CHAPTER SEVEN
She's her 42Author's note:
OKAYYY im sooo sorry i know it’s been like seven long months since i last posted an update but this chapter was actually rushed. life hasn’t been good to me in the past seven months. i almost di3d bec of fire TWICE, barely got out of my first year in uni, and got hospitalized from may to june. but i’m starting second year of uni soon and i wanted to post an update before i get busy so here we go
comments and kudos are appreciated
thank you for reading #sh42x!!
Momo pats her apron and puts on her best smile. As she approaches the table of teenage boys who just entered the restaurant, she immediately smells trouble. No good comes with a group of teenage boys. She knew this the harsh way.
But she still welcomes them with a smile, though a fake one. Bile rises up from her stomach as one of the boys, Seungkwan as she hears, looks at her from head to toe and smirks. Momo stands tall and asks, “Have you decided on your orders?”
“This looks cheap,” a boy named Joshua pretends to look at the menu, but really he’s looking at Momo. The rest of the group laughs with him. Their noise fills the entire restaurant, making other customers look at them.
She looks around the facility with an apologetic smile. “Should I give you time and come back when you’ve already decided?” Momo asks politely.
Mingyu, another boy, tells her no and says their order. Momo takes it all down and bows when she finishes.
The first thing that arrives on their table’s their drinks. Momo skillfully balances it all on one tray, careful not to spill anything. But Joshua trips her and all the cold orange juice spills on Seungkwan.
For a second, Momo’s scared to move and she just stares wide-eyed at the mess she has made. Or rather the mess Joshua made but of course she’ll be the one to blame on this one. Customers are always right after all.
gapes in a silent scream and her face grows ashen. She hears is the loud “What the ?” from Seungkwan and the next thing is the laughter from his friends, especially Joshua who was behind all of it.
“I’m sorry,” Momo repeats over and over again as she bows. “I’m so sorry, sir.” She bows again, fearing for her life. She can’t lose this job. Hanna barely sends her money and she’s the only one supporting herself. And who knows what Seungkwan can do to her?
“Do you know how much my clothes cost?” Seungkwan stands up, towering over her and Momo has never felt so small in her life. Momo thinks of just paying for his clothes but it probably costs more than her monthly wage.
His voice brings back memories she tried so hard not to remember. Suddenly he starts sounding like his father and all of the trauma comes rushing back at her. If she fears something in this world, it was her father getting angry at her.
She remembers all the bruises and how she got all of it. She even has a huge scar on her stomach from when her father ‘accidentally’ pushed Momo on the floor full of shattered glass.
Japan was never a good place for Momo and her sister. Which was probably why Hanna, before her procedure, did her best to get them out of that country.
The rest of the restaurant watch as the scene unfolds before them. Some are whispering to themselves while some just watch in silence, probably judging her.
Tears start forming and her eyes turn red. Something blocks and her breathing becomes unstable. Her manager runs and they keep on talking. Seungkwan’s still shouting and all Momo could say is “I’m sorry.”
Seungkwan raises his hand. Momo closes her eyes, ready to get slapped by the customer. “Stop talking you ing –”
“Stop causing a scene in my restaurant.” Mina holds Seungkwan’s hand and stares at him coldly.
The boy’s eyes widen and raises his voice at her. “Who the are you?”
“Did you not hear me? I said stop causing a scene in MY restaurant.” Mina lets go of his hand, but with brute force causing it to hit the corner of the table.
The boy hisses and his hand turns red. “My father will be hearing about this.” He glares at Mina and Momo.
“You’re Boo Seungkwan, right? I’m MYOUI Mina and my father is your father’s boss. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he hears about this.” Mina says casually. Seungkwan freezes as he realizes who Mina is.
The rest of the group gasp audibly and start washing their hands, saying they're out of it. Momo hears Joshua saying he did not do anything, and she shakes her head repeatedly.
On rare occasions, Momo feels thankful for Mina’s presence albeit all she does is annoy the hell out of her. Never in her life did she imagine that Mina would be protecting her like this.
“Go to the kitchen, I’ll settle this.” There’s a hint of authority in Mina’s voice which was always there and always annoyed Momo. But this time it’s softer, like she actually cared for her.
She obeys her anyways and sits on one of the stools in the kitchen. The chefs look at her and silence has never been that loud. Momo slouches her back and sways left to right. She pulls all the loose thread on her apron until the other girl shows up.
The chefs stop for a moment and bows. She nods and says “We’re closing early. Thank you for today. You may leave.”
They protest at first, but Mina repeats herself, firm on her decision. “I said you may leave.” Mina glares at all of them until no one’s left in the kitchen but the two of them.
“Momo,” Mina says in almost a whisper. She looks at Momo and levels herself to her eyes.
Momo pouts and bites the inside of her cheek. She tries her best not to let out a tear because she knows it will not stop. But a tear escapes anyways. She covers her face with her fists on her eyes and sobs.
“It’s okay. I took care of it already. He won’t shout at you again.” Mina still tries her best to sound cold and make it sound like Momo owes it to her. And Momo acknowledges that.
“Listen to me.” Mina holds her hands and puts it on Momo’s lap, looking like she’s talking to a child. “If you get into trouble, call me okay? I don’t care what time or wherever you are. Just call me.”
Tears still fall over Momo’s cheeks and she sobs. Mina clicks her tongue and looks at her puffy eyes. “Promise me, Momo.” She puts her index finger on her chin and tilts her head up. “Come on say it.”
Momo looks down, not meeting her eyes. “Promise.” She sobs again.
“Good.” Mina gets her a glass of water. Momo holds it with both her hands and drinks. “Don’t worry you won’t get fired. I got you this job which means I’m the only one who can fire you.”
Momo nods and tries to calm herself. She can still remember that one time she was stressing herself about getting another job. And Mina– Mina who’s always there when Momo least expects her to be– slaps a newspaper on her arm with the ad encircled on it.
Ever since Momo got the job, Mina and she have been hanging out on their own. However, neither of them tells their friend group. Something about that thought makes Momo feel afraid even though she knows she shouldn’t be. They’re just friends after all, right?
But Momo feels like her time with Mina is sacred. It’s so sacred that she looks forward when Mina goes to the restaurant to study and feels disappointed when Mina doesn’t show up sometimes. Lately, those times feel more valuable than the time she spends with her other friends including Sana, the one that knows her best.
Her serotonin level also increases whenever Mina talks back to her and smiles like an idiot when they banter like children. Or when Mina pays for the dinner they share during Momo’s breaks. Or when Mina helps Momo with her homeworks.
They created this small world that only the two of them enjoy. Momo tries her best not to burst this bubble.
After a few more minutes, she stops crying and Mina’s just staring at her. She feels embarrassed and her cheeks turn redder than they were before.
“Are you done crying?” Mina asks, and Momo nods. “Good, you look awful while crying. Were you not ashamed of yourself?”
“ off.” Momo pushes Mina who’s still holding her hands. A smile escapes from her lips and everything feels better.
With Mina, everything feels better.
Tzuyu and Dahyun laugh at something Chaeyoung says. Day is over for the students of Xavier and they’re on their way to the parking lot now. Only the four of them are left since Dahyun had to do something for the student council.
Mina bites her fingernails while walking behind them. For some reason, she feels uneasy even though everything was perfectly fine. She drags herself, telling herself not to be anxious and just calm down.
Her phone rings and she jumps out of surprise. She lets the three of her friends leave her behind and when she’s out of their earshot, she fishes her phone out. A smile automatically escapes from her lips when she sees Momo’s name on the screen.
“Why do you keep on showing up like a pest?” Mina says in a playful tone, biting her lips to stop herself from smiling too much. “What’s so important that you had to disturb me, Hirai?” She shuffles on her feet. No one can see, but her eyes sparkle from excitement.
It was so normal for her to tease Momo that she does it even on serious occasions, though not intentionally.
She waits for a few seconds. Momo doesn’t answer. On the phone, she could only hear a heavy breathing followed by a loud cough. And that’s when Mina knows something’s up.
“Momo?” Her tone changes. turns dry and she can feel her heart start to race. She doesn’t know if this was a prank, and if it was it’s definitely not a good one. And if this wasn’t a prank, Mina doesn’t know what to feel.
“What happened?” It was a weak whisper, almost as if she was begging for answers and not just asking for it.
When a soft sob escapes Momo’s lips, that’s when all of Mina breaks down. She knew something was wrong. This was why she was feeling uneasy the entire time. She knew it as if she and Momo were tethered into one string.
“You’re in trouble, aren’t you?” Mina can feel her whole body shaking from anger, from sadness, from pain and everything. “Where are you? Can you come to my house?”
Momo stays silent, breathing heavily and sobbing in between.
Mina closes her fists so tight she digs crescents on her palms. Whoever did this to Momo shall pay and she wouldn’t let this go easily. “You know what? Stay where you are. I’ll track your phone. Just stay where you are, okay?”
For the first time, Momo opens to say “Okay.” Mina lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in.
“And Momo?” Mina closes her eyes tightly shut. “Please breathe. For me.”
“I’ll be there for you as soon as possible.” Mina whispers before ending the call.
She breezes through the hallways and runs like her lifeline depends on it. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu call for her name but she ignores them. There’s no time to waste when Momo, god knows where, is waiting for her. Probably alone and scared.
Mina gets in her car and she asks her driver to track down Momo’s phone. Good thing her drivers and bodyguards were taught to do that for her own safety. But right now it’s not her safety that she cares about.
It doesn’t matter if she has to fight a group of gangsters when they arrive. It doesn’t matter who she has to go up against. What matters right now is protecting Momo and Momo only.
As they pass through an unfamiliar neighborhood, Mina can’t help but think of what she’ll do when she learns the truth. Maybe she should pull some strings and punish whoever did it to Momo. Maybe she should ask some of her bodyguards to look after Momo just until she finds it safe enough for her.
She knows Momo’s not okay right now. Hell, she could be so badly beaten up that she has to go to the doctor. What if she arrives a minute too late and they take Momo away from her?
A tear rolls down her eyes and she wipes it aggressively. “Can’t you go faster?” It comes out a bit harsh. The driver nods at her and picks up his speed.
Mina’s breath shudders as soon as she sees Momo. The car pulls over and before it even halts to a proper stop, she gets off of it. Her driver jumps in surprise as she slams the door shut. She clenches her jaw and inhales sharply at the sight of Momo.
Carefully, she approaches her and kneels in front of her. Momo’s sitting under a tree while hugging her knees. Her head’s down, but Mina knows she’s crying. Bruises start to form on Momo’s thin arms and she wouldn’t stop shaking. At that moment Mina wanted to scream at the world for being so cruel to Momo.
Mina looks at her left for a second to gain her composure. Seeing Momo like that makes her feel something she hadn’t felt before and she doesn’t exactly know how to word it.
She wants to shout at her, ask her who did it. But at the same time she didn’t want to scare the other girl. So, she gently reaches for Momo’s head and runs her finger through her hair. “Momo,” she calls softly “I’m here.”
The other girl looks at her with her tear stained eyes and quivering lips. Mina doesn’t miss the deep cut on its sides. Momo smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Momo always smiles with her eyes forming crescents. Mina knows that much about the girl.
Mina has so many questions. Momo has so many things to say. But no words can ever amount to what they’re feeling right now. Mina pulls her into a hug and rests her cheek at the top of Momo’s head. She wraps her strong arms around Momo hoping the other girl will feel safe around her.
Momo wraps her scrawny arms around her and clings on to her for support.
“Ouch.” Momo slaps Mina’s hand away from her face and glares at her.
“Do you want me to clean your wounds or not?” Mina glares back.
“At least be gentle while you’re at it.” Momo pouts. “Jeez, don’t make it too obvious that you’re only doing this because you feel bad about me.”
Now they’re back to being mortal enemies.
“Shut up.” Mina cups Momo’s cheeks and turns her head to her. She tilts Momo’s chin and damps the alcohol pad aggressively on her wound as revenge. Momo jerks away immediately which makes her smirk.
“Sit properly. We’re serious now.” Momo looks at her first to know if she’s really serious. When she senses that Mina wasn’t playing around, she fixes her posture and lets Mina clean her wounds.
Momo looks at her first to know if she’s really serious. When she senses that Mina wasn’t playing around, she fixes her posture and lets Mina clean her wounds.
She lets the other girl clean the cut on her lips. Mina freezes for a second and stares at Momo’s pinkish lips. It’s the closest she’s ever been with Momo and she didn’t know the other girl had long eyelashes and pretty eyes. She looks at Momo’s eyes and then to her lips and to her eyes and back to her lips again. Suddenly feels clogged and she takes a huge gulp before wiping the blood with her shaking hand. She sighs as her finger, although barely, touches Momo’s soft lips.
The way they are with each other, Mina can’t quite understand. One moment she’d rip the entire universe for her. Next, she’d rather rip Momo apart. It’s complicated and unlike any other complex math equations she could crack.
When she finishes with Momo’s lips, she holds onto the table for support and closes her eyes. She reaches for the first aid kit and clenches the ointment as she faces her. Momo’s skin is paper thin and the veins show off on her pale arms.
Mina takes extra care when her soft fingers lather the ointment over the other girl’s bruises, heat rising from their point of contact up to Mina’s cheeks. As she does so warily, her breathing grows deeper and deeper until her lungs beg for more air. She’ll explode if her hand touches Momo once again.
“I’m not your nurse.” Mina pushes the ointment to Momo which was a wrong move as her hand lands near the other girl’s chest.
“You’re so mean!” Momo points the ointment at her.
She avoids the other girl’s gaze and folds her arms, pretending to be annoyed. Momo applies the ointment herself while telling Mina how horrible she is as a person.
“You know what? I shouldn’t have called you. But you’re the first person that came into my mind. Do you think I wanted this? God, no! But it was the customer who did this to me so I thought it would be best if you’re the one–”
“What?” Mina cuts her off. “Who did this to you? Momo, what happened?”
Momo hesitates. Mina stares at her. “Momo, do you trust me?” then “Will you please tell me who did this to you?”
“It was Boo Seungkwan. Remember that boy I spilled drinks all over?” Momo sighs. “I was walking home from work and he showed up. At first I thought he was gonna apologize because he sounded too polite. Then he started beating me up. Then I ended up like this.”
“You didn’t fight back?” Mina gives her an incredulous look.
“I was tired from work. And I was afraid he’ll sue me if I did.”
“Do you want to sue him instead?”
“Mina.” Momo chuckles at her suggestion. “I’m poor. He’s rich. No one’s gonna take my side, not even the law.”
“But the law’s supposed to protect you.”
“No.” Momo shakes her head. “The law’s supposed to protect you. They’re made to protect the rich and punish the poor. It has always been like that.”
“No it’s not.”
“Try opening your eyes more, Mina. Maybe then you’ll see.” Mina doesn’t understand this just yet, but very soon she will. And very soon she will wish to change it. “On a more serious note, thank you for being my 911.”
Momo’s phone vibrates on the counter, and she instantly fetches for it. “Holy my sister didn’t tell me she will be home for tonight.” Her face turns pale. “I can’t go home like this.” She shows Mina her bruises. “I’ll get killed for real!”
“Here.” Mina removes her zip up hoodie and puts it over Momo’s shoulder. The other girl runs to the door and Mina follows her behind, making sure Momo doesn’t trip or hit her head on something.
“And, oh, I forgot to tell you.” Momo stops before leaving and looks over her shoulder. “My sister’s taking me back to Japan. I wanted to tell you first.” She smiles at her and this time it reaches her eyes.
“Thank you, again. For everything.”
Mina feels a new kind of pain.
Sana doesn’t have any idea on how to fix this or if she can even fix it. All she can process right now is that she went home with a happy heart, having to spend all day with Dahyun. And then, her mother opens the door for her with a big smile. She immediately knew it was trouble.
A loose thread’s poking on their sofa so she pulls it. Beside her, she notices that there’s a new coffee stain she hasn’t seen before. And in front of her is her mother flailing her arms wildly, grinning ear to ear.
Her mother has never been that happy. Sana has never been this sad. And after everything, she still thinks about Dahyun first.
Dahyun… They were doing just fine. Last night at the cliff was one of the happiest moments in her life. How will she even tell her?
“I knew you could do it!” Sana’s mom raises the envelope and chuckles. “I wrote back as soon as I saw the letter because I can’t wait for you. You can’t make these people wait, Sana. They’re different. They’re very important.”
“Why would you do that ?” Sana whispers and covers her face.
She looks at her with a frown while her mother’s still celebrating, talking about stuff Sana can’t hear because all she can focus on is her anger. The foam of her couch feels thin against her grip and her knuckles turn white. She shakes as the heat rises to her face, making it red.
“I’m so happy for you.” Her mother smiles at her.
“I ing hate you.” Sana digs crescents on her palms. She waited years for her to say that. For every achievement she made as a child, she would hope that her mother would give her a smile, the same smile awhile ago, and just say those words. Sana yearned for her affection. She yearned for sympathy from her own mother.
But all these years, she got nothing. And she was starting to be okay with it. She was okay she knew her mother didn’t care for her one bit. She was okay she had to resolve all the problems on her own. She was okay she had to teach herself how to be a grown up because her ing mother was nowhere. She was okay she didn’t know what real happiness was.
And now… Now she’s saying she’s happy for her? Right now that she found Dahyun in between all the chaos and trauma her mother caused her? Right now that she’s taking away what probably was the best thing that ever happened in her life?
There was no word for Sana’s hatred. No name for the thunderstorm inside Sana. And she doesn’t want to be breathing the same air as her mother right now.
So she slams her door and locks it. She gathers every paper in her room and starts folding paper cranes. For each fold, her hatred for her mother and her love for Dahyun grows at the same time.
She tears every paper, even her notes in school, and turns it into meaningful paper cranes which is where she finds comfort. After all, it was her only hope.
By the time she finishes, her fingers are full of paper cuts and some of the paper cranes probably have blood in it. The sun was peeking in her window, telling her she has to face another day.
“Crane 781.” She counts as she carefully puts it inside her box.
The next day, Dahyun asks why her fingers are full of band-aids and if it hurts. Sana tells her she accidentally cut herself while peeling potatoes and that it doesn’t hurt. But still, Dahyun kisses all her cuts and everything’s okay. Everything’s bearable now that Dahyun’s by her side.
“What is it?” Momo plops on Sana’s couch with a grin which Jeongyeon wipes off with her palm. Jihyo rolls her eyes at them and pushes the two to make space for her own.
Sana looks them in the eye one by one and sighs. “I have to tell you something.”
“Yeah, no .” Jeongyeon chuckles.
“This better be worth my time because my sisters are waiting for me, Minatozaki.”
“It’s…” Sana trails. All the words she prepared last night are gone and she doesn’t know what to say.
Jihyo squints at her. “This better be important–”
“I got paired.” Sana says it as fast as she could, like ripping off a bandaid. “Listen–”
“Holy .” Momo gets up her feet and cups Sana’s cheeks. “Holy !” She looks at Jihyo and Jeongyeon.
“Ha!” Jihyo also stands up. “Pay up losers,” she says.
“I got a feeling you’d be the first one. I just don’t know why I bet on Momo.” Jeongyeon shakes her head while Momo sticks her tongue out.
When Sana still didn’t care about these things, the four of them decided to bet on who’s gonna be the first one to get paired. Jeongyeon’s bet was Momo. Sana and Momo’s bet is Jihyo. And Jihyo bet on her.
Sana feels the hope leaving her body. She knows her friends are happy for her. Of course, in their context, they would be happy for her. But Dahyun… Oh Dahyun. Sana wonders if she’ll ever feel the happiness her friends feel right now again.
She watches her friends argue with each other over petty things. Her pulse throbs against her temples and she massages it. Momo’s loud voice partnered with Jihyo’s aren’t helping either.
“Don’t get me wrong, Sana. I’m happy for you but Jihyo’s being so annoying right now.”
“You’re just a sore loser.” Jihyo smirks as she counts the money.
“So, who’s the lucky guy?” Jeongyeon raises her eyebrow.
“Please don’t tell anyone just yet. Especially Dahyun.”
As soon as Sana says the familiar name, the walls of Sana’s house almost break with loud cheers.
And the walls of Sana’s heart almost break with silent grief.
Sana’s energy deflates as soon as she sees a huge box waiting for her at their doorstep. Behind her, before going inside her house, Nayeon stares at her with a sad smile. It’s like Nayeon could sense who it was from.
Written in cursive handwriting is her last name, soon to be replaced with another. A name so powerful it has the power to make or break lives– even of those who own it. Sana wonders how many wars this name has caused and if it was worth choosing. But this decision, it was never hers to begin with. It was her mother’s.
Her mother was the reason why every day it gets harder to look Dahyun in the eye. Her mother was the reason why it gets harder for her to hold Dahyun every night. Her mother was the reason why the tears are threatening to fall from her eyes as she opens the box.
Inside is a dress so beautiful it was as if someone took a fabric of the night sky and decided to give it to Sana. A black dress with silver beads like someone pulled the stars and attached it one by one. Her fingers graze over it slowly, admiring every detail.
‘I want you to be the most beautiful girl at the dinner’
The letter reads.
But Sana doubts that.
Because in Sana’s eyes, Dahyun will always be the most beautiful girl in the world.
Sana half throws all the camping equipment Mina made Jihyo, Jeongyeon, Momo, and her carry all the way from Dahyun’s house to the cliff. A metal clunk and she quickly checks the heavy, expensive equipments, which are fine to her relief.
“Sorry,” she says when she sees Mina glaring at her.
Clear blue sky stretches over them. As usual, the cliff still has its own serenity which all of them craves from time to time. Though Sana, Jihyo, Momo and Jeongyeon had been to the cliff yesterday to pluck some weeds in order to maintain it.
“You and you.” Mina points at Jeongyeon and Sana. “You’re in charge with finding dried woods.”
“You and you.” She points at `Jihyo and Momo. “Prepare the tents and the chairs.”
“Why do we even have tents? It’s not like we’re camping.” Jihyo asks.
“You won’t use it? I’ll go use it then.” Momo pushes her way through to start building.
“That’s for Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu for when they get tired.” Mina pulls her back.
“What are you gonna do then?” Momo crosses her arms. Sana can feel her head throbbing both because of Mina and the heat.
“We’re gonna enjoy the sun.” Mina puts on her expensive gentle monster shades. Tzuyu and Chaeyoung wear matching wayfarers.
Dahyun offers Sana her Prada sunglasses and asks “How can I help?”
“You wear this.” She puts it on Dahyun. “And wait for me with them.” Sana almost gave Dahyun a kiss on the top of the head. Dahyun pushes her lightly and looks around, giving Sana a warning which pains her lightly.
“Don’t trip on the air.”
“I’ll try.” Sana scrunches her nose and laughs. Before going with Jeongyeon, she assembles a foldable chair for Dahyun and the other girl asks again if she can help.
But Mina doesn’t want her to. And of course so does Sana. She doesn’t want her girl tripping or getting splinters. She also doesn’t want Dahyun to carry that amount of weight when she should just be sitting under the shade of the trees, enjoying the view of their beloved cliff.
Jeongyeon and Sana weave through the trees, branches and thorns tearing at their face, arms and legs. The woods are thicker and the belt of trees stretches longer than they remember.
Along the way, the two of them pick up dried woods carefully and put them in a sack Mina provided. Jeongyeon, as a person, isn’t exactly talkative. But this silence between them right now is different.
Sana wants to ask her about something sensitive. A topic so sensitive she can’t talk about unless she’s 100% certain or it’ll cause her her life. The silence is unstable, precarious. Almost as if Jeongyeon knows what Sana’s thinking.
Jeongyeon has always been the reserved one as well as the most intuitive one. She got Sana and their friends out of trouble more times than she caused it and they will forever be grateful for that.
Nayeon has always been the precious one. She taught Sana what life was outside school and opened her eyes to what society really is like.
She has this feeling that she owes it to the both of them to protect themselves from the society Nayeon taught her. But Sana doesn’t know how. She also doesn’t know if she’s protecting them already just by not confirming her suspicions.
Ignorance is bliss, they say. Maybe, for once, people are right.
When they fill both sacks, they decide it’s time to return to the cliff. “You seem to be too fond of Dahyun.” Jeongyeon pops the bubble.
“Yeah, I mean she’s my friend.” The word friend feels like a sandpaper on , rough and abrasive. She’s surprised she brought up the topic and at the same time nervous.
“Feels like you’ve replaced Momo as your number one best friend.” Jeongyeon hikes up the sack and looks at Sana accusingly.
A hot sweat trails off Sana’s forehead. She squints her eyes and returns the question. “You seem to be too fond of Nayeon.”
“Yeah, I mean she’s my friend.” Jeongyeon borrows her words verbatim and adds “She and I go back a long way.”
“So is she important to you?” The question may or may not confirm her speculation.
“Just like how important Dahyun is to you.” Sana senses there’s something else between those words. Like something she feels like she needs to dissect and analyze.
She gets her answer before she hears Mina screams. They look at each other, face ashen. The two sprint to the wood as fast as they can, horrified. Worry’s written all across their face with their heart pounding
When they arrive, Sana’s eyes automatically land on Dahyun who’s peacefully reading under the tree. Beside her, Chaeyoung shares a hammock with Tzuyu, who has a flower probably picked up by Chae on her ears, while drawing her. Nayeon’s helping Jihyo prepare the ramen.
And at the center, by the barbecue grill stand Momo and Mina, fighting once again.
“This.” Mina lifts the barbecue, which personally Sana would kindly refuse if you ask her to eat it. “Is charcoal.”
“It’s edible!” Momo steals the barbecue.
“Prove it.”
“Okay.” Momo chews it slowly and Sana can see through her facade. Mina watches her intently, not leaving until she swallowed everything.
Momo sticks her tongue out, showing her that she ate it all and that it’s edible. Mina rolls her eyes and grunts. She walks past Momo, intentionally bumping their shoulders aggressively.
When Mina’s out of sight Momo puts all of her charcoaled barbecues on one plate. “Don’t eat these. These are for Mina.”
“I can’t believe she’s your childhood friend.” Sana says, referring to Mina, and lets the sack of wood fall from her grip
“Me neither.” Jeongyeon does the same
“Oh you’re here. We found some dried woods and already started the fire but we could definitely use some more.” Nayeon smiles at them. “You two look like a mess do you need anything?”
“Water.” They both say, their shirts are sticking on their back because of too much sweat.
Sana snatches the bottle from Nayeon and drinks it all in one sip. She wipes her forehead, but her eyes remain set on Dahyun.
“How are you?” Sana fixes Dahyun's hair. These days she misses Dahyun more even though they’re always together.
But Sana knows their time is almost up, so she sticks with Dahyun all the time and never leaves her side.
“It's been less than an hour since we last saw each other. You’re so clingy.” Dahyun intertwines their fingers together. Sana rolls her eyes and laughs
There’s a little less fear when it’s the two of them, but they must know they shouldn’t take this small freedom for granted.
Sana knows this because she still hasn’t told Dahyun about her match. She still doesn't know how to. The important part is that they’re happy today. Tomorrow’s a problem for their future selves. They’ve learned how to live in the moment together.
“Revenge.” Mina pushes Momo off the cliff without letting go of her arms. Mina was probably talking about the first time they brought them here and Momo also pushed her off the cliff without warning.
Sana grins at Dahyun first. When she looks around everybody’s already getting ready to jump off. Coldness hugs their bodies and as they adjust to it, Sana hugs Dahyun, trying to warm her. But it was useless because her hands are cold too.
Dahyun spins Sana around and snakes her arms around the other girl, back hugging her. Sana chains Dahyun’s legs on her side with her arms and giggles. When Dahyun’s sure their friends are busy with other things, she steals a kiss which makes Sana blush.
Momo and Mina started this splashing game in which they got all of them hitting the waters everywhere, not minding who they hit or how hard. Momo’s have had enough and headlocks Mina, jokingly. “Lay off me, .” She tries to wiggle her way out.
“Oh, can you hear anything? I can’t hear anything.” Momo pretends.
Mina bites Momo’s arm and the next thing Sana knows, Mina’s challenging Momo to a chicken wobbling fight. She’s already on Tzuyu’s shoulders when Jeongyeon says her name.
“Jeong, come on you’re the second tallest and probably the strongest of us here.” Momo pouts.
“I can’t. I have to make sure there will be no deaths today.” Jeongyeon points out the possible murder between Mina and Momo. “Why don’t you ask Jihyo? She’s strong, too.”
“She’s short.” Momo looks at Jihyo. “No offense.” Jihyo punches her lightly.
“Then ask Sana. She’s not short.” Jeongyeon points to them. “Besides, she seems to be carrying Dahyun just fine.” The girl gets off Sana immediately.
“As long as I don’t lose a limb then I suppose I’m fine.” Sana tries to redeem herself from embarrassment.
Momo’s competitiveness doesn’t seem to accept defeat. The rest of the group except for Dahyun, Mina, and Tzuyu cheers. Dahyun mouths her “Be careful” and Sana nods to her as a response.
Sana crouches and Momo swings both her legs to her shoulders. They tried to find balance as the current pushes and pulls them gently.
“Let me just set out some rules here.” Jeongyeon nods when she sees both parties ready to fight. “First of all, no eye stabbing. No maiming. No attempting murder.” She inhales deeply. “And definitely no grabbing.”
“Gross.” They all say in different ways except for Sana. Sana doesn’t think s are gross. She’s surprised Dahyun said gross too since as far as she knows Dahyun enjoys it as much as she does
“Keep your claws clean.” Jeongyeon eyes Momo and Mina like they're both eagles. Before Jeongyeon counts to three, Mina already launches herself to Momo, grabbing a fistful of her hair. “One of these days, Mina’s gonna murder Momo and I won’t even be surprised.”
“Be fair.” Momo fights back.
“There’s no such thing as fair in this world, that’s what you told me.”
“Wait you two talk? Like really talk and not banter?” Jihyo stops them for a second. The group halts and the question gets everybody thinking.
“Uhh, I will win this.” Mina puts Momo’s head under the water.
Sana trips a bit and the last thing she hears before hitting the water’s Chaeyoung’s manic laughter and Jeongyeon talking once again about murder.
Luckily, Sana regains her balance and Momo got ahold of Mina to do the same. Sana rescues Tzuyu from drowning and smiles at her apologetically.
She doesn’t see how Tzuyu reacts because Mina almost kicked Sana’s head off her neck like a soccer ball. She hits the water again a little deeper this time.
“How many times” Water fills Sana’s nose “Do I have to drown” Sana coughs and wipes her eyes to see clearly “For you to win, Momo”
“Well, I don’t know. Jeez.” Momo puts all her weight on Mina’s right shoulder, trying to wobble her. “Maybe if you stay still, Sana.”
“Okay.” Dahyun laughs nervously beside Sana. She didn’t even notice the other girl was there. “That’s enough right, Jeongyeon? It’s a tie.” The girl pulls Momo away from Mina
“These two will never get enough of each other.” Jeongyeon pulls Mina away from Momo. “But yeah, that’s enough. Let’s play safer games.”
“Oh, oh!” Nayeon races her hand. “I bet no one can beat me to that rock.” She points to the rock at the other side of the river.
“I’m actually a very good swimmer myself. Sana can tell you that.”
She doesn’t want to take sides, but Dahyun is right about it. “Yeah, I can’t even beat her.” Sana thinks it’s because Dahyun grew up beside the beach and according to her she was always there to practice. Dahyun taught herself how to swim by the age of seven, and she’s actually an above average swimmer.
“We’ll see about that.” Jihyo lines up and Jeongyeon joins them.
Nayeon, Dahyun, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon line up. Sana counts to three and water splashes all over her face. Jihyo’s definitely not a graceful swimmer because she kicks as if its intensity will increase her speed.
“ you.” Jihyo stands up midway through the race and pulls Jeongyeon up. The taller girl loses her balance and pulls Jihyo with her to the water.
Nayeon wins the race by one second and Dahyun shakes her head in disappointment. “You’re the only one who can beat me at this.”
“Let me guess.” Nayeon says. “You’re only opponent was Sana.” Dahyun agrees. They have a conversation about whether swimming isn't Sana’s biggest strength. Sana’s mouth gapes, offended.
But when Dahyun goes by her side suddenly she’s all calm. The other girl look around. On the rocks, she sees Chaeyoung asking Tzuyu questions. She must’ve said something funny ‘cause the taller girl’s laughing. Tzuyu doesn’t laugh or talk like that to other people. Just Chaeyoung.
Beside them, Mina’s gripping Momo’s face, tilting it sideward to take a good look at Momo’s red nose. Momo removes Mina’s hands away from her and massages the other girl’s shoulder instead. In between those, they were talking about something Sana has an idea but she’s not entirely sure of.
“Do you think they know?” Dahyun asks Sana, looking at Mina and Momo, and Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. She wasn’t talking about the thing between them. It’s about the thing between their friends.
“Not yet, I suppose.” Sana intertwines their fingers. “But it’s still a beautiful feeling even if you don’t know yet.”
“Them too, you think?” She nods at Jeongyeon and Nayeon. Sana remembers Jeongyeon saying Nayeon’s like Dahyun to Sana and it was enough confirmation for her to understand.
“Yeah,” Sana whispers.
“I wish we all had it easier.” Dahyun puts Sana’s head on her shoulder, patting it.
Guilt eats Sana’s insides. She does wish they all had it easier. And that it was easy to tell Dahyun she already got her match.
Maybe if the person was just a regular person it would be less complicated. But this person… this person will affect them big time by his name alone. She’s not ready to lose Dahyun yet. Not now. Not ever.
“It’s not love if there’s no pain, baby.”
Sana knows she should tell Dahyun about her match already, but she still cannot find the courage to. She also knows that the longer she hides it from her, the more painful it will be when Dahyun finally knows about it.
A chauffeur opens the door for her. Cold wind pricks her skin like needles and her neighbors stare like knives on her back. Sana tries to shake it all off as she goes inside the car.
She sees her face on the shiny window and tries to appreciate her effort of putting make up with her little to no knowledge of it. Her mother bought her all those makeup for the dinner and made Sana promise she’ll try to look presentable tonight with the expensive-looking dress her partner sent her.
The ride all the way to her partner’s house is faster than she thought. She wishes that they will never arrive. But the car enters a mansion with white and gray colonial house style bigger than Mina’s house.
Her hands suddenly feel sweaty and she swallows a lump in . The chauffeur opens the door and another man wearing a shawl lapel with a neat bow greets her. She’s grateful her partner sent her the dress because for sure she will look like a rag if he didn’t. “Good evening, Miss Minatozaki.”
To her, the evening isn’t good, and she knows the night won’t end well. But she still nods and greets him the same.
“Follow me,” He says.
Sana follows her absentmindedly. She misses the grand staircase. The expensive paintings. The mid-century modern interior design. She only notices the marbled floor as she thinks of only one thing.
She’s ed up.
She’s so ed up she wanted to run away and hide forever.
She should’ve just told her.
“Hi,” Her partner greets her with a smile. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“I’m not late, am I?” Sana asks nervously.
“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re actually the first one here. Our family doesn’t like waiting, so I asked the driver to pick you up earlier.”
He brings her to the dining hall with a mid-century modern twelve-person dining table. Sana clasps her hand together and rubs it nervously. “How many people are gonna be here?”
“Oh, uhm.” He frowns. “I don’t know. About eight, I guess? My grandparents won’t be with us because they have business to attend to. But my parents, uncle, auntie, and cousins will be here.”
Sana’s stomach churns when she hears what he said. Sure, she's an extrovert and all. But this family is one of the, if not, the biggest families in their town. He must’ve seen her face because he gives her a reassuring pat at the back. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here for you. I won’t feed you to the wolves.”
“Thanks.” Sana removes his hand away from him.
“Do you wanna sit?” He pulls a chair for her and she sits down, muttering her thanks. “So…”
Her partner starts a conversation. At first she hates how talkative he could be, as if he actually cares about Sana’s life. He’s a well-off teenage boy which means he’s probably a neat, spoiled brat who only cares about himself.
It manifests in the way he only asks questions about Sana’s life just to compare it to his. Like when he asked Sana how many bedrooms they have, which was completely random, he immediately compared to a cottage they have in some province Sana doesn’t care about.
He also likes to talk about yachts, claiming they should have a yacht party some time to celebrate their match. Sana stops him before his imagination could even go further.
Silence fills the air. He shifts on his seat, thinking about a new topic to talk to. Sana hates the silence because it only reminds her of how this night will go down and hurt her in a hundred different ways.
She wishes she could avoid it. Tonight, the proverbial will hit the proverbial fan. Her partner says he won’t feed her to the wolves. But it’s Sana herself who walks into the den and offers her heart to the wolves. Tonight, the pain will feed on her heart, mind, and soul.
It’s inevitable.
Sana hears people in the distance. Her eyes widen, looking straight into his eyes. She holds his hand tightly, nervous of the situation. He puts a hand over hers and gives her a reassuring smile. He stands up and helps her to do so, too.
His parents enter first with pursed lips. Sana smiles at them before she bows ninety degrees, hoping that she doesn’t look weird or something. And then, another couple in their 40s enter and Sana does the same. A boy probably as old as her partner enters, followed by a girl probably as old as Jihyo’s second older sibling. She smiles at them widely.
Everyone’s dressed like the parties of rich people Sana only sees in movies. She leans toward her partner and whispers “Thank you for the dress.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman in the room, by the way.” He winks at her. She gets goosebumps all over her arms and neck and shivers. When the last person enters, that statement won’t be true anymore. “You’re very welcome.”
And then she enters.
The love of her life. Looking dashing in a red dress.
The most beautiful woman in the entire universe. Looking as charming as ever.
She glows, brighter than any stars Sana has ever seen. But she dims, darker than a sleepless night when she sees Sana.
Her smile has been robbed. They stand there looking at each other. Sana can see betrayal written all over her face and she wants to run to her and explain everything like she should’ve done the moment she knew about her match.
She doesn’t even try to hide her pain because she doesn't know how to. The other girl’s eyes dart to her hand which is holding her partner’s. She shakes her head and inhales sharply.
“Sana, these are my family.” He introduces her to his mother, father, uncle, and aunt. “These are Kim Minseok and Kim Minjeong. They’re my uncle and aunt’s children.”
Sana shakes their hand. The boy as old as him was Kim Minseok and the girl as old as Jihyo’s sister was Kim Minjeong.
“And this.” He stops. “I’m pretty sure you already know each other.” He laughs and Sana wants to slap him.
“She’s Kim Dahyun.” He introduces her.
“No need to introduce me, cousin.” Dahyun looks at Junmyeon. Sana almost couldn’t recognize Dahyun’s eyes. It’s burning at the same time it’s cold.
“Shall we start?” Governor Kim gestures for them to take a seat.
Dahyun sits in front of her. Sana tries to get a hold of Dahyun’s gaze but she wouldn’t look at her.
Junmyeon beside her teaches her which utensil to use to eat her steak properly. He puts it in her hands and starts slicing the steak for Sana. An awkward smile escapes her lips. They realize they’re being watched by everyone, including Dahyun.
“Tell me, Miss Minatozaki, where are your parents?” Governor Kim sits back. His wife’s ear pricked up.
“My mom’s working at the factory and my father left us when I was young.” Sana says without stuttering.
All of them except Dahyun and Junmyeon exchange glances. Suddenly Sana feels weird. She feels so small at that moment she wants to sink in her seat.
“I met her once.” Junmyeon says. Sana frowns at him, not knowing he already met her mother. “She was actually very… thoughtful. She offered to cook for me but I had to go somewhere else.”
Her mother had never offered to cook for her ever since Sana learned how to. She was never thoughtful towards her and it’s ironic how she would take care of other people but not her daughter. It just fuels Sana’s hate towards her mother even more.
“Junmyeon said you already know Dahyun even before him. Where did you two meet?” His uncle looks at Dahyun and then at her.
“Uhm, I… We–” Sana’s words are interrupted.
“We met at the convenience store near our house. She works there.”
“And then you two became… ?” Dahyun’s aunt trails
“Friends.” Dahyun answers her firmly, looking everyone straight in the eyes except for Sana.
Sana lets go of her utensils and sits back. It makes her head explode, blinding her white. The whole world starts to move around her and she can't focus on anything except for the pain. The word alone makes her feel nauseous.
Junmyeon probably noticed because he starts slicing her food for her. Sana doesn’t understand what he feels for him. Sometimes he’s a gentleman. Most of the time for Sana he thinks he’s a dimwit.
He starts whispering reassuring words towards her, but Sana’s so busy thinking about how she’ll fix this mess she made with Dahyun. He puts his arm around Sana and she lets him. She doesn’t know how long, but she just stares at Dahyun until, hopefully, Dahyun gets what Sana wants to say.
“Excuse me.” Dahyun wipes her lips and pushes her plate.
Sana awakens by this and she watches Dahyun leaving, doe-eyed. Their family starts talking about politics and business. She shifts in her seat, arguing with herself whether to follow her or not. But Dahyun’s absence at the family dinner bothers her.
It doesn’t take ten minutes before Sana excuses herself to find Dahyun, not minding if Junmyeon’s family find it disrespectful.
Sana’s shoulders sag when she sees Dahyun at the balcony, staring into the unknown. The other girl’s hands grip the railing tightly and she can’t see her face but Sana can tell she’s trying her best not to cry.
She composes herself and decides to be strong for Dahyun because they can’t both break down right now. Someone has to be strong. Slowly, she approaches the girl as the cold wind slaps the both of them aware of reality.
“You’re so beautiful I don’t see the flaws you speak of.” Sana gently massages Dahyun’s tense shoulders. And Dahyun softens at their lightest contact, she lets out a small shuddering sigh then breathes a little more easily.
“It’s cold out here, Dahyun.” Her hand automatically snakes through Dahyun’s small waist, pulling her closer from warmth. She kisses Dahyun’s ear down to her shoulder, planting it with the most genuine apologies words could never explain.
“No.” Dahyun pulls away. “No, no.” She says weakly and removes Sana’s hands away from her.
Something inside Sana breaks, seeing Dahyun cry once again because of her. She knows love can be painful, but she also swore to herself that if there would be someone who’s hurting, between the two of them, she’ll make sure it’s her.
But she failed. She hurt Dahyun again, and this time she has no idea how to ease the pain.
“You didn’t tell me.”
“I wanted to, but I didn’t know how.” Sana tries to hold Dahyun’s hand. The other girl slaps it away. “And honestly, deep down I was kind of wishing he would be the one to tell you because I just couldn’t...”
“He’s my cousin, Sana. For ’s sake.” Dahyun grips the roots of her hair. “Do you have any idea how painful it is to walk in that dining room, all happy for my cousin, only to find out that you’re marrying him?”
“And that’s exactly why I can’t tell you. I know how important he is to you.” Sana raises her voice. “Dahyun, can we please just… Can we please just go back inside and talk about this tomorrow when you’re calmer? It’s cold here.”
“It’s better to be out here than seeing you with him.” Dahyun stands her ground, stubborn and won’t listen to Sana. But the tears are still threatening to fall from her eyes.
“Dahyun,” Sana calls her in the softest tone. “Don’t do this.”
They stand there with their hearts broken. Hurt in such ways Sana didn’t know how before.
“Don’t do what?” Junmyeon asks the both of them.
Dahyun immediately turns her back to them. Sana blinks away the tears before Junmyeon could hold her hands.
“Nothing.” Sana fakes a smile.
“It’s getting late. I should drive you home.”
“No!” Dahyun snatches Sana’s hand from him and looks at Sana. “I will take her home.” She pushes her cousin and drags Sana.
“You’re my responsibility.” It’s what Dahyun would’ve said if they were alone and Sana could almost hear it.
Dahyun leads her to her car, not minding their relatives' attention. They pass by them like they were no one.
They drive to Dahyun’s home and the entire ride, they’re quiet. Sana doesn’t know what to say and figures she’d let Dahyun chill for a bit. The waves, winds, and night sky always calm Dahyun down so she lets her.
“You didn’t have to push your cousin.” As soon as Sana gets in her room, the other girl slams the door shut. “You know Junmyeon has nothing to do with this. He’s just a victim, too.”
“I know there isn’t something between you and Suho. It’s just that ever since we started, I’ve experienced nothing but secrets and pain.” A fire sparks inside Sana, one that she wished she could’ve extinguished soon.
She has been really patient with everything. But tonight, she snaps.
“You don’t think this is hard for me, too? You don’t think I’m hurting, too? You’re not the only one here, Dahyun-ah. And what do you mean nothing but secrets and pain? You know damn well what you put yourself through when you said you wanted to be with me. Aren’t you happy with me?” Sana gives her an incredulous look.
“I want to show the world and shout at the top of my lungs how much you mean to me, but I can’t do that. When we’re together, I do nothing but treat you right and show my feelings in a world where it’s forbidden. Now you’re telling me you’ve experienced nothing but pain?” Sana shakes her head in disappointment.
“I didn’t mean it like that–”
“You don’t think I'd rather be paired with you? That I wouldn’t mind getting the procedure as long as I’ll get to marry you? As long as I get to be with you?” She catches her breath.
Sana lets out all the anger, pain, and everything that she’s been holding in since her mother told her the news about Junmyeon. She doesn’t realize she was so done that she just… explodes.
“I don’t want to cause you pain because I know you’ve been through a lot.” This time, Dahyun explodes too. “You know I would’ve suffered it all. And I'm willing to suffer more just for me to be standing here with you. How am I the bad guy here?”
“You know what? Forget it.” Sana surrenders, tired from the dinner and tired from the entire world.
She showers for a bit and when she comes out, Dahyun’s already asleep in her bed in her pajamas.
Sana closes her eyes, trying to fall asleep but she can't. She faces Dahyun and the other girl’s back is turned at her. Carefully, she reaches for the other girl’s hair and runs her fingers through it.
There’s so much love hidden behind the cages of her ribs against the back of her lover. So much love is hidden inside the dark room which they call their safest place.
It’s a sin like a thorn but for every waking day, the flower bound by their romance blooms more beautifully than it did yesterday. Only this flower grows on their pain and quenches its thirst with their tears.
This flower growing inside them might betray them like a traitor and choke them. Or it might grow into a garden that they will cherish forever.
Only fate can tell.
For now, she’ll love her through their darkest days and hold her until the sun rises.
Jeongyeon walks right up to Nayeon’s door and makes sure she looks presentable. Before she could even knock, the other girl says “Password” as if she’s waiting for her. The side of her lips turn upwards at the thought of it.
She sighs, trying to hide it and says “Sherbet lemon.” Nayeon said it was from some wizard book she was obsessed with when they were still a child.
“Hi.” Nayeon opens the door, greeting Jeongyeon with her bright smile.
“You ready?” Jeongyeon lifts her skateboard.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
They walk side by side to the skate park. And all the way Jeongyeon feels a spark when their hands as it grazes with each other. It consumes her so much she puts her hands in her pocket to prevent this weird feeling.
Stars and moon watch over them. She turns to Nayeon and puts on her helmet. ”This is for your safety.” The other girl nods. Jeongyeon looks at Nayeon’s flat shoes and says “Give me those.”
She removes her vans shoes and stands barefoot, not minding the cold, and puts it on Nayeon. “There’s really no right way to stand on a skateboard.” Jeongyeon holds Nayeon’s soft hands and guides her. “You just have to stand then push with your back foot.”
“You at teaching.” She frowns.
“For real. You just stand then push then go.” Jeongyeon says in a defensive tone.
“You show it to me then.” Nayeon steps off the board.
“Okay so you step on it. Push. Then roll.” Jeongyeon does it like a pro. She stops at the lamp and smiles at Nayeon.
“Step. Push. Roll.” Nayeon nods. “Got it.”
Nayeon gets on it and does it exactly like Jeongyeon. “See? You got it!” She cheers and claps for Nayeon like a proud mentor.
The other girl does it a few times and Jeongyeon gets so confident. She removes her eyes for one second and Nayeon trips on a small rock she didn’t see.
“.” She runs to her. “Are you okay?” Jeongyeon kneels in front of Nayeon, wiping the blood with her own handkerchief.
Nayeon winces. “I’m okay. It’s nothing serious.”
“I’m so sorry.” Jeongyeon blows on the wound on her knees.
“My parents used to kiss all my boo-boos to make the pain go away.”
Jeongyeon freezes and looks into her eyes, which was a mistake. But this wasn’t the first time she’ll be kissing the pain away considering that Nayeon’s been clumsy ever since they were a child.
So, she wipes the blood away and Nayeon brightens as Jeongyeon’s lips touch her skin, like it was supposed to be magic.
It’s stupid. So stupid it feels right.
Chaeyoung sits behind the camera and waits for Tzuyu to finish her photoshoot. Their gazes meet and Tzuyu smiles genuinely. “Yes! Maintain that smile. Very good.” The photographer clicks away.
She can never understand how Tzuyu could handle the consecutive camera flash, but she understands why people want to take a picture of her face. Everyone’s attracted to Tzuyu in some biological, unavoidable way.
It’s true that she’s breathtaking, but no photograph can capture her beauty.
So she tries to do it justice by drawing her, putting passion in every . Her warm smile. Her deep eyes. Her inviting lips.
For every photoshoot Chaeyoung tags along, she never fails to draw Tzuyu the way she is. Pure and exceedingly gorgeous.
“And that’s a wrap!” The photographer says.
Tzuyu bows and thanks the staff who worked with her for the day. Chaeyoung watches her, hugging her sketch and waiting for Tzuyu’s attention.
“Hey,” Tzuyu smiles. “Let me see?”
“Is it good?” Chaeyoung asks, biting her lips. She’s nervous but there’s nothing to be nervous about because Tzuyu likes everything Chaeyoung does.
“Perfect. As usual.” The tall girl looks at the drawing like it’s the most expensive work of art.
As soon as she gets home, she runs to her room and pulls out her binder. A binder of every art Chaeyoung did for her.
Carefully, she puts it on the last page, afraid she might ruin it. She lays on her bed and flips through her prized possession. She remembers every drawing. When it was. Where it was. And of course, Chaeyoung’s stares as she draws her.
Tomorrow, she’s gonna buy a new binder at the department store hoping Chaeyoung will fill it one more time.
Jihyo’s a better mentor than Jeongyeon. Her sisters Seoyeon and Jiyoung can prove this as she teaches them how to ride a bike.
Her sisters saw Sana riding a bike around the neighborhood and it made them jealous, but they didn’t have one. So, Jihyo asked to borrow her bike and Sana, the good friend that she is, let them.
At first Jihyo was hesitant to teach them, but if a clumsy girl like Sana can ride then so can her sisters, right?
“It’s Sana unnie’s bike!” Seoyeon exclaims as she looks at it in disbelief.
“Sorry guys I don’t have the money to buy you a new one.” She really wished she had the money to buy them a new one.
“It’s okay unnie. We can always borrow from Sana unnie.” The youngest, Jiyeon, smiles and Jihyo smiles back.
“I’ll teach Seoyeon first, then we’ll get to you little one.” She looks at her other sister who was already on the bike.
“What are you waiting for? Let’s go!” Seoyeon says.
Jihyo holds her sister’s weight and notices she’s gained some. “Oh, you’re growing up!”
“I’m not a child anymore.” She rolls her eyes. Sometimes Jihyo wonders where her sister got that attitude.
“You pedal slowly then I’ll guide you.” They start off. “I said slowly.”
“This is slow.” Her sister argues but Jihyo’s almost running.
“Too fast. Too fast!” Jihyo tries to catch up but her sister’s not listening. Eventually Jihyo can’t catch up and lets go of her sister.
“This child.” She exhales. “Is something else.” Her chest swells with pride as she watches her sister ride a bike like it wasn’t her first time.
“Woah. Can I ride on the back? Please?” The youngest asks with her puppy eyes.
“Okay.” Jihyo lifts her youngest sister and smooches her. The girl giggles and asks her to stop. “Be careful”
“I’m not a child anymore.” Seoyeon rolls her eyes. Again. “I can do it!” She pedals away and both girls are laughing, cheering, with a grin on their faces.
Jihyo raises both her fists and cheers too.
It’s been three days since Sana last talked to Dahyun. Honestly, it surprises her that she survived those excruciating days without Dahyun, but then she remembers all the painful words Dahyun told her that night.
She knows it’s her fault for not telling her sooner and for feeding more fuel to the fire. Usually, it’s her who always sets aside her pride but Dahyun beats her to it.
Now they’re in Dahyun's room because she dragged San there right after her shift.
This time, it’s Dahyun who opens first.
“Sana, how are you gonna love me for the rest of our lives if we hate each other right now?”
Sana pinches her nose, trying to stop her thoughts from bursting through her head. A chuckle escapes her lips. Then a laugh.
She realizes she put her feelings first before understanding their situation and calms down a bit.
“You think this is funny?” She looks at her, eyes wide open.
“This isn’t hate, Dahyun.” Sana shakes her head repeatedly. “This is just a part of loving you. Loving each other. And I don’t know how to tell you this, but I love you even more right now.”
“You love me,” She whispers.
“I do.”
“I know you do, but you haven’t told me before yet.” Dahyun rests her forehead on Sana. And as always, Sana’s arms find their way through Dahyun’s waist.
“I love you.” She says it with her whole heart that’s gonna burst any minute now because of happiness. This time, there’s no fear in saying it. This time there’s no secrets and pain.
“I love you, too.” Dahyun tiptoes and kisses Sana.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean it.” Sana kisses Dahyun’s knuckle.
“We all say things we didn’t mean when we’re angry. I’m sorry too.” Dahyun kisses her again.
She feels familiarity and comfort, that type that Sana wouldn’t take advantage of but she will forever cherish instead. She tastes like infinite sunrises and sunsets Sana’s willing to risk for the rest of her life.
And at that moment, they promise each other that Sana will love Dahyun more during storms than their usual sunny days. And Dahyun will love Sana more when she hates her than when she loves her.
Because love isn’t constant. Love isn’t just rainbows and smiles. It’s also rainstorms and tears. In love, sometimes there’s also anger. In love, there’s also pain.
It’s not all about spending happy times with the other person, laughing, sharing ice creams, or holding hands.
This is also love. The fighting. The arguments. And sometimes, letting go.
But none of them is willing to trade it for anything.
It’s so beautiful yet so dangerous at the same time to have something worth losing.
“Why did we even fight? My love, it’s us against the world not us against each other.” Sana rests her chin on Dahyun’s shoulder.
“We can be petty sometimes.” Dahyun chuckles and sways like they’re slow dancing in the dark. They both stare at the sky through Dahyun’s balcony. It was so intimate their hearts have never been that full. “The world’s missing too much for not wanting what we have right now, don’t you think?”
“To be honest? Right now all I can think about is kissing you all night.” Sana playfully raises an eyebrow, but Dahyun gives her a look that says she’s serious. “But you’re right. This thing that we have, it’s worth going to hell for and they’re really missing out. Especially on this.” Sana kisses Dahyun.
Soft sobs wake up Sana from her deep sleep. Birds chirping tell her it’s so early in the morning and other people are still probably on their bed. The sun still has not set yet and her mind is still half asleep.
Until she realizes it was Dahyun who’s crying. She throws the blanket over her head and sits straight up beside Dahyun. “Baby.” Sana’s cold hands cup Dahyun’s warm cheeks. “What’s wrong?” A tear falls and Sana wipes it.
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” Sana says desperately. She takes a trembling Dahyun in her arms and kisses the top of her head.
“I got the date of my procedure.”
Sana’s world crumbles.
She knows. She knows their story won’t end well, but she still made herself believe otherwise. She believed that they would be different.
That for the first time in a long time, their love will prevail. And during those times she was with Dahyun, she thought fate and destiny would spare them.
But no. Sana got paired. And now Dahyun has the date of her procedure. The ending she envisions for them is now impossible.
“It hurts, Sana.” Dahyun sobs on her chest. “It hurts so much.”
“It’s okay, Dahyun. We’ll find a way to escape this.” Sana says it’s wrong to comfort her with words she’s not certain of.
“But how?”
Sana uses up her last remaining brain cells to think of an answer. “Nayeon.” Her face brightens. “Nayeon probably knows what to do. She can help us, Dahyun.
“How?” Dahyun asks again, this time with a more strained voice.
“I do not know yet.” Sana runs her fingers through Dahyun’s hair. “But I’ll make sure to get us out of here if that’s what you want.”
“I can’t take it here anymore, Sana. I just wanna be with you.” Dahyun looks up at her. “Please take us away from here. It hurts so much to stay.”
Sana wants to shout at the universe for putting them in such a situation. It shouldn’t be wrong, being with someone who makes you feel so right.
“Tell me where it hurts, and I’ll kiss the pain away.” Sana says while leaving traces of kisses from Dahyun’s arms up to her shoulders, neck, and jawline before leaving a soft one on her lips.
“Everywhere,” Dahyun breathes shakingly between their kisses.
“Okay,” Sana plants another kiss on the column of her neck. Dahyun pulls her closer and breathes her in. She grips Dahyun’s roots before chasing the girl’s lips, savoring every moment of it as if there's no tomorrow.
“Okay,” Sana says before kissing Dahyun everywhere, hoping the pain would go away.
In her house, behind closed doors, away from everybody’s eyes, Sana and Dahyun never hold themselves back from expressing what they truly feel for each other. It’s one of the not so many pleasures they have as a couple.
They would whisper I love yous and I miss yous and I’m so glad you’re here with each other. They would spend their time cuddled in Dahyun’s bed, talking about nothing and everything and between. They would kiss all the time like they couldn’t get enough of each other.
So, it’s just normal for them to chase each other around Dahyun’s beach house barefoot. There’s no questioning when Sana catches Dahyun by her waist and kisses her neck multiple times as the other girl breaks into fits of laughter.
It’s so easy to forget the world when you could be free in a room with your lover.
“I love you.” Sana rests her forehead against Dahyun’s.
“I love you, too.” Dahyun kisses Sana until they’re out of breath.
Sana’s about to kiss Dahyun again when she sees something on her peripheral view. She lets go of Dahyun immediately and drops her like a vase. A silent shatter fills the air and shards of broken trusts fill the floor.
All of their hearts race so fast simultaneously. Dahyun creases her forehead, face painted with horror mirrored by the other girls. Some have their hands clap to their mouths. Some leave them open.
Waves roll in the distance, roaring as loud as Sana’s never ending fear. She rubs her red ears and guilt starts to eat her guts, gnawing. Especially when she sees Momo, Jeongyeon, and Jihyo looking at her with a pale expression.
On rare occasions, Dahyun sees Tzuyu sagg her shoulders, maybe in disappointment. Chaeyoung tries to avoid everyone’s eyes as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other. Only Nayeon’s expressions don't shift. Her face remains completely normal, but Sana knows she has her questions too.
While everyone’s at loss for words, it’s Mina who asks the million-dollar question.
“You’re both infected?”
#
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