This was the first time I ever experienced a crowd like this, they were crazy. I swear I saw one of the members trip on a bra earlier. But I shrugged off any other thoughts and focused on our song, I attempted to be as charismatic as ever. Although I was a Maknae, the fans in the front rows went crazy, chanting my name. Small beads of sweat were rolling down my face, due to the insane layers of clothes, bright lights focused on our members and the dancing. As soon as we finished I sprinted off stage, eager to get backstage, get into a different outfit and watch SNSD’s performance.  The stylist was going agonizingly slow, making sure my eyeliner was just right; when I heard Kissing you blast through the speakers outside the room. My knee was bouncing a little, and my fingers tapped the armchair as she fixed my hair and gave me a nod, letting out a small giggle, she can’t know…. Can she?
I shrugged off the thought that she could possibly know about my certain liking for somebody… maybe the fact I was impatiently tapping and repeatedly looking at my Iphone with an SNSD background gave it away. I quickly put it to the back of my mind and stood to the side of the stage, behind one of the main stage lights. My huge grin couldn’t be hidden, it was the second chorus of kissing you and my eyes were glued to her. The way she skipped around the stage with a smile while giving attention to the fans made her seem so pure. When SNSD were running back to the front stage to finish in their positions, I hid behind one of the speakers, making sure I wasn’t seen, but getting a good look at her as well. It was one more performance before the whole SM family went on stage all together to sing the final song, luckily SHINee was one of the last performances, which meant Exo and SNSD were on the left of the stage, ready to go on together. The rest of the members came to greet me and asked why I was in such a rush, I replied with a hideous excuse that it was hot in the dressing room, when in fact it was air conditioned, and the concert arena was like a Sauna compared to there. The reply of cheesy grins informed me that they knew of my real reason for coming here.

Not too long after watching the performance and chatting amongst ourselves about LA, SNSD came out of their dressing rooms. My eyes were fixed to her for too long until I realized our unit bowed, I quickly did the same and they replied with beautiful smiles and a small bow back.

The music began and I looked down to hide the dark blush on my cheeks, the bright light hit my eyes as I walked onstage with Kris’ arms wrapped around my waist for fan service. We waved and posed for pictures as much as we could, when the song was nearly coming to the end, I roamed the stage, bowing to my seniors and singing along, not really paying attention.

I raised my arms to wave when I felt a slight bump on my shoulder; I turned, getting ready to apologize to a senior when I saw her.I opened my mouth to apologize but nothing came out, even if it did, the music would have drowned it out. I stood; staring at her, looking at her beautiful features, trying to find a place to keep my eyes fixed when she locked her eyes with mine.

Kim Hyoyeon.

Her face lit up and she smiled, saying something which looked like “sorry” but I zoned out, I must have been looking at her for a long moment which felt like hours. Until I finally bowed, smiling back, I wanted to stay close to her, look at her and treasure her, but she quickly turned and started to sing along with Yuri. I watched her back move away from me; my heart must have been beating fast because it felt like it was ready to burst out at any moment. I was happy of course, that I got that close to her, to see her smile focused at me but there was also a sharp pain in my chest, the fact she so easily turned away and left me speechless.

The fact was that I was in love with her.

I looked down, slightly confused and flustered, but I put on a smile and looked up to the 1000’s of fans who cheered us on. The SM family bowed and waved for another 2 minutes before we exited off stage. I didn’t have time to think about her, if I did, it was easily plastered on my face that I was indeed hurt, so I smiled and walked back to the dressing room with the other members. We had our makeup taken off as we chatted about the concert, our favourite fan sign, the most memorable moments, but all I wanted to do was think about those 10 seconds that had such an impact on me.

We soon got into our cars and I made sure I sat in the corner, so I was able to pull my hoodie over my face and release all the feelings I had. She doesn’t know she had such an impact on me, she probably only knows my name.

I sighed and tried to make myself forget about her as I quickly fell asleep.