Sirach 39:33-36
Our Innermost DemonsThere are spirits that are created for vengeance, and in their fury they lay on grievous torments. In the time of destruction they shall pour out their force: and they shall appease the wrath of him that made them. Fire, hail, famine, and death, all these were created for vengeance. The teeth of beasts, and scorpions, and serpents, and the sword taking vengeance upon the ungodly unto destruction.
Sirach 39:33-36
Minho took the lighter out of his pocket. The cold night air blew around him and reminded him of the time he had spent together with Taemin in the cave. The air was cool there, too, while their flaming bodies had united. Placing the cigarette between his lips, he thought of the blonde man. He was addicted to Taemin. No matter how cold and dark the night was, Taemin shone brightly in these hours and gave him not only blissful relief but lifted him from all the pressure he felt. He wanted to inhale Taemin's scent and taste his warmth. His fingers began to tremble as he heard footsteps behind him. The image of the young man vanished like smoke in the wind.
"I knew you'd come to your senses." Cocky and authoritarian, his father's dark voice rang out behind him.
Minho loathed it when his father took that tone.
Yunkyeom had every reason to celebrate. Minho had come to dinner with Sooyoung and Naeun. The fact that Minho had not left Sooyoung in the time since they had last spoken proved to him that Minho was just having a mid-life crisis. With a restful sigh, he stood next to Minho and drank his wine comfortably.
Minho took a calming drag.
"I haven't changed my mind." Staring into the night, he let the words rise calmly and without reservation.
He could feel his father's contemptuous gaze on him, but that was nothing new to him anymore.
"You really want to leave her? Jesus Minho, she's pregnant! It was bad enough for her that you weren't at her concert."
When would this subject finally come to an end? The whole dinner he had to listen to how he had disappointed everyone. How irresponsible and stupid he had acted.
At some point he had resigned. He could no longer hear what his wife and father were saying. The music was just too loud. He could no longer concentrate on anything. It was blaring in his ears again.
Minho concentrated on the smoke in his lungs. How it spread, soft and warm, wrapping his conscience in a blanket of oblivion.
"What kind of man did I raise you to be?" Yunkyeom shook his head contemptuously as he looked to his son.
Dark, low laughter filled the night.
"Do you really think your words have any relevance to me?"
It was not a serious question to his father. Minho knew it no other way. The pain of his father never being proud of him had never faded. But the blade Yunkyeom stabbed him with grew duller with time. There were only the faded scars that hurt when you touched them, they had never had time to heal.
But new scars could no longer be inflicted.
"All my life I have heard nothing else from you. If you want to be disappointed in me, be disappointed. I don't know anything else from you." The emptiness in Minho's eyes only enraged his father more. Indifference was plain on his son's face.
"Minho, you are not a man. You are just an ungrateful child. I have given you everything and what do I get in return?"
Never, Minho promised himself, never would he talk to Naeun like that, or to his second child.
"What you got?"
Minho looked closely at his old father. They were like fire and ice. To each other, they could only offer destruction. They could perhaps co-exist, but never with each other. It had always been that way. If they got too close, one would destroy the other.
And it was always Minho's sparkling glow that was extinguished by his father's severity.
But Minho's flames had grown, they blazed and were stronger than ever. And they didn't care what they were destroying, they just wanted to spread until there was nothing left of what stood in his way.
"Is a father-child relationship nothing more than a transaction for you?"
Yunkyeom said nothing, which did not surprise Minho. Minho had only perceived himself as a badge, a prize, so that his father could look better to his friends and business partners. The perfect businessman, with the perfect wife and the perfect son.
But for Yunkyeom, it was a future for his son. He had worked hard to give Minho the best opportunities, and none of that was appreciated by his son.
"I was top of my class, that wasn't enough for you. I became a surgeon, just like you wanted, but that wasn't enough either. If you are nothing but disappointed in me, at least let me make it really disappointing for y
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