I was sneaking at 2NE1’s dance studio, making sure that no one is there so I can fulfill my mission: TO SCARE THE HELL OUT OF CL.

Fortunately, there is no one so I went in swiftly and quietly.  I looked for a particular bag and when I found it, I sat on the floor, hurriedly opened it and will put the toy snake and insects in the bag when something weird caught my eyes.

It’s a notebook.

Why would CL, the baddest female Seoul City has ever had, bring a notebook during dance practice?

“Maybe it’s her lyric notebook,” I said to myself.

I grabbed it and inspected the cover. It’s just a simple notebook with her name written at the lower right corner and a cute group selca of the girls pasted in the middle.

I know it’s not good to invade someone’s privacy but curiosity already got me so I opened it.

It is her lyric notebook.  I read some of the verses from the first page and they are good.  But the songs are not like CL at all. The lyrics are too melancholic, too… broken.

I raised the notebook at eye level then something from it fell.  It’s a picture.

My eyes widened when I picked it and saw myself.  I am on the picture, and it looks like a stolen shot.  What’s my picture doing here? But, boy, do I look good in this picture.

I don’t know why but my heart started to thump harder at my chest.

I skipped a lot of blank pages and I thought that there is nothing more that I could find but I was wrong.

At the middle part of the notebook, there were scribbles. And the scribbles were my name.

Lee Seung Hyun, Seungri, V.I., Victory. All of my names were written with different and different styles.

I also read something like, “CHAE RIN ♥ SEUNGRI”

And there were hearts everywhere in the page.

I smiled, still my heart beating irregularly.  Why, the leader of 2NE1 has a secret crush on BIGBANG’s maknae, eh?!

I thought that I won’t continue my plan today.  I’m too happy to know that CL has a thing on me.  Who would know?! Haha!

I was about to return her notebook in her bag when I sensed that there is more to read.  I browsed at the last page and there it is.

It’s a letter, addressed to me.

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Seungri,

You are such a pain in the neck, do you know?  You always do things to tease me and make me want to raise hell on Earth because of your silly tactics.  That’s why you’re always being scolded by CEO.

I wish that you would stop bullying me and everyone already.  I don’t want you to be scolded by CEO again.  It makes me think that one day you’ll be fired by him.  Then you will have to leave YG Entertainment, leave BIGBANG… and leave me.  It’s a little too exaggerated but that is the worst case scenario.

If ever that will happen (but I wish it will not), I don’t know what to do anymore.  Losing you will be very difficult for me.

I know we don’t have ‘something’ going on between the two of us, and that you only see me as a co-artist and a friend.  But for me, you are not just my sunbae.  You are not just a co-artist.  You are not just a friend.  You are something more than that.  You have a special place here in my heart.

But you don’t see me like that.

I don’t have a special place in your heart.

Truth hurts.

And it .  Really.

If only you knew my real feelings.  If only you knew that I have been wanting to be with you.  If only you knew…

You’re so close but I still can’t have you.

I told myself a hundred thousand times to stop falling for you because I know you won’t love me back but my heart doesn’t want to stop.  It already picked the man it wants to love.  And it chose you.

Aish~ why am I crying all of a sudden?  I know that you won’t have a chance to read this but I have something to tell you.

Please open your eyes and your heart.

I’m here.

I’m always here.

Chae Rin

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I think I had a headache.  I rested my elbows on my thighs, my head on my hands.  This… this is too much… too overwhelming.  I re-read her letter.  My heart seems it would jump right out of my chest.

“She…  She loves me…” I whispered. “She really… loves me…”

Then I heard the door opened.

“YAAAAAH~!!! SEUNGRI! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU – oh my gahd…” I heard CL screamed then her voice became a whisper.

“You… You…”

I stood up slowly, walked to the door and locked it.  I walked back to her, keeping my eyes on her face.  As I closed the distance between us, she was stepping back until she had nowhere to go.  I put my hands on the wall, trapping her using my arms.

“I read everything,” I said in a low voice, my eyes never leaving hers.

CL bowed her head down.

“Look at me,” I said.

She shook her head.

“Please, Chae Rin… Look at me… Don’t make it harder for the both of us,” I pleaded.

She hesitated at first but she met my eyes.

“I read everything,” I repeated.

“You can laugh, you know,” she said coldly.

“Why would I?”

“Because it’s funny.  Everything you read in that notebook is funny.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes! It is! Just laugh at m-my face!” her voice trailed off.

That’s when she turned her back on me.  She cried, her face in her palms, facing the wall.

I don’t want her back facing me.  I don’t want to hear her cry.  I don’t want her to cry because of me.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her.  I rested my chin on her shoulder.

I felt her tense and I hugged her more tightly.

“Why would I laugh at the things you wrote?” I whispered at her ear.

“Because…”

“Did you know that those ‘funny’ things I read became my wakeup call?”

She looked at me with questioning eyes.

I sighed contently and hugged her more.  Having her here, in my arms, feels like heaven.  It’s all I ever wanted at the moment.

“If I hadn’t read it, I bet I’m still hiding until now.”

“What… do you mean?”

“I love you, too.”

“W-what?!” she released herself from my embrace and I let her go.

“I did all those crazy tactics for you to keep on noticing me, because that’s the only way I have for you to talk to me.”

CL fell silent.  She leaned against the wall again.  It’s like she’s taking in the things that I just said.

I trapped her again with my arms.

“I never thought that this will happen…” she said, almost to herself.

“I never thought you felt the same way,” I touched her nose with mine.

“I love you, Seungri,” she said, only a few centimeters before our lips meet.

She hooked her arms around my neck and I encircled my arms in her waist and pulled her closer to me.

“I love you more,” I answered and kissed her with all the love I could muster.