----- _____’s POV -----           

It had been almost three weeks since the trip. And, well, my life did not end. Lexy and I had become closer than before, we couldn’t be separated. As you know, Lexy’s parents went through divorce and of course, at the end we couldn’t make Lexy’s parents change their mind. Now, she’s living with her mom in a new apartment near my house. Even though it was hard for Lexy, but I thought at least I was always there for her. It’s true I didn’t know if it even makes things better for Lexy, but I just want to be there for her.                                                 

“Stop talking like that.” Lexy said to me as she put her hands on her hip, stood beside the table next to my seat.

“Stop talking like what?” I said in confuse.

“Like that!” She pointed at me. I got even confused. “’I don’t want to ruin our friendship.’ ‘I just want to be there for you.’ ‘I’ve been a bad best friend.’ Stop saying all those, those craps!”

“Ha?”

Lexy sit on top of the table as she continued, “Stop being so pretentious.”

“What do you mean? I’m not pretending. I really regret everything and I want to be a better best friend.”

She rolled her eyes. “See? You do it again.” She let a big sigh and continued, “Stop blaming yourself. It’s not like you’ve been abandoning me or something. Stop torturing yourself. It’s not exactly like I’ve been showing my emotion about the divorce to you, so it’s really not your fault.”

“But still, I should have noticed, I’m your best friend after all. I just got really distracted by this love thing. Ah, I’m such a fool.”

She sighed, “You are not, ______. It’s normal to be occupied with something, and might a little not see anything beside that –not that you are. Someday I think I am going to, and you will too. It’s because you are a human and so do I.” And then she continued in a soothing voice. ”But we won’t easily fall apart because that’s the meaning of being best friends.”

I chose to take my silence because she’s right.

“______, stop being dishonest to yourself. You will end up hurting yourself. I know it’s only a way to avoid facing the truth. It’s about Kyuhyun, right?”

“What? No, why would it?”

“You are afraid of taking the chance. He clearly likes you too. I’m okay, I’m great, really. Stop making me feel bad. You make me look like the barrier between you two. I don’t want to be the reason of your broken heart. I want to be a good friend too. I don’t want to stop you from getting your happiness, your romance.”

“What are you talking about? I-I never – “

“Yeah, right.” She sarcastically said.

Now that I think about it, she might be right. I’m using our friendship as a reason to say no. I’m scared. I mean he’s the most popular guy in this school, while me? I’m no one. This kind of relationship never worked. Those dramas on TV are nothing like reality. Well, it’s not like he likes me anyway.

Ehm, about Kyuhyun, honestly I’ve been avoiding him since then. I felt like a terrible person for not letting him telling me – whatever he might want to tell me – I was really sure that it was going to be a confession, hahaha, how could that be possible? As it turned out he wasn’t going to confess.

Why did I say that? It’s because I heard it from the guy himself, well, technically. You see, a few days ago I was on my way to the library and I saw him with some girls in the hallway, he was gathering his things from his locker, and as usual there are things, I mean girls who surrounding him. I don’t know why can’t he just makes them go away, I guess that will be out of character.

I stopped and hide behind a wall, close enough to hear their conversation. I was realizing what I was doing and was about to go when I overheard it.

“Kyuhyun oppa~ we’re really curious with what you were about to do a few weeks ago after the trip.” I peeked over and saw the girl with the blond – well dyed blond, err, actually when you see it closely, it’s yellow, not blond, whatever – hair said that.

“Yeah, you were really excited and leaving us behind just like that to approach that melancholy girl, who was her name again?” The girl with a really short skirt said.

“Were you going to confess to her since that night was a white day? No way, did you really --- oppa~?!” Said the girl with leopard printed shoes – is that even legal to wear them to school?

Anyway, I saw the girls were staring at him with curious expression. Note this, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I just overheard them. I-I, well I was curious with his answer.

“I..” Kyuhyun was going to answer, but the girls cut him.

“Were you really going to confess? What?! No, way! I can’t believe that! We should destroy that girl, how dare her. Kyuhyun oppa belongs to everyone!” They argued.

And then I heard it, “No. I was just… going to thank her for the chocolate she gave me on valentine.” Kyuhyun said as he closed his locker door and walk away. The girls followed him

“Oh, I see. Hahaha, there’s no way you would confess to a girl like that right, girls? We are fools to think that it might be a confession. Just forget it, let’s have fun!”

“Sorry I have something to do this afternoon.”

“OPPAAAA~”

With that, I’ve got the answer so I continued my way to the library. I’ve heard everything I need to hear. And I was so full of myself to think that I’ve letting go my only chance, while I actually have no chance at all. He was only going to thank me for giving him chocolate. I was a fool to think that he might like me too since he was so happy when I gave him chocolate. Gah, that was embarrassing!

Nah, at least now I didn’t feel bad.

“So that’s how it goes, I was so stupid, wasn’t I?” I asked Lexy.

“No, of course you weren’t. You know what? He’s the one that’s really stupid to let go my awesome best friend.” She comforted me. I smiled. She always knew what to say. “Let’s go home. I will treat you to your favorite ice cream near the park.” She said as she grabbed my hand and dragged me out from the classroom.

“Are you sure you’re not going to regret treating me to my favorite ice cream?“

“Nah, on second thought it might be draining my allowance, but well, if it is for you, princess, everything will do.”

“Hahaha, you watched too much cheesy TV series again, didn’t you? What’s so good about them really? Anyway, I think I can buy myself ice---“

Kyuhyun.

I saw Kyuhyun was standing nervously there, outside the class.

Oh, no no no. He might have heard our conversation. As if misunderstanding wasn’t bad enough, the person is might now know how I was so full of myself to think that he likes me. What should I do??

***

‘Ah~~ I am so lonely without Lexy. How could she leave me alone in this school while she spent her time with her mother in Universal Studio in Singapore? Did she think she could make me happy with just promising me she would bring back many souvenirs from there for me? Aaah~ she’s so mean~’ I thought to myself as I make my way to Lexy’s and my sacred place – nah, it’s just the place we usually hangs at – where we could own the place ourselves since no one really come to the place.

It’s a really beautiful garden, far from the crowd, in the most south area of the school. It’s round-shaped, with four paths dividing the park into four equal sizes. Many different kinds of flowers are growing up here. It’s colorful, smell good and comfortable. In the middle of the park there is this big tree, I don’t know what kind of tree it is but it’s really big and old. There are no benches there, Lexy and I usually sit under the tree, but it still comfortable for us.

Today, for the first time I went there alone, with my bag hung over my shoulder and a science-fiction novel I borrowed from the library on my right hand. Nah, it will still be an amazing place even when I am alone. There is that little cute cat too there need me to feed him. Ahh, I can’t wait to see him today. I usually feed him at lunch, but that evil teacher asked me to help her arranging books in the history section in the library.

I know I’m bad at history lesson, but that didn’t mean she could order me around. In exchange of the make-up test she said? Nah, it is okay since I wouldn’t do any better in the make-up test. Well, I felt better because I found this awesome science-fiction novel that somehow was hidden in the history section. Maybe today wasn’t that bad, tomorrow’s Saturday too, so I wouldn’t suffer anymore. I’m going to hibernate. I smiled to myself.

“Hahaha, you are right! We should watch the movie next week. It must be awesome.”

I heard Kyuhyun’s voice and turned my head in reflect to find the source of the voice. He was laughing when my eyes found him. Our eyes met. It surprised me, reminded me of the last embarrassing event. I turned my head and kept walking. I heard him said farewell to his friends and walk to my direction. Oh no, I hope he didn’t come after me. I kept walking. Why should I pass the canteen he always hangs out with his guy friend in?

Please don’t come after me, please don’t come after me, please don’t co—

 “_____!” I heard him calling my name. Oh, no no no, I pretended to not had heard him and fastened my pace instead. I heard his steps, he went after me. Go! Go! Go!

I felt his hand reaching out to my hand. We stopped. He pulled my hand and made me faced him. I don’t want to look at him so I look around to found that we were in the middle of the sacred park, right in front of the king of tree – I called it so because it was the biggest tree I ever see.

“Meow~~” I heard the little cat calling to me. I looked at it, he let go of my hand. Good cat! Now, I have a motive to not talk or even look at him. I got down squatting, petted the little cat. I opened my bag to put in the novel I borrowed and took the cat’s food out. As I opened the wrapping and put it down, the cat immediately ate it. Oh, poor thing, you must be hungry.

Kyuhyun didn’t say anything.

He didn’t say anything but I know he still stood there, watching me. I didn’t have anything to say nor want to say. I know it’s not fair to avoid him like this when he wasn’t the one at fault. Well, maybe I did it because I feel embarrassed because it’s actually my own fault to think that he might have fallen for me because I was so full of myself, because, gah! How’s this? What should I do? Lexy~~~

“_____” I heard him calling me in a very soft voice, my heart tremble. I kept my silence. Acted like I didn’t hear him and kept playing with the cat. I heard sounds, and the next thing I know he had squatting next to me. “Please listen to me.” He said to me with sad tone in his voice. Please, don’t do this to me, I’ve been trying so hard to let go of all my feelings.

My face was hot so I stood up still looking at the cat. “I-I don’t think we really have anything to talk about. I have to go home.” I answered him as I tried to make my way when he suddenly stood up and blocked my way.

“We do.” He said as he stared me. Yeah, actually we have. He’s right. The only problem is I don’t want to talk about it, the fact that I was so full of myself is embarrassing enough and now he wanted to discuss it? No, thank you. Honestly, I don’t think it’s because of I was embarrassed, but this feeling right here started to blossom again and I don’t want it to. As I thought, it wouldn’t be easy to erase the feeling that had been here for so long, ah, and I was really determined too.

“_____” I heard him calling my name again. I stayed in my position, pretended I wasn’t interested in what he was going to say. “I’m really am confused, you know? I-I thought you like me?” When he said the like word, I feel like I could fell down anytime. I want this conversation to end. I don’t want to fall for him again.

The silence took over, I was afraid he might be able to heard my heart beating like crazy so I decided to answer without looking at him, “I- I probably did, but not anymore.”

I surprised with my own answer, eh, it’s not that hard. But am I really?

“I-I see. But can you at least tell me why?” He seemed to be taken aback with my answer, from his voice, I still didn’t dare to look at him.

“Why is it matter to you anyway? It’s not like you like me, too, aren’t you?” I asked him back. Oh, me and my stupid mouth. I am being too obvious. I didn’t want him to think like I am looking for answer in whether he likes me or not.

“Actually I—“

“I overheard you.” I cut him. No, I don’t want to be rejected twice.

“Eh?”

“That time, after the trip, you approached me because you were only going to thank me for my valentine chocolate, right?” I turned to him and smiled as if the pain wasn’t there torturing me inside.

“I- I—“

 “It’s okay. In fact, I’m happy you know? You see, that night,” Just say it, he knew about it already anyway. I continued,”I thought you were really going to reply my feeling. But now that I know the truth, I wouldn’t worry anymore that I would hurt you. Since I was so fueled up confessing my feeling but then suddenly backing off like that, hahaha, it would be really annoying, isn’t it? I understand now.” I looked down at my feet as I cut off his sentence, I don’t want to hear more rejection as it hurts enough already. 

“You don’t understand.” He said to me.

“What?” I asked him as I looked up to him –I never realize he’s really tall. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes met his. He was having that serious look on his face.

“You don’t understand.” He repeated. He kept his eyes on mine, “I might not know why you suddenly decided to stop having feelings for me. But what I do know is I’ve been admiring this girl who’s standing in front of me for so long and I know I’ll always be, ever since that day.” He said as he gazed to the sky through the branches of the tree. “Ten years ago. In a park near my house, there was this little girl who is my hero, inspiration, and also my first love.” Then he stared right at me with a really sincere smile then he continued, “And that girl is you.”

I was being carried away of his words, but then I realized, “Ten years ago? But we didn’t meet before the middle school. I think you’re mistaken me for someone else.” I can’t hide my disappointment in my voice.

“No. I’m sure it was you. That day at the entrance ceremony, I spotted you and I knew that you are her. You really don’t remember?”

“I-I don’t know.” I answered. I really can’t remember meeting him before middle school.

“You were just a little girl, but you are so brave, you went fight those big scary boys alone. Even though you were all bruised but you were smiling proudly like you didn’t even feel a bit of pain.” He looked at me as if he wanted to know whether that little part of story had refreshed my memory or not. But seeing me kept my silence with scrunching eyebrows trying to remember, he looked disappointed, he might really sure that I will surely remember since it was a memorable for him.

I’m trying hard to remember any details of my childhood. Fight? Am I ever been in a fight?

I suddenly remembered something and then said, “I-I think I remember there was a time when I came home with bruises after playing in a park. I remember how my mom was really mad at me and kept telling me that as a girl I shouldn’t put a fight. She didn’t allow me to go play in the park near my house anymore after that incident.” I looked at the cat that’s now targeting at something behind the bushes near the tree. “The truth is I don’t really remember why did I came home with bruises, but I was happy back then even with those bruises because I was feeling like I’ve done something good.” I continued as I smiled. These words just coming out of my mouth, I have no difficulty in talking to him right now, I realized. I am happy.

“Well, that’s explained why I didn’t see you anymore. But since that day I’ve been able to make many friends and safely play together in the park.” He told me.

“But your house is not in my district. I never saw you anywhere near my house.”

“About two months since that incident, I moved to a new house because of my dad’s work. I didn’t really able to say good bye to you.”

“I’m still not sure since I really don’t remember.” I look down at my feet. Have I met him when I was little? Weird, I am really sure if I have met him I would never ever forget him. Nah, I guess I’ve ever been so innocent before. Not thinking about this complicated thing called love. Hmmm, I miss my childhood.

“I’m sure it was you. But even though it wasn’t you I’m still going to admire you.” He smiled at me. I felt like flying, but I felt weird. I wonder whether he will ever noticed me if I never have that fight in the park, which I can’t remember.

“You are that one grumpy girl that’s always sleepy in history lesson, who’s always laughing at every jokes even if they’re not funny, the girl who’s love to eat sweets and admiring small creatures, who’s really innocent and get fooled by her best friend every time but still will do anything for her best friend, who’s having the most sincere and beautiful smile, who’s blushing every time her eyes met mine. It’s you. I will always admire you.”

I didn’t really heard what he was saying since I was trying to remember. Wait, is he really saying what I think I’ve heard or is it just my imagination. Oh gosh.. I felt my face getting hotter. I didn’t dare looked up at him. All of those things he said, what part of it make him admire me.. It’s so embarrassing. What should I say, what should I say?? Ah, change the topic, change the topic!

“Ehm, what had happened that day anyway?” I asked him in my most stable voice, but it’s kind of shaky. Don’t think about it. I asked him because I got curious since I can’t really remember, well, who am I lying to? I actually want to change the conversation, it’s really embarrassing. He watched me all this time, why I never tried to look more of a good girl??

“You know, back then I was someone who’s too shy to approach other people. So I usually will just sit on the swing and watched other kids playing.” I heard him said. Kyuhyun? Shy?

“But that one sunny day, a girl approached me and asked me to join her with the other playing. Since that day I was finally able to make friends. That girl is rarely come to the park but when she is there. It felt like everything is so bright.” I smiled after hearing that. I was blushing too, of course.

He then continued, “And there was a day that makes me change. Most of the days were peaceful. You rarely went to the park so you don’t know that sometimes big kids from next block came and do pranks on us. That one day, you were in the park when they came. But unlike the rest of us you stood bravely and face them.  You of course can’t possibly win against them, but your bravery gives us all courage to fight back. The rest of us start to yell at them and make them retreat. They never came back after that.”

I smiled at him. “I wish I can be like that little girl. Ah, she’s me, isn’t she? Is it really happened?”

He looked at me sincerely, “It really happened. I know you still have it there, the strength to protect what you love, that is. It makes me want to be like you, brave and make other people want to be with you. From that on, I promised myself to be better and be more proper to stand next to you.” He smiled at me, “I have never got a chance to say thank you.” He stopped for a while and then said, “So thank you, ______. I’ve never been more thankful to have met you.”

I lost my words. Is this really happening? I’m not dreaming, aren’t I?

“Ah, it’s awkward, isn’t it?” He said to broke the slightly silence atmosphere and laughed. I can’t help but laugh too. It is indeed awkward. “After weeks you never come back to the park and I went looking for you. I don’t know where you live so I just walking along the blocks. I kind of got lost.”

“Really? What happened next?”

“My mother found me and brought me home. My father was home, and he brought back a lot of cakes. When they asked me what I was doing in that block, I’ve forgotten what I was doing.” He laughed. “I was so silly.”

I laughed. He’s so cute. I want to meet the little version of him. I said to him, “It’s normal, you were just a little boy. Importantly, are you sure that was really me? Why is it all turned around now?” I laughed again, realizing that it is all turned around. He’s the brave one and I am the shy one.

But he’s not laughing. He just smiled at me and then said, “No , it’s not. I’m still the shy one and you the brave girl who inspired me, you will always be. But now, it’s not only admiration but also love. I like you, _____. I really do.” His words made me really looked at his eyes and looking for any sign of prank he might be doing to mess with my mind. But no, I only see affection and honesty in his eyes. I feel so warm just by looking at him like this. I don’t want to ever have to look away.

“I know you said you don’t like me anymore, but, hell.” He took my hand and looked deeper into my eyes and, as if it possible, my heart through my eyes. “Would you be my girlfriend, ______?”

I opened my mouth to say no but I bit my lips and my head suddenly went against my will, it nodded softly by itself. Well, I do want to be, I can’t lie to myself anymore. I love him, and I know it will never change.

To my surprise, he hugged me. “Thank you, ______. And I’m sorry I’m hugging you but I can’t really hold myself. You’re just too cute.” He laughed and I laughed too. I felt like I’m going to explode from all of this feeling.

“Thank you for opening your heart to me.” I said to him, it will be weird if I keep my silence.

“No, thank you for opening my heart.” He said it so softly to me, I might not heard it if we weren’t this close. I smiled. I am very happy. I really am.

***

Now that he mentioned that, I remember how he was really nice to me even though we were never in the same class before this. Like that one time when I was in duty to hand in my classmates tasks to teachers’ room. The papers were blown away by the wind when I walked by an open window on my way to the teachers’ room, he suddenly came out of nowhere and kindly helped me. We didn’t know each other, yet he kept smiling to me every time we met at school. I’ve never made a big deal about it since I thought he was usually that nice to everyone. But after he said that, I’m so happy.

‘Now I know the reason why I love him.

Our sweet first meeting has opened up my heart, and, haha, apparently his too. And then well, you know, love surely did the rest.’

“I hope this story will bring all of you happiness and the magic of love <3

From the invisible author, misumienai13, Open Your Heart!

HAS COME TO AN END, THE HAPPY ONE!”

Copyright misumienai13 ©2013