“She’s not picking up...” Sana’s voice is now trembling.

 

She knows she just messed up, big time. And she knows that there’s nothing she can do about it. Not to mention that the distance between then has been drawn again.

 

Momo just told her that Dahyun has safely landed in Korea. She feels relieved but scared at the same time.

 

She just doesn’t want to lose that figure. She couldn’t possibly let this go.

 

How did we end up here?

 

I didn't know that you were holding up so much pain, Dahyun-ah.

 

And to think that she actually did the right thing for not telling her. Sana never thought in a million years that this will left one of the biggest scars for Dahyun. She dreamed of being able to be with Dahyun for a long time. Hurting the latter is the last thing she would never do.

 

However, the situations says otherwise.

 

She loves Dahyun to the point she’ll do anything to get her back at this point.

 

The trust is broken.

 

and she has no way of fixing it.

 

_____

 

Dahyun really doesn’t know what to feel anymore.

 

She has never been so sure that the universe put her here just to nourish her pain.

 

What’s the point of life, really.

 

One second she’s grinning, enjoying the beauty of life. And the next second, she’s crying her lungs out. As she was not able to grasp the leaves so that we won’t falling off the cliff.

 

It feels like someone just trying to rip her heart off its place and the scars are getting wider as the knife scratch it painfully. And no matter how hard she tried to endure the pain, she’ll end up failing. Again and over again.

 

What’s scarier is that she wouldn’t be able to see it coming. Something so sudden that she can’t even blink, or process it right away. It’s like the air getting out of her lungs, and suddenly she lost all directions.

 

Then everything becomes dark and quiet. Very quiet. All we can hear is just the sound of her cries as she screaming her name.

 

Begging that figure to come, to tell her that she is just messing, telling her a lie.

 

And that night she closed her eyes as she sending prayers.

 

Hoping heaven will grant her some mercy and turn everything that just happened into a dream.

 

A really bad one.

 

It’s not.

 

----

 

Dahyun occasionally wiped the sweat that fell from her forehead. She throws her gaze at the clock on the wall. In two hours the shift will be over, but here she is. It felt like the world was spinning so fast and made her head hurts like hell. She could feel her head throbbing painfully.

 

She unconsciously grabbed onto her outer garment while enduring the torture that started to crawl up.

 

She's starting to regret her decision to take multiple extra shifts. She hated to admit that she did this just to erase the name from her mind since forever. She still did it even though she knows very well that it's useless. She would never be able to just forget that figure and act like nothing happened. Like she does not matter at all.

 

Sana is her whole world and she hates to admit, that whatever is going on between them could never change the fact that she's still madly in love with the latter.

 

"Sana..." She muttered softly without realizing it,

 

"Dahyun-ah?"

 

With that Dahyun turned her head,

 

Cheyoung found her best friend who was now smiling sadly at her.

 

She is clearly forcing her smile now.

 

"Hm? I'm alright Chaeyoung-ah. ”She said after realizing that her bestfriend gives her the look full of concern.

 

Chaeyeong ignored her words and walked over her with fast movements. She placed her palm on Dahyun's forehead as she gasped afterward. The latter is practically burning, it was hot tingling her skin.

 

“Dahyun-ah! You have a fever!"

 

The latter could only shakes her head, "I'm fine."

 

“Excuse me, can I get a latte please?” The two turned to the customer who is now standing by the cashier. Dahyun was about to approach her when Chaeyoung grab one of her hand and exclaimed,

 

"Where are you going!? You have to rest!"

 

Dahyun's vision has now become a little blurry, she tried to massage her scalp once again. She realized that maybe it wasn't a good idea to push herself. She had promised herself that she would take care of her health, However, the national exams were coming soon and she clearly doesn't want this to affect her performance later.

 

"Okay."

 

"Good."

 

"Thanks, Chae."

 

With that she slowly removed her apron, leaning her body briefly against the counter. Chaeyoung can only look at her with a weak smile. The girl had told her everything that happened in California. She had tried to convince her best friend to listen to her lover's explanation first but the only thing she ever got is a shrug along with the bitter smile.

 

Inside, she knew that Dahyun was enduring a great deal of pain and disappointment.

 

She was just so good at hiding it. As if the scars never exist.

 

______

 

"Everyone deserves a second chance, my daughter."

 

"But not for the same mistakes."

 

She looked up to find her mother's gaze. She could feel something squeezing her chest painfully. Sana had been crying for almost good three hours and it was enough to make her body exhausted. Her breath was short and her eyes had turned red. She just wished she could repeat the time. She wished that she could just embrace that figure and keep her safe for a long time. Saying that everything is just a misunderstanding. That what happened was not something she did on purpose, that she never meant to hurt her.

 

That she was truly sorry, and she wanted her back.

 

"Make it’ll never happen again, Sana."

 

"I don't deserve her, Mom. I'm a monster."

 

"You're not. You love her so much to the point that you forget what it feels like to fall. Now you have to learn to walk again. Show her that you mean it. That you wanted to be with her for a long time."

 

"It won't be easy, Sana. But once you let the knots untied, I can guarantee you that everything will just vanish as if nothing ever happened. "

 

"As if Dahyun was never yours."

 

No, no, no.

 

"What should I do?"

 

"You already know the answer."

________

 

 

 

"Dahyun-ah."

 

Dahyun, who had been trying to maintain her balance to walk, was now silent. She stopped in her tracks. She feels like her head is about to explode. She's now also freezing.

 

She narrowed her eyes. Trying to regain her sight and examine the voice that called her carefully.

 

Someone is standing in front of her door. A girl wearing a black coat. Slowly Dahyun got her vision clearer.

 

“Dahyun-ah, what happened?” The figure began to step closer, the footsteps sounded quite loud. The figure started running towards her. The closer she got, the more she realized that this figure was none other than her girlfriend.

 

"Sana?"

 

Before she managed to notice that face clearly, she could feel her small body being secured tightly. Her sense of smell could immediately get her girlfriend's distinctive soothing scent. Dahyun closed her eyes again, leaning her weight on that figure. She knew that meeting the latter still hurts like hell,

 

But she couldn't lie that being wrapped in her arms again was everything she ever wanted.

 

Dahyun began to feel her consciousness disappear. She no longer sees or hears anything.

 

Everything went dark

____

 

 

Dahyun could feel someone wiping her sweat with a warm towel. She could hear the soft breath of someone beside her.

 

A palm landed on her forehead.

 

She waited a few more moments before feeling the hand touch her face again and brushing softly on her cheek.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"I'm sorry Dahyun-ah."

 

That's what she hears before she drifts to her sleep again.

 

______

 

 

 

Dahyun slowly opened her eyes. her head still feels a little sore. She looked around and found no one in her room.

 

Was it all a dream?

 

I'm so pathetic.

 

She tried to slowly got out of her bed. felt so dry. She tried to gather all her strength to walk to the kitchen.

 

Dahyun managed to drink a glass of water and leaned her body against the sink in front of her.

 

"Are you feeling any better?"

 

The voice managed to silence her. She tightened her grip on the glass. Dahyun closed her eyes before letting out a rough breath,

 

So it wasn't a dream.

 

She is here.

 

Dahyun managed to muster all her courage before finally turning around. Found that figure who was now looking at her with full of regret and worry. Before the figure could step closer,

 

"Why are you here, Sana?"

 

Sana knew very well that she might be the last person Dahyun wants to see right now. She could see that her existence was really not expected by the latter.

 

After all those awful things she did to her girlfriend,

 

Dahyun began to shed tears when she found Sana could only be silent, standing not far from her. She can feel her heart which now breaks into millions pieces witnessing it.

 

 

Sana could see a million wounds under her girlfriend's gaze. Her tears fell and she was now sobbing. She once promised that she would protect Dahyun from all the harm the world could do, but here she is.

 

Letting Dahyun feel all the pain she caused without giving her a break.

 

She just wanted embrace the body back in her arms.

 

"I'm sorry, Dahyun-ah..."

 

She stepped closer before Dahyun finally said,

 

"Stop right there."

 

"Please."

 

Sana's sobs are getting louder now when she hears her girlfriend's statement as is she was begging for her life. She shook her head,

 

“Dahyun-ah. Please hear me out. "

 

"It's pointless, Sana!"

 

"You can't just come to me and wish that things can easily back to normal!"

 

"You're selfish."

 

With that Sana could feel the scars are expanding. But she has prepared for this. Even if the latter had to slap her first,

 

"I'm sorry."

 

“NO, YOU'RE NOT!” Dahyun raised her voice, making Sana gasped a little. Her girlfriend sobbed hard before she finally forced a step to hug her. Dahyun struggled by trying to push her away, however she certainly much stronger remembering that her Dahyun is not in a very good condition at this moment.

 

Dahyun pushed her body again before she finally giving up. She drowned her face in the crook of Sana's neck and sobbed hard. She circled her arms around her the slim waist and pulled Sana's body closer.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"I'm sorry, my love." Sana closed her eyes as she place several kisses on top of her girlfriend's head.

 

That day was spent with Dahyun who could only lies in bed, enveloped by Sana's embrace with the arms that also pulled her closer. Sana occasionally kisses her forehead as she says sorry and that she loves her so much to just let her slipped away so easily.

 

Dahyun could only closed her eyes and letting her girlfriend take care of her.

 

She tried to listen to every word and explanation from Sana regarding the painful event.

 

Sana had indeed hurt her in the worst way possible.

 

However, she could feel that the latter was fully regretting about what had happened and that she couldn’t forgive herself too.

 

"I'll fix this, Dahyun-ah."

 

"I'm far from giving up."

 

And Dahyun believed her.

________

 

 

"Is it true? Isn't it a little too late to send a new application? ”

 

Sana asked as she did not take her eyes off her laptop screen. She and Dahyun are now doing a video call. Well, it's actually the first video call they had after the fight and Sana's sudden visit last month.

 

However, she still felt very guilty about the past incident. She still couldn't erase the image where Dahyun was crying in front of her with wounds and disappointment painted on her face.

 

Sana knows that she has to try harder to convince her girlfriend that it will never happen again, she will tell her everything she needs to know and that she will never hide such things in the future.

 

Sana found it extremely difficult to hold back the urge to ask her girlfriend to do a regular video call like they used to. She was dying to hear Dahyun's voice but she can't deny the fact that it is also scared her. She's afraid that she might drive Dahyun away from her, again.

 

After all those horrible things that she has done.

 

She couldn't possibly forgive herself so easily.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Dahyun-ah ..." Sana could not hold back her sobs at the voice call.

 

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I never wanted you to feel bad in any way."

 

"I don't expect you to forgive me. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. "

 

"I love you so much..."

 

“Sana, Stop crying. We already talked about it. I forgave you now stop with the S word. "

 

She knew very well that even if the latter has said it, that does not mean that she is able to erase the hurt and disappointment she had caused.

 

Dahyun may forgive her, but she will never be able to forgive herself.

 

Thus, when Dahyun asked her permission to take extra-shifts or longer time to study she had no other choice but to give yes as an answer. She knew she missed that figure so much, but she just couldn't let her girlfriend doubting her efforts to get this relationship back to work.

 

Sana even tried so hard not to whine when Dahyun ends each voice call that lasts for a fairly short time. Despite all that, she still grateful that the latter will be answering her call with a warm and soothing tone.

 

At least, Dahyun is still Dahyun. Someone who is full of light and always manages to comfort her.

 

In most nights, Sana will find herself hugging Dahyun's scarf in her sleep whenever she missed the latter.

 

She's really trying.

 

And Sana hopes that with this, Dahyun will not hesitate and doubting her anymore.

 

Doubting them.

 

"Not really. After all, this is just in case.” Dahyun replied, and now busy tidying up her table without looking at the laptop screen.

 

"In case of what?" Sana raised an eyebrow,

 

Dahyun looked back this time, she shrugged her shoulders.

 

"In case I got rejected."

 

“What are you saying!? You're brilliant, Dahyun-ah! They will definitely consider you as a good shot! "

 

Her girlfriend threw that smile. A smile that never failed to make her heart skipped its beat.

 

"Thank you, Sana-chan..."

 

Sana smiled back at her girlfriend. Aiming to reply before the door to Dahyun's room opened and a girl appeared and start to walk closer to the latter. Dahyun who heard the footsteps turned around,

 

"Oh, Jooyun-ah!" She said then hugged the girl casually, the stranger responded with the same gesture. The unexpected sight managed to make Sana restrained from saying something.

 

She's now silent and somehow feels intimidated.

 

"You should've let me know that you're coming," Her girlfriend said with a softened voice,

 

"What for? We'll be going together after all."The stranger replied casually,

 

"I could pick you up, you know?"

 

“Well, no biggie. Come on. The others are waiting. "

 

The girl had long black hair, porcelain skin and a charming smile. Sana secretly cursed herself who now could only be silent. She didn't want to let jealousy burn her, because it would only make her relationship with her girlfriend awkward again.

 

She had worked hard to fix things between them.

 

However, she also couldn't deny the strange feeling that arose in her heart when the stranger placed her two hands on her lover's shoulder,

 

"Oh! You're on a video call? Is that Sana?” Dahyun turned towards the screen,

 

“Sana, this is Bae Joohyun. She’s my best friend since junior high. "

 

Sana's vision now caught the girl who is bowing quickly,

 

"Hello. I'm Joohyun. But everyone calls me Irene. Hehe. Glad to know you, Sana. "

 

The Japanese can only pull her smile.

 

"Hi. I'm Sana. Nice to meet you."

 

"Alright, Sana. I think we should go. Chaeyoung's been waiting. ”Dahyun said back to her seat, Sana gave a nod in response.

 

"Alright, Dahyun-ah. Text me later?"

 

"Okay. Will do. "

 

It's now or never,

 

"I miss you." Sana said abruptly, not caring that there were other people in her girlfriend's room and had also been listening.

 

She held her breath for a split second, not sure that Dahyun would respond to her sudden statement.

 

However, seconds later managed to make her heart a little relieved.

 

Dahyun give her the warmest smile before finally saying,

 

"I miss you, too."

 

_______

 

 

“Okay, I need to study now.”

 

“Can I keep you company?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Do not turn off the camera, Dahyun-ah?”

 

Dahyun was hesitant about the idea but she feels like she owes her girlfriend this one. She subconsciously realized that Sana is now trying so hard to not make her feels uncomfortable. The latter is more careful of what she is about to say or do after that particular event. She remembers it clearly when the other day Sana was asking her whether she could keep the voice call stays on because she can’t sleep.

 

She asked with a softened voice “Dahyun-ah, I can’t sleep. Can I ask you to not end the call while I try?”

 

“Uhm, sure.”

 

Sana used to whine regarding voice or video calls. But now, she seemed like she tried her best to understand the situation. Dahyun can't deny the fact that she feels like her girlfriend has been try to distant herself. And it scared the hell out of her, too.

 

Dahyun knows that her girlfriend has already driven to her dream world, but she just didn’t have the heart to end the call because she perfectly knows that if she does, Sana could wake up at any second. The latter has been telling her that SAT preparation costs her so much energy and that she’s exhausted.

 

That night she keeps the call on and let her girlfriend's soft breath echoing her room. She could only chuckle and smile.

 

And today, Dahyun decided to grant her girlfriend's request again.

 

“Okay.”

 

She can see Sana’s smile is getting wilder. Frankly speaking, she really misses that smile plastered. Sana is breathtakingly gorgeous, the camera certainly doesn’t do justice to her girlfriend.

 

“Thank you, Dahyun-ah.”

 

Dahyun just smiled and put her laptop in front of her, she looked once again at her girlfriend before she starts to read and take notes with her glasses on.

 

That night Sana could only smile in the process. She loves how Dahyun would occasionally raising her glasses that were about to fall.

 

Cute.

 

My girlfriend.

 

She wishes she could thank Heaven enough to give her the second chance she thought not possible.

______

 

 

Sana is still hiding behind her blanket. Staring hard at the ceiling of her room. This really tormented her. She couldn't close eyes no matter how hard she tried. The image of that Joohyun hugging her girlfriend the other night is still playing in her head ever since. And she certainly not very fond of it. Then it crossed her mind.

 

What if Dahyun would give up on us?

 

What if Dahyun finds someone new who’s much better?

 

What if she gets tired of me?

 

Irene looks like a nice person. Moreover, she can be near Dahyun whenever she wants.

 

"Argh!" She hissed as she unconsciously tightened her grip on the blanket. Sana lowered the blanket and looked around the mattress to find her lying cell phone. She had thought about making a call to her girlfriend. But the next second she gave up.

 

Her fingers are now playing on search engines,

 

Seoul National University

 

____

 

If only she could put her focus on the test that was coming soon. The things is, her conversation with her girlfriend lately only makes confidence slowly disappearing. She's done everything she can. She became more understanding about Dahyun's situation there.

 

She tried hard not to make her existence become a stumbling rock for her Dahyun. But, it can't be denied how her heart will sink every time Dahyun says that she is tired.

 

It hurts even more, knowing that by tired means only one thing.

 

"I'm tired. I'm tired of missing you ... "

 

"Dahyun-ah..."

 

"Don't you?"

 

“No! I'm here. Please don't say that again, baby." She replied fast,

 

“I know I sound like a fool. It's not like I don't love you anymore, Sana. It's not like I broke my promise. "

 

"I'm just tired to find that you are not here."

 

"I will be there! I'll visit you!” Sana knew that her tone now sounded desperate,

 

"Please, Dahyun-ah. You're not breaking up with me, aren't you?” She continued. Her voice is slightly trembling,

 

“What!? Of course not!"

 

"I was just thinking. That's all!"

 

That kind of conversation happened several times and would always end with Dahyun apologizing for her prior actions.

 

Her girlfriend may never have intended to end their relationship like she always said, but somehow Sana couldn't believe it. Sana thought that the changes in her lover were initiated by her mistakes.

 

Maybe, just maybe. The figure began to doubting herself again. Doubting them.

 

Dahyun is not someone who is pessimistic. She is the exact opposite.

 

At least that what she knew before that particular event.

 

________

 

 

"Uhm..."

 

"What's wrong, Dahyun-ah?"

 

Not getting an answer from her girlfriend, Sana continued, "What? You can tell me. "

 

“I'm thinking of looking for a room-mate. Medical school is expensive enough. I don't want to trouble my dad and my brother. Especially just for a room. "

 

Roommate…?

 

“And if Joohyun and I go to the same university, I'm thinking to make her as my roommate. After all, we've known each other for a long time. "

 

Sana unconsciously tightened her grip on her cellphone,

 

“I don't want to surprise you when that happens. So I'm saying it now. "

 

Saying it now or later is not gonna make any difference, Dahyun-ah.

 

It still hurts.

 

"Okay."

 

"That's all?"

 

"Yes. I know you already planned anything. And if you think that's the best option, I don't see the problem." Dahyun could never see the tears that start to fall. Sana. Is biting her upper lips to hold the sound of her cries,

 

"Thank you, Sana-chan."

 

And I thought that I was confident enough.

 

That I am the only one who matters and good enough to be with you.

 

That no one will replace me,

 

But I guess none of that is true, right?

 

Dahyun-ah.

____

 

 

Sana smiled wildly when she found her girlfriend who now brought a piece of paper closer to the screen.

 

"I got accepted, Sana-chan!"

 

“Congratulations, Dahyun-ah! You deserve it! ”

 

To passed and become a student of Medical School of Seoul National University is one of her girlfriend's biggest dreams. And Sana couldn't express in words to represent the feeling of happiness and pride for her girlfriend.

 

"Thank you!" Replied the girl as she jumped with joy and sat back down. The smile is still plastered there. Cute. Sana thought.

 

It's been quite a while since the last time they had a video call,

 

"How about you? Is my girlfriend going to be an Ivy league student soon?”

 

This time Dahyun asked in a curious tone, not taking her eyes off the screen.

 

Sana chuckled softly, “I haven't received the rseult. I'll tell you as soon as I got it."

 

"Harvard is waiting for you, Sana-chan. I am sure of it."

 

Sana can only smile at that statement.

____

 

 

The black haired girl furiously walked over. Her hands began to hurt to carry the boxes one by one to her room.

 

How could she not, she had to go down many steps to the main door to take each one of them and go back up again. She knew she shouldn't have refused help from her older brother this morning. After all, she just didn't want the figure to be late for work.

 

She thought that it wouldn't be too difficult.

 

Well, this time she was clearly wrong about that.

 

This is good. The first class hadn't even started yet her hands felt like it's vanished.

 

She put the last box onto the floor with a rough breath.

 

"God!" Dahyun wiped the sweat on her forehead, then walked to close the door to her new dorm room.

 

It might be a good idea to start tidying up half of the stuff and finish the rest after the first class is over. She looked around the room and found that her future roommate's bed was still neat as if it had not been touched. There are no items around that either.

 

It's a shame Joohyun didn't go to the same campus as me. It would be nice if we could share the same room.

 

God, I hope whoever will be my roommate isn't someone as annoying as Chaeyoung.

 

She then remembered that she had not given the news to her girlfriend since this morning. Dahyun grabbed the cellphone from her pocket. She waited for a few rings before that voice across answered her call,

 

“Sana-chan! Sorry I was busy moving my belongings earlier. "

 

“It's okay. Is everything finished, baby? "

 

"Hm. I still have to get out of the cardboard and arrange it. I'll finish half and maybe the rest after the first class is over. ”

 

"Okay. Have you met your roommate? ”

 

The girl glanced at the clock on the wall, “Not yet. It's late enough and she's not here yet. ”

 

“I hope I don't have a roommate like Chaeyoung. It would be very challenging. ”

 

She heard her lover chuckle softly. She laughed too. Just now she wanted to say something but someone had knocked on her door. Dahyun turned her head,

 

"Sana, I think she's here." She said as she stepped towards the door. With the cellphone still attached to her ear, she grabbed the doorknob with one hand.

 

Dahyun was silent and didn't budge from her place when she got that figure on the doorstep. The girl smiled and hugged a small box with one hand while the other hand was also holding the cellphone to her ear.

 

She chuckled watching Dahyun who now got slightly ajar and silent in disbelief.

 

"Sana? What are you doing... here? ”Dahyun couldn't help but ask. She is very sure that her sight is still working perfectly to see it wrong.

 

Minatozaki Sana, her girlfriend is literally standing in front of her.

 

Am I dreaming?

 

“Wouldn't it be better to greet your roommate first? Dahyun-ah? "

 

The Korean girl's smile now grows wild. Putting the cell phone in her pocket and cupping Sana's face with a quick motion and kissed her.

 

Sana put her arms around her girlfriend’s neck and closed her eyes. Smiling between their kiss.

 

She would not let that figure slip away from her grasp again. Sana once lost Dahyun and she won't let that happen again.

 

Not now.

 

Not later.

 

Asking for help from strangers on the internet was the best decision she ever made. Such action has led her to the most important person in her life. Moreover, she gets to call her, the girlfriend.

 

Kim Dahyun is the best thing that has ever happened in her life.

 

And she's going to make sure that Dahyun will remain as one of the most beautiful chapters of her book.