Sehun wanted to break the painful silence, but he did not have the courage to. Not when Luhan looked like he was about to have a mental breakdown in front of him.

“Hyung-”

“You realized it, huh?” Luhan voice was soft, and Sehun almost could not hear it. “You realized that the girl… Is actually me.”

Luhan felt the overwhelming sadness filling him as he thought back about it, but amongst the melancholia, he felt slightly happy. Happy that Sehun was the one who had found out about it.

“I did it on purpose, you know, making the girl unable to talk… It was the only way to hide…” Tears were rolling down as he continued. “The only way to avoid the fact that I never got to tell him what I wanted to say…”

“T-There… There is one thing I don’t quite understand, hyung,” Sehun carefully asked, “since the part where Kai left… The girl never said anything… She didn’t say a word, only smiled behind the river of tears she cried.”

“Because I really hadn’t said anything back then.”

Luhan was breathing unevenly, his vision beginning to get blurred by the endless tears that were forming.

“I hadn’t said anything… Back then, I couldn’t say those words… I wanted to tell him to go, and be happy… But I didn’t.”

“Because you actually didn’t want him to be happy, did you?”

Luhan looked at Sehun with widened eyes, his heart beating inhumanly fast.

“That is the lie you have been hiding, isn’t it? You wrote the ending of the book with the girl being understanding, accepting. Everyone accepted it as the truth of the story. However, you actually didn’t.” Sehun’s heart wrenched slightly as he saw the hurt expression on Luhan’s face. “In fact, you actually don’t, even now.”
 

“He meant a lot to me…” Luhan choked in his tears as he spoke, “More than I meant to him. I could give up my career just to be with him, while he chose to be a dancer above me.”

“Hyung…” Sehun could not help but feel sad for his hyung, who was wearing such a heartbreaking expression. “It’s-”

“I wish I could have spoken those words. At least our last meeting wouldn’t have been… So regretful, if I had said those words. The look he gave me back then before walking through the gates… I’ll never forget.”

Luhan had never felt as regretful as to that one moment he wished he could rewrite. Back then, when Jongin told him he would be leaving him for the sake of his career, Luhan did not know what to do. He was lost. When he saw Jongin for the last time, all he could do was cry. He felt numb when the younger one held him tightly in his hands. He felt emotionless when the other whispered ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. He felt angry when Jongin kissed him softly on his lips, a touch he would never be able to feel ever again.

‘Petrichor’ was written solely for this one precious relationship Luhan cherished a lot, but ended sadly.

“And do you know what the worst thing of all is?”  Luhan grinned as his sad eyes bored into Sehun’s, “It became a bestseller. The book I wrote because I wanted to know how it could be differently, how I could be differently, became a book people adored, loved, praised to heaven. The story I couldn’t realize in my own life, was seen as beautiful…”

Luhan had not expect it to be such a loved story. He did not expect it to receive so much good feedback. Deep inside, he had hoped it to receive nothing but criticism, telling him that Kai had did wrong, and the girl should not have been so accepting.

It would have made his heart feel better.

But instead, the person he could not be had become a heroine people loved. It had hit him right in the heart, paining him endlessly whenever he thought about it. Yes, he was an acknowledged writer, and he was proud of it. He just wanted someone to agree to his immaturity, his selfishness.

“Hyung,” Sehun said hesitantly, “do you know why people like to read books?”

Luhan did not answer him. Instead, he just stared into his pure, sincere eyes.

“Because books present them the fictional people they can’t be. It soothes their hearts. This world is filled with so much hatred, selfishness, cruelty, that one reads beautiful, selfless-hearted stories for the sake of their insecure hearts. If one can’t find pureness in their own lives, they’ll resolve to stories that can. Hyung,” Sehun gave Luhan a tight hug as he continued, “they feel just the same as you, but they’re just trying to run away from it. They want to believe that this world does not revolve around the unsettling truth of darkness. They are just too frightened to acknowledge it, unlike you.”

Luhan’s whole body trembled as he cried out his heart while being in Sehun’s secure arms. Sehun let him be, holding onto him as if he would disappear if he were to let go. He was not going to let Luhan go, never. And when he felt Luhan moving his head up to meet his eyes, he did not even let him the chance to speak.

He pressed his lips against Luhan’s before the older male could even mutter a sound.

It lasted for a few eternal-like seconds, before Sehun moved his head away from his hyung, who looked down on the ground.

“Hyung…”

Luhan was hesitant, but still looked up. His doe-like eyes showed nothing bad, nothing evil, nothing cruel. Luhan’s eyes were like that of a child’s, showing nothing but pure naiveté.

“Hyung, I’ll make you happy.”

And once again, before Luhan could even open his mouth to say anything, Sehun sealed his words with a passionate kiss.

♥

When Luhan woke up, the first thing he saw was Sehun lying next to him. It surprised him for a moment, before a sincere smile had made its way up his lips. He did not dare to move any more, scared it would wake Sehun wake, frightened it would break this beautiful moment. Looking at Sehun was all he wanted to do right now, because it felt the only right thing to do.

However, in the back of his head, a slow thought was slowly making its way to fill his whole mind. It had become burdensome, yet Luhan did not know how to break away from it. He did not know how to. Endless amount of time had he invested in it, and even though until now nothing was yet presentable, he wanted to continue. He stared at Sehun’s sleeping face.

He had to, for Sehun.

A determined smile was on his lips as he silently stood up.

♥

Sehun felt disappointed that the moment he woke up, Luhan was nowhere to be found. He had wished to see the other next to him, sleeping, but decided that he was content with how things were already. He did not want to wish for more right now. He slowly made his way into the living room, and there he was. 

Sehun would be lying if he said he did not mind Luhan sitting in front of his laptop so early in the morning. However, once again, he was going to let it pass. Luhan had put this still-to-be-written book very high, and Sehun knew Luhan was not going to give up any time soon on it. He sat in front of Luhan patiently, waiting for Luhan to notice his presence.

However, Luhan had not noticed the person sitting in front of him. He was so absorbed in his writing, that he had not yet acknowledged the other who had been sitting there for minutes already. Normally, it would not have affected Sehun so much that Luhan was so into his work, but today, it certainly was.

“Luhan hyung.”

Luhan’s eyes flickered in surprise upon hearing his voice.

“Sehun?” The elder’s eyes shone hopefully. “You came just in time! I think I’ve a brilliant solution for that one cliché part I got stuck on last time!”

Those words instantly made Sehun’s heart sank in utter pain.

“Hyung…” Even though Sehun had not seen his hyung so excited for a long time, it was, in his opinion, for the wrong thing.

“Listen, I’ll read it for you.” Luhan smiled gleefully, “Someone had paved his way into his heart, breaking every little piece of the last owner before building his own heaven. Every-”

“Hyung.”

Luhan immediately stopped upon hearing Sehun’s serious voice. He looked up to meet a pair of pleading eyes, at the point of crying If he were to do one more thing wrong right now.

“S-Sehun-”

“I don’t understand… Even until now… Why would you want to write a story that is impossible to create? Something like an original story, it doesn’t exist. In this world, where everyone puts a copyright label on their work, everyone is just copying each other. They may think that what they’ve made, created, produced, is an original, but it isn’t. Inspiration comes from earlier work, stories revolve around the same themes, and the same pattern will always be hidden somewhere… Hyung…” Tears rolled down his cheek and he had to stop momentarily to catch his breath, “stop it already.”

Luhan had let Sehun say anything he wanted to say. It hurts to know that even Sehun wanted him to stop with it. Did anyone see how much this story means to him? Did anyone see the reason behind it? He had expected Sehun, from all people, would see through it. He had trusted Sehun to see through the vulnerable lie once again, and see what his heart actually wanted.

“I won’t.”

Luhan said, killing the deadly silence. Sehun’s heart fell upon hearing it.

“Why…?”

“Because… Because this book means a lot to me, more than any other book I’ve ever written.”

Luhan looked away after he spoke, his eyes landing onto the typed text in front of him.

“Then, does it mean more than me?”

The older male’s eyes widened.

“What the-”

“Because hyung, you’ll have to choose. It’s either me, or that impossible story that’s going to be your death.”

“Yah,” Luhan frowned, his voice laced with desperation, “Sehun, don’t do this… Don’t make me choose-”

“Hyung, don’t think I only found the secret message in your first book.”

Sehun spoke in such an emotionless manner, that it frightened Luhan. Not only that, but Luhan’s heartbeats had increased in an unhealthy fast frequency. Because he knew what the message in his second work was, he knew it very well.

“Your first message was ‘Go, be happy’. But, your second message… Your second message was ‘Come back again’.”

After Sehun had found the first message, he had quickly started reading Luhan’s second book. Even sleep was not his priority anymore the moment he started, and he had finished it in record time.

“Sehun-”

“Hyung,” Luhan could clearly hear the trembling in Sehun’s voice, “why is that every book you write, it has to be for him?”

“Listen to me, Sehun. I… This time, it isn’t for Jongin-”

“I don’t want to read any more of your books, hyung. I don’t want to dig through the words, the letters, just to be able to find out that it’s for someone else. I’m selfish, hyung, I really am. I selfishly hoped you would stop this nonsense. I selfishly want you to choose me over writing.”

“Sehun-ah…”

Sehun’s eyes were red as their continued to flow, breaking Luhan’s heart. He did not want to see Sehun like this. It was not supposed to be like this. He never wanted things to go like this. This book…

“I know what you want Sehun…” Luhan smiled sadly, “You want me to choose love over career, right?”

This book means just as much as Sehun…

“I understand.”

For a reason…

“Sehun-ah…” Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks, “I would never choose this story over you.”

But the meaning of the book would be gone, if Sehun left him.

 ♥

After that, Luhan stayed true to his words, and had not even once touched his laptop. In the beginning it had felt weird, since he was already used to bringing it with him wherever he went to. But whenever his mind even wavered to it, Sehun would do something that would erase it out of his mind instantly. He would be lying if he did not once felt the urge to continue the story, but for Sehun, he decided to let it be. Sehun meant more, far more to him than the story.

“Sehun, I’ve to go to the book store. Yixing just brought out a new book, and he is going to have a signing event today.”

Luhan said as they walked on the streets, hand in hand. Sehun nodded, his mouth not letting go of the straw of his bubble tea.

“Sure, I’ll go with you.”

“Eh? Don’t you have to go do something with your friend Chanyeol?” Luhan asked.

“He cancelled it. He said he was busy with his science project, again.” Sehun shivered when he thought about it.

“Really? What kind of project? He has been working on it quite some time already…” The older male asked curiously.

“Eh? Ah-… Well…” Sehun stuttered, “S-Something stupid! Where is the book store?”

Luhan eyed Sehun before pointing to the road in front of them.

“Just a few blocks from here, we can get there in less than five minutes.”

“Alright,” Sehun said with a smile, “let’s go!”

♥

 “Yixing! Congratulations with your new book!”

Luhan said cheerfully upon seeing him. Yixing looked up, a bright smile plastered on his lips the moment he saw Luhan.

“Hyung! You came!”

“Of course, how could I not?”

Luhan said happily as he approached the younger. Sehun had decided to stay still, since he did not particularly know Yixing. He seemed nice, though, that he had to admit.

“And you must be Sehun? Nice to meet you!” Yixing said enthusiastically while extending his hand, which Sehun quickly answered.

“Ah, y-yes, nice to meet you. Congratulations with your new book.”

“Luhan has told me so much about you. You’re the bubble tea boy, right? I’m glad to be finally able to meet you.” Yixing said with a smile.

“Eh?” Sehun’s eyes flickered in surprise, “He-”

“Yixing-ah, we need to talk!” Luhan interrupted, pulling Yixing by the arm. “Sehun, I’ll be right back.”

“Ah, alright…” Sehun said as he watched Luhan dragging Yixing away from them, and he could not help but feel confused.

Yixing sighed the moment Luhan stopped walking. Maybe he did say something he should not have, but it was not like it was something important. Luhan did not have to drag him all the way to the other side of the book store, just to scold him.

“Aish, hyung, it’s nothing to get angry about, right?”

“I told you I don’t want anyone to know! Especially not Sehun!” Luhan said angrily, but he remembered to keep his tone down while speaking.  

“Hyung, just because he was the reason for writing that story of yours doesn’t-”

“I stopped.” Luhan let out a sigh as before he continued. “I’m not going to write that story anymore.”

“Eh?” Yixing’s eyes widened, “You’re going to give up? You’ve been working on it for so long!”

“Sehun doesn’t want me to write it.”

Of course Luhan wanted to write the story, he had been working on it for such a long time, but he did not want to make Sehun angry. After all, the reason for writing the story in the first place…

Was for Sehun.

“But he doesn’t know he’s the reason for it, does he?” Yixing asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, he don’t. He doesn’t have to, either.” Luhan looked into Yixing’s eyes, and Yixing could see the sadness swimming in Luhan’s eyes. “Anyone else, and I wouldn’t have even considered the idea to stop, Yixing. However, you do know that Sehun is the reason behind the whole original story idea. I wanted to write it, because of him. If he’s going to leave me because of it, then what’s the reason for writing it?”

“You’re a writer, aren’t you?”

Luhan nodded as he took another sip from his drink.

“Yes, I am.”

Sehun glanced at the book that was lying in front of Luhan.

“Ah, I know that book.”

“You do?” Luhan was surprised, positive surprised, since this book was not all that popular.

“Yes, I remember reading it for school. I don’t particularly know why I had chosen that book, actually. It was not really that spectacular.”

Sehun said as his eyes lingered on the book. Luhan furrowed his eyebrows slightly at Sehun’s answer. For Luhan, did was a brilliantly written book.

“Not that spectacular, you say?”

“Well, isn’t the story kind of a replica from Jeanne d’Arc, or maybe combined with just the slightest bit of your daily doses of clichés? Very well written, very well, but won’t readers get bored upon seeing the same pattern being used over and over again? Therefore, I’m not that fond of reading.” Sehun shrugged his shoulders lightly. “It doesn’t contain any originality.”

It was still in the beginning of their blossoming friendship, when Sehun had told him that, and it had always bugged Luhan. In the beginning, Luhan truly wanted to simply prove Sehun that he was able to write such a story. However, as more time passed, it had begun to be more than that. He did not quite realize it before, but it had certainly become his main reason for continuing.

He wanted this story to be for Sehun, and that is, in its own special way.

“But you do want to write it, right? Not specifically the original story you planned initially, but as a writer, I know you’re eager to write. One can’t stop a writer from writing, when he or she is filled with words that have to be written.” Yixing patted Luhan’s shoulder, “You’re certainly not an exception, Luhan hyung.”  

“I don’t know, Yixing-”

“Hyung,” Yixing smiled a little as he spoke, “you’re a born writer. That’s the first thing I said to you when I saw you, and I still believe in it. You are born to write.”

♥

Luhan did not quite remember how long he had been staring at his laptop, but certainly it had already been quite some time. Yixing’s words had been echoing in his head ever since he came home, and he knew it was not going to stop any time soon. Luhan let out a frustrated sigh, his hands messing up his hair as he did not know what to do.

“You’re a born writer.”

What is the meaning of writing, when…

“I don’t want to read any more of your books, hyung. I don’t want to dig through the words, the letters, just to be able to find out that it’s for someone else. I’m selfish, hyung, I really am. I selfishly hoped you would stop this nonsense. I selfishly want you to choose me over writing.”

But then again… If not for writing, Luhan would have never met Sehun…

“I think our orders got switched.”

The boy said as he pointed at the drink in Luhan’s hand. Luhan glanced at it, and indeed, it was not what he had ordered.

“Ah, is that so? Here,” Luhan smiled as he handed the boy the drink, “yours.”

The boy smiled gently as he took the drink and gave Luhan the bubble tea he had ordered. Luhan have the boy a small nod, before turning around, but before he could walk away, the boy stopped him.

“Wait, you dropped your book!”

Sehun had curiously asked about the book, and when Luhan told him he was the one who wrote it, Sehun had eagerly asked him to tell more. It was the beginning of their friendship.

Luhan’s fingertips touched the cold surface of the laptop, contemplating what to do. All the stories he wrote so far… Had always been for someone… Inspiration came in the shape of experience for Luhan…

“Hyung, why is that every book you write, it has to be for him?”

A determined expression made its way on his face as he pressed the on-button of his laptop.

His biggest inspiration, Luhan would show, was no one other than Sehun.

♥

“You don’t look so well, are you sick?” Sehun asked the moment he stepped inside Luhan’s house.

“Eh? Ah, no, it’s nothing.”

Luhan reassured Sehun, even though he had not been sleeping for two days already. He was determined to write that he could bring himself to sleep. Not when his hands were eager to press down endless amounts of letters on his laptop keys to form the sentences he had in mind.

“Sehun, do you want anything to drink?”

Luhan asked the moment they stepped inside the living room. Sehun nodded his head like a child.

“Alright,” Luhan said with a tired smile, “I’ll go get you something.”
 

Luhan walked into his kitchen, ignoring the growing mess he did not had the time to clean up yet. Unwashed dishes, trash spread everywhere; this was not how he usually lived. However, Luhan had his priority very high right now: Finishing the story. He smiled slightly as he thought about it, before a loud crash in the living room startled him. His eyes widened as he ran back into the living room, concern all over his face.

“Sehun, is everything-” Luhan’s whole body stiffened upon seeing his used-to-be laptop scattered all over the place, “…alright.”

“I thought you promised me, hyung.” Sehun’s voice was deadly serious, scaring Luhan.

“Sehun, you…”

Luhan did not even know what to say. All he could think about, care about right now was the fact that all his hard work had gone into waste. He was mad, furious, yet, he did not even know what to say. The writer was at loss of words.

“Look at yourself, hyung. That explains everything… Your pale face… Everything… I told you not to write!”

“Sehun…” Luhan was pleading Sehun to stop, but Sehun was not going to stop anytime soon.

“You always burden yourself so much when you write stories, hyung! I don’t like it! I don’t like to see it! I’d rather you not write, then to see you push yourself too far!”

Sehun was being selfish, he knew he was, but he could not help it. He did not want to see Luhan push himself too much. He did not want to see Luhan suffering.

Most importantly, he did not want to read any more of Luhan’s tragic books.

“You should-”

“SHUT UP!”

Sehun flinched at Luhan’s loud voice. The older male had never, not once, talked to him like that. The look in Luhan’s eyes… They were of pure rage.

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! YOU WON’T EVEN LISTEN TO ME!” Luhan screamed his lungs out, angry tears rolling down his cheeks. “I write, because I want to! I write, because writing is a part of me! I write, because…” Luhan bit his lip, “BECAUSE OF YOU!”

Sehun’s eyes widened. Not a word left his mouth as he continued to watch Luhan, who was at the point of breaking. Sehun realized that he may have gone too far this time. Maybe he really did…

“Hyung, I…”

“Leave.”

Sehun could feel his heart shatter the moment he heard Luhan speak in an awfully cold manner. His eyes were wide in horror, while he shook his head frantically.

“N-No, hyung, listen, I-”

“LEAVE!”

His breathing was painfully uneven, but Luhan did not care about it right now. Emotions were getting the better of him at the moment, blocking away any calm rationality that wished to come into his mind.

He forcefully pulled Sehun by his arm and rushed to the door. Sehun had been struggling from Luhan’s grasp, but a furious Luhan had more strength than his looks gave him credits for. Luhan hastily opened the door and pushed Sehun outside, throwing Sehun’s coat and shoes out too.

“I’ll show you, Sehun,” Luhan said determined, “I’ll show you you’re wrong.”

“Hyung, listen, stop-” Sehun should have known that trying to convince Luhan to stop was only going to make it worse, but it had left his mouth before he could think about it carefully.

“SHUT UP!”

Luhan yelled before slamming the door shut, leaving a crying Sehun in front of his door.

“Hyung…” Tears escaped his eyes as he leaned against the door, “hyung…”

But Luhan did not open the door. No matter how long Sehun stood there.



♥ ♥ ♥



Sehun had tried to contact Luhan several times after that incident, but not once did Luhan, which pained Sehun endlessly. He wanted to apologize to his hyung for what he had done. He should not have acted so rash, it was his fault. However, this did not mean he was sorry for blaming Luhan for writing behind his back. Luhan did break the promise; that was a fact.

“Sehun-ah, you’ve got a package delivered.”

Chanyeol yelled as he closed the door and walked into the living room. Sehun gave his housemate no reaction and continued to watch television, although he did not even catch the slightest bit of what he they were talking about. Not when his mind was thinking about nothing but Luhan.

“Here,” Chanyeol handed him the small package, “open it.”

“I don’t want to.” Sehun replied emotionlessly.

“You don’t want to know what it is?” The tall male asked as he took place beside Sehun.

“Not really.”  

Sehun should have paid more attention to Chanyeol, because then he would have seen the dark amused grin Chanyeol was wearing.

“Is that so? Then you wouldn’t mind me using it for my science project, would you?”

Sehun just gave him an absent-minded nod, irritated by Chanyeol’s endless questions. Chanyeol stood up and walked into the kitchen, and it took Sehun a whole minute, before he realized what the book burner meant just now. His eyes widened in horror as he rushed into the kitchen.

“Chanyeol, stop with whatever you’re doing to the book!” Sehun screamed as he pushed Chanyeol aside, wanting to rescue the book, or whatever was remaining of it.

“What…”

Sehun heard Chanyeol laugh behind him as he stared at the book that was still in perfect condition. Chanyeol had tricked him.

“So you do still care.”

Chanyeol patted his shoulder before leaving the kitchen, leaving Sehun alone with the brand-new book. He was hesitant, extremely hesitant to pick up the book, but another part of him was screaming to grab the book and look through it. But not before having a good look at the title of the story.

Original cliché

His hand slowly moved to the book, opening it to the first page which was normally blank. However, someone had decided to scribble some sentences on the yellow tinted paper, and Sehun knew very well who it was.

Sehun…
Vulnerable truth… Strong truth… It’s all the truth.
The first time we spoke to each other… Was the beginning.
Whether the end has arrived, or has yet to come…
Is up to you.

Luhan

♥
 

Sehun realized he had been holding his breath the moment he arrived at the last word of the book. Sehun was stunned, surprised, shocked to know that this book… Was nothing like Luhan had been previously working on. It was filled with so much clichés, so many things Luhan had been trying to keep away from flawing his story, yet, here it was, all combined into one book. That was not the only thing, though. It certainly was not.

Luhan had written about the two of them.

From how they met, to how Sehun had paved his way into the writer’s vulnerable heart, to how everything ended. Not one detail had Luhan missed. Sehun knew Luhan would not make this book an exception. Sehun knew that this time, he would have to find the secret message as well. He did not know if he wanted to, but before he could even decide, his hands had already flipped through the pages to the right page.

It did not take him long to find the message.

An unexpected message, Sehun had to admit, but he liked it. He liked it, a lot. An amused grin appeared on his lips as he glanced at the message Luhan had interwoven in the story, a message only Sehun could find.

Come find me



 

I should have ended it when they kissed... Instead of giving the story a rollercoaster ride... :( TOOOOOOO LONGGGGG! XD
But, finally finished! Now I can focus on my sad hunhan story :D!! I hope you all enjoyed this story :D I myself am not completely satisfied with the angry Sehun and Luhan scene, but I did have to give the title 'original cliche' its relevance... Thank you for reading!! :D
Tinywings