I Think I love her.
I Think I Love Her.
Just a oneshot.
For: Baozi's Little Dragon: Writing Contest
Using picture 1 derp.
I've never written a one shot. I hope that it didn't sound too awkward or depressing.
I Think I love Her
Today, I dressed in a black outfit. In contrast to the cherry blossoms and the, I seemed out of place. But with the black bridge, I seemed to blend right in. Someone died yesterday, there I am sad. That's how it usually goes, right? Then it follows up to the point of crying. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not c-- but I can't help but cry. I sob and sob, I continuously berate myself. I couldn't help her and her daughter. A heavy rain starts to fall. Is this fate backstabbing me in the back? Mother nature must really hate me.
My mother's best friend is dead and her daughter is in a coma. Is it my fault? I wasn't even close to her. Actually cross that, we were extremely close, to the point where I didn't even know if I liked her. Did I like her in a way that was considered love? Maybe my tears are the answers.
"Why are you crying?" I lifted my head a bit. I gaped a little. Was this reality right now? I can't explain how I feel. Every single feeling I felt were crashing against my heart and my mind just like the raindrops were doing to my lifeless body.
Perhaps this was all a dream.
"Why are you crying, Tao?" A parasol suddenly shields my wet body from the rain.
Or perhaps it wasn't a dream. Should I believe what I'm seeing? I don't even know myself. The girl I was so close to was right there, standing across the bridge. Should I walk ahead? Should I go? Why was she here? Why? Without even knowing the answer myself, I ran to her. I tried to embrace her but she just backed away. Should I trust her?
I can't help but admire her. With her small face, soft eyes, plum lips, you'd think she was a frail and sensitive girl. Who'd think this was the same girl that I used to fight against in wushu. This strong and confident girl looked so fragile right now.
"Why?" I murmured under my breath. That’s all I could say.
"If you do, Something bad will happen," She said quietly. Trusting my gut, I told myself not to. I wanted to embrace her but I didn't want the worse to happen to her. Does this actually mean I like her? I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration. I am so confusing.
“Dan Bi, I‘m sorry,” That’s all I mutter out. The only words I could say. Did they have any meaning? Any meaning at all? Perhaps, it was just my wistful thought, but I wanted her to say, Thank you. A simple thank you would do much good.
“Tao, thank you,” She smiles as she tells me this.
“Dan Bi, no thank y-” I tried to mumble out, she notices this and cuts me off.
“No, thank you. Tao, thank you for all the time we shared. I really like that time when we spent my birthday by the park. Thank you for being by my side. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for helping me when I needed it. And lastly, thank you for being alive. I know I‘m not exceptionally pretty nor am I a good person, but I want you to know, that I really liked you. Actually no, I think that I love you. I'm glad I met you,” she stated. Her inflection went from a mumble to a proud speech.
How did I feel after that? Should I feel grateful or should I feel remorseful? I regret not telling her I liked her. If I told her, would God change her fate? Would you God? Please tell me you would. No matter how hard I try, she’ll never come back.
“Look, Dan Bi, I lo-” I couldn’t finish my sentence.
"Tao! Time to go!" I looked back and saw my mother.
"But I'm talking to someone!" I whined.
“What are you talking about? There‘s no one there,” She said. I looked back, she was still here. She's there right? It's not my imagination. Obeying my mother, I left only to mouthed the words, I'll be here tomorrow. I’m not sure if she got the message. I couldn’t see the change in expression on her face. Did she understand? How did she feel at that moment? Is she happy?
And with that, I left in a blink of an eye. I hope she comes back soon.
~~
I came back to the bridge. I came at 7 in the morning to be precise. I brought a bouquet and a box of chocolate. I stared at the box of chocolate. There was a bow on it, I replaced with panda. I stared at the cherry blossoms, would she come? Did she understand my mouthing? To be honest, I was panicking. How did mother not see Dan Bi? Was she not there? I could see her, why couldn’t she? Am I mad? I am most definitely mad now. I'm going insane, really insane. Too much thinking, my head hurts.
I leaned against the black bridge. The gritty feel of the wood grind against my black jacket. I sigh in frustration, I knew she wouldn't come. It's been 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, I think I am really going crazy. I scanned the place from left to right until I spot a girl. I walked quietly to her.
"Hey..." That's all I can say.
"You came!" She says brightly. I muttered a simple yeah causing a moment of silence between us.
"So what did you say to me yesterday? I couldn't make it out," she says shyly.
"Oh! Um...nothing..." I walked towards her and hand her the box of chocolate and the bouquet of flowers.
I tried to avoid looking at her, I hope she liked it. I really hope she does. After a few seconds, I can't help but look back at her. I tell her I have to go to school and that I'll be back tomorrow. Being the coward I am I sprinted to school.
~
I forgot to visit her for 2 days. Did she come? I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I kept forgetting. Maybe she hates me now. I don’t even know how I feel any more. It’s like my conscience is eating up my heart instead of my brain.
I lounge around home lifelessly. There’s nothing to do. I don’t really do much at home. I can’t play with my panda stuffed animals with her. I can’t concentrate on my wushu to the point I feel like giving up. There’s absolutely nothing to do.
“Tao, I need you to give these flowers to Dan Bi at the hospital,” She says.
“Ok,” I replied softly. I didn’t want my mom to get the idea that I like her. Maybe she already knew. Was I that easy to read? I can’t even think properly. I get up from my indolence and take my bike to the hospital. It’s the same hospital we used to walk past. Today would be the first time I’ve been there in 5 years. It changed. I don’t understand how hospitals work anymore. Everything seems too confusing for me to apprehend.
I carefully walk up to the reception area, or that’s what I think it’s called. She notices how aloof I seem and still asks me in a that stern doctor voice, “What room?” I tell her the name. She seems surprised the flowers I’m holding. I sense a slight smirk on her face. With a smile, she tells me what room and the directions. I think she’s a bit nice.
I take my lazy self and walk up to the door. What’s the point in giving her these flowers if she’s in a coma? She’s probably going to die and I’ll never be able to tell her.
I open the door.
Should I believe what I'm seeing? I don't even know myself. The girl I was so close to was right there, sitting, reading a book, and awake. Should I walk up to her? Should I go? Why was she awake? Why? Without even knowing the answer myself, I ran to her. I embraced her. She said that I was allowed to embrace her all I want without any problems.
I think I like her. Did I think out loud?
"You idiot, I've been waiting for you to say that," With a smile she tells me that she loves me.
I don't think I like her.
I think I love her.
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