love we cannot have
-haebaragi

 

A year ago, Taeyeon was the same with any other girl on Valentine's day: positive, hopeful and 
secretly in love. She wakes up being weirdly happy and goes to school with an unwavering smile and
a pale pinkish blush accented on her cheeks. She didn't have a date, but she was coming to her class
at eight and Leeteuk would probably be sitting next to her.


Leeteuk has been Taeyeon's seatmate for three years and they had been attending the same classes
eversince. She starts to have a crush on him a little later after knowing him for a month. He was not
hard to be liked and Taeyeon always had a heart that easily falls in love. At the end of their first year,
Taeyeon has already filled a mailbox of unsent love letters for Leeteuk.

It goes without telling that Yoona, Seohyun and Jessica soon discovers her liking for Leeteuk when she
shows them her most recently written love letter. Yoona, being carefree, offers a way that she can
confess directly. Seohyun, being the timid one, asks if she can wait for the proper time. While Jessica
sits eating her lunch, with no original plans of helping but eventually gives a monotonous, "Wait for the
school year to end, then you confess."


Perhaps Taeyeon had been too obvious in one occasion or two, or either Yoona, Seohyun or Jessica had
spilled the beans, because at the beginning of the second semester, everyone in class silently knew
Taeyeon liked Leeteuk.


And even if Leeteuk has been rumored to liking a girl he'd known from his hometown neither of them
escaped the teasings. Needless to say their friendship turned awkward, that fun, casual talks downgraded
to shifting gazes and small replies. 


So on that Valentine's day, Taeyeon comes to her eight o'clock class, expecting nothing more than to
share two hours with Leeteuk. 


A few minutes before lunch Yoona and Jessica asked to stay longer in their usual lunch spot, praying
that their hungry tummies could spare few more of its wilting patience. They must have been too abusive
of Seohyun, Taeyeon guilts, for by what other reason could she be kept this long from merely photocopying
her notes for them.


Seohyun comes in with answers. Leeteuk pops out, purple bouquet at one hand, a nervous smile and a
bitterly shy, "Taeyeon-ah, do you not want it?"


At the cafeteria, Jessica stands contemplating at the menu afraid that she might get tricked to eating meal-
stuffed cucumbers again, while beside her is a blank Taeyeon thinking of fairytales and happy endings.


There is a reason part two's of Disney movies , this was a life lesson Taeyeon had forgotten. She
should have put a happily ever after to their story that very time she was looking up at the menu with no
other thoughts but Leeteuk as the prince and she as the princess. It would have ended a bit fairytale-like
than how it did in reality.

She asked for a sequel; a part two and it .


Like everyone else, Taeyeon expected that she and Leeteuk would change facebook statuses from Single
to In A Relationship. Maybe not too soon, but they're going to end that way eventually. Somehow. (At least
Yoona was too positive about it.)


But all they could do was change Single to It's Complicated.


Now, one year past, Taeyeon is the only one left able to remember vividly that day Leetuk gave her flowers
-- where she stood, where he appeared, how the wind felt like, how the sun sparkled in his eyes and how the 
purple petals glowed; but no one else seemed to remember. It was a more or less an unfinished tale, an
abandoned composition, an almost successful but eventually failed invention (an error?) that no one wanted to
talk about because it is in the past, and what's in the past should stay behind. But Taeyeon knew it was only
an excuse, a white lie to indirectly tell her he has moved on. 


That she was only a spur of the moment or an honest mistake.


She was left hanging, knowing not where she stands in his life more than she had ever wondered before.
Taeyeon could not help but wish back the time before this mess. She was his friend, she was certain of that.
Now she is just someone she gave flowers on a Valentine's and nothing more.


They are an unsolved puzzle -- a love that Taeyeon can never have.



 

part one: taeteuk. Right now I am still confused what happened.

I EDITED THIS to make the events a little clearer. Leeteuk didn't give the flowers to Seohyun lol~