Day and night

You are on my mind

I dream about you

Day and night

I’m drunk from happiness

When I’m with you

--

It’s kind of melodramatic. Maybe because I’m having bad cramps and I’m crying over a poetry I can’t seem to complete.

Or is it because I know Jongin is in another date?

I erase the random words I wrote on my notebook, grabbing some of the tissue from the box as I wipe my tears. It’s of no use. I toss the tissue away. Tears keep on streaming down my cheeks as I stare at my scribbles on the paper.

Kim Jongin’s name is on top.

Poetry is something I’ve liked since elementary but I didn’t pursue it because I know I have mediocre skills in writing. Besides, my parents wanted me to go for a major that’d bring more money. Thus, I am an unhappy adult working in one of the many IT companies today. My life . It’s boring. And only my crush adds color to my dull life.

Then again, he’s also the source of my uneasiness. I shouldn’t be feeling like this at this age but can one really control his or her own feelings? It’s not like I chose to feel this way.

It’s Jongin’s fault. Why does he have to be perfect? Intelligent? Good looking? Kind? Nice? Literally a walking green flag.

Sighing, I attempted to add words again, in the hopes of completing it this time. I stare into nothing, my eyes focused on the transparent walls of the office while I imagine his face. Then, my hand begins to move, fingers clutched on the ballpoint pen.

Day and night

You are on my mind

I dream about you

Again, more tears come out from my eyes. I wipe them with the back of my palm. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. Sure, I like him. I’ve been crushing on him since we met four years ago but it’s not like I can simply date a colleague. To make it worse, I am the type of person who malfunctions in front of the one I like.

But it’s stuffy, right here in my chest. I feel like there’s something about to burst and the thought of him being with another woman twists my heart in ways I cannot explain. Damn it. It’s really because of my cramps. Should I take pain reliever?

Staring down at my phone, I frown.

What exactly is my problem? So what if Ari told me that she’ll confess to Jongin tonight? I heard her asking him out earlier and he immediately said yes. That means he likes Ari back, right? Then I should be happy for them. Because, no. I’m not like Ari. I am not capable of confessing my feelings towards him. Not in a million years. He’s way out of my league. And I don’t think he likes me. He’s just being nice when he gives me Starbucks coffee in the morning. When he politely uses his hand to keep the elevator’s door open so it won’t close in on me. Or when he waits for me when I’m working OT. Or that one time my boss scolded me in a meeting and he was there to defend me and pacify our cruel supervisor. When he bought me ice cream when I complained about having bad cramps.

Because he must be like that to everyone.

Once more, I continue with the poem.

Day and night

I’m drunk from happiness

When I’m with you

I glance at my wristwatch and see that it’s past eleven. The sky is now filled with stars. Clear indication for me to g