“Wait,” Dahyun pants. Sana’s hand roams around Dahyun’s stomach, and the other girl removes her hand. Sana leans in for another kiss but Dahyun pulls away. “Stop. Just stop.”

 

She frowns, confused by the other girl’s action. “Why?”

 

“This is wrong. What we’re doing is wrong,” Dahyun rubs her temples. “Ohmygod what did I do?”

 

Sana reaches for her but Dahyun keeps herself away from her reach. “Don’t touch me.” She looks at her with fear. “Please just go.”

 

She remains there, unable to process her thoughts. The only thing that made her move again was Dahyun begging in front of her, crying “Please leave.” So she does.

---

 

Tzuyu counts using her drumsticks and the beat drops at three.

 

Dahyun places her fingers on the keyboard and plays in a way that makes Sana feel like the other girl has a grip on her emotions. A different string of emotions rises through her chest as the music builds up and she can feel the walls of her heart contracts as she gasps a little desperately for air.

 

Music fills the room but Sana’s thoughts are louder, blaring in her ears. How she might’ve screwed up the best thing that’s ever happened in her life. She hasn’t seen the other girl since that night.

 

It’s not like she didn’t try. Everyday she’d call her, wait for her outside the gates of her house until almost curfew, wait for her in the convenience store, hoping that they’d at least talk about what happened. But Dahyun ignored her all the time like it didn’t happen.

 

It’s a different kind of hurt, something that she can’t quite put a finger on yet, how she’s being thrown aside like she’s worth nothing in Dahyun’s eyes. It hurts how she feels like she’s being treated exactly the way people from their class should be treated: a nobody.

 

But that won’t stop her from being true to herself. To them. Because in this messed up world, they at least owe it to themselves. If Dahyun needs time to process everything then she’ll give it to her. She understands how all of these could be overwhelming for the other girl and she’s willing to explain everything to her. 

 

They just need to talk it out, but Dahyun won’t. And that makes Sana feel frustrated-- even more frustrated than Mina who’s glaring at Dahyun because she played the wrong key for the third time in a row.

 

The Japanese girl closes her eyes tightly, like trying to contain her patience. Mina looks at Dahyun and asks “What is wrong with you today?”

 

She purses her lips. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Are you sick?” Mina asks her.

 

Dahyun looks at Sana for a split second then avoids her again. Sana couldn’t help but to shake her head. In an outsider’s perspective, of course they’ll say they're sick and that’s probably what’s on Dahyun’s mind right now

 

Sana wants to cup her cheeks and tell her they’re not sick. That they’re fine and it’s all perfectly normal. She wants to tell her that no one can tell the two of them what’s right or wrong. But she can’t exactly do that and it makes her heart ache a little more than before.

 

Tzuyu raises her drumsticks, ready for another countdown but Mina stops her. “There’s no point in practicing if Dahyun’s that distracted.” Mina turns off the guitar’s pickup, volume, and tone. She pulls the cable cord from the amplifier near Dahyun and gives her a worried look.

 

Jihyo agrees with Mina and the band starts packing up. Sana watches as Dahyun tries to play it cool in front of everyone. All of them help with cleaning up wrappers of junk foods, crumbs, and empty soda bottles.

 

When they finish, the group heads for the door and Sana stays behind. Momo raises her eyebrow at her.

 

“You guys go. I have something to say to Dahyun,” she explains.

 

“Okay,” Momo says and the group leaves.

As soon as they’re out of sight, Sana faces Dahyun and crosses her arms. She wants to act all tough but all the things she prepared, all those cold facades, all the walls she built, shatter at the sight of Dahyun’s crystal eyes filled with tears threatening to fall down her face entwined with the same pain Sana has been feeling.

 

This breaks the two of them, how they went from having harmless conversations all day to standing in silence, unable to process anything. The space between them feels bigger, like they can’t reach each other at all. Both of them have so many things to say but not enough words to capture everything.

 

Silence fills the room and everything feels heavy. Dahyun remains mum as she doesn’t intend to break it, so Sana decides to. She sighs and runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. She clicks her tongue and says “We’re not even gonna talk?”

 

Dahyun avoids her gaze and hugs herself. “It’s for the two of us.”

 

“Why can’t it be us Dahyun,” Sana walks in front of Dahyun, trying to catch her eyes but the other girl keeps on avoiding her.

 

“Don’t do this Sana,” she whispers so soft it makes Sana’s knees feel weak.

 

“No, I want an answer. Tell me straight to my face I'm not the only one.” 

 

“The only one that’s what?” Finally, she looks at her.

 

“Come on Dahyun you know what I'm talking about.”

 

“Sana” Dahyun stops. She closes her eyes and pinches her nose.

 

Sana starts enumerating the symptoms. “Phase one preoccupation, perspiration, reduced mental awareness. Phase two periods of euphoria periods of despair changes in appetite, compromised reasoning skills, insomnia—”

 

“Ohmygod could you please stop?” Dahyun massages her temples. She walks towards the door in an attempt to walk out.

 

Before she could get out, Sana pins her to the door frame and looks at her straight to her soul. “—Phase three difficulty breathing, refusal to eat, complete breakdown of rational faculties. Phase Four emotional or physical paralysis...” Sana stops, not wanting to say the last thing that comes with amor deliria nervosa. 

 

“Death,” Dahyun finishes for her. The word feels like a knife on her heart. Heavy. Cold. Piercing. “Can’t you see? We’re sick, Sana. Is this really what you want?”

 

“Dahyun, no, you don’t understand. What we feel isn’t an illness.”

 

There are people out there who live freely with their feelings.

 

More than anything, this is what Sana wants. But she doesn’t say that. She believes in this. In what they have. In what they feel. She believes this is what makes them a real human being. To feel. To touch another person’s heart. 

 

Sana believes that humans are feeling machines with the ability to think and not something… or whatever they become after the procedure.

 

At first she didn’t understand, but when Dahyun came it was like Nirvana dawned over her.

 

The other girl gasps. “Yes, it is”

 

“You don’t understand” Sana’s frustration grows. She wanted so badly to explain how her father was, how Nayeon’s parents were, and how they all believe in their feelings. “I know you felt all the signs. Why are you acting like you didn’t?”

 

“You know full well why,” Dahyun says sternly, her breath feeling hot against Sana’s neck. 

Sana notices how close they are and gulps. Their lips are just a few millimeters away from each other and she wants to kiss her again. Maybe this time it’ll clear up Dahyun’s worries the way it did to Sana’s and it’ll give them more courage that they’ll need.

 

She tucks a strand of hair behind Dahyun’s ears. Sana traces the other girl’s jawline which makes Dahyun’s breath hitch. Sowly, she lifts her chin up using her index finger, eyes locking with each other. “Take a chance on us,” her voice, low and desperate. 

 

“I’m being strong enough to walk away,” Dahyun’s voice breaks.

 

“And I’m being strong enough to stay.”

 

If only they could shut the whole world off and live in their tiny little universe wherein they’re free to express their emotions, then Sana won’t be gasping desperately for the air that Dahyun gives. won’t be clogged with overflowing unsaid words and sobs.

 

They remain like that for a moment, bodies pressed to each other. Breathing in each other. Eyes looking, finding, longing for each other’s souls. Hearts breaking in silence.

 

Sana hears footsteps and lets go of Dahyun even though she didn’t want to just yet. She wants to hold her in her arms forever but they can’t be caught. She looks upward and wipes her tears and sniffs. When she looks at the hallway, she sees Chaeyoung with her crooked smile. Sana smiles back and tries her best to hide her pain.

 

“I forgot something,” Chaeyoung squishes herself between Sana and Dahyun. She fetches her sketchbook that was left on the table and shows it to them. Before she gets out of the room, she stops in front of Sana. “Want to get out of here? I could give you a ride.”

 

“Yes please,” Sana says with her lips quivering. She follows Chaeyoung and doesn’t look back at Dahyun.

 

---

 

Sana’s phone rings and she groans as she sees Momo’s name on the screen calling her for the nth time. She waits until it stops ringing and reads Momo’s message asking if she’s gonna go to the band rehearsals.

 

Sunlight enters her room and dusts dance with it. She kicks all the dirty clothes on the floor and she feels food crumbs on the sole of her feet. Her pens and papers lay on the floor like a storm just hit her study table. Scratch that. Her entire room looks like it has been hit by a storm.

 

The clock says it’s already 1pm and she still hasn't started her day yet. Luckily she doesn’t have work or anything to do today. 

 

For weeks, she has been avoiding her friends and Momo, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon noticed it already. And although they haven’t told or asked her, Sana knows they know something’s off between her and Dahyun.

 

She didn’t want to shut them out. She knows somehow she’ll have to function like a normal human being again. But today she wants to retreat back and hide from everything. From Dahyun. From their feelings. From the world.

 

She has been hiding in her house and she even pulled her curtains because she knows Nayeon could see her.

 

She doesn’t want to think this is something amor deliria nervosa would do to a person because she doesn’t believe it’s a disease. She doesn’t want to think that her longing has made getting out of bed a monumental task. She just has to be alone and collect herself. Soon, she’ll go back to her usual self. Just not now.

 

She also hasn’t faced Dahyun since her attempt to talk about their feelings. Surely the other girl hates her right now. She closes her eyes and closes her fists, frustrated. She doesn’t know how to speak to her after that. Everything’s ruined and it’s because of her. They acted upon their feelings but at what cost?

 

Even though she wants to stay in bed the whole day, her stomach growls loudly. She forces herself up and takes a shower. Right after taking shower, she hears a knock as she wipes her hair dry using a towel.

 

Nayeon raises her basket and Sana’s knees melt as she gets a whiff of the newly-baked banana bread. “For you.”

 

“Come in,” she says, embarrassed to admit that banana bread, of all things, tore the temporary barrier she has set for her friends.

 

The other girl hums and makes herself comfortable. Nayeon takes out a plate and slices the bread for her. Sana takes a bite and groans as the bread melts in .

 

“Did you bake this?” She takes another bite, this time bigger than the last one. “It tastes exactly like your mom’s.”

 

“It’s actually from me and Jeongyeon,” Nayeon blushes and Sana raises her eyebrows.

 

“You two have been hanging out?”

“Yeah, we’re catching up.” Nayeon nods. “She’s worried about you. Everyone is.”

 

Sana purses her lips and nods. She really didn’t mean to make everyone worried sick about her.

 

Nayeon breaks the silence once again. “You can’t tell yours that we baked that though or else she’ll pass out saying the food’s infected.” 

 

Sana shrugs her shoulders and continues eating. “Just means more food for me.” Sana offers her a bite, but Nayeon rejects and says she has the other half of the loaf in her house.

 

The atmosphere grows thicker as the bread gets colder. Silence grows and Sana could immediately feel the awkwardness building up between them. Nayeon starts to shuffle on her chair. 

 

She smiles to herself. Of course, if there’s anyone who understands her the most, it’s Nayeon. If there’s someone who would know what to do with her situation, it would be Nayeon.

 

“Do you have anything to say to me?” The other girl says with hesitation. She smiles at her but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

 

“I just wanna let you know I am here for you no matter what, Sana. And I mean it. No matter what.” Nayeon holds her hand. 

 

Sana sighs, she feels like she has lost the ability to talk because the consequences of it would be too heavy especially for Dahyun. And she doesn’t want to inconvenience her any more than she already has.

 

Both of them have gone through so much already. It’s not easy being against the whole world. She wants to scream at the top of her lungs that they’re all wrong and the only thing that’s right are her feelings. She wants to fight for it; she just doesn’t know how, especially when Dahyun had given up before they even started.

 

She always had someone to talk to about everything. Momo, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon always listen to what she has to say. Nayeon, too, was always there and she knew she could talk to her about anything. But if she did, she feels like she’ll be dragging Dahyun’s name because she knows Dahyun wouldn’t want anyone to know about what they have… or what they do not have.

 

So instead of answering Nayeon’s question, she remains mum albeit it’s breaking her. She wants to talk about it. She just couldn’t because their situation is complicated. It’s not that she doesn’t trust Nayeon. She does. Right now she’s the only person she could trust fully with her heart. She just doesn’t want to harm Dahyun or do something Dahyun wouldn’t want.

 

Nayeon squints, reading her like an open book. She purses her lips and nods. She pulls a paper towel and starts folding it. “Did you know that if you fold a thousand cranes your wish will be granted?” 

 

The other girl raises the crane and examines it. Sana’s curious eyes widen as she looks at the paper crane Nayeon has folded. “Really?” She asks in almost a whisper.

 

“When did I ever lie to you?” Nayeon pulls two paper towels. “C’mere”

 

Sana leans closer to Nayeon. She follows the other girl and winces when she sees that her origami isn’t as neat as hers.

 

“At least that’s one less from a thousand,” Nayeon giggles.

 

Sana nods and inhales deeply. She studies the paper crane carefully and does another. Nayeon watches her fold and unfold the paper towel, creating creases everywhere. But hey, at least she’s trying.

 

If this is the only way, if this is her only hope to be with her then so be it. Dahyun may have given up but Sana still believes in them. Sana had let go of a lot of things in her life but she’s not ready to give up on her yet.

 

They’re fated to be together. That’s what it feels like to her.

 

When she finishes, she attaches it from her first origami and counts proudly.

 

“Two,” only nine hundred ninety eight left and no one could stop her. 

 

Sana hears a quick knock on the door and sees Momo removing her shoes with a bag in hand. She looks at her and Nayeon confusedly.

 

“Hey Nayeon,” Momo greets.

 

“I was just about to leave,” Nayeon stands up.

 

“You sure you don’t want to join us?” 

 

“Nah, I’ll leave you two.” Nayeon hugs Sana tightly. “I’ll see you again soon.”

 

Momo nods at Nayeon before she leaves. Sana raises her eyebrow and asks “I thought you’ll go to the band rehearsals?”

 

“Screw band rehearsals. They don’t need me there,” she starts unpacking the snacks and drinks from the bag. “Tadaa,” Momo shows her an ipad.

 

Sana gasps in excitement. “Whose iPad is that?”

 

“Chaeyoung’s. She lent it to Jihyo’s sisters and now she’s lending it to us. You know she’s rich, rich right?”

 

“Yeah obviously,” Sana gets the banana bread and rushes towards the sofa. “Can we watch movies here?”

 

“She misses you, you know.” Momo says softly and unlocks the gadget. They sit elbow to elbow on Sana’s old couch and she chooses to watch the LAMM approved version of Ghostbusters which she instantly regrets.

 

Dahyun’s favorite movie was the ghostbusters and it’s something they always watch when they can’t choose anything. Sana smiles sadly at the memory of them. 

 

She could only think of her. Dahyun in her oversized hoodie. How Sana used to lazily put her arm around Dahyun shoulders and how the other girl would lean on her, smelling like both lavender and baby powder while she munches on snacks the other girl specifically prepared for her. How Dahyun’s reactions light up Sana’s face.

 

Sana tries to focus on the movie while Momo is on her personal mission of eating all the snacks before they even reach half of the movie. She tries to focus on the movie but all she could think of is Dahyun even though she’s with another person right now.

 

All she wants is to be with her again. She misses her so much that she couldn’t even pretend to be okay beside Momo. 

 

The other girl seems to notice the tears swelling around her eyes and pulls her head to her shoulder. “Hey,” Momo says softly, smearing cheeto powder on Sana’s temples but she doesn’t mind. “I’m here, okay?”

 

Sana lets all the emotions she’s been suppressing out. She leans on Momo’s and nods. “Momoring,” Sana sobs on her shoulder like a child. She feels so lost now and all she could do is cry it all out because she can’t use words.

 

Momo increases the volume of the movie to the highest level so that it would cover Sana’s sobs and the neighbor wouldn’t hear. 

 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Just let it all out,” Momo kisses the top of her head and caresses her back. Sana lets out a series of uncontrollable sobs. She pulls her closer and hugs her tightly.

 

They stay like that until Sana falls asleep, eyes swollen and cheeks bloated.

 

---

 

Sana looks outside the window and feels the fresh air against her face. The rustling of leaves and noise of her underclassmen silences the voice of her teacher. She props her elbow on the table and rests her chin on her palm. She starts doodling on her notebook, minding her own business.

 

Moments later, the school bell rings and her classmates start running to the door, exiting before their teacher. As soon as she hears the bell, she starts shoving her things inside her bag.

 

Beside her, Momo grunts and Sana sees her bag tied on the chair. “Yah! Who did this?” she eyes the four of them.

 

Jeongyeon snickers while fixing her things. Momo glares at her and punches her. “It’s not me!” Jeongyeon defends herself and the real culprit, Jihyo, laughs at the two of them. Momo kicks her on  her shin which makes her howl in pain. 

 

Momo and Jeongyeon chuckles. Sana lets out a soft chuckle beside them. The three look at her, surprised, and Sana lowkey regrets it because now Jihyo or Jeongyeon will confront her or something.

 

True enough, Jihyo asks her. “Do you wanna go to band practice with us?”

“Uhm, I can’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I—“ Sana pauses for a second then grabs her textbooks “I have to study.” A lame excuse Sana knows they won’t buy, but it’s the only thing she could think of pointblank.

 

All three of her friends raise their eyebrows. Jihyo scoffs. “Since when did you care about academics?”

 

“Since I realized this is my last year in high school, and it’s not too late to get my grades up.” Sana lies through her teeth.

 

“Whatever you say, Einstein.” Jihyo raises her hands in surrender. Sana fixes her things and pretends she doesn’t feel them exchanging worried glances.

 

Momo wraps her arm around Sana’s shoulders and ruffles her hair. Sana pretends she doesn’t like it and rolls her eyes. But she smiles and gets that it’s Momo’s attempt of telling her she’s with her all the time. She’s always been with her all the time.

 

Jeongyeon and Momo exit the room. Sana follows them from behind beside Jihyo but the other girl holds her wrist and stops her. She makes sure they’re out of Jeongyeon and Momo’s earshot before speaking.

 

“Hey, you’ve been down lately.” Jihyo points out. “I may not know exactly what your situation is, but you know I’m always here for you, right?”

Sana’s expression softens and she hugs the other girl. “I know. Thank you,” Sana whispers and Jihyo hugs her back tightly.

 

Jeongyeon and Momo shout at them and the two catch up. Momo offers her arm and Sana clings on to her. In the front, Jeongyeon and Jihyo talk about their assignment for calculus.

 

When they’re near the gate, the four of them wonder why so many students are whispering and crowded just outside of the school. They continue walking, bumping with other students on the way out.

 

And then they see her leaning on her car with her school’s badge shining like a diamond in everyone’s eyes. Her arms are crossed and her face is crumpled, obvious that she doesn’t want to be there but looks like she needed to. 

 

A lot of students eye her with curiosity, judgment, shock, and awe. Some even take pictures and it makes her face crumple a bit more. 

 

Sana feels turn dry and her knees feel shaky. She’s not exactly there for her, right? She’s not there to confront her or something because she’ll literally pass out if that was the case.

 

“What is she doing here?” Momo says in a tone like she’s looking at her worst nightmare which has some truth to it because she has indeed been her worst nightmare since day one.

 

“I don’t know,” Jihyo whispers weakly.

 

“Let’s use the other gate,” Jeongyeon suggests. The four are just about to turn around when the girl sees them.

 

“,” Momo hides behind Jeongyeon then Jihyo and Sana follows. They squeeze themselves together, shaking.

 

Myoui Mina walks towards them as the whole student body collectively gasps. Sana could feel the air leaving her entire body. Jeongyeon clears when Mina stops in front of her.

 

“What brings you here, Myoui?” Jeongyeon asks.

 

“I need your help,” Mina says plainly.

 

Jihyo steps out. “About?”

“How much did Irene pay you to sabotage us?”

“We stopped doing that after what we did to all of you,” Jihyo says and crosses her arms. 

 

Sana lets out the breath she’s been holding. At least Mina’s not there for her. But she also becomes curious about Mina.

 

“For you? We’ll double the price,” Momo answers.

 

“Fine whatever,” Mina rolls her eyes at Momo. “It’s about Chaeyoung and Tzuyu.”

 

“For Chaeyoung and Tzuyu? It’ll be free. What happened?” Momo asks with softness in her voice.

 

“What happened?” Sana chimes in.

 

“It’s just… Someone’s bullying them and it’s getting worse. Dahyun couldn’t do anything because the bully’s family has a connection to the school and I also can’t do anything about it.” Mina runs her fingers through her hair.

 

“Who is it? Do I know her?” Jeongyeon asks.

 

“Of course,” Mina chuckles. “It’s Irene.”

 

---

 

Her coworker pushes the mop bucket and takes out the trash. Sana stops her when she sees a receipt peeking out from the bag. She gathers all the receipts for today’s shift and starts folding paper cranes. Her coworker looks at her with a frown, probably confused by Sana's new ‘hobby’. 

 

Outside, the moon shining brightly pulls the tides, creating a white-noise Sana has always adored. She should’ve been in her house but had to cover Seulgi’s shift because she’s fallen ill. Sana doesn’t mind, though.

 

In rare cases she enjoys her solitude, she lets the crashing of waves take her imagination somewhere far away, finishing her work she can’t wait to show Nayeon. 

 

The wind chime jingles, taking her back ashore to reality. She adds her finishing touches to her origami before looking up. When she does, it suddenly feels like she’s swept in the middle of a stormy sea, lungs filled with water and slowly drowning.

 

It’s been almost a month since she last saw Dahyun. Sana’s heart melts at the sight of her. She wants to wrap her arms around her like she’s a buoy that’ll keep her afloat and safe from the currents of her overwhelming pain and longingness. But that thought shuts down when the other girl looks at her lifelessly.

 

Of course, Dahyun would go to the convenience store when it’s not her shift. Sana’s only here because of Seulgi anyway. The other girl averts her gaze and hesitates to take another step in. But she eventually does, going straight to the aisles without recognizing Sana’s presence.

 

She only got a few seconds to look at her face, but Sana doesn’t miss the way Dahyun’s eyebags are darker. Her cheekbones are a bit more prominent too and it looks like she lost some weight. 

 

Sana watches her quietly. Dahyun’s wearing her eyeglasses with her hair pulled into a messy bun and her oversized hoodie hanging around her frame loosely. She fills her basket absentmindedly.

 

When it’s finally time to pay, Dahyun approaches her slowly without meeting her eyes. She puts her basket on the counter and plays with the hem of her hoodie.

 

“These are all unhealthy,” Sana goes through a variety of junk foods, chocolates, and energy drinks. “Are you even eating properly?”

 

Dahyun remains silent and Sana shakes her head. She returns all Dahyun’s food and drinks and replaces it with something ‘healthier’. She grabs a sandwich, onigiri, tteokbokki, a rice meal, and puts it in the microwave. She also bought her a huge water bottle.

 

“It’s on me,” she returns to the counter and starts scanning everything. The silence between them feels like a baggage on her heart. She hands Dahyun the paper bag. “Don’t skip your meals and eat properly. Drink water. Promise me, Dahyun."

 

The other girl closes her fists so tight her knuckles turn white. Sana notices and clicks her tongue. “Seriously?” She raises her eyebrows and Dahyun purses her pale lips. “Fine, just take this, okay?”

Sana hands her the paper bag and Dahyun takes it without a word. Like a thief she’s out as fast as lightning, leaving Sana in distress.

 

Sana fold paper crane dahyun’s receipt

 

Twenty-two.

 

I missed you so much.

 

---

 

Mina struggles to wear her black hoodie and Sana helps her with it. The other girl gives her a cold look, saying that she could’ve done it herself. Sana gives her a small smile.

 

“Don’t act like nothing’s wrong between you and Dahyun. I was gonna talk to you about it after all this,” Mina gestures to Momo, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon who’s wearing the same hoodie. She notices Nayeon still in her white dress and tosses her a black hoodie.

 

“I think you should talk to Dahyun instead,” she answers plainly, ignoring the pang in her chest.

 

Sana winces at the way Mina holds her wrist tightly. Their eyes meet and Mina’s looking at her softly, not the usual cold stares she gives them, and Sana’s almost convinced she looks concerned for a second before Mina lets go of her. “Nevermind.”

 

Momo picks up the baseball bat and puts thin, old tights on its end. After that, she swings it with all her might, pretending she hit a homerun.

 

“Why did you put tights on the bat?” Mina asks

 

“So when we get into a fight and they grab the bat, they’ll only pull the tights.”

 

“How did you even know that? She crosses her arms. “Are you sure you didn’t plan for a murder because if you did then I’m out of here. You didn’t see me,” Mina says, giving Momo a judging look.

 

“Weren’t you the one who asked for this?” Momo smirks. Jihyo and Jeongyeon on the other hand reassure her that no, they’re not gonna murder Bae Joohyun.

 

“Listen, you can’t mess up, okay? Chaeyoung and Tzuyu are important to me and if you-- if we fail this then I’m afraid the bullying will get worse and that can’t happen.” Mina explains.

 

“I know,” Jeongyeon says.

 

“Don’t even get me started with you,” she points at Jeongyeon. “They were my first and only friends since you left. So you kind of owe this to me.”

 

Currently, they’re on a secret mission for Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. Jihyo made sure it’s perfectly planned after what Mina told them.

 

Chaeyoung’s a sunshine girl, and Tzuyu’s basically a giant baby who always follow her around. Where Chaeyoung goes, Tzuyu goes. Those two are the purest human beings Sana has ever met and she doesn’t understand how someone could hate them so much.

 

Apparently, Bae Joohyun has been bullying the two since they were freshmen. It all started during the first day of school, when Chaeyoung, who’s been home-schooled her entire life, entered the hallways of Xavier with her monster high backpack and colorful hair clips.

 

The little girl caught Joohyun’s attention immediately. She approached her and snatched her bag from her. Chaeyoung tried to get her bag back, but some students were already holding her down. 

 

Joohyun rummages through her bag and smirks as she turns it inside out and Chaeyoung’s school supplies fall to the ground. The whole school laughed when they saw her Barbie pencil case, hello kitty notebooks and papers and her 120 crayola crayon set.

 

Chaeyoung stood up to Joohyun, but the other girl pushed her back. Luckily, she ended up falling on Tzuyu, who’s picking up her things. 

 

That’s when Mina decided to stand up, saying that she’ll report her to the office if she doesn’t stop. She also said a few things about not owning the school and some more that’s enough to get onto her nerves. Joohyun’s about to slap her, but Chaeyoung stepped in, receiving the resounding strike instead.

 

And then Dahyun stopped them, telling the entire school that she’s the Governor’s niece. It was enough to send almost everyone cowering away from the scene, and maybe get off Chaeyoung’s , but not Joohyun who has an equally strong connection to the government.

 

Joohyun’s bullying never really stopped, and Mina has had enough of it. They all tried to report her to the office, but they never really did anything because of Joohyun’s connection.

 

Mina almost gave up the idea of getting revenge until she met the people who threw a bucket of ice water on their head, courtesy of the same bully. Now, the same people are here with her. Preparing to take her down.

 

Jeongyeon climbs into the driver seat of Mina’s van and the rest follow. The group’s silent on the way to Xavier and they easily slip through the security because of the sticker on the windshield.

 

The sun’s almost setting when they arrived at the almost empty parking lot of the school. The only ones left inside the school are the student council members, which Joohyun is part of, taking up the role of secretary. They’re preparing for something Mina failed to ask Dahyun.

 

“That’s her car,” Mina nods at the familiar 2019 Sedan Jaguar XF Sana, Momo, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon rode before.

 

Everyone puts on their face mask and pulls the hood of their hoodie like they’re some kind of gangsters. Momo swings the bat then rests it on her shoulder. Nayeon follows with a sly smirk on her face. Jihyo and Jeongyeon walk like they own the place. Mina crosses her arms, finally getting their revenge. And Sana just follows them from behind.

 

Everything was cool until “Oh, why are they here?” Tzuyu asks innocently, arms linked with Chaeyoung.

 

The smaller girl runs toward them with a smile that Sana's sure will rip her cheeks at any moment. “What’s this?” she chuckles.

 

The group looks at each other nervously, beads of cold sweat forming on their forehead. How Tzuyu and Chaeyoung recognized them so easily, Sana doesn’t know but she knows it’s not a good sign.

 

“Why are you here?” Mina removes her face mask aggressively.

 

“We were waiting for Dahyun. Their meeting’s almost over now, they’re already wrapping up,” Chaeyoung answers.

 

“You weren’t supposed to be here!” Mina says then her expression changes when she realizes Chaeyoung’s last sentence. “What do you mean they’re almost over?”

 

“Quick, here.” Momo hands the bat over to Chaeyoung.

 

“Uhh, what am I supposed to do with this?”

 

“It’s easy,” Jeongyeon approaches her. “You just have to aim it here and swing with all your might,” she points to the car’s headlight.

 

“Sounds fun but why exactly are we doing this?” Chaeyoung asks. Behind her, Tzuyu looks around and covers Chaeyoung so that no one will see her do the deed.

 

“For revenge. Do you know what that word means? Such a beautiful yet destructive word--” Nayeon’s cut off by Mina.

 

“We know what that word means.” Mina looks at Chaeyoung. “Hurry up before anyone sees us.”

 

Chaeyoung nods. She inhales deeply and closes her eyes. She positions the bat over her head and screams as she hits the headlight. Sana, Nayeon, Momo, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon clap. Mina, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu couldn’t help but smirk.

 

“So this is what it feels like to be alive,” Chaeyoung says, looking at the bat. “You next,” she pushes it to Tzuyu’s chest.

 

"WHA– What about the consequences? Do we really need to do this? What if–

 

"We have all the time in the world. We'll deal with it tomorrow," Chaeyoung extends her arms and smiles softly at the girl. “Besides, we’ve been bullied by her for years and we never did anything about it. It’s time to change that now– Yep just like that”

 

Tzuyu hits the other headlight, not as hard as Chaeyoung, but just enough to ruin it. She lets out a soft chuckle and jumps to hug Chaeyoung. Sana has never seen the quiet girl so giddy and she thinks it suits her.

 

Nayeon then takes the bat and hits the hood of the car, bending it. “For Dahyun,” then she hands it to Mina. “For you?”

 

Mina accepts the bat, but everyone’s taken aback. “Hey!” A familiar voice calls them. Sana doesn’t need to look to know that it was Dahyun. 

 

The girl runs toward them and Sana could feel her heart beating for two main reasons: 1.) It’s Dahyun 2.) It’s Dahyun and that means the meeting is over and Joohyun will be there any minute.

 

“Ohmygod what did you do?” Dahyun asks them.

 

“No time to explain. Here comes the devil,” Jihyo nods at something behind them. They all cover their faces with their masks. Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu covered their faces using their handkerchiefs.

 

“Hey!” Joohyun shouts.

 

“Everybody run!” Jihyo says and they scramble. 

 

They were gonna head for Mina’s van but the girl pulls them “She’s gonna know who we are!”

 

“Quick, there!” Dahyun nods at the corner of the parking lot and leads them. A wall filled with vines greets them and at first Sana thought they were cornered but Dahyun removes the vines, revealing a small unlocked gate.

 

“How did you know this?” Mina helps her.

 

“No time to explain. Here comes the devil,” Dahyun copies Jihyo as Joohyun sees them. “Go!” 

 

They’re greeted by an old playground with rusty slides and swings steadied to the ground by tangled, thorny vines. Sana stops for a second to admire the view. Dahyun pushes her accidentally. She almost falls off the ground, luckily the other girl catches her.

 

Everyone runs outside, pulling each other so they won’t get caught.

---

 

They catch their breath for a moment. Currently, they’re outside a corner-store far away from Xavier. Inside, Mina and Momo are buying food and drinks for everyone, the payment for today’s mission since they won’t accept money.

 

Nayeon sits while Jeongyeon fans her. Jihyo’s talking to Chaeyoung and Tzuyu about how much headlights cost. Dahyun’s in the far corner, still watching the surroundings.

 

“They won’t know we’re here,” Sana quietly says to her. For sure, Joohyun doesn’t even know this part of town.

 

The other girl freezes and then nods at her without looking. Sana purses her lips and nods back. Mina and Momo raise the bags of food and drinks which earn a cheer from all of them except Dahyun.

 

“Lezzgo,” Momo says.

 

“To where?” Mina frowns at her.

 

“Somewhere only we know,” Momo winks at her, and Mina slaps her at the back.

 

“Consider it a secret gift from us,” Jihyo says.

 

“I still don’t trust any of you,” Mina glares at them.

 

“All right, you stay here then.” Jeongyeon pushes past her and everyone follows.

 

Mina groans in defeat. “Wait up!”

---

“How long do we have to keep on walking?” Mina dodges a tree branch and huffs. Grasses brush past their knees. Underneath their feet are crispy dried leaves and fallen twigs and trees tower over them while the earthy air fills the atmosphere. “If you’re attempting to kidnap us, you know our families will never stop until they find us. And when they do all of you will be so dead--”

 

“Can you shut up?” Momo interrupts her. “Just shut up.”

 

“We’ve been walking forever. I think I deserve to know where we’re going.” Mina crosses her arms. It’s true that they’ve been walking for at least half an hour now, and Mina has been complaining all the time.

 

“Oh, you’ll see.” Jihyo answers. Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu seem confused too but they still follow.

 

Sana feels Dahyun’s elbow nudge her lightly and it sends electricity all throughout her. Dahyun trips but luckily Sana catches her before she falls to the ground. She looks worriedly at her as the wind blows Dahyun’s hair off her face.

 

They’re so close. Closer than they’ve ever been for a long time and Sana feels a momentary pang in her chest-- lingering and cruel in a way that it takes her breath away. Cruel in a way that she yearns for the person who’s standing next to her right now.

 

She’s been thinking of this moment ever since that night. She’s been thinking about those lips she’s hoping to kiss once again, her deep poetic eyes that draws her closer, and her hands that’s desperately clinging on Sana’s shoulder for support.

 

It’s Dahyun who lets go first, and it doesn’t surprise Sana. Of course she’d be the first one to let go. She always is, but she can’t exactly blame her for it. Sana understands. She really does. She just hopes Dahyun has half the courage she has.

 

Loneliness starts to creep up from the depths of her chest again, almost choking her. She catches up to their friends and walks in front of Dahyun, kicking away all the branches and rocks that could trip Dahyun on the way. 

After almost fifteen minutes, they finally reached their destination. 

 

Clouds expanded above them as far as the green below the steep cliff they’re standing on right now. The refreshing blue sky is in contrast to the green plane that stretches beneath their feet. Sana closes her eyes and inhales. 

 

The cliff has always been her safe place. Their safe place where she, together with Momo, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon, could enjoy themselves without the fear of other people judging them for having too much fun.

 

Beside her, the others are in awe with the view also. They’re too absorbed to break the silence and ask questions. Not until Mina.

 

“What are we doing here?” she crosses her arms.

 

“You’ll see,” Jihyo starts stripping off her clothes until she’s left with only her underwear. Mina screams. Chaeyoung and Dahyun yelps. Tzuyu covers her eyes like a child. 

 

The rest of the group laughs. Mina says something about being inappropriate and calling the police in the middle of a mountain. Jihyo smirks and spreads out her arms. “It’s okay. Look.”

 

Mina opens her one eye. “You’re still .”

“No I’m not,” Jihyo starts walking backwards and towards the end of the cliff. The rest of the group’s watching her now. Half of them are enjoying the scene while the other half are about to have a heart attack as she inches nearer to her death.

 

And she falls. Slowly. Like it was a scene from a movie.

 

“DID SHE JUST KILL HERSELF” Mina clasps her hands to .

 

“OHMYGOD,” Chaeyoung says.

 

“WHAT DO WE DO?” Dahyun asks, panicking.

 

Tzuyu lets out the loudest scream she could ever do and tries to even out her breathing. “Calm down, calm down, calm down.” Horror is written all over their faces.

 

Sana, Momo, Jeongyeon, and Nayeon look at each other and start laughing. Sana’s laughing so hard she has to punch her chest just to get her lungs working properly again. She knows she shouldn’t be doing this, but she just can’t help it.

 

“DID THEY BELIEVE IT?” Jihyo comes back from the dead.

 

“YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN THEIR FACES– OW” Momo glares at Mina as she pushes past her.

 

“IF YOU WANTED TO DIE YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME INSTEAD,” Mina turns to the three of them. “What is beneath this cliff anyway?”

 

“Go look for yourself,” Jeongyeon smirks at her and starts undressing. Sana and Momo follow her.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Mina looks down the cliff and sees the clearest river she has ever seen in her life. Sana doesn’t miss the amazement in her eyes before it turns into annoyance once again.

 

Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu run to see Jihyo swimming in the river. Momo, Jeongyeon, Nayeon, and Sana don’t waste another second and start removing their clothes too.

 

“You’re going in?” Mina gives them an incredulous look.

 

“That’s what we’re here for,” Momo holds Mina’s hand and pulls her into the water without letting her take off her clothes. Sana hears the water splash followed by their usual rambling. Jeongyeon and Nayeon jump after them.

 

Chaeyoung removes her shoes. Panic could be seen in Dahyun’s eyes as she watches her. “You too?” she asks the girl but she just shrugs. Tzuyu follows Chaeyoung’s lead. “Of course you do everything Chaeyoung does,” Dahyun massages her temple. The two jump, ignoring Dahyun who has both her hands on her hips now.

 

Sana hugs herself, feeling a bit cold since she’s basically wearing nothing. “It’s not as scary as you think,” she says, watching their friends below. “I can jump with you if you’re afraid.”

 

Dahyun’s expression softens and she nods. Sana looks away as Dahyun strips off. She tries her best to endure the agonizing moment and tries to pull herself together.

 

She feels a soft tug and carefully intertwines Dahyun’s tiny hands with her calloused fingers. Dahyun looks so beautiful with her perfect face and perfect body and perfect everything. Sana’s so close to breaking in front of her, but she stops herself before doing so.

 

“Ready?” she asks Dahyun and the other girl nods. “In three, okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“One, two…” Sana tightens her grip on Dahyun’s hand “Three!”

 

They fall deeper for each other than ever.

 

---

 

Sana catches her breath and leans on the rock. They have been swimming for almost an hour now. She can feel exhaustion all over her body so she decides to rest for a while.

 

In the middle, Momo is on Jeongyeon’s shoulder wrestling with Mina who’s on Tzuyu’s shoulder. Jihyo’s watching Momo’s back in case she falls and Nayeon does the same for Mina. Chaeyoung’s cheering while Momo and Mina pull each other down to the water.

 

She giggles when Momo was taken down by Mina, holding her head under the water for about five seconds before letting her breathe again. As soon as Momo regains her breath, she jumps on Mina and wrestles her again.

 

Sana doesn’t notice Dahyun coming up to her quietly until she says “Hey.” The other girl leans on the rock beside her and plays with the water. 

 

“Hey,” Sana says as calmly as she could. She could feel the space between them– the emptiness and tension that makes her heart race. Aside from her heart, Dahyun always has this effect on her. When she’s beside her Sana always notices the smallest things: the way Dahyun breathes, the way her lips pull into a small smile, the way her soft unblinking eyes look at her with sentiment, and now the growing expanse between them.

 

She was just there, sharing the air with her. Unconsciously sharing the thoughts with her like they have the same mind. None of them talk, but both of them feel the same way. And they know it. She inhales and swallows all the unsaid words that connect them.

 

I missed you.

 

How are you?

 

I’m sorry.

 

How do we fix this?

The water’s waist deep but she feels like she’s drowning. When you swim, you expect yourself to float and come back up to breathe. This isn’t the same. It’s like she had something anchoring her down at the bottom of the water, and she can’t hear anything.

 

“Sana!” Momo calls her. “Sana! Come play with us.”

 

Momo’s voice pulls her back to reality. She sees Chaeyoung on Tzuyu’s shoulders and hears Mina telling her to come down. Momo waits for her and motions for her to climb on her shoulders.

When she’s about to join them, Dahyun holds her hand under the water tightly, like she’s begging for her not to go. Sana freezes. She’s shaking and she doesn’t know if it’s because she’s cold or if it’s because of Dahyun’s touch. She intertwines their fingers and draws circles on Dahyun’s hand using her thumb.

 

Sana doesn’t know why Dahyun does this to her. Confusing her. Giving her mixed signals. Playing with her feelings. But she still gives her the benefit of the doubt because what if, with a little bit of patience, Dahyun would eventually give in. And she’s desperately waiting for that day.

 

But for now, for the nth time, Dahyun lets go of her again. And that’s okay. That’s okay even if Sana’s heart is broken into a million little pieces by the same girl over and over again. Because that girl’s the one who gave her life a meaning. 

 

---

 

Momo drops the last batch of dried wood and lights up a bonfire. Jeongyeon arranges the rocks for them to sit on around the fire with Jihyo and Tzuyu’s help. Nayeon and Sana prepare their food. They refuse to make the other girls do anything.

 

When everything’s all set, everyone takes their seat. Sana’s about to take the seat beside Mina but Momo beats her to it. She looks around and sees that the only available one is beside Dahyun.

 

She looks at Momo with her pleading eyes. Momo raises her eyebrows at her and says “Go sit beside Dahyun. She doesn’t mind, right?”

 

Dahyun looks at her with surprise. “Sure,” she says even though Sana knows she does mind. But no one would switch places with her, so she has no choice. Quietly, she takes the spot next to Dahyun and tries to minimize her movement so she won’t be perceived. 

 

Everyone must’ve been so exhausted because no one talks. They’re just enjoying the snacks, quietly munching and drinking.

 

Sana roasts a marshmallow like everyone. Above them, the sun’s just beginning to set its beautiful orange rays blanket the sky. About a few kilometers from the cliff, the electrified fence could be seen.

 

Beside her, Dahyun burnt her marshmallow. Sana immediately roasts one and makes her a smores with extra chocolate because Dahyun likes it. She offers it to her with a small smile.

 

“Thanks,” Dahyun says and returns the smile.

 

“I didn’t realize we were so close to the border,” Mina says quietly. 

 

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Nayeon looks at the fence. The forest has grown thicker since Sana has last been there, but it’s still as beautiful as ever.

 

“Yeah,” there’s hesitation in Mina’s voice, but she admires the view too. “Is it true what they say about it? That there used to be a society beyond those fences?”

“‘Used to’? What makes you think they’re gone?” Nayeon asks.

 

“Well the government–”

 

“Are you really gonna believe everything they say?” 

 

“Are you playing mind games with me? ‘Cause right now I’m enjoying my roasted sweet potato, and I’m not up for it.” Mina steals Momo’s roasted sweet potato. Nayeon shrugs and steals Jeongyeon’s roasted sweet potato too.

 

Sana looks around and out of the blue she realizes she’s grateful she’s there with the girls without anyone telling them how to think or feel. She’s grateful she has food right now and she’s grateful Dahyun’s beside her…. But

 

“Today will also become the past, right?” she asks.

 

“Yeah,” Nayeon sighs and tries to savor the moment too.

 

“I wonder what will happen to us five, ten years from now,” Momo asks.

 

“Probably married and cured,” Jihyo answers as a matter of fact.

 

“Have you ever heard of Murphy's law?” Nayeon looks at everyone.

 

“I don’t recall such a law,” Dahyun creases her forehead.

 

“Neither have I,” Mina says.

 

“It’s a law of nature that says anything will go wrong will go wrong,” Nayeon says.

 

“Are you implying that my life will go wrong? Are you underestimating me?” Mina raises her eyebrows.

 

“Oh not at all,” Nayeon shakes her head. “I was just reminded that’s why.”

 

The group goes silent again. This time, they watch how the sun and its eternal yellow-brown rays finally sets on the horizon 

 

“I don’t like sunsets. Sunset means endings. I prefer sunrise because it means new beginnings.” Nayeon says casually.

 

“Does it mean something is ending right now?” Tzuyu asks innocently and looks around. It certainly looks like nothing’s ending right now.

 

“It could be that the ending is starting right at this moment.” Nayeon says and leaves everyone confused except for Sana.

 

Sana knows exactly what Nayeon’s pertaining to. Change is coming at a faster rate than Sana prefers. Soon, they will turn eighteen, and all of them will have the procedure. The proverbial will hit the proverbial fan and none of them would’ve even remembered this scene or their friendship.

 

Sana’s not ready for that just yet. She can take any other result of Murphy's law but not her friends forgetting her. Oblivion has always been too scary for her. Being erased from the entire world scares her. 

 

She wants to be a factor of change because change is the only thing certain in this world. She wants to feel like she’s been important to someone and that she’s impacted other people’s lives. Maybe she’s conceited like that.

 

She catches Dahyun’s gaze and holds it. She sees the fire in Dahyun's eyes literally and figuratively. 

 

She wants to remember all this and be remembered.

---

 

It has been days since they went to the cliff, but Sana’s situation with Dahyun is still at an impasse. Like before, she went back to ignoring her friends and avoiding conversation with them as much as possible. She’s well aware of their effort to lighten up the mood and to try to make her part of the conversation, but she doesn’t want to. And that makes her a bit guilty.

 

Sana hikes up her bag. She just finished her shift and the fresh, salty air soothes her tiredness a bit. She closes her eyes and takes a moment to inhale it all in.

 

“Sana,” she hears Dahyun call her name. She frowns and shakes her head. This Dahyun situation makes her hear things that aren’t there.

 

Except that Dahyun’s there and she calls “Sana” once again, this time in a much softer tone. Slowly, she turns and sees her. “Can we talk?”

 

She feels so shocked she can’t bring herself to speak up. So she nods instead. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to hear what Dahyun has to say, but she has a lot to talk about too. She’s been bottling up all these feelings, all these reasons, all these apologies and she can’t pass up this opportunity. All she wanted was to talk, which the other girl didn’t really give her the chance to. Until now.

 

Dahyun leads the way and Sana follows behind. All of a sudden it reminds Sana of when she was just dreaming of holding Dahyun’s hands, and she got to do that. Now she can’t even say her name without her voice breaking. She feels at loss, and it was her fault, right?

 

She should’ve contained her feelings. She shouldn’t have kissed Dahyun. She should’ve been more patient. But if she were, could she really live through it? Not being honest to both of them?

 

They arrive at Dahyun’s bedroom. The other girl goes radio silent. Sana stands quietly across the room, waiting for her to start the conversation. Different thoughts race every second that passes by like she was mentally torturing herself.

 

Five minutes had passed and Dahyun still hadn't said a thing. Sana runs a hand through her hair and her lips. She sighs and asks in a hushed tone “You wanted to talk?” 

 

The same time Sana opens , Dahyun says “I don’t know what to do.” She covers her face and lets her once neatly tucked hair fall all over in a mess. 

 

Sana softens and immediately runs to the other girl. “Shush,” she helps the other girl sit down on her bed and watch her cry. 

 

Something inside her breaks, seeing Dahyun– the girl who always knows what to do– confused and lost. Dahyun has always been this girl who knows how to lead, how to get away in any situation, how to solve everything.

 

Dahyun was never indecisive. She always makes up her mind and focuses on her decision. But with Sana, it’s different. with Sana, she loses her control over herself and clouds her mind. everything in her short circuits and the next thing she knows, she only wants one thing. Only one. But the world forbids it.

 

In Sana’s mind following their heart should be easy. They just have to be honest. But being honest in this situation means being a liar to the entire world. 

 

“I’m a smart person. But when it comes to you, why can’t I figure it out?” Dahyun puts her hand over her heart and grips that part of her shirt, not minding if it would get wrinkled. “Why can’t I figure this out?” She says before letting out a series of uncontrollable sobs.

 

“I’m so confused.” Dahyun runs her fingers through her hair and grips her roots. She bites her lips to stop herself from yet another sob.

 

Sana approaches her carefully. When the other girl doesn't push her, she cups her face and wipes off a tear. In her shaky voice, she says “Don’t be.”

 

“It feels so fast,” Dahyun looks at Sana’s eyes.

 

“Romeo and Juliet fell in love the moment they met.”

 

“And their story ended after three days. What if we end up like them?” she gives her an incredulous look.

 

“ Romeo and Juliet. You and I are the only love story I need.” Sana wipes the tears threatening to fall on her face and holds the other girl's hands tightly. “We can do this, Dahyun. You and I against the world.”

 

“Can we really?”

 

“I know you’re terrified, Dahyun. I am too. But it feels so good to be with you it’s driving me insane. It’s terrifying but living a lie is way worse.”

 

“I tried letting you go but I ended up falling even further,” Dahyun sobs and presses her thumb against Sana’s knuckles.

 

“I know I was there,” Sana chuckles but a tear falls down.

 

In this battlefield she could only choose between courage or safety. She can’t have both. It’s hard to feel these things in secret because you have to hide the pain, too. And Sana’s not too good at it— both suppressing her feelings and dealing with pain.

 

This grief she’s feeling, what is it if not love persevering? How do you grieve over something that’s still happening, in this case, her love for the other girl? Something so great it’s doomed to fail.

 

Or are they really doomed to fail because what if they’re not? What if they’re one of the few who’ll get through this? 

 

She feels so pessimistic yet hopeful at the same time. Honestly, she doesn’t know anymore. The only thing she’s certain now is that she’s a freaking moth to Dahyun’s all consuming flames. It’s terrifying, but Sana has never been the one to surrender without a fight. It’s just— she hopes Dahyun’s on the same page too.

 

Sana kisses Dahyn’s knuckles one by one. “Just give us a chance, Dahyun.” She fixes her messy hair and wipes away her tears. A soft smile escapes her lips before she cups her cheeks and Dahyun softens at her touch.

 

Dahyun only needs to say she wants Sana, and she wouldn’t give a about the world. Heck she’d stay with her until the end of it, but Dahyun had other plans in her mind.

 

“We can stay like this until they send our matches and get paired,” Dahyun says.

 

There's a pang in her chest, knowing that it’s temporary. But Sana would take anything that Dahyun gives, even though that means limited time with her. She’d take everything because she’s Dahyun. 

 

“Okay,” she leans in for a kiss, savoring every moment of it because there’s no telling when it’s gonna end. No telling when their matches will be sent.

 

“I missed you,” she kisses Dahyun’s forehead. “I missed you.” she kisses her cheeks. “I missed you. I missed you. I missed you.” she kisses her face until there’s no space anymore.

 

“Don’t go until you have to,” Sana clings on Dahyun’s shirt tightly. She is breaking, but Dahyun holds her fragments together. She rests her forehead on the other girl’s. Both are crying uncontrollably.

 

It’s a curse for privileged people, even for people like them who barely have any, to be scared about things that are yet to happen and decide outside their comfort zone. Everyone’s relatively frantic, but change will come regardless of their actions or lack thereof. So instead of figuring out where fear will take them, which was probably nowhere, they choose to take the leap.

 

She could die if other people find out she has it; but she’d rather die if she doesn't let Dahyun and her have this. 

 

And that’s when she realizes love is indeed the deadliest among deadly things. 

 

It kills you whether you have it or not.

 

Sana’s willing to take that risk.

#

---

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE

SURPRISEEEEEE HEHE

 

just to be clear this fic is still on hold but since it's been a year since i started writing this fic and first posted it i wanted to upload a chapter to commemorate (?) it 

to the anon on my cc who said they read all the chapters twice already, if you’re reading this im really grateful you enjoyed my fic you gave me so much motivation to write this chapter so thank you

lastly, my sister helped me make short trailer for the fic!! it would mean a lot if u check it out we also dropped a lot of hints hehe