“Shall we start without her?” Wheein suggests timidly, the atmosphere in the practice room tense enough to prompt her to advance the idea, even though she knows Yongsun will reject it immediately.

Yongsun glances impatiently at the big clock on the wall and shakes her head. Her frustration with her future members is reaching new heights. The success of their group is on her shoulders, and goodness knows how hard it’ll be out there for them. Everyone keeps saying this. Everyone keeps telling her.

That’s why she showed up three hours earlier than anyone else today, practicing relentlessly, keeping at it, the only person on the whole floor in the early hours of the morning.

It had been a good day so far. Yongsun’s constant nagging and her sacrifice of always having to be the bad guy must have paid off, because Hyejin finally showed up on time. Granted, maybe the fact that she spent the night at Wheein’s might have something to do with it. But Yongsun tries hard to be optimistic. Maybe this newfound punctuality is here to stay.

Except that now Byulyi is the one who is late.

Over the past year, Yongsun has slowly learned that she can count on Byulyi to always be on time, to never cause problems, to lighten the mood during difficult moments. Byulyi, the only one who seems to realize that Yongsun can’t just be expected to bestow encouragement and constructive feedback unilaterally – she needs to be given some, too. Byulyi, who has become the closest thing Yongsun has to a much needed support system.

And now, she’s late. And they have a new choreography to learn. It will take them weeks. Yongsun’s throat constricts with anxiety and sudden exhaustion. It’s 9:30am, she’s been up and grinding since dawn, and they’ve all just lost half an hour of valuable practice time. Do these girls even want to debut? There’s so much to do, so much to improve on, and time isn’t waiting for anyone.

“Call her, please, Wheein-ah,” she sighs. “I need a coffee”.

Yongsun is back in the practice room ten minutes later, chugging a large cup of Americano. Byulyi still isn’t there. “Any news?”

Wheein looks circumspect, almost afraid that Yongsun will blow off at a moment’s notice. “Byulyi unnie is not feeling well, unnie, she has a fever,” she says cautiously. “She tried to find the strength to get out of bed when her alarm rang but then she fell back asleep. Our call woke her.”

“I told her to stay home and rest,” Hyejin interjects defiantly, like she expects Yongsun to call Byulyi back and yell at her to get there immediately, fever and all.

Yongsun feels even more exhausted upon learning the news, and a little hurt by both of her members’ attitudes. Has she been pushing them that hard? That now they think she’s such a wretched leader that won’t let her members rest when they are sick?

“Of course,” she murmurs. “Thanks, Hyejin-ah.” Hyejin deflates and Wheein offers her a small smile. “You know what, girls – let’s just take today off, okay?”

Wheein and Hyejin look at her like they’re trying to gauge whether Yongsun is joking.

“There’s no point in learning the choreography without Byulyi anyway, we’d just have start over again when she feels better,” she adds, seeing her youngest members so unconvinced. “I want to go check on Byulyi anyway. You two have fun, take the chance to recharge your batteries – I want you back here tomorrow at 9, ready to give your all. Okay?”

The maknaes nod and immediately hurry to collect their things, like they’re trying to get out of there before the leader can change her mind. Yongsun just wishes it wasn’t up to her. That she didn’t bear the responsibility to decide when to dismiss them and when to call them to order. Oh well.

On their way out, though, they surprise her.

Wheein gives her a small hug. “We really needed some time off. Thank you, unnie.”

“You get some rest too, unnie. And tell Byulyi we hope she feels better,” Hyejin adds, hesitating for a moment before she gives her leader a kiss on the cheek.

Maybe they don’t hate her after all.

Everything is quiet and still in the rooftop apartment. Yongsun lets herself in silently, not wanting to disturb Byulyi in case she’s sleeping. She heads to the bedroom the rapper shares with Hyejin and peeks inside. Byulyi is asleep in her bed. She’s curled up under the covers, but the ears of a teddy bear peek up from underneath.

Yongsun smiles to herself as she moves closer, placing a packet of aspirin down on the empty surface of Byulyi’s nightstand. She leans towards the sleeping figure and feels her forehead as gently as she can.

But her touch is not gentle enough for Byulyi, who wakes up with a start, almost jumping off the bed with surprising vigor.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s just me,” Yongsun says quietly, sitting down on the bed and brushing disheveled hair away from Byulyi’s forehead. “How are you feeling?”

Byulyi blinks slowly, hiding the teddy bear under the duvet. “I… what are you doing here?”

“We called it a day. The girls needed a break, and I was worried about you. I brought you some aspirin.”

“Uhm… thanks, unnie.”

“I’m going to go get you some water so you can take one.”

“I… I already took something earlier.”

“Oh, alright.”

Silence falls between them for a moment, Yongsun smoothing the duvet on Byulyi’s bed with her hand. “I bought Hide and Seek on DVD – I’ve been wanting to watch it forever but never found the time. Movie theater party in the living room? I’ll make popcorn if you can stomach it.” Yongsun gets up and stretches her hand to help Byulyi up as well. “Come on, you gotta leave the duvet but the couch is not so bad.”

Byulyi isn’t feeling nauseous, so Yongsun ends up making popcorn after all. It’s a bit weird to have a movie night on a Tuesday morning, but it reminds Yongsun of those rare times she stayed home from school as a child because she was ill, and how she spent those mornings watching the most random movies on TV. It’s relaxing.

To be honest, it’s relaxing to be around Byulyi in general. Yes, the younger does have a calming presence at work – but it always surprises Yongsun just how at ease she feels when it’s just the two of them, hanging out. Carefree. Like a child.

She fluffs up the pillows on the couch so that Byulyi can be comfortable. When the rapper settles down, Yongsun fetches a blanket from her bedroom, and a tall glass of water for Byulyi to sip during the movie.

It seems like the younger feels comfortable around her too. At least, that’s what Yongsun gathers from months of training alongside each other, and from the way Byulyi smiles when she covers her with the blanket. Yongsun smiles back, realizing how different her mood now is from how it was a couple of hours ago in the practice room.

“Shall I go fetch your teddy bear?” She teases.

Byulyi hides her face in the blanket. “Oh my God,” she laughed softly in complete embarrassment.

“You know, you didn’t strike me as the type to sleep with a stuffed animal.”

“It’s Hyejin’s, I borrowed for the night. Please don’t tell her, she’d tease me until the end of our contract. I just needed to hold something.” She says all of this almost into the blanket, and Yongsun finds it disarmingly adorable.

“You can hold me, if you want.” The words are out of before she can think twice about them.

Byulyi reacts quickly, seemingly unfazed by the sudden suggestion of intimacy. She raises her blanket and holds it up for Yongsun to curl up under it, next to her, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Like they’ve been doing this forever.

“You know, I like being around you. I like that you’re not intimidated by me. It feels like we’re friends,” Yongsun says, something in the whole situation prompting her to be honest.

“I am, though. Not like Wheein and Hyejin are, but I am a bit intimidated by you,” Byulyi admits quietly.

“Oh.” Yongsun thinks of asking why, but she already knows why. “We can still be friends, though.” Yongsun is afraid Byulyi will contradict her – that she will say they aren’t friends, but just colleagues instead. So she keeps talking. “Anything else you need before I start the movie?” she asks, even though she knows that if she gets up now, it will be hard to justify getting back in this same position later.

“Just stay.” Byulyi replies. Yongsun relaxes.

When Yongsun wakes up, the TV is off and her head is still resting on Byulyi’s shoulder. The room is so quiet that Yongsun can hear herself blinking.

Byulyi must have heard it too, because she turns her head and smiles at her. “You feel asleep.”

“Sorry,” Yongsun murmurs, stifling a yawn. “How long?”

“How long were you asleep? Half an hour, more or less.”

“I’m the worst.” Yognsun chuckles, straightens up and sits crossed-legged on the couch, facing Byulyi. “I trapped you. You should have woken me up.”

“That’s okay,” Byulyi says softly. “Maybe you needed a nap. You’ve been working even harder than usual lately.”

Here it is again – the recognition. The praise. Byulyi noticing her efforts and reflecting them back to her. Yongsun hasn’t had this feeling since she was in elementary school – her teacher was pretty, and she was kind, and she always noticed whenever Yongsun went above and beyond for a school project, or when she went the extra mile to help a classmate.

It happens all the time, Yongsun getting reminded of feelings from her childhood when she’s around Byulyi. It’s hard to explain. When she’s around Byulyi, Yongsun feels exactly like she used to feel when she was a kid. Not completely carefree – never completely carefree – but that the responsibilities she did have were the ones she chose for herself. They made her feel important and needed, rather than burdened.

Byulyi is somehow capable of taking the weight of the world off of Yongsun’s shoulders when they interact. It makes her want to give something back to her. Being there for Byulyi is a responsibility Yongsun chooses for herself. She finds it comforting. Relaxing, even.

“You’re working very hard too, Byul-ah.”

Suddenly, Byulyi is looking elsewhere, not wanting to meet Yongsun’s eyes. “… yeah.”

“It’s okay. I know you’re not really ill, it’s okay.”

Byulyi’s eyes widen. “You do? , I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lie, I just –“

“You just needed a break.”

“I… yeah,” Byulyi admits sheepishly. “This is embarrassing.”

“It’s okay, really.”

“How did you guess?”

“Your forehead was cool when I felt it, you didn’t want to take my aspirin and there were no other tablets or a thermometer in sight anywhere. And you just look fine, in general.”

“One thing you will figure out about me if we’re to work together. I’m a really bad liar, unnie.”

Yongsun reaches out and takes Byulyi’s hand, praying she won’t be rebuffed. She needs an ally, she needs a friend. She wants to be her ally, she wants to be her friend.

“Okay, listen. Can we just be honest with each other? I promise to be on your side if you promise to be on mine. You already take care of me, I know you do – I like it, Byul-ah. I can take care of you too, if you’ll let me.”

“You already do, unnie.” Byulyi is squeezing her hand back.

“Nah, I’ve been too harsh. Too distant. I can do better. I can be more attentive.”

“You’re here now, aren’t you. Taking care of me.”

“But… I can take care of you even when you’re not ill, yeah? Or pretending to be,” Yongsun smirks, flinching when Byulyi pokes her with her elbow. “Just tell me when you’re too tired or you need a mental health day or anything else. One way or another, I’ll make sure you get what you need. I promise.”

“Is this a solemn promise or just a regular one?” Byulyi says, needing to lighten the mood, but still holding Yongsun’s hand in a death grip.

“Depends. What do you say? Will you be my ally? Will you be my friend?”

Byulyi releases Yongsun’s hand and outstretches her own with a smile. They shake on it. The younger one nods to seal the deal. “I have a feeling we’re in this for the long haul.”