The alarm clock said eight o'clock when I opened my eyes, I had to get up now if I hoped to get to the studio before my manager and especially my producer.
I barely had time to say hello to Roxanne and even less time to hug Woo before leaving.
My face turned down when I saw my producer on the way to the studio.
He greeted me:
-Hello, Yeosang I hope you worked well yesterday.
-So yes, but I haven't finished yet.
-What do you mean you haven't finished yet? I need the text right away.
-Is there any way you can give me until tonight?
Mark huffed clearly annoyed, before he could say anything else my manager burst down the hall.
-Yeosang! I got a call!
-From whom?" I asked.
-From Korea!
I turned pale
-A call? From South Korea?
-Yes! You won't like it but it's a good compromise.
-A compromise?
-Yes, you didn't finish the song, did you?
He turned back to my producer.
-No, not yet and he was still negotiating for more time.
-No need! You'll have time to think about your song because you're going back to Korea!
My heart rate increased.
-What do you mean I'm going back to Korea?
-For the six month anniversary of the ateez disband, Kq is organizing a special show with Mnet!
My manager seems to be so excited about this show, I bet there's a lot of money behind it.
-And I bet I'm invited to this show, right?
-Yes of course, the show will be on two nights, a first night of reunion and interview and a second night of performance.
No no no, I'm not going, I'm going to have to train again for the performances and on top of that I'm going to have to make friends with the other members, no way.
-I never said I was going, you know.
-Ah, but you don't have a choice, he said, looking at me without a single lie in his eyes.
-What do you mean I don't have a choice? I decided I wasn't going.
-Look, it's very simple, either you finish the song by noon and then maybe I'll let you not go or you go and I'll give you another month to finish the song.
My producer looked at him with big eyes.
-What do you mean another month? And I don't have a say in it?
My manager looked at him as if he had forgotten Mark was there.
-Listen Mark, if Yeosang doesn't go, it will really make a difference and he's already getting noticed enough in Korea! His absence would really mark a breaking point between him and South Korea, you know? He really has to go! explained my manager.
Mark didn't add anything but seemed skeptical.
-So Yeosang, what do you think? my manager asked.
I need a cigarette right now. Too much pressure, I really don't want to go back to Korea but at the same time it's impossible for me to finish my song in three hours when I haven't written anything in three weeks.
I breathed out defeated.
-I swear I'm only going for two nights and then I'll come back here, okay? And when I come back I want a week off, I asked a little too confidently.
-If you promise to work on the song during that week then I'll accept.
I nodded my head.
My manager held out his hand to me and though reluctantly I shook his hand.
-Well now you'd better go home and pack your bags, we're leaving tonight! He said before leaving, my producer following him.
-Wait John this is a joke! And Roxanne and Woo I put them where!
-You manage, they are your animals! he shouted back at me.
-I'll take them then! You'll find a hotel that accepts animals, I said with a smile.
My manager turned around annoyed but didn't add anything, I took that as a yes.

***

It is twenty three hours and the airport is full of people, I did not know that so many people were flying at night.
I had two suitcases with me and a bag that I will keep during the flight. I couldn't even smoke a last cigarette before entering the airport, my manager doesn't like when I smoke in front of him.
Woo and Roxanne will go in the hold they are too fat to come with me. I'll just fly with my manager, I feel like I'm going to have a good time.
We board in two hours, I'm so tired. I didn't plan to see my family but you never know with my manager and his crazy ideas I absolutely have to find souvenirs to bring them back, just to apologize for not coming for six months.
I easily found a souvenir store and was able to buy everything I needed.
People at the airport look at me badly, I hope they didn't recognize me, I'm camouflaged from head to toe, maybe it's my outfit that bothers them.
Back in our private waiting room I saw my manager half asleep on his seat. I discreetly approached him and whispered in his ear:
-Well, John, we're out of business.
He woke up with a start and started to look around.
I burst out laughing at his disoriented look.
He turned to me and gently hit my arm.
-You're ting me, Yeosang, I was sound asleep.
-I saw that, I said, still laughing.
I hadn't laughed like that for a long time, it felt good.
The two hours passed rather quickly and we quickly boarded the plane.
When we arrived in the plane and settled in my first class seat, I finally allowed myself to breathe and relax a little. I was really anxious to go back to Korea and see them all again. I missed Wooyoung, San, Yunho, Seonghwa, Hongjoong and Jongho so much and yet I know that they don't want to see me again and deep down I don't want to see them either.
Our relationship is complicated and I really don't want to face it, I am really a coward. I would rather run away to another country than stay in Korea and face the problem, and I know he hates me too for leaving.
There is a huge misunderstanding that I would really like to resolve. I can't live with this weight on my shoulders anymore, we have to find a way to express ourselves and clear things up, but I would never have the courage to face them, I'd rather stay alone in my guilt than talk to them. I know it's ridiculous but it's so complicated. I'll think about that later, right now I have to focus on the show tomorrow night. I wonder why Kq organized this, was his goal to get me back? Then they've got it all wrong! I'm not coming back, I'm already planning on not renewing my contract with my current agency, not to go back to my old one.
When my contract expires I would like to go live in Canada, to lead a peaceful life with Woo and Roxanne. They would be so happy to live in Canada. This thought made me smile. I would really do anything to make my dog and cat happy, after all they are the only ones who support me and will never abandon me.
I decided to stop letting my thoughts wander, I looked out the window, it had already been a good thirty minutes since we took off. I pulled the blind from my window and lay down comfortably ready to spend the night.