SEQUENCE 003

title                   : kill mysoul

author               : pixiemaknae

characters          : choi hyesu (oc), luhan (exo-m), minho (shinee), xiumin and kris (exo-m)

word count        : 1,764words

inspiration         : NU’EST – I’m Sorry

Gripping the edge of the sink, the young guy only looked at his reflection in the mirror. For almost a minute he stilled like that as hundreds of thoughts passed through his head. When he felt like he got nothing as solution to all his problems despite the time he spent searching for it, he then turned the tap, letting the water to run down. He splashed the water to his face, albeit cool and so was the air around him, a part of him hoping that it’d wake him up from the reality, from the harshest thing he could ever face.

Too bad it was still a reality.

“Luhan.”

He instinctively raised his head at the voice and sighed when he realized it was just his hallucination.

While the inside of my head was completely forgetting about you

At some point, someone is by my side, as if things are repeating

He walked out from his adjoining bathroom to the kitchen soullessly. He scanned the entire fridge, looking for the beverage he always saved to drink for some occasions – first would be when he celebrated something, when his overall mood is good and second would be time like this, when he was just simply frustrated with everything and wanted to escape from the world. Taking two beer cans from the refrigerator, he then slumped on the cosiest couch in the living room.

It’s probably because I feel bad – I don’t love her yet

I’m just living in each day that repeats itself

He gulped the liquids in such a hurry, letting them cooling down his hidden anger, if that’s even possible. As he kept drinking his beer, he flipped his phone open, browsing through the recent calls list. Right there, her name was the first hanging on the list.

My Hyesu ♥, March 23^rd 2012, 4.35 pm

Luhan heaved another sigh as his eyes were suddenly brimmed with fat tears. He cried his heart out that night, unknowing to nolonger his Hyesu anymore.

---

Earlier…

He looked over the contact name again and again, not sure whether he should press the ‘call’ button or not. He had been like this for a day, going crazy by himself. He pressed the number only to hang up in five seconds, before she even answered it. He was nervous, depressed, and stressed out.

He breathed in and out repeatedly until he finally could control himself. He would call her.

One, two, three, four, five. He almost ended the call again when he felt suffocated with the mingled feelings and emotions that came as a rush. He was almost on the verge of giving up second after second he counted silently. Did she purposely not answer my call? Did she erase my number? Did she…

“Hello.” The voice of her, who was used to be as sweet as honey, now changed to something he never heard before – cold, stern, so not her. Could a person turn into such a different person in the matter of days?

He was silenced by her voice and was unable to find his words, confused and overwhelmed with a little change he noticed from her. Biting his lips, he finally answered, “… Though I know I shouldn’t call you, I did. Can we… Can we meet, Hyesu?” He was surprised over how difficult it was to mention her name.

“I don’t see the point of meeting you again, Luhan,” she retorted. “Though you knew you shouldn’t, why did you call? Why bother giving a call?"

He swore his breath hitched when he heard her. He knew he shouldn’t, yet he called. He knew why he shouldn’t now, why he should had just press the ‘end’ button earlier.

Then I couldn’t believe it but

With a calm voice, you said to me

“All of those happy memories, don’t you think they never existed in the first place, like a lie?”

I’m so dizzy, I’m so dizzy

The room was spinning and Luhan felt like falling, but unfortunately there wasn’t anyone to catch him.

---

He awoke later in the evening, feeling an excruciating pain on the head. Slightly massaging his head, he sat up, wishing the pain would go away sooner.

“Oh! You woke up!”

Holding his head, he looked at the door direction and recognized the figure that was standing three metres away from him. “Xiumin?” He croaked.

The other entered the room with a relieved smile and sat on the chair next to the bed. “Finally,” he murmured.

“What happened?”

“What happened?” Xiumin repeated after him. “I don’t know, Luhan. What happened?”

Kris then walked into the room, hands on his pockets. He exchanged looks with Xiumin, silently telling each other what they were thinking, as if they knew mind-reading and telepathy. He eventually looked at Luhan, staring him down. “…You have some explanations to do.”

Putting his sad face on, he wheezed, “Fine, here what happens.”

---

March 19^th, 2012

The particular girl named Choi Hyesu – or affectionately called as Hyesu, eyed her watch and puckered her lips in annoyance. Propping her arms on the table, she began to question where her lover was right now. She had been waiting for an hour and still there was no sign of his presence. Though most of times, guys were the one who waited, it seemed like tonight he was the one to wait for.

Letting out a groan, she said, “Is he kidding me? It’s 10 pm already and he is nowhere to be found.”

She attempted to call before and all she got was ‘this is Lu Han, sorry, but I’m not home’. She checked her phone and it seemed like he didn’t call or sent any text message saying he was late – nothing. She tapped her fingers, wondering if something happened to him, because she knew he was not the type to make his girl wait.

“He’s not here, yet?”

She gazed up and shook her head at the younger man. “No, Minho.”

“See, he’s not a good guy, Hye-”

“He is a good guy, okay?” She opposed fiercely.

Minho, who was the owner of the elite, five-star restaurant she was in, merely raised his hands in defeat. Foldinghis armsin front of his chest, he then looked at his closest cousin. “It’s 10 pm, Hyesu,” he said.

“Why, thank you, Minho. I didn’t know it’s already 10 pm until you told me,” she replied in a sarcastic tone, rolling her eyes in process.

He rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger, smirking at Hyesu. “Someone’s so touchy tonight,” .

“Well, who won’t, Min-”

“Excuse me, are you Choi Hyesu?” A thick-accented voice interrupted them.

Both heads were turned instantly only to catch the presence of an unknown woman. She was in her early twenties and was probably the same age like her, Hyesu assumed. She was dressing up formally – a silk, peach tube dress that subtly hugged her curves and a pair of silver stilettos. There weren’t many simply radiant women flowing with charisma in the streets these days.

“Yes, I am. You are?”

“I’m Xie Yuen, Luhan’s fiancé.”

---

“She came?” Even Kris who tried best to look cool and emotionless couldn’t hide his surprise away.

Luhan could only nod, his eyes still looking down.

Nine months ago, he still lived in Haidian, Beijing with his beloved family. He worked as a café singer with his younger brother, Chen. His life was full of happiness and love – it was beyond perfect. However, everything changed when Xie Yuen’s parents came to ask for the money Luhan’s family borrowed two years before, when the family was economically-suffered and needed fund to restore the family restaurant. Although the condition was getting better after time to time, it seemed like thefamily didn’t collect enough money to return the fund, since they used it mostly for Luhan'sand Chen’s tuition fee.

Xie Yuen fell in love at the first sight with him and confessed her feelings, which Luhan immediately rejected since he had no special feelings in her the way she did. Enraged with this, she threatenedhim by saying she would make his family’s business broke if he didn’t marry her.

He said yes, but his heart didn’t. Nonetheless, he did everything to save his family – his family was his first priority above anything.

So, how did he end up in Korea? Everything was because of his parents. They sent him away, so he couldn’t marry Xie Yuen – so he could be happy. Happiness was perhaps difficult to achieve, but wasn’t that every parents’ wish in this world? That their children were happy and healthy, wasn’t that what they wished for every time they prayed?

“This, I… I don’t even know what to say,” Xiumin commented, raising his hands in defeat.

“Me too,” Luhan said, almost in a whisper.

“I guess we see you tomorrow, then?” Kris said after a moment of silence. He came closer to Luhan and gave him a pat on the back, “The painkiller is on the dining table.  Have a rest, okay? If you need us, you know what to do,” he added, smiling reassuringly.

---

March 23^rd 2012, 11 pm

His cries were no longer heard. His head wasn’t aching anymore.

I love you but you are not here anymore in this place

Even if I want to see you, I can’t

He browsed through the photos in his phone, barely looking at them. He paused for a long time when a selca of him and her appeared. He remembered it was when they celebrated Hyesu’s birthday in her flat. He swore it was one of his most memorable times he spent with her, where the other memorable times were also spent with her - his most precious ones.

I wanted and wanted but to me, you weren’t there but only your memories

Kill my soul, kill my name, kill my pain, a good for me

Whose fault was it that he was feeling so much pain he never imagined before? Xie Yuen’s? His? Was it really the time to take the blame on people after what had happened? Now that he experienced such suffering, he would surely take time to mend his own heart. Nevertheless how long that time would be, nobody knew it better than him.

If it would take forever, then forever would it be.

Do you do you know about my sore scars?

Do you do you know about my painful memories?

I’m sorry, so sorry, good bye, good bye

He deleted everything about her.