I still can’t believe what had happened, I didn’t even opened up the topic about that, neither of us opened it up. We left it hanging, not even knowing or asking why did we do that, or how it came to that point, or what should we do about it. No, we didn’t tell anyone either, but I knew it was real. Why did she initiated the kiss, and the tongue? I don’t know, I’m confused. Does she like me? Or maybe she just got carried away, and in the first place. I didn’t know she was biual. Well, I do know she had a girlfriend before but I thought it was just not serious, more like she just wanted to experience about having a same- relationship.

Here I am lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, still thinking about everything that happened yesterday. I suddenly touched my lips, remembering the kiss. She really taste so sweet, I wanted more but I know it wouldn’t happened again. To be honest, if I wasn’t that shocked or I wasn’t petrified, I would just slam her on the wall and kiss her roughly, her kiss was quite addictive. But, it’s just wrong, she have a boyfriend. I can’t do this, I can’t do this to Kai, he was my friend too, but what can I do. I think I’m falling for her more because of that kiss and my liking to her just grew more, this is just—worse than before. I should’ve not asked for a kiss, this is so ing complicated.

I suddenly opened my computer as I stood up and walked to the computer table, I signed into Yahoo Messenger and opened my Friendster and Multiply account. I saw Soojung online, why is she online anyway? Maybe she was talking to her boyfriend, Kai was living in Canada. They were school mates back in elementary days, and Soojung transferred to our school during our 8^th grade, and I was right. Kai was online, I knew it—I assumed they were talking right now. I sighed, before shifting to Mozilla to check my social networking sites, not wanting to see Soojung and Kai online on my messenger, it just made me even more sad to see them online at the same time.

I saw Vic and Ssul online too, and Luna. Well, not like it’s a surprise, we always go online after we come home after class—it’s our usual thing. I was busy scanning my Friendster account until I heard a buzz, wonder who it was? Guess who—it’s Soojung.

Princess_soojung: pabo, what’s up? :)

I scratched my head, she noticed I was online—I scanned the online list, and Kai was still online.

Dorky_amber: nothing much.. you talking to Kai?

I gulped, why did I even asked that, not like it wasn’t obvious anyway.

Princess_soojung: yeah, he’s about to go, he was going somewhere.

Dorky_amber: oh I see.. I’m sorry.

Princess_soojung: it’s fine. Lol. You told me you were a good kisser……. You lied.

I suddenly smiled—she finally opened the topic, but why so sudden? Good thing it wasn’t –personally, if we were talking about this face to face, I would’ve blushed and maybe I’d feel shy to the point I wouldn’t respond anymore.

Dorky_amber: I am…. I was just… surprised with your sudden actions…

Princess_soojung: you and your reasons.

Dorky_Amber: you really are mocking me, huh? How about i’ll show it to you when we meet up this Saturday.

I gulped—did I just said that.. why did I even… sigh.

Princess_soojung: hahaaha. Are you sure about that, oppa?

Yeah, Soojung actually calls me oppa sometimes. Heh, I find it cute actually. I am older than her for a few months, and it’s funny that she calls me oppa rather than unnie. She said it would look weird to call me unnie. Actually we consider ourselves family. Sulli is my brother—but Soojung calls her unnie. It’s weird right—I was special that I’m the only one she calls hyung (sulli). I find it cute. I am the ‘older brother’ of the family, Vic is our umma, Luna is our oldest sister which makes her our unnie. Sulli is younger than me, so she’s the 2^nd youngest one. Krystal is the maknae, I actually just call her maknae, but sometimes I actually call her baby. It’s actually sweet but I think they didn’t realized I give double meaning about it.

Dorky_amber: yeah. You’ll see….. you’d find out how good kisser I am, baby soojungie. ^o^

Princess_soojung: fine… I guess I’ll have to wait till Saturday, then? :P

Dorky_amber: hah, you have to wait! :P I’ll go now, talk to you later.

I closed the conversation, and stood up. Yeah, this is great. Now I can’t wait for Saturday. This is just frustrating. I’m actually looking at the calendar right now, still 4 days till Saturday. Actually, we 5 always hangout at Sulli’s house during Saturday, sometimes we come to each other’s house, but most of the time, we chill as Sulli’s house.

Wait a minute—I kinda realized, I made things much more complicated. Why did I agreed to that, I just made things difficult to understand. So we’ll still continue this kiss that we didn’t finished yesterday? Is this—okay, I don’t think this is a good idea at all. I mean she’s taken, we’re friends. No more of like bestfriends.. or sisters/brothers/whatever-you-call-that-sibling-relationship. This is totally wrong, but my heart tells me that it’s right—that I like this, and I love what we’re doing, and that—I’m pretty sure it’s the start.. but.. would I really risk our friendship for this? What if it happens again, we break up—our friendship is ruined. I don’t wanna lose her as a friend. She always make me smile and she’s so fun to be with. What to do…..