II

                In the car ride home, his head pounded.

What Seunghyun had wanted ever since he’d gotten up on that morning was just to pull his covers back over his head and sleep. Especially after another long day, he felt as if he could sleep forever.

                Fatigue wasn’t the only reason TOP wanted to get away from his work. A migraine had slowly crept up on him, increasing in intensity throughout the day. He just wanted rest. Not necessarily sleep, as he thought about it more, but rest. Pressing thoughts had been coursing through his mind all day, causing his headache, and he just needed a break to stop and think.

                As soon as he’d stepped out of the car, he gave the driver a short thank-you and climbed up the house stairs two at a time. At the top he slowed down, the sudden movement having thrown his head off, deep pains striking his brain. He fished his key out of his pocket and had to try a few times to get it inserted and turned the right direction. The door was a tad stuck, so Seunghyun had to shake it a few times before it opened.

                He took the next flight of stairs up to the kitchen slowly. Now he had learned from experience that though he would have gotten to his destination faster, keeping up that fast pace would make his head feel like it was going to explode.

                “Here’re your sunglasses,” Seunghyun called once he was into the kitchen, tossing the shades across the room to where his dongsaeng was lounging on the couch.

                “Watch it, you could break them!” Youngbae warned, his glasses bouncing around in his hands before he held them securely.

                “Sorry,” he replied flippantly.

                Youngbae peeked over the back of the couch. “How was recording?”

                Seunghyun shrugged off his overcoat and leaned with his elbows onto the counter, sighing loudly. He slid his hands over the cold granite and straightened back up, wiping his forehead. “Not the best,” he answered. “I’m just tired. Nothing sounded good.”

                “What’d Teddy say?” Youngbae sat up, looking concerned.

                “He liked it… I just think I could have done better.” Seunghyun admitted, continuing to stand idle in the kitchen. Youngbae relaxed and reclined back on the couch. “You the only one home?” Seunghyun asked, raising his eyebrows.

                Youngbae nodded in response, his toothbrush hair visible over the arm of the sofa. “Dae and Jiyong got to go out to dinner. I hope they bring something back.” He said wistfully. “And Seungri… He’s somewhere. Finishing working out most likely.”

                Seunghyun acknowledged him with a nod the other man wouldn’t be able to see, and paced a full lap around the kitchen before noticing he had nothing to do there. He exhaled loudly and trudged to the hallway, turning into his room and leaving the door open only marginally.

                As tired as he was, Seunghyun couldn’t even think about lying down to go to bed early. Not only was his mind racing, but he knew Jiyong had had an even longer day than him, and he thought it selfish to be in bed before his hardworking leader.

                Seunghyun pushed the lump of covers to the foot of his bed and sank down onto it, meaning to finally analyze the thoughts that had been fighting his mind all day. But as soon as he really tried to understand what he’d been thinking, the stream of information vanished. His mind went blank, yet he still had a headache, and an overwhelming sense that he had forgotten something.

                All day he’d been waiting for this opportunity to be alone in the quiet, but now that he was, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He pressed his palm into his eye and let out air between his teeth.

                There he sat, motionless, for a good (or rather bad) ten minutes. He stared into space, contemplating nothing. Yet, if he’d been interrupted, that nagging sort of feeling of having a word stuck on the tip of his tongue would start again, and he would undoubtedly be upset with whoever had broken his focus.

                Usually when he’d do nothing, Seunghyun would get so bored, it would physically pain him. But it took those ten minutes for his body to get restless. He stood up, eyes staying locked on the air between him and his wall.

                As he observed his surroundings, the dust on his carefully positioned toys began to make his skin crawl. He decided on doing a bit of cleaning before Jiyong came home. Immediately Seunghyun was a rush of action, wanting to do anything to avoid being left alone with his unresponsive brain.

                 In a hallway closet he found a feather duster still in its plastic casing. He quickly set to work on prying apart the packaging, and returned stealthily to his room. He didn’t notice the sound of Seungri in the shower, oblivious to the fact that he’d arrived back home in the first place.

                Seunghyun closed his door. He gave the room a once-over, choosing which of the shelves of Bear Blocks to attack first. He chose a low shelf on the right corner, sweeping over the plastic while crouched on the floor. He was meticulous in his work, focusing in on every little angle on the bodies of his toys. Since he had so many littered on shelves and dressers around his room, he was busy for longer than one might expect.              He was careful not to think of anything but of what he was doing, and careful not to think about not thinking.

                Once he had finished, he glanced over the surfaces once more. He looked down on the armoire holding his largest figure that he’d cleansed of dust mites, and cringed. The longer he looked at it, the more it irritated his finickyeye that the toy was so clean, yet the surface it was on was so filthy. To solve this, he removed the figure and wiped the armoire down with the cleaning utensil in his hand. Since he’d started cleaning surfaces, he couldn’t just leave every other figure sitting on a dusty shelf; he placed the figure back on the armoire gently and set to work again.

                Seunghyun circled the room in sections, so he could keep his toys in their own designated spots after he’d made sure they weren’t standing on lint. He picked up each collectible with extreme care, not wanting the few Munny dolls he had to smudge. The shelves were covered in a pristine layer of dust that he carefully scoured. The ray of sunlight shining through his window caught the dust mites floating around, but Seunghyun didn’t notice the cloud of allergens enveloping him. His nose might have itched, but not once did he succumb to a sneeze.

                Once content with his work, Seunghyun evaluated the room. Pleased with the effect his cleaning had, he decided his solitude had lasted long enough. He ran his fingers through his hair, scraping his nails against his scalp. His eyes fixed on a point in space and he exhaled sharply before shaking himself and returning to the space he shared with the other four members.

                Jiyong and Daesung had come home, evidently having begrudgingly given Youngbae their scarce leftovers. Seunghyun knew that if Jiyong had come into his room while he had been cleaning that he wouldn’t have been able to hold a conversation, but he was still a bit dejected that no one had greeted him.
                He lowered himself onto his armchair slowly.

                “There you are!” Jiyong said brightly but cautiously, as if anticipating a fit of temper from his best friend. “I was worried you’d already gone to sleep.”

                Seunghyun shook his head. “Wasn’t tired.” He lied. Fatigue coursed through every fissure of his body, despite having finally been successful in ousting his disparaging reflections. Why he had lied through his teeth, he didn’t know. It saved time on explanations. “I wanted to wait until you got back, anyway.”

                Jiyong nodded slowly, buying time before he’d have to figure out what to say. He was treating Seunghyun like a time bomb, or rather like a land mine. As if one wrong step could lead to a tragic demise.

                Seunghyun only vaguely noticed his apprehension, but didn’t think much of it. He supposed he was mentally unstable. “Did your day go well?” He asked, suddenly desperate for human contact.

                “Yeah!” Jiyong replied, throwing any caution to the wind. He’d sensed the change in Seunghyun’s attitude and forgotten any warning Youngbae might have given him about the mood he was in. “The dance rehearsal went great, it was really fun,” for a moment the fatigue on his face cleared, showing how much he really did love what he did. “Daesung outshone me in the voice lesson though.” Jiyong chuckled, pushing Daesung on the knee.

                The edges of Seunghyun’s lips twitched for a moment before he gave a small smile. “Where’d you go for dinner? I only stopped at a street vendor on the way home.”

                “Some place near the dance studio. Don’t remember the name. It was good though.” He patted his stomach contentedly and leaned back onto the couch, propping his legs on the coffee table. “Are you hungry? We brought home some –“

                “All gone,” Youngbae interrupted, pointing at the Styrofoam box he’d left on the counter.

                “Nevermind then,” Jiyong smiled sadly, yawning. “Where’d you go today? Recording?”  He asked. He was rubbing his eye, and completely missed the cautionary look Youngbae threw at him.

                “Yeah…” Seunghyun noticed the way Youngbae reacted, and pieced together that he must have warned the others not to speak of his disappointing day at the studio. He wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or offended. Even though he wasn’t inclined to speak of it, Seunghyun responded after a short pause.  “It wasn’t good. I sounded awful.”

                The face Jiyong made helped Seunghyun understand why Youngbae wanted to avoid a conversation. The amount of pity and concern in his eyes was infuriating to him. He looked down, upset at how upset he was getting.

                Jiyong leaned back forward. “You couldn’t have been bad! You’re always good in the studio,” he said supportively.

                “Not today,” Seunghyun replied shallowly.

                “Everyone has off-days, hyung.”

                “In that case, I was really off.” Seunghyun could feel his cheeks heating up without cause, frustration coursing through him. “I had a headache the entire time. I was distracted.”

                “Didn’t Teddy think you were fine?” Youngbae contributed, leaning to be part of the

conversation.

                “Then he didn’t notice,” Seunghyun said darkly, shaking his head minimally. “If I didn’t sound bad, then I felt bad, alright?”

                “But why would you –“ Jiyong started, but luckily stopped himself before he completed his question. Seunghyun was hunched over, looking pointedly at the floor. Jiyong took this as his queue to shut up. He leaned back again, practically as frustrated as Seunghyun. He didn’t like to leave people unhappy. Especially when over something that he thought could be so easily solved.

                But what Jiyong didn’t know – and what Seunghyun was just finding out – was that it definitely wasn’t an easy maze to escape.

A/N: Woo! This should have only taken a week to get up but it took a little bit longer! I don't think I can promise exact weekly updates. At least for now, I want to have a written chapter ahead of the posted chapter. I just finished the third one, so you get the second! And hopefully the third chapter will be up quicker because I know what I'm doing for the fourth one~ If that makes sense. OTL
HUGE TREMENDOUS THANKS to Squelettique for my gorgeous banner!
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