"Taeminnie why you are not eating?" Kibum umma asked, worried.

"I'm not hungry"

"Wae? Somebody is in love?" He teased me.

"In l..love? m..me?" I laughed. I don't know myself. "Of course not." And I shoved a spoon full of food to my mouth, as to prove it.

"What's about Kai?" He suddenly asked.

"Wh..what's with him? How should I know? Why are you asking m-"

"Wait wait wait… what's wrong with you?  I was just asking because I heard he was sick.. you weirdo."  He shrugged.

"He's sick? Who told you that?" I started to panic. He just told me last week about how he's never getting sick.

"I just talked with Lay and he told me." He answered. "What about your schedule?"

"Got canceled.. finally a free day." should I go to see him?.

"Go to see him, I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

I am too.

"No.. I'll just call him later."

I held the phone for already a hour.

Send or not, send or not.

   ME: Heard you are sick. Are you okay? Feel well soon.

   JungInnie: Hyung! I'm fine it's nothing serious. Come visit me.. if you can of course.

   ME: Very busy today, maybe tomorrow.

But I didn't came, not tomorrow and not the days after.

After a few days we finally met again, after a few days of missing him, after a few days I avoided him.

You're asking why?

I don't know myself. Let's say it's complicated.

I thought he would be happy to see me but he just passed by me as the wind.

"Yah! Jungin-ah! What's with your rude behavior?"

He stopped walking and just stood there.

"Just acting as you do" he mumbled, so quiet he almost whispered, sounds hurt.

"M..me? What did I do?"

Then he turned around.

"I know you've been avoiding me for a while. Since that day at the cafeteria you've just…nevermind"

"I've just what?" Talk.

"Just changed."

I know.

"I didn’t."

"You could act as if I do not disgust you just for a week. Then you returned to your first response. I get it. You hate it. You hate me being like this. You do not want a gay friend-"

"W—what are you talking about?"

"First you tell me to confess as if your life on the line, then change your mind so I won't confess, then you stop answering my calls and avoiding me, and even when I was sick.."

"I said I was busy"

"Well you lied. We're at the same company. When your schedule get canceled for you it gets canceled for another 3 or 4 idols. But You know what, you don't need to even explain it to me, I'll go first"

He started to pace to the other direction, I didn't have anything to say that will explain my behavior, I can't even explain it to myself.

"Wait! Jungin-ah!" Don't leave.

But he already left.

      ME: I swear to god you just understood it all wrong, You don't disgust me, I don't hate you.

   It took him a while to answer.

      Junginnie: Then?

   I started to type different versions and deleted it several times

      ME: I really… *delete

      ME: I Guess I'm… *delete

      ME: I don't know myself *delete

But then an idea came to my mind.

      ME: You know what? I'll prove it to you. What are you doing this Thursday?

   Jungin replied right away

      Junginnie: Nothing.

      ME: Ask for vacation on Friday and Saturday. I'll pick you up at 10Am, Thursday. Won't accept no.

   And he never replied back.