myself sitting on my own bed and facing the two maknae of our group. 

“Is there something you want to talk about it or ask me?” Taemin nodded enthusiastically. 

“Are you dating Sekyung noona?” I saw Minho immediately covered Taemin’s mouth. I guess what Minho originally had in mind was to make me talk willingly rather than going straight to the point. 

“Yes, I am.” I simply replied. 

“What?!” They both said in unison. Even their expression looks the same. 

“But how did you guys know?” They looked at each other before Minho spoke up. 

“We saw at the cinema.” We? 

“We… you mean you and Taemin?” I questioned back. I saw Taemin suddenly flushing up. 

“Well, it’s kind of late hyung. I think I should go back to my room.” Before Taemin could even escape, Minho wrapped his hands around Taemin’s waist. This make Taemin face turned even redder. 

“We are officially dating hyung.” My lips curled up... At least Minho has finally gets the man that he loved. While I… 

“Congratulation.” Both of them looked at each other shyly, if only Kibum would accept my love like how Taemin accepted Minho… I wouldn’t be in so much pain… Loving someone who I shouldn’t love in the first place… It hurts… 

“Taeminnie, you should also get some sleep.” Minho kissed the forehead of his lover before his lover left the room. 

“Jonghyun hyung, I thought you love Kibum?” I nodded. I really love him, with all my heart… I, myself wasn’t even sure what I was doing. 

“Why?” I flopped myself on the bed. 

“I don’t know.” It was the only thing I managed to say before falling asleep… I was tired because I was exhausted out by the cruel reality.



We have been dating about a month now, even Jinki hyung knows about my relationship with Sekyung. Minho asked me when I will tell Kibum about it, I don’t know… Whenever our eyes met, I find myself unable to say it… Even though I didn’t betrayed Key with Sekyung, but that guilt still builds up in me. 

I guess I would only be able to tell him when I couldn’t lie and hide it from anymore… Then I would tell him the truth. 



We went oversea to promote Hello, I was hurt during one of the event. I was piggyback on manger hyung and got on plane. The pain was getting more and more painful as I was on the plane, the bag of ice didn’t help to lessen the pain at all. I kept my eyes shut, bit my bottom lips to suppress myself from uttering any unnecessary sound. I felt someone holding my hand. 

“Jonghyun, it’s okay to feel painful.” That voice, I peeped open my eyes to see his anxious gaze. It’s was already enough to relief the pain… Sometime, I find myself amusing… For love, I could go crazy… For love, I won’t feel any pain… His soft lips pressed on knitted brow. 

When we reach Korean, I was sent to the nearby hospital. Something I didn’t know if I should be happy about, my legs were casted, I couldn’t dance for a period of time… But I was kind of glad, Key kept me accompanied. He rejected performing at the concert that we were supposed to go. 

“Do you think we can leave him alone here? Just let me stay hyung.” Key reasoned out with manager hyung just to keep me accompany… I know I’m wrong saying that he like me. He wanted to stay was because he was the umma of the group, right? But whenever he shows care and concern for me, I couldn’t help myself but to just even hope that he has some feelings for me even for the tiniest bit. 

“Is it comfortable?” I nodded my head. 

The whole night, he didn’t left my side. He took good care of me. Everything that he did only convinces me to hurt myself even more… So that I can forever make him stay by my side. 



In the middle of the night, I woke up in pain… Sweats were trickling down my forehead. I dreamt of losing you again Kibum… I know I have no rights to hold you back, but it hurts too much. I don’t want you to lie on other man’s chest, I don’t want you love another man. I know that I’m more possessive than Minho when he is towards Taemin. It’s because I love you so much… 

I saw a figure lying beside me on the bed… It wasn’t just anyone… It’s Kibummie. He was fast asleep on my bed, I caress his hair affectionately and lean down to kiss on his lips… Softly, gently pressing on your chaste lips. I laid down on the bed once again and pulled you towards me, decreasing the distance between us. 

Manager called everyone out of the room early in the morning. I don’t remember that we have schedule this morning. We were called and settled down in the living room. 

“Jonghyun, the upper management decided to release an official statement that you and Sekyung are dating.” I nodded, actually Manager hyung had knew it long ago, about a week after we officially started dating. 

“Jonghyun and Sekyung noona are dating?” There was a bewildered look on Kibum’s face. 

“Yes. More than a month now.” Manager hyung helped me to reply. I didn’t dare to look at Kibum, because I know his furious expression pains me… 

“So it’s better for Jonghyun to stay in the dorm while the other members continue the given schedule. Is that clear?” All of us nodded. He then left the dorm once again. I looked and Kibum, he didn’t even want to look at me… 

“Kibum.” I wanted to hold his wrist but he slapped my hand away. He went back to his room. Minho was looking at us, with the worried look. 

Then it became the worse week ever… 

He didn’t want to even look at me, don’t talk about even to talk to me. It’s so damn obvious that he was hiding from me! Whenever I looked at him, he would give out that cold stare, even his voice when he speak to me when he was told to do so, was so cold as if I was some stranger. 

Even his fancam that the fans took, so emotionless… Even when I have the chance to sit beside him, he moved his seat further away… 

Was he angry because I have a girlfriend? If he was, doesn’t that mean he was jealous? Was he jealous about the fact that I have Sekyung? 



Minho once again being the peace keeper, he gave me some time alone with Key. This was when I decided to have a nice talk with Key. 

I opened the door, you were sitting on the bed looking out the window. I walked towards you silently, hoping that you won’t escape. 

“Kibum. Are you angry?” 

“No, I’m not.” I know he was, it was too obvious. Him not smiling, that’s the biggest evidence for me. 

“You are.” 

“I’m not” 

“You are.” 

“I’m not” 

“You are.” 

“I said I’m not!” you raised your voice. 

“You…” You cut in before I could even complete my sentence you blew up. 

“Alright! I am! I am so ing angry! I’m angry for the fact that I’m your best friend yet I was the last one in SHINee to know that you are ing in love and dating with your dream girl. You !” He let it all out, I see… He wasn’t jealous… He was just mad at me for the fact he wasn’t the first one to know. I don’t know why… It just breaks me to know you didn’t get mad at me because you were jealous. 

“Mianhae… I didn’t mean to keep it from you. Taemin and Minho know it was because he caught me dating, Jinki learnt it from manager hyung…” 

“Excuses…” He stood up and wanted to leave, I managed to hug him from behind. 

“You are my best friend, Kibum. I don’t want to lose you just because of this stupid fight. I promise, from now on whatever secret I have, you will be the first one to know. Please don’t be mad at me.” I apologized sincerely. Although I hated to use the word, my best friend, I still used it just to replace the phrase, someone I love. We stayed at the same position for quite some time, you didn’t push me away. 

“Okay…” You muttered. At least, I managed to salvage our friendship. 

One more chapter coming up. Tomorrow I will post the last two chapter.