19 | PINK LADY

Soobin

Beep-beep-beeeeep.

I feel like my heart almost jumped out of my chest when I drove through an intersection and the car on my left tried to keep going on a red light, nearly hitting us. It was so close. Terrifying. I glare in the car’s direction very briefly as I drive away. “Oh, my goodness. Why are people so careless?” I check on my passenger who currently had his head down against the glove compartment, his wide eyes glued up at me. Oh god, I must have terrified him.

“I’m so sorry about that, what were you saying?” I ask. I believe he was trying to tell me something before that car tried to basically kill us.

He immediately leans away from the compartment and looks straight ahead. He rakes a hand over his head to push his hair back. “I said—I said I ing love—” He pauses to scratch his top lip. “—I ing love my brother, I don’t know what I’d do if something bad happens to him.”

My heart aches to see him so flushed and worried. I have never seen him like this before. That’s one of the reasons why I was so determined to keep calm and help him out.

I understand why he froze and did nothing right away.

Everyone has their own way of expressing panic. And now, I know his. Personally, to me, in crucial situations, I am always able to stay calm and level-headed. I prefer to take action right away and handle the problem. Some people have even called me unemotional just because of the way I handle things.

I’d have staff before who complained to Kyungsoo that I was passive-aggressive just because I replied a simple OK to their text saying they can’t come to work because they are very ill or they got injured from whatever.

Like, what am I supposed to do? That’s why they’re calling in sick, right? And that’s why I said OK so that they will get the rest that they need.

I’m also not a big texter so that doesn’t make it better for me.

Just because I’m not shaking nor crying means I don’t have empathy. I do feel it inside. A lot, actually. But I prefer to keep it in and deal with whatever it is that needs to be dealt with.

I remember when my dad had a mild heart attack some years back. I was genuinely worried but people thought I wasn’t. I was alone at home with him at that time and I was still in university. My mom was out with some friends and my brother lived on his own and he wasn’t that close to our residence.

My dad told me something felt wrong so I didn’t hesitate to drive him to the hospital. Nurses took him in and I just stood there waiting for the doctor to tell me what’s happening.

I didn’t try to disturb and be in the way of the nurses while they were taking care of my dad so I was a few feet away from the bed. At one point, the nurses even thought my dad came alone and didn’t realize I was with him.

There were too many things happening and there were too many people in the emergency unit, so I waited from a distance patiently because I thought it was the right thing to do, I thought it would make them do their job faster and more properly without any distractions. Like, for me personally, I feel like if I was the nurse, I’d get too nervous and intimidated if there’s a family member sticking by and bawling their eyes out or freaking out right beside you.

I just didn’t want to do something I wouldn’t want to be done to me.

Also, I wanted to make sure what was wrong before telling any of my family members. When it was confirmed to be a mild heart attack and my father was already stable at that point, that’s when I decided to inform them.

And they got really upset that I waited that long before telling them.

In my defence, I was the one who saw it with my own two eyes. And he didn’t look like he was going to die. It didn’t look that bad. Even he agreed that it wasn’t that bad.

Anyway, I should probably talk more so that Baekhyun’s a bit distracted. Right now, the situation is slowly stabilizing since we have located Jaehyun and I’ve told the driver to stay there with him.

But I’m sure Baekhyun is still quite freaked out.

What can I say that would make him feel better?

“Nothing bad happened and nothing bad will happen, Baekhyun. He’s there at the flower shop. Your dad said it’s because of his mom’s death anniversary.” I tell him something that he already knew.

And as expected, he just nods. So, I continue, “I am guessing he wanted to get her flowers first and that’s why he made the driver stay there initially. So that, he can go to the cemetery next. I think that makes sense to me.” I try to be in Jaehyun’s shoes and see what I’d do.

And I think that’s what I’d do too?

I get their worry though. The kid didn’t say a word and even stole money from their dad’s wallet. That’s very alarming especially when he knows he’s not supposed to do the things he just did.

“Was he ve—very close to his mom?” I ask since I actually never met her. I’m not sure how long she’s been dead. Assuming Jaehyun is around nineteen or close to twenty, she was probably around when he was only a child.

I glance at Baekhyun quickly to catch a bitter smile on his face when he looks down. “She was a very troubled woman but my dad really loved her. She was a drug addict and alcoholic. She did all those bad stuff even when she was pregnant. When she gave birth, she was rarely sober enough to take care of Jaehyun. I was like twelve at that time, so I was old enough to help my dad take care of him.”

His story makes me frown but I choose not to say anything. He doesn’t seem finished with his story when he looks up again and rubs his eyes.

Baekhyun clears his throat before saying, “Then as Jaehyun grew up, we notice something different about him so my dad took him to the doctor. That’s how we found out that he was on the autism spectrum along with his con heart condition. The little hole in his heart wasn’t detected until he was five, which was around the same time the autism spectrum was diagnosed.” I nod and open my mouth to speak but I realized he is still not done, yet again.

“Then, later on this same doctor said his autism may also be coexisting with another disorder called ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder which is almost like the complete opposite of Autism, in some areas like his focus and whatever. But the doctor said it does happen a lot.” He leans hard on the headrest of the chair and sighs heavily.

It looks like telling that story exhausted him a lot.

I shouldn’t have asked.

Well, technically, I just asked if Jaehyun was close to his mom. I didn’t expect Baekhyun was going to open up that deeply. I know that I should feel honoured that he trusts me enough to tell me those things but I feel like I just made him feel even worse.

He presses both hands on his face and almost screams as he sighs—if that makes sense? His sigh sounded more high-pitched than a normal sigh. “That kid goes through a lot every day. And he’s going to go through a lot all his life—I can’t let anything happen to him. I’m sorry if I was—” I feel him looking at me as he stops talking.

“I know.” I nod. “You just said you love him a lot. He deserves all the love.” I tell him. Well, he used the f-word together with the love. I have no problems with swear words but I just prefer not to use them.

Baekhyun uses them a lot, on the other hand.

“I’d rather not say anything again, a car might try to hit us the second time.” He mutters quietly but it was still loud enough for me to hear.

“What?” I ask, not even hiding the confusion in my tone anymore.

His expression looks calmer this time. “Maybe I’m living in a cliché world right now but I feel like you heard it and that’s why you abused your honk on that car so that you can pretend you didn’t hear it and I’m just going to look like a fool to you trying to pretend I didn’t say it at all, let al