Title: Mianhae/ I’m Sorry

Genre : Angst

Casts: SNSD's Jung Jessica | JYJ's Jae Joong | Super Junior's Kim Hee Chul | Super Junior's Lee Dong Hae | SHINee's Kim Jong Hyun | 2PM's Park Jae Bum/ Jay Park | 2PM's Ok Taec Yeon

She was sitting in her luxury car. Previously, the car was a witness to their love story. The car has been great escapes for them. By which they made long journeys in the middle of the nights, either out of town or just traveling round in the town or just sit in the car, staring at the Han river. Only two of them on their car dates.  She and him, just both of them, that was the important and she did not need anything else. She felt like she could conquer the world and all her problems. She thought that he would be her last harbour.

But she was wrong.

-

She thought that he would be different. Different from her oppas. She thought that he would be the One.

-

“Mianhae Sica-yah. But you have just debuted. Our relationship will result in no good for you. Look, how much did you receive antis because of our relationships.”

“But Jae Oppa, I am strong. Look, I'm all right so far. I can handle it." She tried to smile her widest smile to make him believe her words.

He her hairs and then grabbed her to his embraces. He kissed her hairs and then closed his eyes, “I cann’t watch it when you’re hurt. Especially when my fans hurt you. I know that you hid it from me. I want to protect you, but you didn’t allow me to do that. I love you Sica. I just want you to be happy.”

She bit her lip trying to hold her tears.

-

She loved them both. She did not know who she loved more. Both of them loved her too. They knew that she was confused and vacillate. And then, the eldest of them chosen to yield his love for his beloved dongsaeng. He knew that he was in deep sorrow because losing his father. He convinced the younger one to confess and she accepted him.  He was happy when he saw the new couple.

But... she knew later about his give-in’s case.

“Oppa, why you did that?”

“Don’t cry silly girl. You must smile. Hey, you are my twin. I never cried. So you shouldn’t cry too. Wipe your tears.” Even though his words sounded harsh and people said that he was an evil or cruel one, but she knew his mild heart for her.  He wiped tears on her face as she was still sobbing.

“Now go, go to your prince. He is waiting for you.”
She tried to smile and hugged him, “I love you Oppa.”

“Remember, I always be there for you. Wherever you need me, call me, I’ll be there. You call Hee, I call Sica. HeeSica. HeeSica.”

“Hahaha. Oppa, you’re babo.”

“We’re babo couple, right?”

She hit his chest slowly and hugged him once again, “Gomawo Oppa. I love you.”

He just nodded and instructed her to go. When she disappeared from his sight, he wiped the crystal that started falling from his eyes. Mianhae Sica, I love you too.

-

They were a happy couple. He was her stupid Bada and she was his pretty Sica. He always pampered her with sweet things. However, he was a romantic person. They were happy just being together, cherishing the time they spent together, especially among their family. They were in same company but there were no restriction or prohibition for their relationship. They were only advised to be careful so their fans and the netizens would not know about them. They thought that they were already cautious of their acts. But they were wrong. The netizens smelled something fishy about them. She was bombarded with many hatred black-mails. He knew about that and it broke his heart.

“Mianhae Sica. I really was not able to protect you. I’m so weak and I can not even protect myself. How I can protect the person I love. We should not be together. We should be break up.”

“No, Oppa. I don’t want to break up.” She embraced him tightly.

“You will find someone who will be more suitable to you than me.”

She tighten her hug, “NO... I just want you Oppa. No others.”

She wanted to scream and said that she just needed him to be there, beside her. She did not want to be protected. She just wanted him to be with her and she would be able to stand facing the world.

He her hair then released her hug, “I’m sorry Sica. I cann’t be the One. But I will always be your Hae Oppa. Your only stupid Bada. And you will be always my cutie-pie dongsaeng, Jung Soo Yeon.”

Later,he stepped away and took pieces of her heart too.

-

She knew him for a long time since her predebut. He was her dongsaeng and hoobae in their company. They could be a “y Love” but she always persistent that she was her noona and sunbae and it should be just it, no more no less. But still, he was always stubbornly proposing to her until one day. He always said that age just a number and they were just one year difference so it should not be a big deal. She just laughed for his comments and always said that he was just teasing her as always.

“I’m sorry Sica Noona. But I could not waiting for you anymore. --- I am with Se Kyung now.”

She smiled weakly. She knew that it would be happen soon and she didn’t have rights to forbid him for having relationships. After all, she who made him having no options, “Chukkhae, Jonghyun-ah. I hope you will be happy with her.”

“Can I hug you for the last time Noona?”

“I don’t want to make someone jealous.”

“Haha. She won’t be jealous Noona.”

He shut his eyes and bid a goodbye silently. Nevertheless, she was his first love.

-

He brought back her smiles again. It was started from a variety show that both of their groups participated, the Idol Army. She was blushing a lot because of his “When I Seduce Jessica”  thing.  After the show, they introduced themselves properly and they started befriend. They developed their friendships and it moved to the next stage. Their relationship was so sweet and she loved his witty acts and surprises so much. There were no commotions in their relationship until that case occured.

“I’m sorry Sica but I will leave this country. I will be back to Seattle.”

“Don’t leave Oppa. Don’t leave me.”

“Mianhae baby. This is for our goodness’ sakes. I’ll be back. I promise.”

He is back now. But he was not her Jaebum Oppa anymore. He came back as Jay Park, not hers like before.

-

She dialled his number for nth time. She did not know since when their relationship slowly changed. Maybe it was because the breaking news of them being together. The candid photos of them having their cafe dates scattered on newspapers, magazines, television news, and internet. She tried to clear the scandalous rumours. She said that they were just friends. She tried to maintain their relationship from the tempest that could destroy it. She did not want to undergo the pain of separation’s circumstances again. But the time of their meeting reduced gradually. She was so busy with her group’s promotional activities in US and Japan. They were always traveling back and forth from one country to another. He was busy too with his respective group’s debut in Japan. They tried to steal the time to meet at Japan in the early morning before, but the paparazzi still got them. That was when she and him got alerts from their respective companies. She thought before that he was the One. She thought that might be because of the differences of companies, they could survive and defend their loves. She remembered the time when he first courting her. He was one of her old buddies before. Their buddies, actually. He sustained her at the time of his sudden departure. He confessed that actually he loved her long time before, at the time when they first met. He was the culprit of “When I Seduce Jessica” after all, but he was to shy to confess his feelings. And when he saw them both, he knew that he was too late. When he left her, he was not stealing the opportunity to be close with her. He just wanted to be her strength. He could not stand when he saw her mourning of his disappearance. But nobody could blame the feelings. It was still there and blooming again after their being together. He confessed his feelings and she accepted it. She was so grateful for his existence. She had someone who could she leaned for. She had him to be there for her. He was the one who helped her to collect her scattered pieces of heart. It were all the matters for her.

-

Finally he picked up the phone. “I’m sorry Sica. But I cann’t be there now. I have a sudden schedule. We should re-schedule our meeting baby. I have a gift for you and I will give to you later. I love you baby.”

She swallowed the bitterness lump in . She hated the sentences, “I’m sorry” because she knew that it was always followed by excuses and she was tired of all his excuses. She knew that their packed schedules were arranged by their companies so they could not meet nor arrange their datings time. She tried to always call him in her spare times. In airports or in her break times, she always called him and never left her phone. She tried to catch their time together. But slowly the schedules made gap in their relationship. He started pick up her calls rarely and excused with his schedules or his tiredness. She always tried to accept and understand. But she realized that their relationship would not work if it was just one-sided. She knew that it was the end of their relationship.

“Oppa, listen to me. I cann’t handle this anymore. I tried to keep this relationship alive, b-but I--- I cann’t take it anymore. I’m tired.“ Her voices cracked and she burst into tears.

Silence on the other side until he breathed slowly and said, “I’m sorry. I know it’s my fault. I abandoned you all this time. I didn’t want this but I cann’t hurt you anymore. ” The reason why I cann’t see you is because I don’t want to hear you say goodbye (Aenai wake wa, kimi no sayonara wo kikitaku nakatta kara).

He knew that they were exhausted. “I will always love you and will be always your best buddy Sica.”

He hung up the phone and her wailed tears filled the room. She loved him, her Taec Oppa, but she knew that she should say goodbye. 

-
 

She did not need expensive clothes and bags like she usually flashed, especially in her airport fashions.  Actually, she did not hate her fame nor the exposures she got, but deeply, in her deepest heart, she just want someone whom she can be relied on. Someone who she loves and loves her real self too. Someone who will be her last harbour and she can call him as home. Is that too much for her wish to be granted?

She removes her tears. The old reminiscences always bring her tears. She is Jessica Jung now, no matter how. The Ice Princess of the top girl group in South Korea. Not Sica or Jung Soo Yeon, the fragile petite girl with a tender and warm-hearted. She fixes her makeup and smoothed her clothes. Then she slides out from her car. The blitz of cameras blinds her eyes. But she is already in her elegance composure. She flashes her smile and waves her hand. She is Jessica Jung, after all.

::: Auch... Am I a greedy one because I wrote most of all Jessica's pairings? I didn't want to portray she as a playgirl though. I just want to write her journey of loves. She is so kind and warm-hearted. But I think she has many hardships that she swallowed it herself and didn't want to show it to any one. She always kept it herself. Tried to portray her as a though and cold-hearted one, but we know she wasn't like that, right. These stories were so angsty. But I hope in real life, she is in a happy relationship with who ever she with, because she deserves it :)