Kim Jong In, hood drawn against the light patter of rain, walks away from SM Entertainment's main building and trudges along the long memorized route towards his home. He turned to his right to share a joke he learned from Kyungsoo a while ago --

Only to remember.

Jonginnie! That particular routine was excruciatingly hard but oddly fascinating too, don’t you think so? I am so excited to learn all the steps especially when we saw YunHo-sunbaenim dancing in front of us! I couldn’t believe it! Can you believe it Jonginnie? Do you think I can be like YunHo-sunbaenim? Do you think I've improved yet? You think --

SeHun-ah.

Yeah?

Shut up.

But Jonginnie--! SeHun continues to blabber as he and Jong In walk home from training, warmth seeping through their skins despite the harsh fall of the rain on their umbrellas.

Memories are curious things. At one time, they make us happy and giddy with unexplainable feelings. But a time will come when such memories only leave a bitter taste in our tongues.

Jong In continues to walk, leaving nothing but cold air in his wake.

-----

"Ayoooooo wassup gaaaaiz?!" Chanyeol screeched when he opened the door to EXO's practice room.

"Shut up derpface. It's way too early. " mumbled Baekhyun from his corner, eyes still half glued with sleep.

"Nooope!" answered Chanyeol stubbornly as he flopped himself beside Baekhyun. "It's not too early if Kai's already up and about and sweating buckets with practice. This guy's a machine. "

"Hush. Let him be. "

Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun questioningly and sees the latter subtly shaking his head and glancing meaningfully towards Kai.

Chanyeol, with his brows raised, turned to study their friend.

And he sees it. The once light glide and shift of Kai's movements is now tinged with a subtle tension.  The soft but strong flicks of his wrists are replaced with harsh and shaky movements. His eyes, once intense and full of mischief now hold nothing but gaping emptiness.

As Kai dances to their new routine, unmindful of Chanyeol and Baekhyun glancing at him worriedly, he remembers the first time he met SeHun.

"Anyeonghastheyo! Oh Sthehun imnida!"

Jong In quirks his eyebrows at his classmates' stifled giggles.

He turned to take a closer look at their new classmate.

The guy- Oh SeHun- is of medium build, quite skinny but has milky-white skin, tastefully ruffled hair and a small mouth. But as Kai turns to focus on the former's eyes, he finds that they are filled with a fierce mix of defiance and determination laced with a sliver of sadness-- completely at odds with the deadpan expression and aloof stance.

Huh? That's rather weird. Kai thought to himself but shrugged it off as a trick of the light.

Little did he know that the gears of fate have been set into motion with that fleeting gaze.

Humans tend to rely too much on eyesight—but the facade of physical features is only a small part of the numerous layers of disguise protection we constantly wear. And precious are those who look beyond the concealment and appreciate the raw essence of being humans: we are not perfect.

-----

"--ai! KIM JONG IN!"

"--huh?"

"You okay man? You seem a little distracted and tense. " SuHo asked worriedly.

Kai turned to look around and saw that all of his co members are looking at him worriedly— well, almost all.

“Yes.” Kai gritted out, barely keeping the rage within as he stalked off their practice room.

SuHo turned to look at SeHun and was a little unnerved to see a gaunt emptiness on the usually happy maknae’s eyes. He eyed Kyungsoo questioningly and received a shrug in return.

What happened to those two?

-----

Kai bristled with silent rage as he berated himself for his lapse in focus especially in front of s. He is Kai, godammit. He is far from weak. He has never been a weakling. He has never allowed himself to be vulnerable, except that one time---

Kai is at the music room again. He is oftentimes seen there: panting, shirt drenched with sweat and body flushed with the exhilaration that only comes with doing something you love. Performing not for anyone but only for himself.

But not today.

Because this day, he has experienced his first loss.

His dog, Shiweh died when a drunk driver heartlessly hit his poor baby and no matter how people perceive him as cold and heartless, he had always had a soft spot for Shiweh for she was his first friend.

He drowned himself with the steady thrum of music, concentrating on the beats rather than the painful twitching of his heart every time he remembers that there will be no Shiweh to happily greet him when he gets home, to him awake for school, to drag his other shoe for him, to bark incessantly at him, looking for attention--

He stilled.

A hand holding a tissue comes into his peripheral vision.

That's when he noticed there were wets trails in his cheeks and a hiccup in his breath.  And when he traces the outstretched hand to look at the owner's eyes, he sees not pity but understanding---

The harsh leash that kept his emotions snaps and before he knows it, he is crying into the other's shoulders.

He stands quietly; patting JongIn's back while the latter's cries subsides into silent sobs.

When JongIn is calm enough to extricate himself from the person's tears-and-snot drenched shoulder, he is overwhelmed with sudden mortification.

" Se-SeHun ssi! I am so--"

The other only shook his head, grabbed his bag and turned to go out of the door. When he is at the threshold, he looked back and asked,

"Well, are you going home? It'sth nearly eleven in the evening. "

Kai gapes at him for a moment before what SeHun said seeps through his flustered mind.

"!" Kai exclaimed as he hurriedly gathered his things and ran after SeHun.

They walked in silence.

 Kai is still too ashamed of his breakdown and the fact that his new classmate's tshirt is still damp from his cries a while ago prevented him from saying anything. Instead, he kept a mental dialogue about the next time he cries, he'll be sure no shirt will be wet with snot and tears except for his.

So lost is he in his thoughts that SeHun's breathy voice startles him.

"We're here.”

Kai turns to look at SeHun, wondering how the guy came to know where he lives but the other just stared back impassively.

Unnerved and a still a little ashamed, he murmured a small Thank You and turned to walk inside.

"Jong In ssthi. "

"Uh?"

"Who wasth it?" SeHun asked, eyes glinting in the moonlit sky.

"erm. It was my dog, Shiweh. She died today when a heartless bastard hit her and left her to die. "Kai said with vehemence; anger surging through his body as he recalls the state of his dog when he found her lying on the street.

SeHun just nodded and walked the way they came.

Kai tries to forget the whole incident- it was after all, a bit embarrassing.

But on the third day, he finds a barking box in his doorstep and he knew, even before opening the letter attached to it that it's from SeHun.

He opens the box and sees the cutest puppy he had ever laid his eyes on since Shiweh.

He picks up the letter and read--

Jong In ssi,

Smile. It suits you better.

SeHun

PS. My shirt is RUINED! Treat me to bubble milk tea tomorrow after school.

Kai chuckles and turns to cuddle his new dog.

"Looks like SeHun's not that bad after all. Right MongGu-ya?"

Life is a one of the most fleeting things in the world but certainly one of the most meaningful. For the simplest and littlest of lives could make a significant difference in another's.

-----

Kai wasn't able to sleep until four in the morning and needless to say, by the time he entered their practice room, he was not in a good mood. And such mood was shot to the underworld when he sees SeHun with LuHan.

They were sitting together near the window talking in what seems to be a serious conversation. Kai ignored the painful jolt in his chest as he steeled himself for practice that day.

He tries his best to ignore the duo and force himself to concentrate on his steps. Drenched with sweat, heart hammering in tandem with the music, Kai tries to overlook his surroundings. But he keeps on faltering and stumbling on his own feet that the choreographer took pity on him and called for a break.

And that’s when Kai made a mistake of looking over SeHun and LuHan’s corner. He sees Sehun smiling, not the ones he prepared for the cameras, but a genuinely happy smile. And he is struck with how much he misses the times when it was he who is the reason for SeHun’s eyes twinkling in laughter.

He remembers the first time he sees that smile.

They were having a rare free time and SeHun manages to drag Kai out of the music room whining—yes, whining—that Kai needs to see the sun. The latter scoffs but gathers his things to follow the maknae out. They bring MongGu and decide to stroll around their community park.

SeHun really is like a child. Kai thought to himself as he sees his friend running after random birds, goofing around MongGu and generally scaring the wits out of children in the park. Kai feels like a babysitter—but strangely, he finds that he doesn’t mind, just to see SeHun like this-- carefree and young.

I wonder why he is not like this at school. He practically scares everyone there and certainly not because of this goofiness. Kai thought to himself as he continued to look at the maknae.

------

“Thisth isth nithce.” SeHun murmured as he watches the sun set, sweat cooling on his skin and the light afternoon wind ruffling his already tousled hair.

Kai turns to him curiously,” What is?”

“Thiths.” SeHun whispers eyes unreadable and glued to the orange light fighting against the inevitable victory of darkness as the day turns to night.

Kai senses the shift in mood in his companion but chooses to keep his silence, opting instead to watch the nightfall.

Silence ensued between them after that—but it was a welcome one. Kai lost himself in the beauty of the night, eyes on the dark blanket that has covered the skies and counting the gradual peek of the stars—that he almost didn’t catch what SeHun said.

“I’m sorry, what was that SeHun-ah?” Kai asks as he turns to face SeHun.

SeHun is hugging his knees to his chest, resting his head on his kneecaps and no longer looking at the skies but casting his eyes on his fiddling hands.

Kai looks over worriedly, but didn’t push for more. Just as he decides to forget about it, he hears SeHun continuing in his small breathy voice.

“I’ve alwaysth been the brunt of jokeths sthince I wasth a child becausthe of my listhp. And becausthe of that, I tend to shy away from people. I think itsth better that way, don’t you think? They won’t hear me sthpeak, stho they won’t have any reasthon to judge me anymore. But I guessth what really hurtsth mosth isth that people remember me asth justh the guy who hasth the lithsp, not asth Oh Sthehun.”

Kai shivers at the sudden draft of cold wind but keeps his silence, totally at a loss on what to say to that sudden confession, but more so because he sees it again—that unmistakable glint of defiance and sadness in SeHun’s eyes.

He looks at SeHun and understands.

“SeHun-ah.”

The younger turned to face Kai—only to receive a resounding flick in the forehead.

“OWW! KIM JONG IN! WHAT THE HELL WASTH THAT FOR!?” SeHun screeched, tears of pain seeping into his eyes.

“That’s for being an idiot.” Kai answered nonchalantly.

SeHun fumes in dignified anger until he hears Kai murmur—

“Because you’ve never been just the guy with the lisp for me, Oh SeHun.”

The night suddenly feels warmer and a tad bit lighter with SeHun’s soft smile.

Sometimes, all the soul needs to heal is little understanding.

----

Even if it’s just a small thing,

I want to protect you for always

So you won’t ever have to suffer

I’m eternally love

As your guardian angel,

I will block out that strong wind

Even if everyone turns their back against you

On hard days, I will wipe away your tears

If only I would be that kind of person

Wherever we go, it’ll be hea---.

Kai stops the music and turns to leave the suddenly stifling room. Gone were the times when music soothes his soul, instead the same music bruises his spirit and leaves him with a pain that has nothing to do with exertion brought about by practice.

His feet brings him to the rooftop and there, he allows himself to remember the day when everything in his world came crashing down.

The interviewer continues to ask them questions, hoping to glean their true personalities and to satisfy the thousands of fans who are avidly following the new group, EXO.

Kai enjoys himself. He smiles, he nods and he sneaks glances at their group members. Oftentimes, his eyes catch SeHun’s and his smile stretches threateningly over his face. He decides to keep this moment with him forever.

“--Hun-ssi, what can you say about LuHan-ssi?” the interviewer asks.

They all turned to look at their maknae.

"erm. I-I didn’t know what true friendship wasth until I met LuHan.” SeHun mumbles shyly into the microphone.

The members nod and clap their hands and LuHan smiles shyly in return.

The perfect fan service.

But--

Kai stole a quick glance at SeHun, averts his gaze and forces a smile into his face. He didn't see SeHun's anxious bite of lips and the troubled gaze directed at him.

Fans are screaming their hearts out as the interviewer comments on what SeHun said.

But all these are lost to Kai as he hears nothing but the gradual fading away of what’s left of his heart.

-----

“Stop it!” Kai gritted out in anguish as he feels the tears of disloyalty slowly slipping past his clenched lids and a resounding pain answers his fist. “If he feels and thinks that way, then he has all the right to do so, dammit. Don’t be such a sissy on this!” His whole body is tense and trembling.

“.” Whispered Kai as he gave in to the tumultuous emotions that have been coursing through him ever since that interview.

Why? Kai keeps repeating the question in his head, as if the repetition could bring the answers his whole being yearn for.

Kai wanted to shout to the world, to lash out, to show to them that it was not LuHan who first saw SeHun’s tears, it was Kai.

It was Kai who was there to see the sun set with SeHun.

It was Kai who first saw SeHun’s real smile.

It was Kai who is SeHun’s best friend.

It was Kai.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it?

It was Kai.

As his tears subside he decides to go home-- thoroughly disgusted with himself for crying and for being weak.

----

"Jong In ah!"

Kai walks faster, ignoring the concerned call of s.

"Jong In ah! Wait up--"

Kai broke into a run as he hears the soft voice of LuHan calling for him.

He put more power into his run, urging his legs to run faster, harder-- more, more. To run away-- from what or from who he doesn't know anymore. He is only aware of the fact that his heart thumps painfully in chest and wetness gathers at his lids- blurring his vision and making the world a watery and soft reflection of its harsh reality.

"Jong In ah!" a firm hand grasps his shoulder and forcefully pulled him to a stop. He fought against LuHan, like a person fighting for dear life, scratching and bruising the older man with his frantic ministrations.

"STOP IT! Godammit Kim JongIn, STOP!"

Kai freezes as he feels a pounding pain blossoming from his left cheek.

"Wh-what.."

LuHan pants with exertion and worriedly a check on the younger’s state.

"You okay?"

"You just freaking slapped me hyung and you ask me if I'm okay?!  What the was that for?!"

LuHan looks sheepishly sorry at his actions but said, "You deserve it, you ignorant dongsaeng. "

Kai just glares at LuHan, wishing nothing more than to get away and cry himself to exhaustion. He's been through too much emotional upheaval lately.

LuHan looks at Kai dishevelled state and took pity on him.

“Tell me what’s wrong dongsaeng-ah.”

Kai looks at him petulantly and refuses to speak.

LuHan sighs, shakes his head and murmurs, “What am I going to do with you two?”

He then half-drags, half carries Kai home.

---

“Why are you doing this LuHan hyung?”

“Hmm?” LuHan says, hands clasped behind his back and looking at the stars littering the night sky as they walk together towards Kai’s house.

Kai listens to the night swallowing his unanswered question and turns to the older man.

He really is beautiful. No wonder SeHun likes him.  Kai thinks dejectedly as he takes in LuHan’s soft and beautiful features in the moonlit skies.

“Dongsaeng-ah.”

Kai looks up at the murmured endearment.

“Words. Sometimes they are just like that—you know, just words, without weight nor bearing. But if spoken by the right person to another, it may take on a different meaning.” LuHan said wisely.

“Uh. Okay?” Kai said dazedly.

LuHan chuckles at his dongsaeng’s confusion and proceeded to ruffle the other’s hair—much to the latter’s indignation.

As LuHan waves goodbye from Kai’s porch, still smiling at his friend’s antics, he whispered just as star is falling in the sky: Be happy both of you. You deserve every smile.

----

Life for EXO pretty much remained the same. Chanyeol continues to be his happy virus self, infecting the

members with his derpiness, Baekhyun continues his SNSD fanboying, SuHo continues his leader duties and DO continues to be confused in the midst of it all.

SeHun and Kai are still not on speaking terms, with the former now firmly attached to LuHan’s side like a lost puppy.

Everyone falls into a certain rhythm and Kai is aware of this. So it is not a coincidence when everyone else is taking a break from their gruesome practice, Kai slips off towards the building’s roof deck to watch the sun sink from the sky.

As cliché as it may sound, Kai really loves sunsets.

The golden canopy is reminiscent of liquid fire, splashed across the heavens like a gift to mankind and a silent promise that today may end now and it may not be the best, but there will always be tomorrow to look forward to and to begin anew.

It gives him a sense of fulfilment—that he has lived to the end of today, a sense of fear for what the night might bring and a sense of hope for the gift of the next morning.

Kai likes its simple elegance, its tranquil predictability and its memorable uniqueness.

It has certainly nothing to do with how the sunset reminds him of SeHun’s gentle but sad smile—not unlike the soft glow of the sun as it fights its ever losing battle against darkness.

“Here.” A cool water bottle is suddenly into his vision.

He nods a thank you and wordlessly takes the offered bottle—fingers slightly grazing the other’s.

Kai tenses and quickly retracts his hand as SeHun flops and crosses his legs to sit down.

They sit in silence, basking in the sunset—neither one of them wishing to disturb the rather strained silence that surrounded them.

“LuHan hyung sthaid you would be here.”

Kai barely manages to stop his snort from escaping, coming out as a strangled noise between a cough and disbelieving laugh. And to his surprise, SeHun gave an amused chuckle.

“What?” Kai asks, ire quickly consuming his emotions.

“LuH--,” SeHun stops, gave another amused giggle and tries again, “He sthaid you’d be jealousth.”

Kai’s anger immediately fizzled out to a confused stare.

SeHun gives up and dissolves into a fit of unmanly giggles.

“Oh my God, Hyung wasth right all thesthe time!”

Kai looks at SeHun incredulously and not believing the nerve of the guy to laugh at him, he stands to leave the place.

“Oh! Wait! Wait—“

Kai ignores the younger one and walks a bit faster.

“Jong In ah, please”.

Without conscious thought, his feet stops moving and with his back still turned to SeHun, he hears the other speak in his breathy voice.

“I’m sthorry, about what happened lasth time but Im not sthorry for what I sthaid during the interview, becausthe I meant every word, Jonginnie. LuHan hyung isth really one of the besth.”

Kai tightens his grip on the doorknob, willing his legs to stop trembling and save him some of his pride. He moves to leave when—

“But Hyung made me understhand that you were hurt with what I sthaid. Thatsth what we were talking about all thesthe time, by the way. But that wasth never my intention Jonginnie! I mean, what kind of a friend would I be if I consciously hurt your feelingsth, right? I mean, I can be mean and an idiot sthometimesth but I’m not that mean and I just wanted the fansth to be happy and it wasth the firsth thing that came into my mind and--I’m ranting now, am I?” a heavy sigh.”Sthorry.”

Kai couldn’t help the small quirk in his lips as he listens to SeHun babble. He must be nervous. Kai thinks.

“Itsth justh that...” The voice seems to be nearer to Kai now and he can feel the heat from SeHun’s body against his back.

“You’ve never been justh a friend to me Jong In-ah.” SeHun whispered as he moves to turn Kai around.

“You’ve been with me sthince we were at sthchool, protecting me from bulliesth, bullying thosthe who bully me and mosth of all, accepting me for who and what I am. You’ve been a great friend, Jonginnie. But alasth, I, Oh Sthehun, am a sthelfish man. And Im sorry for not realizing this sooner but I do not wish to be your friend anymore. I am not sthatisfied to be justh your friend, Jong In-ah.”

Kai is struck speechless.

“I want to be more.” SeHun breathes into his ear while looking deep into the latter’s eyes.

Kai’s mouth has gone dry and all he sees is SeHun, framed by the golden glow of the setting sun, eyes boring into his own and making his heart swell with so much happiness it makes him light headed.

He grabbed SeHun’s nape and brought his lips to the maknae’s. All buried feelings, pent up emotions and words unsaid are pushed into that single kiss. The elation of finally—finally—feeling the other’s soft lips move against his own, while his mind frantically come into terms with the events made Kai’s knees weak. The kiss turns soft and Kai shifts to kiss SeHun’s eyes, nose, jaw, nips and the beauty spot along his left neck before coming back to claim another soul wrenching kiss from the maknae.

“Wow.” SeHun remarked a little breathlessly, face flushed and eyes clouded with desire. “We should do thisth more often.”

Kai chuckled as he grabs SeHun for another kiss under the starry sky.

Sometimes, words are just not enough.