22 | LOVE POTION

Baekhyun

Choi Soobin coming apart in my hands is a drug I never thought I’ve desired so much until it happened. Nothing else in this world has made me feel so alive, so euphoric. It’s the taste and the scent of her lingering my fingers that drug me. I just want my hand to smell and taste like this every single night.

And there goes my ing sanity.

I don’t think I have ever been this . More than I ever was the past couple of weeks since this all started.

 At this point, I am well aware of how much this is going to make things worse. This is going to break me when I remember it a few months from now after the lessons are done and when she finds herself a good and respectable man she can experience these things with. For real. I will remember everything all too well.

It will haunt me forever.

But right now, my brain is shut off. I don’t want to think. I just want to be here with her and pretend that I could … love her like this.

Just until the lessons are done. That is a promise to myself. Tonight may be nothing but pure education for her. But it’s everything to me. Everything is her.

And she doesn’t need to know that. Like ever.

To explain this in a simpler way, Choi Soobin, to me, is like a very expensive sports car. I want it. I want to be in it all the time. I want to take care of it the way it should be taken care of. I want to see it every day. I want to touch it every day. I want to drive it every day. I want to claim it as mine forever.

But I can never ing afford it. Let alone have a proper garage for it, literally.

I have one parking space at my building and it’s for that stupid ing truck that barely works now.

My whole heart is like that one parking space I have. It’s not available and there’s a broken truck in there that doesn’t even ing work but I can’t get rid of it because I remember my dad working his off to get that second-hand truck for me a few years ago when I was starting university.

The thing is, my dad was so against me dropping out of university and just focusing on work. He didn’t even want to stop working but he came to a point, gradually, that he physically could not handle it anymore. He blames himself for my missed opportunities, as he always says. 

And that truck is what reminds me of how much my dad cares for us, even if he could barely do so. You could say I’m just being sentimental. Well, it’s true.

But even if I let go of this sentiment and get rid of that stupid truck … I still can’t afford that sports car. I just can’t.

I can’t have her. It is what it is.

“I need to—” Soobin gets up abruptly and rolls off the bed. “I need to clean up first.” Her voice is shaky and nervous. She must still think she pissed herself after I’ve made her squirt.

I don’t let go of her wrist until she had no choice but to sit back down on the edge of the bed. “I said it wasn’t pee. Trust me.” I move even closer, cupped her other shoulder from behind. “Also, you can’t just leave a guy hanging here while you clean up every single time something like that happens. Especially when you’re with me. Cause it’s gonna keep happening.” I whisper to her and I can see the hairs on the back of her neck stand straight.

When she looks over her shoulder to look at me, I wasted no time and claim her lips for another kiss. A quiet whimper escapes but she was quick to kiss back.

I think I’ve learned what’s the “problem” now.

With someone like Choi Soobin, a man needs to keep on restarting the game to pull her back in which is completely doable. She gets to multiple breaking points as if she’s a game that keeps on glitching, she requires more time and patience from the other person. That’s basically it.

 How ing hard is that, really? It’s not at all.

Well, at least not for me who’s obviously so ing obsessed with her.

Her lips quiver against mine and she eventually ends the kiss. “But—it’s so wet down there and it just feels weird if you start … if you start doing stuff with yo—your mouth. I feel bad. I can’t—” The corners of my mouth curve up into a smile as I rake my fingers into her hair with firm pressure, almost massaging her scalp. She moans and closes her eyes.

“I know you don’t understand the concept of oral that much and that’s okay. But I’m assuring you, it’s never a problem to be as wet as you are right now and me having a taste of it. Unless you absolutely and utterly hate to even imagine me, I mean my face, in between your legs.” I tell her.

Her eyes flutter opened again; her lips pursed in a thin line. I don’t think she absolutely and utterly hates the idea of it, from what I can see in her expression. “But I’m worried. I’ve … I’ve never been this wet before, not even when I’m alone. Let alone have that thing—that liquid gush out of me. I don’t know how you did that, you did something different that no one has ever done before. I was shaking, I was just … I don’t know what my body was doing, maybe I’m getting sick. I never reacted like that before.”

Holy . Her words alone are making my already throbbing twitch in more excitement.

Does she know how much her innocent words are even more? Mostly likely ing not.

“Well, is it my fault that your douches of ex-boyfriends never knew how to please you right?” I ask.

Her face tells me that she totally agrees but is too embarrassed to admit it. She looks away. “I thought I was just … different. I thought there was something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I enjoy any ual activity? But now, I know it may not just be me.” She confesses and it makes my chest tight.

Finally, it’s about time she realizes that.

“And it’s not entirely my ex-boyfriends’ fault either.” She looks at me briefly, a hint of red splashing on her cheeks. “I think it just … wasn’t right, altogether. I wasn’t the right person for them to be doing that with and so are they to me.”

I feel my hand drop from her shoulders, heavy churning in my stomach as I listen to her words. What is … happening right now?

She turns her body more to face me. “Baekhyun, what I’m trying to say is that I think … I think I—”

I shut her up with a kiss. I deepen it right away, slipping my tongue inside her. Once she is kissing back, I push her down to the bed again. Whatever she’s going to say, I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it. I’m not allowed to hear it. Otherwise, everything is going down.

I feel like … I know what she was about to say.

And in a perfect world, I’d be the happiest man alive.

But like I always say, it’s not a perfect ing world for me.

In a swift motion, I start undressing her completely. “Baekhyun, can we talk first? Maybe you should hear this and tell me what you feel.” She tries to talk through the kiss but I don’t let her. I toss her lingerie off the bed before cupping her with one hand while my other hand moves straight to her .

In between moans, she says. “Baekhyun, I never realized this until now—even now, I am terrified to say this out loud. But I feel like I have to tell you before—”