Like always around 6am Moonbyul entered her bookshop. She signed seeing new boxes of books that arrived yesterday. Taking her jacket off she went to the little kitchen to make some coffee for herself. After having a cup of caffeine she started to sort out arrived books and register them in the system. Surprisingly after some time she heard a door being opened. Did she lost the time and now it was 9am, the time when normally first possible customers arrive. She raised her head to welcome the guest.

“Yongsun unnie?” Moonbyul smiled seeing the singer. After their date they have chatted a bit on the phone and even called each other a couple of times, but the celebrity was quite busy to meet face-to-face because of release of her new song “Spit It Out” that immediately took over all charts.  Moonbyul herself made sure to stream it and also forced all her friends to do so. So seeing the singer here made her really happy. 

“Hi Byulie!” Yongsun smiled with her eyes. In her hand she was holding a bag that contained some bakery treats. She raised it. “I brought some treats.”

“Come in! I’ll make us some drinks. Coffee like last time?” Byulie moved the boxes freeing some space. Yongsun nodded and entered the shop further placing her bag on the little table in between of armchairs. After some minutes the bookshop owner approached her with two drinks. “I’m really happy to see you.” 

“Me too.” Yongsun couldn’t stop thinking about the girl during all of her promotions. And today she was able to get some free time in the morning before another schedule and she wanted to make a little surprise to the girl that won’t leave her mind. 

Both of them sat down and started to enjoy their little breakfast. Moonbyul excitedly praised singer’s new release. Yongsun told her little stories that happened behind the scenes, how scared she was filming the scenes where the car behind her exploded. The book shop owner also mentioned how cute the singer looks when she is sleepy. The other contradicted her saying that she bets sleepy Moonbyul looks much cuter. Also the younger girl didn't forget to thank singer for the signed album that was delivered to her bookshop a couple days ago.

After they finished their breakfast, Yongsun took something from her bag. It was an envelope. “By the way, I came here also to personally give you this.” She handed her the envelope. “Next week there will be a party to celebrate my comeback. And I want to invite you.” 

Byulie took the envelope and opened it taking an invitation letter and reading the details. “Are you sure about it? Won’t I be out of place?”

“You won’t. I’m actually not a party person at all, and seeing you there will make it much enjoyable. If you of course want to come…I don’t force you or anything…” Yongsun started to worry that maybe she is pressuring the younger girl.

Byulie took singer’s hand and smiled. “I will come.” She gave it a little squeeze as to ensure her words.

Yongsun looked at their hands and grinned from ear to ear. But then their moment was interrupted by a phone call. The ringtone was telling Yongsun that it was her manager and she has to leave Byulie. “I have to go…”

Moonbyul was a little sad that the singer had to leave and the next time they’ll meet will be probably next week at the party. “Let me walk you to the door.” 

“Are you gonna spent a whole day at bookshop?” The singer was curious. Moonbyul opened the door and quickly looked at each side in order to detect a puppy like girl but for her luck it was all clear around her bookshop.

“I have to go to the family gathering today. So I’m quite excited to spend some time with my family and to eat some delicious food!” The bookshop owner really liked family gatherings, her dad was amazing cook and she also enjoyed catching up with her cousins. She really hoped that one day she would be able to bring Yongsun there, to introduce her to parents.

“Then I wish you to have some fun!” Yongsun Byulie’s arm. Then she didn’t hesitate and kissed her on the cheek. “I also had a lot of fun today.” 

"She kissed me on my cheek!" There was a panic attack in Moonbyul's mind. She still wasn’t used to this. Solar, no, Yongsun, a successful , beautiful, nice and charming woman kissed her. First hand, now cheek. She hoped that soon they will become girlfriends officially. "Don't speed up Moonbyul! Take it slow!" The books owner tried to calm down herself and her excitement about being Yongsun's future girlfriend. 

Yongsun giggled seeing the younger girl blush. “So cute…” said she while pinching Byulie’s cheek. “You remind me of little cute hamster!”

“Hey, unnie!” Moonbyul flipped her hair. “I’m chic not cute!” The she pinched both Yongsun’s both cheeks and in baby voice whispered. “You’re cute baby!” And again their moment was interrupted by a call.

“Sorry, I have really to go now.” Yongsun smiled weakly. Moonbyul nodded and hugged the singer before seeing her entering her car and driving away.

***

TW

Seulgi was sitting at the table and picking at her food. She didn’t have any appetite. She never had one on family gatherings. Once or twice in a month her family gathered all together inviting their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and other relatives to spent some quality time together. Most of the times Seulgi tried to skip those family meetings by saying that she was busy at work or some other white lies, but this time she wasn’t able to do so. Therefore now she was sitting at the table picking at her food and listening to her relatives gossiping about different kind of news. 

“Some kimchi for you?” Her uncle offered this side dish to her. Seulgi put a tight smile on her face. “No, thank you.” Said she politely. She hated this dish and she used to be vocal about her dislike but nobody in the family remembers this. But they all know well that this is favorite side dish of Byulie. So each summer they also gather all together to make tons of kimchi. The eldest child has a lot of responsibilities, so the least parents can do for them is to make tons of kimchi. In Seulgi’s mind Byulie was way too spoiled, she even brags about her being a responsible one, and Seulgi wouldn't really agree with this statement.

Being a middle child is not the best position to be. At least in their family it wasn’t the best position. The eldest is admired, the youngest is adored and the middle child just exists. A child who should be a peacemaker between the eldest and the youngest, but apparently Seulgi is not a peacemaker. In her mind she is just a ghost, a living one. 

While growing up Seulgi was not so sad about not getting all attention from her parents. She has always been introverted and didn’t like attention. She enjoyed being in her little world. But sometimes she just wanted to be a bit appreciated. While Byulie was out partying, she had to take care of the youngest, following the eldest’s steps. The eldest was busy studying for exams and the youngest is way too young, therefore Seulgi was the one responsible for washing dishes, cleaning the house, cooking food. But she didn’t complain, she didn’t have even a person to whom she could share her worries or complains. Just a ghost. 

She got used to it. She got used that if they were to celebrate something then it is either the eldest or the youngest who decide on what kind of fast food they will devour. The eldest had an authority to choose a TV channel they wanted to watch, also the youngest could use whining technique and the channel with cartoons will be switched on. To be honest Seulgi was fine with those little things, she was way too picky with food and had hard time choosing something to eat. Also she preferred to spent time with an old grandfather’s camera instead of watching TV. But still sometimes she wished to be more appreciated. 

Byulie wasn’t good at school, didn’t know what kind of profession she wanted to pursue. Parents never pressured her to choose something and let her be, they always supported her emotionally and financially. They knew that Byulie was a good child and good child will be granted with good things. Her sister was good with people, making them feel warm and appreciated. She has always had those charms that made one totally fall for her. Byulie was so welcoming, nice, well-spoken, everyone wished to be her friend. And Seulgi really admired her sister when she was younger. She wanted to be like her, warm and open. Not that she disliked being herself, but it was hard for her to get along with people. She was a quiet child. A grey scary lonely wolf while her sister was a beautiful free sociable butterfly.

So while growing up Seulgi never really had any bad emotions towards her sister or she has never felt that she is being treated unfairly until that day when she announced her parents that she wants to be a photographer. They didn’t support her wish and she had to hear one hour lecture about how unstable this job was. And now that’s she is a photographer making good money, her parents still think that this is not a good profession. Having a small bookshop is much better. It’s your own business, even though it’s small. They don’t see having a studio as a business. It was the first time when she felt that this all is just simply unfair. Why her sister was allowed to do what she wanted and she instead should be looking for a stable job? Seulgi  didn’t want to be a doctor like her mother or a cook like her father. She wanted simply to be a photographer. “You won’t ever be enough. No matter how you try. You’re not Byulie.” those thoughts kept on irking her mind.

“Byulie, dear, do you have a girlfriend?” Seulgi heard her mother’s voice. Everyone in family knew that Byulie likes girls and they all support her. There were a few relatives that didn’t accept those news well at the beginning but then they all came around. 

“Not yet….but I heard that Seulgi is dating.” Seulgi looked at her sister. She knows. So Hyejin’s friend Wheein is indeed Jung Wheein. Who would have thought, that in such big city among many girls who are called Wheein, it has to be Jung Wheein. 

Her mother was surprised but also glad. She assumed  that Byulie knowing about Seulgi’s dating life meant that the sisters were talking again.

“Oh…Seulgi, do you have a boyfriend? Why didn’t you invite him? We would have gladly welcomed him!” She smiled to her middle daughter, hoping that this time Seulgi wasn’t having an affair with married man like last time. It brought so much dishonour to the family. 

Seulgi clenched her jaw. But then politely with a smile answered. “Maybe next time Mother.”

“Ok next time, then next time.” Her mother continued her talk with her aunt. She also made sure to ask if Byulie enjoy kimchi. Apparently this year kimchi turned out to be way more delicious.

Moonbyul shook her head in disbelief. Her sister didn’t correct her mother telling that she is dating a girl. And her family is not homophobic, they accepted Byulie's  uality, so there was no reason why she would hide it, expect maybe she was playing with Hyejin. She was right, her friend is just a toy for her sister. Seulgi is cold-hearted. The married man that she had affair with got a broken heart. Apparently he was a doctor that worked with their mother and he came to their house begging Seulgi, who didn't even live her anymore, to come back. He even swore to divorce his wife. This whole situation was so troublesome for the whole family, expect Seulgi. She didn’t care at all. She never cared. Also her best friend, Jiho became a victim of her. Seulgi broke his heart too. And now Moonbyul wanted to prevent this happening to her friend Hyejin.

After the family finished their food everyone divided in groups. Older females were cleaning the dishes while gossiping about celebrities and their husbands. Teenagers were strolling through their social accounts and also gossiping about kpop idols. The young ones were just watching some cartoons on the TV. Moonbyul approached Seulgi who was standing in the corner, her eyes were concentrated on the clock that was hanging on the wall. She probably counted seconds when a whole gathering will be coming to the end.

“You have to break up with Hyejin!” Moonbyul bluntly told her. 

“What?” Seulgi smirked, she kind of assumed that once her sister will get to know that she is dating one of her friends, she wouldn’t be pleased with it.

“You heard me well! Stop playing with people’s heart!” She didn’t like this smirk on her sister’s face. “I didn’t say anything about your affair with mom’s married colleague, but this time I have to because Hyejin is my friend!” 

Seulgi chuckled. This whole situation with the married guy was ridiculous. First of all she didn’t know he was married, when she met him in the bar there was no ring on his finger and of course he never mentioned anything about having a wife. Secondly there was nothing between them. She was just a bit tipsy and flirted with him, then they made out and that’s it. Somehow he found out from the bartender about her working place and kept on coming to her. At the beginning Seulgi tried to be polite and just hanged out a bit with him trying to give him the hints that she is not interested in him. But then it was getting annoying, so she straightforwardly told him that she wants him to stop coming. But apparently that man already fantasised a whole life with her. Seulgi had to take  a security guard for her studio whose job was mainly to prevent that old man to visit her. After some tries to get in contact with her that man gave up. But to her unluck one day her mother asked her to visit her hospital and she met him there again. And that when the whole thing went downward. Everyone started to blame her and Seulgi let them do so. She thought that even if she tried to explain the whole situation no one will believe her. People will side with a married doctor, a good man with a great reputation. There is no way somebody will side with Seulgi. She is always being misunderstood.

“And moreover..” continued Moonbyul. “…I don’t want to lose another friend because of you!” 

Seulgi bit inside of her cheeks. She couldn’t believe that after all those years her sister was still blaming her. “This is absurd. I can’t believe that you still think that I’m the reason why he died.”

“It was you! You broke his ing heart!” Moonbyul’s voice became now louder.

“He was a junkie. The drugs and alcohol killed him.” Seulgi voice became lower. Her eyes became colder, she wanted immediately to leave this place.

“Maybe he wouldn’t have consumed them if you haven’t treated him coldly! He really liked you!” Moonbyul tried to lower her voice as not to gain any attention from other family members. “And you kept on rejecting him every single time!"

“Maybe he wouldn’t have died if you was a better friend and prevented him from consuming...” 

And then Seulgi felt a hard slap. She felt pain on her cheek. Her hair were covering her eyes. Her knees gave up a bit, but she quickly managed to straighten her posture. The younger girl felt her eyes becoming teary. “Don’t cry, don’t ing cry.” Like a mantra those words were occupying her mind at this moment. 

“Seulgi…I…” Moonbyul looked at her hand and then at her sister. She couldn’t believe that she has just raised a hand against her sister. She was mad at her, she held some grudges against her but she never meant to hurt her like this. Moonbyul was paralysed. She didn’t know what to do. Meanwhile Seulgi quickly without looking at her sister took her bag and a jacket, put her shoes on and without anyone to notice left the house. She hated family gatherings.

***

Seulgi remembers how during her school times once in a month her sister used to take her out to the cinema that only played old movies. Those days were her favourite ones. Just her and Byulie watching another old movie. There weren’t a lot of audience in the hall, maybe just three other persons not including Moon sisters. Byulie was throwing popcorn in through the whole movie, she wasn’t really a fan of old cinematography and enjoyed modern movies. But Seulgi really loved aesthetic of those movies, they were much simpler, the colors were not so bright and saturated. And stories felt more real. People in old movies somehow felt more sincere to her than people from modern movies. Seulgi really appreciated those movie days and every month with excited heart waited for her sister to announce her that they were going out to watch some old movie in her favourite cinema. 

But one day instead of going to cinema, Byulie told her that she wants her to take with her to her friend’s party. Seulgi preferred to go to cinema but nonetheless she agreed to go to the party. She never visited one, so she was curious. 

They entered they house of Byulie's friend and immediately loud music filled Seulgi’s ears. It was too loud, too many people were inside and it strongly reeked of alcohol. She didn’t like it. But in order not to disappoint her sister she put a weak smile on and let Byulie take the lead, introducing her to some people. Then she met him, Jiho. Best friend of her sister. Byulie talked a lot about him, Jiho did that, Jiho said this, Jiho, Jiho, Jiho. The guy was quite tall, athletic with orange dyed hair. Seulgi couldn't see what was so special about him based on his appearance.

“What’s up Jiho! Today I didn’t come alone, I brought my little sis! Seulgi say hi!” excitedly said Byulie while giving her best friend a high five.

“Hi…” Seulgi got a bit shy and uncomfortable. She didn’t like the way Jiho looked at her.

“Hello Seulgi! I’m Jiho!” He greeted her bending a bit to her ear to let the girl hear him more clearly because the music was way too loud. But Seulgi wished he didn’t do so, because he reeked of alcohol and she tried very hard to not show the disguise on her face. 

Then her sister asked if she’d like to drink something and Seulgi immediately asked for some water. Both Byulie and Jiho giggled saying that she is still so innocent but nevertheless her sister brought her some coke telling her that she wasn’t able to fill some water because there was a couple making out on the kitchen sink. Seulgi was fine with coke. She kept sticking to her sister’s side all the time. But then Byulie told her that she is going to find her friend, Heeyeon and asked her to stay seated on the coach. She promised her that she will come back quickly. After 30 minutes of wait Seulgi started to worry. There were some intoxicated guys flirting with her and she didn’t feel safe at all. So she stood up and decided to look for her sister and to ask her to take her home. 

While she was trying to push through drunk youth she was met with Jiho’s figure. He was also quite drunk. 

“Hi you! Are you looking for a drink?” asked he Seulgi.

“I’m looking for my sister.” Seulgi didn’t really liked the way he checked out her body.

"Oh! I know where she is! Follow me!” He took her hand. His grip was strong. Seulgi kept on mentally calming herself down by ensuring that he is her sister’s friend, he won’t harm her. Little did she know. He lead them to the second floor and opened one of the rooms.

“She is here.” Said he while dragging the younger girl inside.

“Byulie-unnie?” Seulgi’s voice was starting to shake a bit. Nobody was in this room. It was a trap. Before she could turn around, she heard the sound of closing door and felt being pushed to the bed. She screamed but her screams were silenced by his lips. She felt the taste of alcohol in . Seulgi tried to move and hit him but he was so much stronger. With one hand he pinned her two hands above her head and with his free hand he tore her top and then also her bra. 

“What a nice a couple of s we got here. I didn't even expected Byulie's younger sister to be looking like a snack!" Jiho chuckled and with a hand squeezed he , then lowered down to take her  in his mouth. 

Seulgi was crying, she couldn’t scream. She felt like she lost her voice. This was too terrifying. She tried to speak up. “Please…don’t…” But then again she tasted his lips. Jiho’s kiss was rough, he bit her lower lips so hard that it’s started to bleed. The taste of her own blood mixed with alcohol were making her sick. Jiho with free hand started to roam her body. The next thing made Seulgi open her eyes widely in fear. His hand moved to her . It slipped through her underwear and she felt his finger on her oris. Seulgi started to cry even harder. How could her favourite day of going out to cinema turn into this nightmare? She shut her eyes tightly, she didn’t want to see this all, she didn’t want to feel this. Like a little kid she hoped that shutting her eyes will save her.

Then she felt Jiho's heavy body being dragged away from her. There was standing a guy in a denim a jacket. She quickly stood up from the bed, the tears were still flowing, she was trembling. Seulgi’s gave a quick look to the Jiho’s laying body on the floor. He was knocked out. The terrified girl was about to leave, when the guy took his jacket and put it on her. He wanted to say something but Seulgi already left the room not even thanking her saviour. She got to meet him again on one of her exhibitions. Seulgi was surprised to see Jaebum there, but also she felt like it was her opportunity to finally thank her savior. She invited him to a dinner and after all those years she finally was able to give him his jacket back. They talked about photography and became friends.

After Jaebum put that jacket on her that terrifying day when she first time ever visited the party, she quickly left the house not even looking for her sister. Seulgi ran and ran, many people turned around with a surprised look on their face when they encountered her. She probably looked like a mess. The girl entered McDonald’s and immediately went to the ladies room. She closed herself in the cubicle and tried to calm down. After a while when she cried all of her tears,  she opened the door of the cubicle and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible. Seulgi then processed to wash her face and tried to make her current outfit look more presentable. Then she went home. Seulgi really just wanted to lay down on her bed and stay there forever. 

When she came home Byulie still didn’t arrive and her parents with her younger sister were already sleeping. Seulgi went to her room, she took a shower washing her whole body throughly multiple times. Then she put her favorite pyjamas on and in exhausted state laid down on her bed. She felt numb. There were no tears anymore, she wasn’t trembling. But there was this feeling of shame. She felt ashamed and she prayed that Jaebum didn’t tell anyone about this whole accident. It was just an accident. A terrifying accident which she wanted to erase from her mind. She wished to erase the feeling of shame too.

After that day Seulgi never went out to watch movies with Byulie again. She distanced herself from her. The younger girl felt like she couldn't trust her sister again. She was telling herself that it wasn’t Byulie’s fault but still that day caused her to develop some trust issues. Also the feeling of constant shame and the need to be cold to people in order to not let them in. She started to build some walls around her. Seulgi thought that if she will distance herself from her sister, she won’t ever encounter Jiho again. But apparently the guy had an audacity to come to Moon's house and to ask Seulgi out on a date. She was in the disbelief. That day she coldly rejected him telling that he is not her type. But he didn’t stop. He kept on asking her out again and again, giving her flowers and chocolates that Seulgi immediately threw away. And her sister also kept on meddling in this, telling her that Jiho is a great guy and that Seulgi should consider giving him a chance. But the younger girl kept hurting her sister on calling him a junkie, an and a . Byulie was scolding her for being so rude to her friend. They started to fight a lot. Their relationship went downward. Seulgi was hurting and in the process she hurt her sister too. Every time she saw Jiho she was reminded of that party day which she tried so hard to forget.

Then one day her sister came in tears home, she started to scream at Seulgi, blaming her, because of the tears her speech became more incoherent, she was losing her breath. Their parents immediately started to console their eldest daughter, trying to calm her down. But Byulie kept on screaming and tried to free herself from her parents’s grip in order to get her hands on her sister. That night Jiho died. He overdosed. And Byulie was blaming Seulgi, telling that she broke his heart and this was the reason of his overdose.

“He really liked you! He ing liked you! Why didn't you give him a chance? Because you’re freaking cold-hearted Seulgi!” Byulie was hysterical, her tears didn’t stop. “You freaking killed him!” 

Then their parents told Seulgi to pack her things and leave the house, her uncle and aunt would give her a place to live in until Byulie calms down. Then after some time she can return and apologise to her sister properly. Seulgi never returned back to live in her parents’s house and she never apologised to her sister. Deep down she was relived that Jiho was gone, and she hated to think like that. He didn’t deserve to die, but Seulgi felt like her nightmare finally came to the end.

Seulgi shook her head trying to get rid of those memories. She didn’t even realise that she was standing in front of her girlfriend’s apartment door. How long she was standing here spaced out? Should she knock? Seulgi rose her hand but then changed her mind and was about to leave when the door opened and her girlfriend gripped her hand dragging her in.

Apparently a neighbour called Hyejin letting her know that for 15 minutes there was a slim woman standing in front of her door. Hyejin immediately wanted to ask her girlfriend why didn't she knock on the door but then she looked at her face and saw a red bruise on her left cheek. She knew that Seulgi went to family gathering this evening. What has happened?
 

The brunette gently touched Seulgi’s face making her look at her and was met with glassy eyes. Her girlfriend was hurting. She didn’t want to pressure her with questions right now. So she simply without a word lead Seulgi to the coach letting her take a seat there. Then she went to take an ointment that would calm the bruise. Hyejin came back and kneed in front of the girlfriend. She squeezed some ointment on her hand and carefully applied it on Seulgi’s cheek. Her girlfriend still looked a bit spaced out. Did her parents hit her? Or was it…Byulie? She suddenly remembered  her recent talk with her best friend Wheein:

“Moonbyul-unnie is her sister? Woah that’s nice!” Hyejin clapped her hands excitedly. She didn’t know that her girlfriend was her friend’s sister. Apparently Seulgi didn't talk much about her family, actually she never talked about her family at all.

Wheein scratched her head and looked anxiously at her best friend. “I wouldn’t say so…”

“Why?” 

“They don’t really like each other…” Then Wheein immediately  processed to tell Hyejin about Jiho. Her friend moved to Seoul once she graduated her school in Jeonju, so she only became the part of their friend circle when Jiho already was gone. The puppy like girl mentioned how Moonbyul blamed his death on her sister. Wheein also explained how important Jiho was to their friend. She didn’t side with anyone in this situation. Jiho was her friend too and she also felt very sad when she found out that he died. It was a very hard time for her and her friends, especially for Byulie. But in comparison to her older friend she knew that it wasn’t Seulgi’s fault. She didn’t force him to take drugs and drink alcohol. He was addicted and they as friends didn’t manage to help him. They were all just immature kids.

Hyejin didn’t want to think that it was her friend who hurt Seulgi. She couldn’t imagine Moonbyul-unnie raising her hand against someone. She was so nice. Hyejin then put the ointment down, she stood up extending her hand to her girlfriend.

“Let’s go sleep?”

Seulgi nodded accepting the brunette’s hand. Now they were laying on the bed facing each other. Seulgi was grateful that Hyejin didn’t question her, she doesn’t think she would have been able to explain her or tell her anything at this moment. Most of the time she has always bottled her emotions inside of her. She tried her best to deal with them on her own. Whenever something or someone hurt her she just shut herself off from the rest of the world. But this time she wasn’t alone, somehow her body dragged her here, to Hyejin. Seulgi felt safe with Hyejin. Being safe - a feeling that she wasn’t able to feel for so many years. Maybe she still was a gray scary wolf but at least not lonely anymore. She looked in Hyejin’s eyes. There was only tenderness and warmth in them. 

“Can I get a hug?” In a small voice whispered Seulgi.

Hyejin smiled and embraced her girlfriend in a tight hug. She kissed the top of her head and in no time both felt asleep locked in a warm embrace.

...

Hopefully Moon sisters will make up one day. And apparently yes, I really connected everyone to each other....one can even draw a whole chart like the one that is used for kdramas relationships.