So close. So freaking close.

Tao could still feel your warm breath on his face, each shallow take like a caress beckoning him closer. His own heart was speeding away in his chest. The pounding against his sternum hurt worse than pain he’d suffered through in the past. He just wanted to know what you tasted like. Sweeter than the nectar of the gods, that was his guess.

But you didn’t let him take that forbidden bite. You pulled away and Tao was smart enough – decent enough – to not try again, to not push you when you were finally letting him take a step to shrink the gap between you.

Not even the wind whipping at his face as he drove down the deserted road back to the farmhouse could help him relax like it used to. Now he was regretting saying that he wouldn’t be showing up on Friday. But he already promised Sehun that he’d go out with him, not that Tao would have much fun anyway. What was the point of going out if you weren’t there to enjoy it with him?

Leaning his head back, he sighed and then ran one hand through his hair while keeping the other on the wheel. At least he could say he was making progress. When Anica showed up and you took off, Tao thought he was done for. He thought you would never trust another word he said ever again. But like the angel you were, you gave him another chance. He just hoped that he didn’t run out of this luck.

**

Everyone was crowded in the kitchen, buzzing with chatter. Even Tao was grinning, happy to let loose some of this energy. He and Sehun had come home early last night since Tao was “ the fun with all his pouting”. From his own memory, he argued that he wasn’t pouting, but he was thankful to fall down in his own bed anyway.

“Okay!” Junmyeon yelled, getting the crowd to quiet down a few decimals. “Let’s go! And remember to stick together!”

Tao was one of the first out the back door, nearly tripping over himself as he tried to keep his speed and rid himself of his jeans at the same time. He was too excited for all of them to be running together. With such a large pack, it was safer to go in smaller groups, less likely to be noticed by the wrong person. But with all twelve together, it felt more complete.

Before his paws could hit the treeline, however, Junmyeon called out for him to stop. Whining, he turned around to see why. Luhan and Kris were taking their sweet time coming out from the house.

Tao growled, rumbling low in his throat. Hurry up!

Calm down, Tao, Kyungsoo huffed.

When the two older wolves finally joined them, they all took off into the woods.

Tao stayed near the middle of the pack, not going to fast to avoid the barking of Junmyeon, who thought some of the others were getting a little too far ahead at times. While focusing on the pattern of his paws against the wet forest floor, someone came up behind him and snipped at the fur around his shoulder. Tao whipped around and growled at Baekhyun, who was wheezing out a laugh. The former wolf nudged the latter hard once he fell into step with him.

Enjoying the game, Baekhyun shoved him as well. Back and forth, they went, adding more and more force behind each one. Unfortunately, Tao used too much muscle and sent Baekhyun rolling down to the ground. Tao skidded to a stop and turned around, cringing at the mess he’d made.

Baekhyun only came to a stop once he’d taken Luhan down with him. Both shook off the tumble, Baekhyun apologizing as Junmyeon came running in a panic.

What’s going on?

With his head hanging down, Tao whimpered, It’s my fault, Junmyeon.

Nah, it’s my fault, Baekhyun snorted, finding the humor in the situation. I started it. It’s easy to forget how strong Tao can be sometimes. You know, considering it’s Tao.

Tao stared at him, letting the implication hang in the air for a second. If he wanted to say that Tao looked weak, he’d show him the exact opposite. But just as he began to growl and step forward, Kris stopped him.

Just leave it, Tao, Kris ordered.

Finding out it was all simply the wolves messing around, Junmyeon sighed. Okay. Let’s get- He stopped. Wait. His ears straightened up.

Jongdae tilted his head in confusion. Did you hear some-

Shush, Junmyeon snapped. After another second of straining to listen, he ordered, Everyone get behind me!

No one hesitated in that demand, shuffling quickly to their positions with Junmyeon and Kris at the head. Every muscle in Tao’s body was tense, ready for a fight if it came to that. There were too many possibilities of what could be lurking in their woods. Some were harmless, others would take the whole pack to fight off.

Then, out of the shadows in front of them emerged a wolf pack about half their size. But while a small sense of relief was rippling through the members, Tao felt himself stiffen even more when he recognized the particular wolves that had joined them.

Kris, too, recognized their old friends, shifting back into a human as he greeted,  “Well, long time no see, Kun.”

After Luhan also transformed back into his human form, Tao reluctantly followed suit with the others.

Baekhyun, who was still standing beside Tao, had to go and point out the very obvious situation that Tao was hoping to avoid. “You have a girl in your pack?”

Yeah, Tao snorted mentally. A particularly heartless one.

“It’s not completely unheard of, ,” Lyn barked.

Junmyeon immediately jumped into diplomat mode. “Please, excuse Baekhyun, his mouth doesn’t exactly have a filter and whatever he’s thinking just comes out.”

It was a bit comical how everyone was avoiding looking directly at Lyn, in case their eyes drifted somewhere they really shouldn’t. But while the others were doing it to avoid the small chance of their mate finding out, Tao was practically drowning in a sea of awkwardness as he looked away. Maybe she would see him among the crowd. Hardly unlikely, but he still hoped.  

He couldn’t quite describe what emotions were brewing inside his chest at the moment. The pain that Lyn had left him with was long gone, but the ghost of the scar still lingered. When the three of them had moved on from Kun’s territory, Tao’s only sense of relief was that he’d probably never have to see Lyn again. And yet, there she was, standing there in front of him, seemingly unaffected by what had occured between them.

“What are you doing here?” Kris asked curiously.

The smile that Kun had been wearing from seeing old friends disappeared as he crossed his arms over his chest. “A rumor reached our ears about a hidden hunter somewhere in the area.”

“A hunter?” Chanyeol growled ferociously. “Who? Who is it?”

Fin, who was Kun’s second, admitted, “We don’t know.”

“So, then, you guys are just passing through?” Luhan questioned with a strange tenor in his voice. But Tao didn’t linger on the odd tone of his brother. He was probably just nervous. Hunters put them all on edge.

“We planning to spend the next week around town.” Kun turned to Kris and Junmyeon. “If that’s alright, of course.”

Kris nodded while scratching the back of his head. “Yeah, not a problem. I, uh, I’d offer our place, but….”

“That’s alright,” Kun chuckled. “I’m sure that farmhouse you told us about is more than full with your pack. Still think you’re all crazy for having one so huge. And by the looks of it, the house has almost double the occupants.”

Jongdae frowned. “What makes you say that?”

The other pack’s leader snorted. “Please. I’m not blind to the way you are all acting like Lyn doesn’t exist right now.” With a softer look, he to his old friend. “You, too, huh, Kris?”

A proud grin stretched across Kris’ lips. “Yeah. Soon after coming back.”

“And he’s a father,” Sehun added from the back.

That really took Kun by surprise. “A dad? Wow. Things certainly have changed.”

“It wasn’t planned,” Kris said quickly. His demeanor changed as he thought of his fiance and child. “But I’m happy.”

“That’s all that matters.”

“I think we should talk more about this hunter rumor.” Junmyeon glanced back at Lyn for a split second before he cleared his throat. “Maybe back at the farmhouse… and clothed.”

“Good idea.” Kun turned to s and gestured out with his head for them to follow. All nineteen wolves took off in the direction of the farmhouse, getting there quickly and without incident.

Once Tao and his brothers were dressed, they headed inside with Kun’s pack on their tails. Poor Evie, who was cleaning out the fridge to get rid of the strange smell she’d been complaining about earlier that morning, was unsuspecting as she looked to find herself no longer along.

“You guys are home early.”

Kris, unable to help himself, walked right up to her and gave her a quick kissing before answering. “We, uh, ran into some old friends that need to talk to us.”

“Old friend- oh goodness!” Evie held a hand up to block her view of Kun’s pack who’d just filed into the kitchen.

Kris was struggling to keep a straight face as he suggested, “Baobei, why don’t you go grab the clothes sitting in the front parlor that were packed for donation?”

“I would be more than happy to do that.” Evie ran out of there quicker than a deer running from a predator. She held the overstuffed trash bag of clothes up like a shield when she came back.

“Where’s Mei?” Jongin asked when he noticed the little pup wasn’t around.

“She’s already down for the night,” Evie answered. “But, you know, I think I’m going to go check on her.” Dropping the bag, she ran downstairs where she deemed it safer.

“Nice catch,” Kun teased Kris.

“I like to think so,” Kris replied honestly as he stared after Evie. In the past, the exchange would have made Tao gag, but now he understood all too well where the alpha was coming from. The little things that their mates did could send their hearts into a frenzy and that feeling within itself was almost addicting.

The others in Kun’s pack were already ruffling through the donation pile, save Lyn. While the rest of them were always more rowdy and obnoxious, Lyn preferred to be more reserved, showing the fact that she was a female wasn’t the only thing that set her apart from the others.

When the others cleared the area, dressed in pants and shirts that roughly fit them, Lyn moved forward and started rifling through the pile. Her fingers lingered on a black shirt that Tao had decided last week wasn’t his style anymore. Before he could stop himself, Tao stepped in, grabbing a red sweatshirt instead. His hand was around her wrist, but the heat between them had been snuffed out. There was no reaction to the contact and, even though he shouldn’t have expected anything else, he was relieved.

“Wear this one.” He tried to remain a dry, uninterested tone, but his actions were screaming much louder than his words. He could feel the questioning stares from his brothers burning into his back. Only Kris and Luhan knew about Lyn and Tao much preferred to keep it that way. His intrusion in helping her pick out clothes pretty much gave it away.

“Thank you,” Lyn whispered, not really making eye contact with him.

Unable to take the tension anymore, Tao slipped out the back door. Kris or Sehun could catch him up on whatever came out of this little meeting, if it was even productive. He didn’t go far, not leaving the backyard. The space was enough for him to clear his head as he sat down in the grass, leaning back until his shoulder blades hit the dewy soil. His fingers were folded behind his head like a pillow and he let his eyes drifted closed as the sound of nature echoed around him.

**

The early morning sun was starting to peek through the shades of the window, creating a striped pattern across the tan carpet. It was quiet save for the birds chirping their morning songs, giving it their best effort to enchant the sun for a beautiful day. Tao was trying to slip on his boot as quietly as he could, but his attempt was worthless. The stiff shoe was refusing to go on easy, making Tao grunt from the effort.

Behind him, the bed shifted and two thin, delicate arms s around his waist while a pair of soft lips pressed into his shoulder exposed by his white tank top. A shiver of delight ran down his spine.

“Sneaking out already?” Lyn purred in his ear.

“Kris called,” Tao explained with a sigh. If he had his way, he’d just stay in that bed all day. “He wants me and Luhan to help him with a lead.”

“I thought he was running away from the alphas. Not trying to find them?”

Tao snorted. “And be considered a coward? Nah. Kris wants to end them. He just needs to figure out how first.”

“And so you have to leave me?” Lyn’s pout was easily caught in the corner of Tao’s eye.

He shifted in his spot, grabbing her wrists and gently leaning her back onto the bed so he was hovering above her. “I’ll be back tomorrow. I promise.”

Lyn raised an eyebrow teasingly. “And you expect me to wait for you?”

Rolling his eyes, Tao let go of her and stood up. “Your games are annoying, you know that?”

“I’m sorry,” Lyn sighed. She slowly got up to her feet and hugged Tao from the back. “It’s just a habit. Letting someone in isn’t the easiest thing for me, you know.”

“Yeah, I do,” Tao mumbled. Gently breaking her hold on him, he turned around and stared into her eyes. “You’ve told me. And I asked you to just give me a chance. But if you keep pushing me away like this, I don’t know if I’d come back again.”

Lyn her lips thoughtfully. A silence hung in the air for a moment or two. Tao could feel his heart racing in anxiety while he waited for her reply. He’d never felt like this before. He’d never meant to get this attached to Lyn when they first met, but now… now he was her prisoner, at her beck and call and he couldn’t find a reason to hate it. If she severed his shackles in this exchange, he’d be broken beyond compare.  

“I want you to come back… and to stay.”

The admittance took Tao by surprise. He just stared at her as the seconds ticked by, trying to absorb the honesty that resonated in every word.

Then he kissed her. Deeply, desperately. Lyn’s hands quickly removed the tank top that Tao had just put back on before pulling him back onto the bed. Kris could wait a few more minutes.

**

Memories of that nature used to bring Tao so much pain, when he allowed himself to bring them to the surface. It was the kind of pain that he tried to cover up with date after date, hook up after hook up, though nothing had ever worked. It was always there, lingering while he lied there and stared up at the ceiling, his latest conquest sound asleep beside him.

But now they were simply that - memories. No emotional attachments, no significance, just events that happened to him in the past that had been depleted of all their power.

“It’s pretty out here.”

Tao’s eyes snapped open and he jumped up to a sitting position. He easily composed his surprised face as Lyn sat down next to him in the grass. She didn’t look at him, keeping her own gaze up at the sky as if she were trying to count the stars shining up there. He kept any words he had to say trapped in his throat, waiting for her to speak first.

“You seem to be doing good,” she commented, finally looking over to him.

“More than good,” Tao admitted. “How have you been?” It only seemed polite to ask and he couldn’t think of anything else to say. Getting up and walking away seemed like a bad option, because he figured out what emotion was manifesting as he stayed near Lyn.

Irritation. Pure and unmistakable irritation.

“ing terrible,” was her reply.

Tao snorted. “Oh, yeah? And why is that?”

Hurting her wasn’t exactly Tao’s main goal in sending those words her way, but that’s exactly what happened.

Her eyes began to gloss over as she looked at him with - the one he’d kissed a hundred times with love and desperation - hanging open. “Why do you think? I had to watch you walk away, Zitao. And now seeing you again….”

“You didn’t have to do anything,” he growled. “You chose to watch me walk away.” Thinking back to that moment, he scoffed. “In fact, you made me walk away when you ended it. When you threw away every promise you ever made and told me to just deal with the fact that you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

Lyn, keeping up that tough exterior Tao always hated, rolled her eyes. “Damn, you sound like a girl.”

That was it. Why was he even entertaining this conversation?

Jumping up to his feet, Tao yelled, “Screw you, Lyn!”

“Technically, you did,” she mumbled.

“God, what did I ever see in you!” Tao was ordering his feet to walk away, but they refused to obey. Because even though he felt nothing for her anymore - not love or attraction - even though he had you now, he still wanted an explanation. All these years, he’d been in the dark as to why she’d pushed him away after holding him so close. What was it that had suddenly changed?

It lingered over him and he was sure it was effecting how he coming off towards you. Because - whether he wanted to admit it or not - Lyn’s rejection made him wonder if he was good enough for you. If even Lyn didn’t want him, why would you ever see something worthy in him? “Why did you even bother to come out here?”

Lyn pushed herself up, folding her arms defiantly. But the coldness was beginning to melt away. “Because it hurts. Seeing you again. And I needed to confirm what I thought after seeing you in the woods.”

“It hurts?” Tao norted. “And you want a confirmation? Of what? Why should I confirm anything for you when you couldn’t give me a simple explanation back then?”

“I told you why!” Lyn shouted, finally showing some real emotion. “I told you there was no way I was going to be pushed aside for some measly human someday. At first, you and me, it was just fun. But then it became more than that for me. And I know it was always more for you. But some day you were going to find your mate and I was going to be left behind. I had to let you go before that happened.”

Tao shook his head. Sure, the reason was a good one. But she didn’t say that back then. She did say that she didn’t think they were meant to be together. And technically, she was right. They weren’t mates. They had others out there waiting for them. “You should have talked to me about it. We could have worked something out, prepared for that day.”

“What would be the point? It was still inevitable.”

Tao had no argument anymore. So he simply shrugged, hands in his pockets. Even his irritation was gone. It wasn’t because he wasn’t worthy. It was due to Lyn’s insecurities- her justified insecurities. Now he felt like a jerk. “I’m sorry, Lyn. I still think we should have talked about it, but I understand.”

Tears started to fall down her cheeks. The whole time Tao had been with Lyn, she’d never cried. She always held it in. He figured it always had to do with the fact that she was a female werewolf. A rarity that stunned even those born into this world. It was a situation that came with its own complications and struggles beyond just turning into a giant dog. So, she played the tough girl, the robot. But Tao had seen little pieces of humanity in her. Never this much though. He felt sorry for her, the fact that she was this fractured. It was like looking into a mirror that showed his past self.

“You see,” she sniffed, wiping the tears away. “This is why I ended it when I did. The indifferent look you’re giving me right now… it’s torture.”

Tao frowned, shocked at how easily she saw it. “Lyn, I-”

“I hope she treats you better than I did.”

The reflexive smile started to pull at Tao’s lips as your face filled his mind. “She-”

“Please don’t,” Lyn begged. “I don’t want to hear about her. Just… be happy.”

Sighing, Tao pulled her into his arms, hugging her close. At first, Lyn accepted the gesture, leaning into his chest. He could feel the little drops of warm water fall onto his skin as she struggled to hold back the tears. But then she pushed him away. With one last look in his direction, she gave him a sad smile and walked back towards the house.

There was a finality to this moment. It was like the chapter that had been haunting him was finally coming to a close and he could start the next one; the one that starred you. The scar was healed, nothing but a smooth surface left behind. Now when he offered his heart to you, he could give you something that was whole and fully yours with a confidence that he hadn’t really had before.

With one last look up at the sky, Tao smiled crookedly, wistfully. Maybe he shouldn’t have ever started something with Lyn. Maybe he could have saved them both a lot of pain. But he couldn’t change the past. But he could move forward. He could move towards you, his bright and beautiful future.