**note** since this is not a oneshot, I will be looking at your story as a whole, instead of paying attention to particular details.

Review: The Idiot's Guide To Defrosting Her Heart
Author: xXxKakusa-na-BaraxXx
Reviewed on:120422 by Marie

Character Development [/15]
In the foreword, you give away so much information about your characters, that they don't really develop throughout the rest of your story. This isn't a totally bad thing, but you can do better to characterize them. I think my favorite character is Yesung, simply because he seems the most like his real self. Another thing: You mention their ages in the beginning, yet the entire story, almost every character is sufficiently immature. They act so young, it's hard to believe that they are older than 15. I realize this is fiction, and not everything needs to be realistic, but concerning the characters, they should act their age. Your story could be really effective if the characters weren't so childish. Most idols nowaday wouldn't decide to have a sleepover together, just saying.

There are also a lot of characters, and with the MiSung, Mihyun, and Mi-Sun, it was quite confusing at first! I found myself rereading things to make sure I was thinking of the right character, especially because some of your characters are so alike. Also, you call Yesung by his real name sometimes, and by Yesung at other times. Also, you use so many pairing names that along with the large number of characters in your story, the names will get jumbled up in the reader's head. This can be confusing to the reader, and I strongly suggest avoiding it.

All in all though, I enjoyed the characters, especially because most are OCs. Sometimes, it's hard to develop new characters, and it's easier to just use an existing girl group. But you did it quite well, and I commend you on this. [8/15]

Plot [/25]
This plot wasn't all original, and moved at slightly strange paces, but overall was a nice plot. I wish there weren't so many things going on at once, because at times, it seemed like the minor back stories regarding the sub-main characters overshadowed the main plot. You can still have backstories, but don't focus so much on them. Try and make sure you reach the goal of your story, and establish the plot early on. There isn't anything completely special about this plot, but it was still nice to read. [18/25]

Conventions [/15]
I won't point out everything, but you have some grammar mistakes.

In chapter four, you say "Awkward silence". One, this is an incomplete sentence. I realize you used it for effect, but it made your own voice as an author so present that instead of reading a fanfic, it felt like you were reading it to me. I would avoid things like this.

Chapter 9: She'd managed to almost convince herself that the acrobatics her heart had been performing were simply figments of her imagination.

This sentence is completely awkward. I suggest rewriting it as:

She almost managed to convince herself that the unusual acrobatic feeling in her heart was simply a figment of her imagination.

Also, in the beginning of the same chapter, you say:

how-many-times-did-your-mother-drop-you-on-your-head-when-you-were-young 

My goodness, that is a lot of dashes. Honestly, I just didn't like when you added this. There are other ways to describe the face, and it's these kinds of things that make the tone in your story slightly childish. Again in Chapter 9:

Yes, the evil maknae looked alarmed for once. (But then again, Nali is a rather terrifying person.) 

First of all, it sounds so informal, like you're speaking to the reader as a friend. This is present throughout your story, not just in this sentence. I know the story is a fun, bubbly one, and it's not really about a serious subject, but you can still establish your ethos by making yourself sound more mature. The reader will still enjoy it.

I guess if I look at the story as a very informal piece, then there aren't too many other things wrong with it. You have good grammar, occassional spelling errors, and a decent vocabulary. You really do write well, but your tone makes it sound so naiive and childish. Depending on your audience, this can be a good thing, but for me, I was not a fan of this. [11/15]

Originality[/15]
When i read the title, I didn't expect an all-original story. And I was right. This story is kind of cliche. A girl group + a boy group falling in love, a girl who has no emotions with a guy who does, and friends attempting to set up their friends together are all themes I've seen before. But still, the story had some fresh ideas.

For example, you came up with an all new girl group, and positions for all of them. Good job! This may not seem like a big deal, but I think it's impressive when a writer can make all new characters. There isn't much more I can say, to be honest. [8/15]

Extras [/10]
When I clicked on your story's link, the first thing I did was close my eyes. Wow! That is a lot of color. The poster is cute and fun, and it follows the story well, but the background is so overpowering that I almost skipped over the poster. If you want the poster to be the highlight of the foreword, and the first thing the reader sees, the background shouldn't be as crazy-bright. The atmosphere may mirror that of your story, but for me, it was too much. Once I got used to it, it was better, but the strain it put on my eyes made me have to take more frequent breaks from the computer screen.

As for the description, I feel as if there is too much going on. You list so many characters, even minor ones, that it almost seems like you're relying on the description so you don't have to introduce characters in the story. I'm not a fan of this, and I advise against it. Also, what you said about them were things that the actual story should tell, not the description, such as this line:

She has been known to have an image of a 'rock', thanks to her non-existent emotions. She does not want to fall in love. 

This, to me, gave away some things about the character that I would have liked to have found out while reading the actual chapters. You don't want to give away too much about your characters before the story starts. Leave some things out so that the reader can interpret them. I think just saying "lead vocal of CA-PRICE would have been fine". After I had read about nine chapters, some of the characters listed in the description hadn't even made an appearance yet. These minor characters don't need to be mentioned, in my opinion.

As for the text font and such, you did a good job. However, sometimes you put Hangul characters or words thrown inside and it's distracting. Not to mention, you have awakward moments where you as an author pipes in and says something, and it harms your credibility.

Okay, now for the title/chapter titles. The title of your story is one that draws the reader in, while still leaving much up for the reader to find out later. And, early on, it was easy to see how the title fit your story. The only thing I didn't understand was the word "Idiot". Who is the idiot in this story? Even by the most recent chapter, I am confused about this. Still, the title is unique, and definitely interesting. Judging by the number of subscribers you have, there were many people who thought this as well.

The chapter titles were humorous, but again, childish. Sometimes a simple title is better than a super long one. I could almost see the lines used as titles as maybe a prelude to the chapter, instead of a title. But that's just a personal preference, don't change it if you don't want to. [6/10]

Pace [/10]
Your story flows well within chapters, but as a whole, it was quite slow. Not much happens in the first couple chapters. Then, to my surprise, all of a sudden Mihyun starts feeling something toward Yesung. You can make this a lot more subtle. Even one small sentence here and there beforehand could have been sufficient. Making it so abrupt makes it seem too random. You have so many things going on at once, that it's hard to develop a well-paced story. Maybe next time, try using a little less characters. Again, this is my opinion, so don't be offended or change it if you don't want to.

Also, there are points in your story where you say, "Rewind" or "Fast forward", yet you still use a different font color and italics. You don't need to do both. The reader will understand that something occurs earlier if you italicize it. Flashbacks are noticable in most stories, so the whole "rewind" thing was almost like saying, 'Hey! This is a flashback!" which makes it sound a little pretentious. You also have some time discrepancies, like 5 days or something. Alot can happen in 5 days, and you don't really explain how the characters were reacting to each other during that time. You could say this:

In one chapter, all you say about the 3 days is this:

Practice went on smoothly as usual 

Instead, you could have elaborated on how it was going on smoothly. Talk about how she's starting to notice things about Yesung that she likes, or how she's impressed with his talent, or how she was still being a 'rock'. There are so many things you can add here. I realize you don't want long chapters, but it's okay to have them if it's going to make the overall effect of your story better. [8/10]

Meaning [/10]
I'm not sure why you wrote this, but it's obvious that you put a lot of thought into it. You must have spent a lot of time thinking of the plot, characters, and other things. I think your voice is so apparent throughout the story that it feels almost like first person, which makes it a little less meaningful for the reader. Since it's written in third person, try to write from your characters' perspectives more too. You can still have a narrator's perspective, but you can be so much more effective if you add some of the thoughts of the characters, too.

As for me, I kept interest in the story, but for some chapters, the pace was slow, so I felt bored. If you want to kep the reader interested, you have to pull them into the story. This doesn't mean address them while you write, but try to use the characters' actions to portray feelings that most people feel. For example, falling in love. If you describe how Mihyun feels more often, you can definitely connect to the reader, and make them think about a time when they felt that way as well. Still, you actually did a nice job of this at times, I just would have liked to see more. [6/10]

Overall [/100]
I enjoyed reviewing this story. It was so cute, and I love the characters. It was slightly too childish for me, but for some people, this type of story is perfect. I think the ideas in your fic are very fresh and interesting, but try to make them more your own. No one wants to read the same story several times because all writers write the same. You have a lot of good things going on for you, and for someone whose first language wasn't English, you are a wonderful, talented writer. Don't be fooled by how much I wrote, because there isn't much that you really need to change. I hope my tips have been helpful for the future. Don't worry about your scores, because I'm not the best at putting a score to certain areas. Please read the comments more. Good luck and keep writing! [65/100]