Hyunjung abruptly slipped her hand on Luda’s, intertwining their fingers. Luda did not say anything nor did she object.

“Let’s go sit on that bench,” Hyunjung led her the way.

They sat there, without saying anything to each other. One occupied her mind with her own though – feeling betrayed, hurt. And another one was racking her mind on how she should start the story.

Hyunjung cleared .

“Luda-ya…” she called her name softly – like she always does. “Look at me, please?”

It took a few seconds before Luda decided to turn her head slightly, to look at the person next to her. Hyunjung could see hurt in her eyes. Hyunjung grabbed Luda’s hand.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you or lie to you,” she apologized again.

“Tell me everything. I want to know everything,” Luda said – not in anger but sadness and disappointment.

“This was Jiyeon's favourite park when we were young,” Hyunjung started.

“Jiyeon…” Hyunjung swallowed her saliva hard. “Jiyeon is my little sister. She is a very good sister even though she is a bit mischievous, loves to tease me and all, but I have to say she really loves me,” Hyunjung’s laugh sounded empty. “We really love each other, you know. We were so close that she always followed what I do, she said I was her role model. People always mistook us as twins because we always stick together,” Hyunjung curled a smile at the sweet memories with Jiyeon.

“We all four are best friends. Me, Jiyeon, Sojung and Soobin. You may… have seen our photos in my gallery,” she glanced at Luda – waiting for her reaction but none. “One day, I made a very big mistake. I obeyed our dad’s decision for me to continue studying abroad. He said that one of us must study abroad. I couldn’t let Jiyeon go because she really refused and objected to it. Plus, I don't want to let her go to that country alone so our dad decided that I should go. I can’t let Jiyeon do what she didn’t want so I accepted it. Jiyeon was missing for one night, her way to rebel against the decision. You must have known how stubborn she is,” Hyunjung looked at Luda.

“When I was at America, we barely could contact each other. Our parents strictly monitor us, they said that I would be distracted if Jiyeon keep bothering me. We were both suffering actually. Then, at very one fine day, she called me said that she is in relationship. I could see and hear all the way to America that she was really happy, like she could fly to the moon. After that, I learned that Jiyeon introduce you and Dawon to Sojung and Soobin, and you all became close. I’m happy for that. I’m happy when I know Jiyeon happy and met such a great people,” Hyunjung’s eyes were glistening. She stopped for a while. Everyone knows Jiyeon’s story but no one know how she cope at America – struggling in foreign country alone, without a true moral support from her family, and that she couldn’t tell her sister about it – afraid that she will do something stupid again.

“On the day Jiyeon got into an accident,” Hyunjung paused again. She couldn’t stop her tears from dropping anymore. She lowered her head, wiped her tears. She felt a light squeeze on her arm, she looked up and met Luda’s eyes. She smiled. “On that day, I didn’t know about it. My parents didn’t say a single word about Jiyeon. Our own parents, Luda, they did not tell me that my sister got into an accident and died. Can you believe me? Our own parents did that?” she couldn’t stop her tears now.

“Unnie…” Luda wiped Hyunjung's tears.

“They said something about being a proud daughter and so on. But I didn’t feel proud at all having them as my parents, or being me as Jiyeon’s sister,” she said in resentment.

“No, unnie, I know Jiyeon unnie must be very proud of you,” Luda held Hyunjung’s hand – to give her strength. Hyunjung shook her head weakly.

“I only knew about Jiyeon’s death after 6 months. That’s because our mom slipped her tongue. They didn’t have any intention at all to tell me. They said it was for my own good, they were afraid about distraction and all. I was very furious. I bought the fastest flight ticket I could get, leaving my classes and so on. Of course, my parents were shocked to see me in front of their house. We had a big fight but I didn’t care about what they said or what they wanted anymore. I was breaking down, I finally could get back home but instead of happily meeting Jiyeon, I cried at her grave,” her tears flowed down nonstop.

Luda recalled about herself after Jiyeon died. She was totally broken and depressed but Hyunjung must be worse than her. I have my friends that support me but Hyunjung has no one. Luda hugged Hyunjung at the thought of how strong Hyunjung is to face all these alone.

“I’m okay,” Hyunjung smiled. She pulled away their hug, to continue her story.

“The next day, I found Jiyeon’s diary. All the things she wrote about were me, Sojung, Soobin, Dawon and especially her very loved one, her girlfriend. I could tell that it was the happiest moment when she was with you. There was also her bucket list to do and one of those is that she wants us to meet. I guess she wants to brag about you to me,” Hyunjung chuckled a bit.

“Then, I read her last story in her diary. Maybe it was written a few days before her accident. She wrote about how lucky she is, she has me as her sister, she found you and you are willing to be her girlfriend, she has our friends. In her last sentence, there was a p.s, she asked me to take care of you if anything happened to her. After that, I finally decided for the first time what I want in my life. I told my parents that I will finish my current semester in America but I want to finish my final year here. Of course, they objected to it but I cut my ties with them. That’s why it took me very long to come here. I’m so sorry,” she apologized regretfully.

“I know you have done the best you could do. It’s not your fault, unnie. Jiyeon unnie is really proud of you,” she said assuringly.

“At bingsoo café, I didn’t know that it was you, Jiyeon’s girlfriend,” Hyunjung contemplated to continue. She didn’t know if she should talk about her feelings or not. But then she remembered that she wanted to tell all the truth, so she decided to tell Luda. “Of course, Jiyeon had sent me your photo a few times but I couldn’t recognize you. At that time, I just found you really cute. You were so panicked and you were staring at me. After I got home, I realized that it was you. And I never imagined that I would get into the same class with Dawon. Our meeting was all so smooth that I think Jiyeon helped us a bit”.

Luda noticed a faint red pinkish plastered on Hyunjung’s face.

“And I never imagined that I would like you at first sight. I never wanted to be Jiyeon, that’s why when you accidentally or unconsciously called me Jiyeon, I always corrected you that I’m Hyunjung. Jiyeon is Jiyeon and she always has a special place in our heart. I have to admit that our personalities are mostly similar, but I’m not trying to replace Jiyeon or anything. Slowly, my feelings for you develop. From obligatory to protect you as Jiyeon wishes, I… I fell in love with you,” Hyunjung looked down as soon as she finished her words. “I felt guilty at Jiyeon, I shouldn’t like you but I am”.

“Hyunjung unnie,” Luda lifted Hyunjung’s face slowly. “I think Jiyeon unnie wants us to be together too. I like you too, unnie. I’m not confusing you with Jiyeon unnie. I like you as Kim Hyunjung,” Luda closed her eyes and gave a light kiss on Hyunjung’s lips.

Hyunjung was astonished. “What do you mean, Jiyeon wants us to be together too?”

“I think it’s my time to tell my part,” Luda saw Hyunjung give her full attention with her usual soft gaze. She noticed there is more than soft behind that gaze, but she couldn’t tell what it was.

“Jiyeon unnie was everything to me. We met at campus, then we dating, befriended each other’s best friend and spent time together. I felt so loved by her. She was so protective and possessive but she never stops me from doing anything I want. She supports me to the fullest. Cut to that day, I felt annoyed with her because she forgot to pick me at my faculty. She had a group discussion until the time that she was supposed to pick me. I called her many times and left messages but I didn’t get any reply. Then, I got to the dorm by myself. I played games, silenced my phone because I was so angry with her. I didn’t tell her that I had arrived at the dorm, that she drove to campus and to my dorm. At that time, she couldn’t reach Dawon too because Dawon had practice for her musical. It was…” Luda closed her eyes, to regain strength – the evening that still haunted her until now.

“It was raining heavily. I think she was very worried about me because I didn’t pick up my calls and I’m not at campus either. Jiyeon unnie…” Luda paused for a while, wiped tears for the umpteenth time.

Hyunjung wrapped her hands around Luda. “It’s okay, slowly. Take your times”.

“The accident was on the way to my dorm. Her car crashed under the semi-trailer truck. The police reported that the driver of that truck lost control because of the rain, the tires and roads are slippery. The driver used the wrong lane and beat the red traffic lights too,” Luda continued sharing what had happened on Hyunjung’s shoulder. Hyunjung could feel her shirt at shoulder was totally wet with Luda’s tears.

“I was feeling uneasy on that day but my annoyance masked up that feeling. If I don't silence my phone, if I pick up her calls, not being sulky and all, Jiyeon unnie will not…”

“Hey, it happened for a reason. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. That truck driver was,” Hyunjung comforted her.

“I got a call from Sojung unnie, then I rushed to the hospital. Jiyeon unnie was critical but I got to see her before she goes into the operation room. She apologized to me and she said that she was glad that she could love me until her last day and she wants me to be happy,” Luda bailed.

Hyunjung tightened her hug, she also couldn’t stop her own tears. She did not care about her surroundings anymore.

Luda took a deep breath before continuing. She released the hug. “Since then, I have dreamt every night. Jiyeon unnie smiled at me with her loving gaze from afar, she tried to tell me something but I couldn't hear what she said, then she disappeared. I was so depressed that I even, for once tried to take my own life. Thank God, Dawon looked after me and she found me right before I left my consciousness. A month or two before we met at bingsoo café, I stopped having those dreams. I thought that I finally had accepted the fact that Jiyeon unnie was gone until I met you. I saw Jiyeon unnie in you. From your stare, your smile, how you called my name, it feels like Jiyeon unnie was in front of me,” Luda stared directly into Hyunjung's dark eyes.

“A night on the day we met, I got those dreams back. It occurs to me only a few times but with a different dream. I could finally walk closer to her. I could hear what she said. She told me that she can go with peace now. That she’s happy for me. But her last words confused me, she said she’s glad that I finally met the right person. I couldn’t understand until I saw you with Dawon, Sojung unnie and Soobin unnie at the cafeteria. When you touch me or hug me, I feel jolted. I couldn’t describe what I felt, it felt like a familiar warmth but it was not. I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.

“How about now?” Hyunjung brushed Luda’s hand.

“Now? Hmm… you are right, unnie. I was in denial before. I know I started to like Kim Hyunjung but I tried to deny that I was being delusional, confused between Jiyeon unnie and you. So, when I finally started to open up, to accept the reality, to accept the fact that I like you as Kim Hyunjung, not shadowed by Jiyeon unnie I felt more at ease. But when I accidentally saw your photos with Jiyeon unnie, I felt I was backstabbed by you. I felt betrayed. I don’t know if you treat me sincerely as how you are or you just…”

“Luda, I can never be more sincere than I’m with you, dear. I care for you, I want to protect you, I like you because you are Luda and I’m Hyunjung, not as Jiyeon’s ex-girlfriend or sister. Do you get it, dear?” her soft voice remained.

“Hyunjung unnie…” Luda called her name sweetly, making Hyunjung smile.

“I think that’s enough for today. Let’s get you to your dorm. Your best friend will mad at me if you’re late,” Hyunjung stood up, holding out her hand waiting for Luda to take it.

They walked to Hyunjung’s car holding hands – intertwined. Both hoping for a better future.