I remember this show I was talking about—it was really a hit and pretty popular, everybody knows it and like the ‘guy’ on the show that was the lover of this girl she looked-alike, I really idolize him so I tried copying his hair. That was funny, everyone was like teasing me because I cut my hair short. But who cares.. Psh.

So that one day when we were bored and had an early dismissal—I got an idea. I tried acting like that one scene of this show—and surprisingly, she played along.. That was funny, and embarrassing. I tried acting like I was going somewhere since the scene was this guy walking out on the airport, and like Nicole run up to me and tried stopping me. The scene went on and it was funny, but I did had some fun, and all the people were teasing me. I swear I have my cheeks blushing the whole time, but oh well.

That crush stayed for 2 years, Imagine that. I don’t think it was a crush anymore? Maybe infatuation? I was confused. I don’t know what to call it, but I’m pretty sure with one thing. She makes me happy and I can feel butterflies in my stomach with whatever she was doing.

But one person changed everything in my life, how did it happened? How did it started? It started that one day—my first haircut (everyone said I looked pretty handsome) and Hyuna, one of my friends, just sat beside me on my armchair. Weird since there’s A LOT OF VACANT SEATS and like this armchair is for only one person, she suddenly clinged on me. “OPPPPPPAAA!” she yelled.

“What the—Hyuna are you okay?” I asked, clearly surprised, shocked and dumbfounded. My jaw nearly dropped as I saw her clinging on me. “You are so handsome.” I swear her voice sounded joking, but whatever it is, I shrugged it off as I decided to just play along with her.  I didn’t reacted, “Thanks.” I said, I didn’t even pushed her off, I guess I just kind of like being clinged like this—first time I experienced this kind of thing, that was the start Hyuna and I got close.

Everytime she felt like clinging on me—she does it. Weirdo, but yeah like I said I didn’t pushed her off, because I liked it. I like the feeling, I don’t know. Maybe I feel superior? But I don’t really know, I just like it for some unknown reasons. There was one time she discovered my secret.

“You are so totally crushing on her.” I heard her spoke up while eating her sandwich.  I blinked rapidly before turning to face her.

“Excuse me?”

“You are crushing on her, aren’t you?” I arched my brow.

“Crushing who?”

“Don’t play dumb on me Amber, I know you.” I sighed, I should’ve been more careful.. I’m so afraid that she might know I have a crush on her—she was my bestfriend, I don’t want her to go away or distance herself with me.

“Can you keep a secret, then?”

“You know me, of course I can.”

“Yeah.. I do have a crush on her.”

“Since when?”

“Since 3^rd grade?” Hyuna had her shocked expression all over her face.

“That long!? Jinja!?” she exclaimed, her hands covering her face, she suddenly grinned widely—more like a teasing grin, I glared at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Are you insulting me?”

“I’ll help you out.” I blinked, did I heard it right—I turn to face her again.

“W-w-what?”

“I said I’ll help you out.”

“Are you for real—“

“Do I look like I’m not serious?” I just nodded in response.

“You really are stupid—I’ll help you out. I’m pretty serious.” She smiled, I smile back—but her smile seemed so fake, or is it just me?

Since that day on—Hyuna always tell me some tips, and like if I asked what would I do on these kinds of situation, what should I ask, what should I wear. She always tell me everything, and anything she thinks that would be best for me. She even became more of a ‘bestfriend’ to me than Nicole since we spend more time. I always show some signs with Nicole, I gave her some teddy bears always, but she seemed so dumb to not notice it.

I gained a circle of friends, called Blue Shade. We were 9 members, Nicole was in it same as Eunji. That was funny, but oh well. They hated Hyuna for reasons which I don’t know, and that one time—they made me choose.. That was—a hard decision.

“So why does she matter to you, Amber!?” I can hear Eunji yelled.

“She doesn’t like Blue Shade, she’s even telling bad things about the group!” I frowned, was it true? I’m not really sure—but I’m pretty sure she can’t do that.. I just know she won’t.

“She’s my friend!”

“Don’t we matter to you!?”

“You all matter to me! But she does matter to me too!”

“If I make you choose, Blue shade or—Hyuna?” I gulped—who would I choose? But, Nicole was on blue shade. This is so hard, but since Nicole was on the group and I can’t abandon them like this—I just can’t. Hyuna wasn’t even here, so probably she’ll never know.

“Blue shade.” I answered blankly.