The Bar

The Bar

This is based on the concept of the "Room of Requirement" from JK Rowling's Harry Potter novels, and the following song, for which the translation will be provided throughout the story:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuSEDjPXl88

Enjoy! :)

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Buvons à la santé des mères qui le font toutes seules
Buvons à la santé des pères qui font ce qu'ils peuvent
Ce soir on va lever le verre à ceux qui payent leur dette à la vie
Je veux le son de Marley tu sais dj ,oú il dit que toute ira bien
Un peu de Marvin Gaye toi-même tu sais l'amour ca se danse si bien Danse avec un verre dans une main, de l'espoir pour demain dans l'autre.

(Let's drink to the health of the mothers who are doing it all on their own                                                                      Let's drink to the health of the fathers who are doing what they can                                                                       Tonight, we're going to raise our glasses to those who are paying their debts to life                                               I want to hear [Bob] Marley's sound, you know DJ? The [song] where he says everything will be alright             A little Marvin Gaye, you know love is so good to dance to                                                                             Dance with a glass in one hand and hope for tomorrow in the other)

Kris sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. It was night time and he was cold; but he couldn't really bring himself to care. He felt so disconnected from the world around him that he was sure he wouldn't have noticed if a large, eighteen-wheeler truck came hurtling down the sidewalk, behind him, at full speed.

After another heavy sigh, the young man looked up from the pavement upon which he walked and turned his numbed face towards the darkening, star-speckled sky. He closed his eyes, trying to focus solely on the cooling night air blowing softly down the street, but it wasn't working.

More than anything, he wanted to cry.

He had wanted to cry since early that afternoon, when he'd been on his lunch break from work and had received a phone call from his very excited best friend, Kai.

"Kris! I have a girlfriend now!" Kai had gushed over the phone, absolutely oblivious to the fact that Kris had been in love with him for several years.

An intense, tingling sensation that could only be described as weird slowly shocked its way through Kris's body, so that his hand holding his cellphone became paralyzed, as Kai described, in detail, how he had finally worked up the courage to ask the young woman he'd been working with for a few months, to go out with him and be his girlfriend. Every word that Kai spoke, whether fawning over his new girlfriend or brain-storming ideas for his upcoming date, felt to Kris as though he was being kicked in the stomach. Suddenly, the delicious-looking bento box that he had bought himself from the specialty restaurant across the street from his workplace, didn't seem so appetizing anymore and had Kris been more aware of his quickly freezing body, he might have realized just how badly he wanted to be sick.

Had anyone with even only a shred of decency been walking by, they would undoubtedly have stopped to ask Kris if he was alright; he was completely cemented to the bench upon which he sat, with his cellphone seemingly glued to his right ear and a look of wipe-out shock on his face.

"Kris? Kris, are you still there?" Kai had asked, when Kris had been completely silent for nearly ten minutes.

Ten minutes that he had spent talking about his girlfriend.

Kris swallowed hard, willing away the ball of metal that seemed to have settled in his throat.

"Yeah, I'm listening. Kai, I have to go; my lunch break's almost over, but I'm really happy for you and I hope everything goes well."

Kris wasn't really even aware of the words passing from his trembling lips and there was in fact nearly a full forty-five minutes left of his lunch hour. Normally, Kai's pleasures were Kris's, also, and had Kai been talking about something else, Kris would likely have added an equally excited, genuine "You'll have to tell me all about it!", after wards. He knew that, as a friend, he should.

But he couldn't.

This time, he just couldn't.

Not even waiting for Kai's response, Kris hung up. He hadn't meant to be rude and hoped that Kai wouldn't suspect anything of his actions, but Kai had hurt him. He knew full well that Kai would never mean to hurt him; he couldn't help falling in love with the girl from work, just as Kris couldn't help falling in love with him. But it hurt too much for rational thought.

Kris had spent the rest of his lunch break inside the public washrooms, hunched over a sink and feeling tears burn in his eyes, even cooling at the rim, but not falling.

And it was with great frustration that Kris waited for them to fall. His breathing was ragged and he felt like fainting, but he couldn't cry. He couldn't cry, for goodness sakes. He couldn't cry.

Kai didn't, couldn't and would never love him as more than a friend.

Not caring that he was in a public lavatory, Kris had screamed and slammed his fist against the mirror over the sink. It frustrated him further when the mirror didn't crack, break, or even wobble at the brutal contact his fist made.

It just reminded him how insignificant he was to the world. How little his feelings mattered, so that they wouldn't even be allowed to be spoken, while some girl's heart was going to overflow with the warmth of Kai's love.

"Why did you put someone into my life, that you knew I would fall in love with and then take them away?" Kris angrily thought, as he continued to walk down the sidewalk.

Maybe he was talking to God, or at least trying to. All he knew was that something, be it Fate or otherwise, had been responsible for putting Kai in his life and something had been responsible for taking him away.

Angry, frustrated tears seared Kris's eyes again but still, they wouldn't fall.

Maybe it was better that way, Kris thought, biting his lip. There was no one on the street apart from himself, to see him cry. Even if there was, no one would care. That, he was sure of.

If Kai, his best friend, his rock, his Kai, didn't even realize how he felt, then who would?

Even God, if there was one at all, didn't seem to give a damn.

(if you cared enough to put him in my life, please help me...)

Both out of deep-set anger and an even more profound sadness, Kris kicked a rock that lay, not more than a foot in front of him, and watched it bounce down the side walk. Briefly, he entertained a thought that the rock might feel pain, coming in rough contact with the solid cement.

Did it hurt as much as he hurt now?

Kris watched the rock until it rolled to a stop in front of a building that he had never seen before. Rather, he had seen it, only it was certainly not as he recognized it. Normally, the worn, battered and rusting building looked like the preferred hang-out of high school students who felt "bad-" by skipping class. But now, there was a flashing neon sign reading "Raw" in the front window of what had apparently been turned into a bar.

Kris's curiosity piqued, despite the melancholy that had left still fresh bruises and still bleeding cuts on his heart. Every night, he walked the same route as he was now, to get home from work. Yet, he had never seen any signs that the building was undergoing construction or renovation, both of which would have been necessary to make it usable by the general public.

It seemed as though the revamped building had simply materialized, out of thin air.

Kris hesitated. He had never been to a bar and he wasn't the type to enjoy a party. What if he went in the bar and someone tried to "get with" him? What if someone put something in his drink?

What if Kai was there?

Kris scoffed at the last thought. Kai didn't go to bars either and with this in mind, Kris took confident (or rather, over-compensating) steps to the front door of the bar. He wanted to "defy" Kai, at the moment; he wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. He had no idea what his alcohol tolerance was, but maybe it was better that he didn't know. If it was low, then it wouldn't take long for him to be swept into a drunken stupor, perhaps not safe from a nauseating headache the following morning, but safe from all thoughts of Kai and his girlfriend...

He wanted to forget, even if it was only for one night.

Buvons aux séparés, aux amours presque passés
À la réalité d'avoir et de tout manquer
Ce soir on va lever le verre à ceux qui payent leur dette a la vie
Oh dj on veut du son, du bon son qui dis que tout va bien
Oh dj toi même tu sais l'amour ca se danse si bien
On danse avec le coeur dans la main et en attendant le refrain, à la votre
 

(Let's drink to those who have broken up, to the loves that almost became something                                     [Let's drink] to the reality of having it and then losing it all                                                                                  Tonight, we're going to raise our glasses to those who are paying their debts to life                                          Oh, DJ, we want sound, some good sound that says that everything will be okay                                              Oh, DJ, you yourself know that love is a good tune to dance to                                                                           We dance with our hearts in our hands and while we wait for the refrain, here's to you) 

Kris had been expecting loud bass to pound through the floor boards of the bar, up his legs and into his chest, making his throat feel as though his heart was beating in it.

There was none of that.

He had expected people to be "on the floor", dancing and having a good time.

There was none of that, either.

Perhaps it was better that way, Kris thought, keeping his head down and his hands in his pockets as he walked to the bar. Maybe he would wind up drinking so much that he'd start spewing nonsensically clipped phrases or pour out his heartbreak to anyone who would listen.

The moment that Kris took a seat on one of the plush red bar stools, an iced drink was placed in front of him. Startled by the sound of the glass hitting the wood of the counter, Kris looked up at the bar tender, who appeared to be no older than himself.

"Sir...? Excuse me, I didn't order this," Kris began, trying to get the bar tender's attention.

The young man behind the counter had busied himself by polishing another glass with a white dish towel.

"Um...Tao?" Kris tried again, managing to read the name printed on the bar tender's name tag.

"I think you'll need it," the bar tender said, turning to Kris and gesturing at the drink. "Don't worry," he added with a smile. "There's nothing in there that you won't like."

Kris was extremely hesitant to even touch the glass. What if there was something in it? What if he was really in some kind of top-secret meeting spot for an underground illegal circle and he was now trapped in it?

But the smile that the bar tender gave him made Kris inexplicably trust him. The benign smile reflected only pure intentions, and it was for this reason that Kris picked up the ice-cold glass of red liquid.

"...Mmmh!..." Kris jumped in sheer shock and pulled the glass from his lips after his first sip.

"Do you like it?" 'Tao' asked, smiling as Kris's eyes bugged out of their sockets.

"I-It's c-cherry Kool-Aid...!" Kris spluttered.

He knew that he sounded like a fool and he knew that he looked like one, too. But cherry Kool-Aid had been his favorite childhood drink. Every Friday, when he'd come home from elementary school, his mother would make him a glass and he'd tell her what he'd learnt in school that day. Then, as a teenager, whenever Kris was sad or discouraged, his mother would sit down and talk with him, then make him a glass of cherry Kool-Aid to cheer him up. Every time, without fail, the drink would remind him of his mother's love for him and would successfully make him feel better. He hadn't had a glass in nearly five years, however, since he'd left his parents' home in Canada to come to Korea for his studies.

Only one person knew this and that person was Kai.

Kris bit his lip and fiddled with his glass for a moment. Thankfully, Tao had left him alone to tend to glasses in need of polishing. Deciding to brush the presentation of the drink as mere coincidence, Kris continued to drink his Kool-Aid and let his thoughts wander.

He looked further down the bar counter and noticed a pair of Shirley Temples with bright paper umbrellas speared through slices of orange and maraschino cherries.

The sight tugged painfully at Kris's heart.

Sometimes, when he dared to fantasize about he and Kai as a couple, he'd imagine them taking a vacation together. Maybe they'd take a cruise together, or a wine tour or even just lounge around downtown Seoul, window-shopping, holding hands and sharing a romantic dinner together, be it in a sit-down-book-your-table restaurant or food from a street cart. All that mattered was that he was with Kai.

Kris felt hot tears sear in his eyes again. A single tear rolled down his cheek, which had been dry up until that moment, and fell with a little discrete "plop" into his half-empty glass.

He blinked, in surprise, lifting his hand just in time to catch another falling tear. He rubbed the cold drop in his palm, as though it was the first time that he had seen a tear.

He was crying. He was crying at a bar table. He was crying at a bar table, in public.

And he didn't care.

He had every right to cry, didn't he?

Someone else would get to hold Kai's hand from now on.

Not him.

Someone else would make Kai laugh and bring a warm light to his eyes.

Not him.

Someone else would lie in bed with Kai at night, talking about their future together or anything, really.

And it wasn't going to be Kris.

(why are you doing this to me?)

Tears slipped down Kris's cheeks in rapid succession, now.

Then, driving the final nail in his heart his and Kai's song began to play throughout the bar. It was an opera song; not even a popular song that might have been playing by chance.

It was as though someone was deliberately making him remember.

"Stop!" Kris sobbed and no heads turned his way. "Stop...M-Make i-it s-stop..."

Je ne te chanterai pas une chanson qui donne le cafard
Je ne raconterai pas mes raisons, mes doutes, mes déboires
Non ce soir je suis au bar des sentimentalistes
 

Un verre à la paix pour un jour rire en tourné
Un verre pour la paix et le ciel nous le rendra peut être, qui sais

(I'm not going to sing you a song that gives the blues                                                                                            I'm won't tell you my reasons, my doubts, my burdens                                                                                        No, tonight, I'm at the sentamentalists' bar

A glass to peace, to be able to laugh in turn, one day                                                                                             A glass for peace and Heaven will give this to us maybe, who knows?)

Kris had started to cry, hard, and now he wished that he still wasn't able to cry. It seemed as though the salt from the tears that were spilling uncontrollably from his eyes were seeping into his emotional wounds and he felt only stinging agony.

He was barely conscious of the warm, strong arms that cradled him, until he found himself gripping Tao's shoulders.

"W-What...k-kind of b-bar...i-is this?" Kris sobbed, hysterically. "E-Everything...y-you shouldn't know these k-kinds o-of things...about m-me...why d-does everything r-remind me of him?!"

Tao hugged Kris tightly, as the distraught young man in his arms buried his face in his shoulder and cried.

Kris didn't even care anymore that he didn't know Tao and didn't even know where he was anymore. Time had been frozen since Kai had given Kris the "good news" and Kris needed something, anything, anyone, to hold on to, even if it was a complete stranger.

"Shh..." Tao soothed, softly, rubbing Kris's back.

He, himself, was directly in touch with Kris's emotions and he could feel the pressing weight of Kris's sorrow.

"I-It h-hurts..." Kris hiccupped.

He knew he was gripping Tao extremely tightly, but he didn't care. Tao was, at the moment, the only thing preventing him from crumpling to the floor and screaming.

"I know, Kris, I know," Tao murmured.

Despite his emotional crash, Kris looked up and tried, half-heartedly, to push Tao away.

"H-How do you know who I am?" He demanded, his tear-restricted voice not at all sounding as intimidating as he had intended. "How d-do y-you know all these things about me?"

Tao smiled, sadly, for Kris was sad, confused and utterly distraught.

"You asked him to help you, remember?" Tao said, keeping an arm around Kris's waist and pointing up to the ceiling of the bar.

Kris frowned in thought, then his frown deepened as he processed what Tao was saying or at least, what he thought Tao was saying.

"Y-You're trying to tell me that you're G-God?" Kris couldn't help laughing, even though tears still rolled down his cheeks.

Tao smiled and laughed, too, shaking his head.

"No, I'm not God. But I came to help you."

"How?" Kris asked, sniffling and jabbing the wood of the bar table with his index finger. "Y-You can't make him fall in love with me. And this place isn't helping me forget anything."

Tao smiled, softly and tenderly took Kris's hands in his own.

"Kris, the answer isn't to forget. That's why we don't serve any alcohol here. Forgetting...isn't the answer. You have to learn to live in harmony with everything in your life, even the nasty things that you're given. You have to feel the raw emotions, even if it hurts, but then you have to realize that it isn't the end."

Kris was sure that there would be a permanent crease in his forehead, for yet again, he frowned.

"It's not fair," was all he could manage, before hanging his head and starting to cry again.

What was fair about loving someone with all of his heart and having to make the biggest sacrifice in letting his special someone go? Everyone wanted someone to grow old with...why didn't he get that chance?

Gently, Tao tipped Kris's chin up and kissed his forehead before wiping away all of his tears with his peach-soft hands.

"Let's go to your place."

-----

The walk home had done Kris some good. He had managed to stop crying, save for the occassional sniffle.

"See?" Tao said, as soon as they both entered Kris's apartment room.

Kris looked to where Tao was gesturing and his eyes fell on his pile of abandoned paintings, sheet music and original stories that he had put aside as soon as he realized that he was in love with Kai. Such feelings were new to him and he had put aside his passion for art for the time being, trying to sort through his feelings.

Having no lover named Kai hurt, but art presented Kris with a constructive outlet. Art imposed no limit upon the extent of his sadness or the irrationality of his fruitless pining.

With new understanding dawning over him, Kris looked up at Tao, who still had a warm, radiant smile on his face.

"It's not going to get better overnight, Kris," Tao said holding Kris's hand. "But you'll learn to live with it and you will be able to be happy again, I promise. You just have to let yourself..."

Kris nodded, feeling a peaceful sense of inner quiet fill him, either from exhaustion from how much he had cried or some sort of refreshment.

"You should get some sleep, now," Tao said, turning to leave.

"W-Wait," Kris said, suddenly. "Will I ever get to see you again?" He asked, suddenly shy.

Tao smiled, brushing his thumb over Kris's cheekbone and leaving a kiss on the fair skin.

"If you ever need me, I'll be there," he said simply, then produced from behind his back, the very same glass of cherry Kool-Aid that Kris had been drinking at the bar.

To Kris's surprise, the glass was just as cold as ever and the ice hadn't melted.

"Sweet dreams," Tao smiled, kissing Kris's forehead, before disappearing right before Kris's eyes.

For a moment, Kris wondered if he had simply dreamed the entire day. Then, he looked at the very real glass of Kool-Aid in his hand.

He felt different and that difference was hope.

It wasn't hope for Kai to fall in love with him, no matter how painful it was to acknowledge this. And it wasn't even hope for a new romance.

He glanced at the once-forgotten art work stashed in his apartment and smiled, despite himself.

He looked at his glass of Kool-Aid again.

It was half-full.

Thanks for reading! And sorry about the misalignment of the translation for the song- I couldn't get it straight, but hopefully it's still possible to read it ^^'

x Angela

 

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xiu_mine
#1
Chapter 1: This one's what I really like! Nice one!
Jdragon2006 #2
Chapter 1: I really liked this! Please keep writing!
fyeahJongin
#3
Chapter 1: This is beautiful.. is there a sequel for this? Because I love it *^*
wildvampire
#4
Chapter 1: I loved this
Can u plz make a sequel?
ancho10rhythm
#5
like this so much ^^
FizUTwinS #6
this is good story,, make a sequel please,,,^^
SHINeeGal
#7
One word for the story "Beautiful" TT____TT I love it!
1wkeylove
#8
I love the fact that you tied in important morals to things I enjoy. (lol I beleive in God and i ing love Him to death) This story was amazing
Who_Am_I
#9
*-* pleaseeeee make a sequel out of this *-*
SchiianJhae #10
At least there's no here XD. I'm tired of s. This is really good, I swear. Yaaa XD I can't explain my thoughts after reading this fic XD.