Who would have thought that I’d fall in love with the first person I meet here in YG? True there were other guys that were much good looking and better than you but something just caught my eye and the gravitational pull between us just kept getting stronger, sooner than I expected I fell in love with you.

Being ME there were a lot of things that went wrong on our trainee days, I wasn’t able to dance as good as the others nor did my voice caught up to be a singer. It was just my face that I can proudly show to the others, with so much disappointment I had on myself I thought of giving up and at those times you were there telling me giving up wouldn’t make anything better for me or for anyone and that I should keep going until I’m satisfied with my results.

That’s the problem though, I always felt bad for not getting the routine or the note right then you’re there again supporting me you don’t know how much it pains me to see that you’re only taking care of me because I’m your friend and nothing more while me on the other hand I’m willing to give anything for that relationship to be more than just that.

As the days passed by you’ve done so much to me and even though I told you I wouldn’t be able to pay back everything that you’ve done you only smiled and said ‘I’m always here for you’ hearing that I felt glad but at the same time sad. Will you be there for me just when I’m in trouble or like you said ALWAYS. You know well how to make a girl confused with your actions.

The time when the girls and I debuted I felt us floating away from each other, sometimes you’d come and check on us but I’ve noticed that you only focus on the others and hardly on me it’s hard to tell you to look at me when clearly as a friend I don’t have any rights to do so. On camera you seem to be the coldest person on the planet but off camera it seemed like the old days came back. Sometimes like lovers then sometimes like strangers, is it okay if we keep living like this?

But although there are the frequent mistakes and separations we still managed to keep the promised we kept, burdening or not you still seem to be the same way, the same person I fell in love with.

When you said right next to me and in front of the camera that you heard you were my idea type and directly rejected me the feeling of getting stabbed in the heart million times came even if I was smiling at that time embarrassed that you mentioned it to everyone deep inside I wanted to melt and disappear from you and from everybody.

I know that you’re the only person in the world that can make me live life right and if I want to live without regrets I probably have to hold onto you we all know that isn’t the right if looked at by everybody else  you’re only a friend to me and likewise.

Admit it or not I think the reason for everything going wrong in your life is me, most of the time we’re together just talking like any other best friends do. I can’t remember if I ever mentioned all those things but you can only be influenced from the people you’re always with right? Then again you’re always away from me.

See? With these wild thoughts coming to my mind and the always anxious light on my eyes that you always have to look after no matter what don’t you think it’s best for us to just let go of what we have so as not to hurt me but if I try telling you that we’d always end up fighting and mad towards each other without having the right reason for.

You can say this relationship is a war like love, we fight then make up like nothing happened but then go back to how it started. We might smile in front of everyone and tell them it’s still okay with us that we’re still best friends we know for sure that isn’t the case. More is that with every argument and make ups between us it’s always me hurting more than I have to.

Because I’m not sure if I can control all these crazy emotions I have towards you and because I love you I’m just going to let it all go, I’m going to walk away from you.

“I’m going to walk away without you knowing anything” I mumbled as I drift far way back the room widening the permanent distant that’s going to be the boundary between us.

“Yoona I love you will you be my girlfriend”

That phrase sounded much louder than it was almost deafening my ears, I turned around clapping like everybody else that are happy for you. The only thing keeping the tears from falling are the arms wrapped around my waist and the voice that’s telling me it’s okay for me to cry but I’m not going to because it’s going to be unfair for me.

“I’ve let go already there’s no reason for me to cry at all” I sighed looking up to look at him right in the eyes. “Can you ask me again?” I smiled wrapping my arms around his neck try to deafen out everything else. “Ask you what?” he asked dumbfounded.

You were my first love and I thought you’d be my last Jiyong but tables turned and that’s not going to happen so now I have to move on happily and not think of anything. For the sake of me and you.

“The question you asked me through the phone last night” I hinted him my smile growing wild as his cute little clueless face brightened up remembering what I’m talking about.

“Sandara Park would you be my girlfriend” he let go of his arms around me and went on one knee taking my hand and holding it giving the full proposal feeling.

The people that heard and saw what was going on all turned to look closely I blushed as I realized that. “Maybe” I pursed my lips chuckling at his reaction. “Yah! Then why’d you ask me to ask you?” he burst out seeming angry and teary at the same time. “Aigoo! I’m just kidding! I’d love to be your girlfriend” I giggled pulling him into a kiss.

I know its selfish and wrong to use someone else to forget about him but as this kiss deepens and as he holds me tighter against him I don’t think it’s going to be that way for a long time. How can you not fall in love with someone like him anyway?

“Yeah! Jaejoong hyung, Dara nuna” I heard Seungri yell out clapping like a seal and everybody followed. “Two celebrations tonight” Sajangnim yelled out supporting the 4 of us.

When I turned around to thank everybody I caught his eyes and he was smiling at me, I smiled back the only response I can give.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the just the beginning of a new life.