Hey Hey~ Been a while! I've been in a rut but I want to get back to writing and updating so please be patient with me thank you!

“Eunji, what the is this?” Seojun says harshly.

He's holding the pregnancy test box in his hand looking to me intensely. Jimin looks over to Seojun seeing the box, his eyes go wide. His gaze shifts to me with a mortified look spread across his face. My heart pounds against my chest making me feel faint once again. I don't know what is going to happen to me now. All I can think about is what will happen if Mr. Park finds out. My mind races with questions. Will Seojun tell his father? Will he triple my debt, or maybe something worse? What will Seojun do? Will he throw me out? Will he shun me to all his friends and coworkers? If he did do something like that, my career would be over before it has a chance to start.

“Eunji, what's going on?” Seojun asks as he walks into the room fully.

I glance over to Jimin who is frozen in place looking as pale as ever. I can only imagine what is running through his head right now. Seojun furrows his brow looking to Jimin at the end of the bed. My limbs start to tingle and prickle with anxiety.

“Jimin do you mind giving us the room?” Seojun walks up to him.

He places a firm hand on Jimin's shoulder looking to him, his eyes sharp. Jimin turns his head towards Seojun, his face filled with worry. He nods anxiously to Seojun as he turns towards the door stiffly. Seojun stops him for a moment, his grip tightening on Jimin's shoulder.

“Your discretion is preferred. Unless you want your family finding out where you've been.” Seojun says to Jimin.

His voice is stern, dark, and menacing. Jimin's expression changes once more. I've never seen a look of fear in his eyes before. This sort of changes my perspective of Seojun. His long sharp eyes have a hint of mischievous flare behind them. His dark tone and his tall firm stance unwavering. It all feels too familiar. He is the spitting image of his father in this moment.

“I-I would never tell anyone about this.” Jimin shakes his head, his voice hitching before clearing his throat.

He avoids Seojun's gaze leaving the room in a hurry. Not once does he look over his shoulder to me, the door clicking shut behind him. This makes me question just what is Jimin hiding, or hiding from? Seojun turns back towards me his gaze stone cold. My body stiffens as he walks towards my bedside. His silhouette tall and intimidating, he takes a spot by my side. I feel my body burn, my stomach swirling with fear. I don't dare to look up at him, my eyes glued to my hands.

I cannot meet his gaze when he is like this. I couldn't even if I wanted to. Seojun extends his arm towards me. My muscles tense immediately in response to his threatening stature. His slender fingers connect to my chin gently, taking me by surprise. Even with his soft touch I cannot help but flinch feeling his skin against mine even with the slightest touch. My heart is racing and I gulp to myself trying to keep my body from shaking.

“Eunji.” His voice resonates in the silence.

His tone is soft and welcoming letting me relax for a moment. He tilts my chin upward and our eyes meet one another. That threatening man I seen just a few seconds ago is gone. He's looking to me with kinder eyes now. There is something unsettling with the sudden change but also welcoming. Which side of Seojun is the real one?

“I'm sorry for my reaction earlier. With my father being here, you not feeling well, and now this. I guess I got a little too worked up.” Seojun says setting the box down.

He sighs and pushes his hair back looking to me. I feel my breathing change as I try to slow my racing heart. I don't know what is freaking me out more. Seojun finding out about the test, Jimin finding out about the test, or Seojun in general. My head is spinning as I try to figure out how I am going to go about this situation.

“I-I'm sorry…I should have told you but I didn't want- I didn't know- I don't want- Your father- I-I'm scared-” I feel a knot forming in my throat.

Tears start welling up in my eyes, a panicked feeling in my stomach. There is a suffocating feeling in my chest as the panic sets in fully. I don't know what I'm going to do or what is going on. I feel my head spinning as I clutch my chest and gasp for air.

I feel all the energy draining from my body, my limbs slowly getting heavier and heavier. My vision starting to show spots as I try to breathe. My throat feels so tight I feel like I'm being choked. Everything is weighing down on me now. How could I be so stupid? Why did I do something like that? I shouldn't have slept with Jimin. Everything is so messed up.

All because of my good for nothing father…

“Hey, hey, hey.” Seojun grabs my hands.

Tears roll down my cheeks and he catches my gaze. My mind races faster and faster with each beat of my heart. My ears feel hot and it's like a weight is slowly being lowered on my chest. This is it, this is how it all ends. I'm going to be unmarried, pregnant, and in debt for the rest of my life. How could I be so stupid!

“I-I'm- I'm- sorry.” I manage to squeeze out between gasps.

I feel my mind slowly slipping from me as I feel faint. Seojun's grip on my hands tighten and he pulls them to him. He presses my hands firmly to his chest. I can feel the steady beat of his heart against my fingertips.

“Eunji focus.” Seojun says getting closer to me.

I gulp and shake my head, my mind starts to race once more. I feel myself spiraling out of control like I cannot contain anything anymore. I feel like I want to explode. Anger, fear, sadness, it all swirls together in my chest.

“Eunji, Focus on my heart.” Seojun says to me.

His hands leave mine, the palms of his hands cupping my ears. The sound of my gasping and the light cries are muffled by his sizable hands. I look up to him and his eyes meet mine. I feel the beating of his heart against my fingertips more prominently now.

“Feel my heart.” He mouths to me.

I cannot hear his words as his hands muffle everything around me. Everything except the sound of my own heart. It echoes in my ears. I gulp feeling Seojun's toned pecks flex a bit as he tries to move closer to me again. He keeps his hands over my ears and he presses his forehead to mine. I can feel his heart beating harder against my hands. I inhale sharply as if I were just holding my breath for the past few minutes. I feel the oxygen rush to my limbs and my heart beat starts to slow. Gradually the echoing of my heart in my ears lightens. I focus on the beat of Seojun's heart and mine slowly matches his rhythm. I close my eyes and I feel myself drifting.

All the chaos around me in my mind slowly dies down. I feel like I am floating. My mind no longer thrashing with waves of fear and guilt. Now only the ripples of Seojun's heart beat pad against me. Swaying me back and forth lulling me into a calming space of mind.

Seojun's thumbs gently rub my cheekbones keeping his palms firmly on my ears. The gentle rubbing of his thumbs bring me back to my senses and I open my eyes. I swallow gently and let my eyes flutter open. The lights harsh against my vision at first. He seems to be muttering to himself and I grip the fabric of his shirt. His eyes closed, flutter open and he too squints at the light. Blinking away the brightness Seojun's hands slowly leave my ears cupping my face.

“Are you okay now?” Seojun asks.

His voice is calm and sultry making me bite my lip anxiously. I nod to him and he pulls away from me. The heat of his presence leaves with him leaving me feeling cold. I sit back looking to him, waiting for him to do something, say something, anything. The silence hangs in the air as we look to one another.

I'm trying to make sense of what just happened. What he did to stop it from happening. I have had bad anxiety before but nothing like that has ever happened to me. My hand twitches, aching to feel his touch once more. I want to feel his warmth against me as my heart rate starts to pick up again. Is it more anxiety? Or is it something more, something deeper than that.

“Eunji.” Seojun breaks the silence between us.

I look to him intently, the tension still lingering between us.

“I'm sorry if I scared you. That wasn't my intention. Our engagement was sudden. You had a life before all of this. I guess I sort of forgot about that…I was so focused on myself I forgot about you.” Seojun's gaze drifts from mine.

There is a sense of guilt in his voice, and sadness. His look unfocused for a moment as he looks to be remembering something. Seeing Seojun like this now makes me wonder how he could ever be the way he was earlier. Seeing him threaten Jimin was something else. It was scary, I felt afraid of him. But, right now, with what just happened…it's different. He's different.

Who are you Park Seojun?

“I really am sorry Eunji. I hope you will accept my apology.” Seojun sighs.

“You don't have to apologize. I should have been more careful.” I look down at my hands.

“Seeing you like that.” Seojun tilts my chin up again.

I look at him and my stomach swirls.

“It reminded me of myself when I was your age.” Seojun smiles softly.

“It's kind of hard to believe you were like this once.” I shake my head.

“I had someone who helped me overcome it.” Seojun's hand drops from my chin.

I look to him gulping anxiously. There is so much more to him that I have yet to learn. We've only been engaged for a short time. It feels almost impossible to learn enough about him to be comfortable marrying him in less than a year.

“I'm sorry, I uh- we should talk about this first.” He says motioning to the pregnancy test.

“Oh, right.” I gulp.

“Is this why you haven't been feeling good?” Seojun asks.

“I sure hope not. I have an ear infection so it could be just that.” I say.

“Do we need to contact the father?” Seojun gulps, his jaw flexing lightly.

“Oh, no. I think I should take the test first before anything else.” I shake my head.

I start to fidget with my hands and I avoid Seojun's gaze. His places his hand on top of mine softly. The warmth of his touch calming me.

“You're not going to tell your father are you?” I look to Seojun feeling the anxiety swirl in my stomach.

“No, he doesn't have to know about this.” Seojun shakes his head.

“W-Why?” I look to him nervously.

I don't know what possessed me to ask him why. As if I would want him to tell his father. I cannot risk Mr. Park finding out about this.

“What goes on between us doesn't concern him. We will figure this out together.” Seojun says with an affirming tone.

Seojun squeezes my hand giving my anxiety a rest. Hearing him say this makes me feel better about our current situation. Even so, Seojun looks troubled in this moment. He looks like he wants to speak up about something. A conflicted expression overtakes his face. He doesn't say a word his gaze drifting from mine again.

With everything that has happened between us tonight it makes me feel guilty. Guilty for sleeping with Jimin. Guilty for fooling around with him. Guilty for still being attracted to him. I don't want to be attracted to Jimin but there's just something about him. He makes my body burn and feel things I've never felt before.

“Eunji.” Seojun says inhaling sharply.

His voice pulls me from my thoughts.

“Hmm?” I look to him.

“I know I will regret saying this but-” Seojun runs a hand through his hair.

“But what?” I ask.

“You need to meet up with him.” Seojun says, his jaw flexing as those words leave his mouth.

“W-why?” I am taken back a bit.

“If we're going to work I don't want you near him or in contact anymore. I want you to meet up with him and end things properly. Tell him to stay away.” Seojun says sternly.

“Oh, right. We- uhm, we weren't that serious.” I shake my head looking down at my hands.

“Serious enough to share a bed. He needs to know that you're mine now.” Seojun says.

“Right, sure. I'll let him know.” I nod to Seojun.

I don't like the fact that I am keeping it from Seojun that the person I was last with…is his cousin. How can I tell him something like that? What will that do to the relationship they share with one another. I'd hate to come between family.

“I'm sorry it's been so difficult between us.” Seojun sighs.

There is a sadness in his eyes as those words leave his mouth. It makes me wonder what, or well who, made him like this. He mentioned someone before but didn't go too much into detail. Were they someone important to him? Is he forced to be with me the same way I am to be with him? What is the story behind our engagement? Keeping this from his father, is he doing this for me? Or is it for him? Does he know about the debt my father laid on my shoulders?

“It's getting late. You should get some rest.” Seojun says breaking the silence once more.

“Yeah.” I nod to him.

“Goodnight Eunji.” He says stiffly.

“Goodnight Seojun.” I reply.

Seojun nods and seems hesitant for a moment before leaning forward. I close my eyes not knowing what I should be anticipating. I feel his lips press to my forehead. He pulls away and I look up to him, his eyes seem sort of glazed over. He gets up and leaves the room almost in a hurry not once looking at me after.

I know I have only been here for a month. But in that month Seojun has seemed so sweet and affectionate to me. It all felt so genuine, up until that moment. With that small peck, it felt different.

I don't blame him for the sudden change. Was he always like this and I'm just not noticing? I lay back in bed letting my mind swirl and my thoughts spiral. I feel like it will be impossible to fall asleep like this.