“Honey? (y/n), honey, are you feeling any better?

You groaned, flipping over to your stomach to bury your face in the musky smelling pillow. The scent filled your nose and you smiled happily to yourself. Cold fingers brushed up against your forehead, making you shiver. Reluctantly, you peeled open your eyes to see your mom hovering over you from the back of the couch.

“Hey, there, sleepyhead,” she giggled at you.

With another groan, you pushed yourself up to a sitting position. Did you dream that whole thing with Tao?

No. The bowl of soup was still sitting on the coffee table and your brain was connecting the smell left behind on the fabric of your pillow to the scent that you’d picked up on Tao’s shirt. Where the hell did he go?

“I’m glad you finally got some sleep,” your mom stated as she started for the kitchen. “Do you want me to warm this broth up for you?”

“No, that’s okay,” you said loudly before a yawn stretched out your face.

The fact that your mother wasn’t questioning another person being in her house while she was gone must have meant that Tao left before she arrived. But did he leave because she came home? Or was it because you falling asleep with your arms wrapped around him was already making him uneasy? You snorted to yourself. If it was the latter, then this whole “scaring him away” tactic might be easier than you thought.

However, you were going to have to be careful. You fell asleep too easily in his arms. Sure, it could be blamed on the fact that you were sick and your body was already exhausted so that sleep was inevitable, but you’d been trying to sleep all day and nothing – not even the strong cold medicine – had knocked you out. The way your head just seemed to fit so comfortably against his chest… admittedly, it scared you a bit. You liked it too much.

You’ll be happy when he’s out of your hair, you told yourself. Your life was perfectly fine before you’d ever heard the name “Tao” and it would be perfectly fine after he was long gone.

But a nagging feeling still pulled at your stomach, so you did what came naturally to you once you came to a dilemma, and turned to your mother for help.

When you shuffled into the kitchen – hesitating almost as if you didn’t want her to spot you – your mother was getting started on dinner for her and your father, the broth sitting in a plastic container off to the side and away from the heat.

“Did you change your mind about the soup?” your mother asked as you sat down at the kitchen island.

You shook your head. “No, I’m okay for right now.” After that, you didn’t elaborate, instead swirling your finger around on the shiny, smooth granite, drawing nonsensical pictures out of the different colors.

Knife in hand, your mother set up her chopping board and began to dice the tomatoes and peppers laying off to her left. “Is something bothering you, sweetie?”

Darn that motherly intuition.

“No,” you replied automatically. But that was dumb and counter-intuitive to your object. “Actually, yeah….”

Your mother snickered at your hesitancy. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You blew a raspberry before finally giving in. “Yeah, kind of. I guess….” But there you went, stopping yourself again. Whimpering, you let your head fall down to the counter with a muffled thump.

“Oh goodness,” your mother laughed. “This must be serious. I haven’t seen you this flustered since you found out you had to kiss Devon Trinket in that school play.”

At the mention of your high school theater days, you snapped your head up, eyes narrowed at her for daring to bring that up.

Drama was just supposed to be a fun extracurricular activity that didn’t involve sports in any way. And you enjoyed it, whether you were behind the scenes or on the stage. But the fact that your first kiss had to be fake and on display for the audience to see had been mortifying. Up until that opening night, you’d come up with every excuse to not have to kiss him – from a cold sore to a particularly smelly lunch – but the inevitable could not be avoided forever. To this day, you cringed at how unromantic and awkward it had been. There was supposed to be a silent pact within the family to never mention it again, but apparently your mother had forgotten that.

“What’s on your mind, sweetie?” your mother asked in a more serious tone.

“Well-” How the hell were you supposed to explain this? “There’s this guy….”

Your mother’s eyebrows jumped right up to her hairline. “A guy?” She teasingly felt your forehead. “Wow, you must be sick.”

“Stop,” you whined as you pushed her hand away. “I’m being serious.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she sighed as she patted your head. Even as you were about to graduate college, she still treated you like her little girl, teasing and affectionate gestures and all. “So, is this a guy you have feelings for?”

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” you countered quickly. “But… he did say that he likes me. Very bluntly, actually.” That had certainly never happened to you before. There was an incident where one of you classmates in your second year of high school had slid you a note, but since you didn’t feel the same way, you took the awkward way out and just pretended that it never happened. He never said anything to you again about it either, so it was probably for the best.

“And you’re not sure that you like him back?”

You shook your head. “I don’t. I know I don’t like him. Or… at least, I don’t think I do. I don’t know him well enough. But I do know that he’s a total player. Like, his reputation is infamous on campus.”

“And so you don’t know if he was being sincere when he told you?”

You nodded. “I mean, it seemed sincere, but I don’t know how good of an actor this guy is. I could just be another notch in his belt and I refuse to allow myself to become a laughing stock.”

With sympathetic eyes, your mother smiled at you. Unfortunately, that look didn’t seem to be meant for you. “I’m not going to say that a guy can meet a girl and just magically change. I will never say that… but, you are very special, love, with a warm heart. It’s possible that – while not completely changed – he might have genuine feelings for you.”

“So you want me to just dive head first into this thing?” you exclaimed.

“No, no,” your mother chuckled. “I’m saying don’t completely dismiss him. Keep him at arm’s length, but maybe also give him a chance to try. You might be surprised. Guard your heart, but let him show you his. If he ends up not being genuine, then you do what you do best – pick yourself up, brush it off, and hold your head high.”

You let out a long sihg, taking in every word.

She had a point. She had several points, actually. And – at a base level, at least – she was basically telling you to do what you’d already decided on.

Okay, so the whole you kind of overdoing it and making him feel trapped in a committed relationship until he ran for the hills thing didn’t exactly line up with what your mother was saying, but still. She was telling you to let him try. So, you would. But there was no way in hell Kendall was to find out about this. At all. Even if you tried to explain that you weren’t really seeing Tao like that, she’d explode. Her feelings were hurt easily whether she pretended to be over something or not and in the long run, you’d rather have your friend than a boyfriend who’d just leave anyway.

As you slipped off the stool and gave your mother a hug, your mind was swirling in every direction. For now, you decided it was best to not dwell on it in your current sickly state. Trudging back to the living room to maybe try and go back to sleep, you couldn’t help but think about how sweet Tao had been towards you. Being babied and fussed over was something you hated and yet, you let him do exactly that. And you kind of liked it. Even now, the thought of him holding you while you drifted off to sleep was making your cheeks warm.

You were absolutely losing it.

**

You were not the least bit surprised when you walked into the lab and saw Tao’s name scribbled in for your entire session for the day. What did surprise you, however, was the fact that he was early, already sitting at the table, book cracked open and eyes scanning the page. Or at least, he was making it look like he was reading the book. You couldn’t be too entirely sure whether he was really studying or not.

Whoa. You took a metaphorical step back. Was that too harsh? Thinking that he most likely was just pretending to be looking over the textbook instead of actually reading it? Did you already have that bad of an impression of him?

To be honest, Tao didn’t seem as lost as the other students you’d helped in the past. From what you experienced during your last session, after you explained it once at a slower pace than the teacher normally would, he seemed to understand and you moved on to the next section. Was he-

Shaking your head, you started towards the table. Whatever. He could do what he wanted. You got a small check from it anyway.

“Are you feeling better?” Tao asked in a warm voice as you sat down next to him.

You nodded, keeping your eyes down as you pulled the textbook closer to you. “Yeah, much better.”

“Good.”

Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, you fought against the urge to smile. Tao’s voice conveyed a relief at your acknowledgement of getting over whatever ailment you had as if you’d just gone through a major surgery without any hiccups. It was just the flu. And he was the one who ditched you while you were sleeping.

“Why did you leave without waking me up?” you snapped, a little more forceful than you’d anticipated it being. You weren’t hurt that he didn’t say goodbye… not at all! It definitely wasn’t something you found yourself stewing over throughout the weekend.

Indifferent, (y/n). You’re supposed to be indifferent.

“I didn’t think that’d be the best way for me to meet your mom,” Tao smirked.

You let out a fake laugh. “Are you insinuating that at some point you’ll be meeting my parents?”

He shrugged. “It’s bound to happen at some point, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” you scoffed. He would never get that far. Right? “Okay, homework time.”

“That’s right,” Tao shifted his chair so he was angled more towards you, “you’re stuck with me for the next three hours.”

A triumphant smile flashed across your face. “Actually, our session’s being cut in half today. I have to leave before three.”

Tao’s face fell, a strangely cute pout forming on his lips. “What? Why?”

“Since I was sick last Friday, I’m picking up a few extra hours at the shelter,” you explained. When he huffed at the statement, you rolled your eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ve already signed up for my entire slot on Friday.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “I haven’t decided yet.”

Now it was your turn to be confused. “Wait. What?”

Chuckling, Tao leaned in close to you. “Gonna miss me if I decide to skip?”

With a single index finger against his forehead, you pushed Tao back until he was out of your bubble again. “No, not really. In fact, I think it’ll be kind of nice.”

Grumbling under his breath, Tao turned to the textbook and started reading aloud. You pressed your lips together tightly to keep from laughing. This constant push-pull, rile each other up contest going on between the two of you was becoming a little too much fun. Tao’s reactions to your rejects and dodges were the best entertainment you’d come across in a long while.

For the next hour and a half, the focus remained on the homework that Tao was supposedly struggling with. As time went on, Tao didn’t seem to be putting in much effort into pretending he didn’t get it. In fact, at one point, you found a problem that was done so perfectly that you’d just assumed it was done wrong and ended up with an incorrect answer yourself. Tao grinned brightly, but if any sarcastic remarks were bouncing around in his head, he kept them to himself.

It was strange, how much you were actually hating the fact that the minutes clicked closer to the time you needed to leave. This was definitely a side of Tao that you enjoyed. With him being… normal, not flirty or overly caring or snarky. Just being himself.

Or what you hoped was himself.

“Tao? What the hell are you doing in here?”

Both of your heads jerked up at the intrusion, Tao’s face remaining stoic and uninterested while your own pinched in confusion.

A very tall, leggy, super-model-type girl who you vaguely recognized as one of the volleyball players was standing on the other side of the table, hand on her jetted-out hip. There seemed to be an air of superiority radiating from her, but more than likely that was you and your ill-conceived prejudices projecting it on her. For all you know, she was probably a very nice person. However, you kind of wanted her to go away.

“What do you mean, Anica?” Tao asked. His voice was lower than normal, almost growl-like. “I’m here to get a better understanding of my mathematics lesson.”

“Since when do you need help with math?” the volleyball player named Anica snapped back. “You aced every test last semester even after spending the entire night with me.” A feline-like smile curved up one of the corners of her lips as she leaned in extra close to Tao as if you were completely invisible. “Speaking of which, I kind of miss those nights. And it’s not volleyball season anymore, so I’m free any time.”

Tao seemed completely unfazed. “Not interested.”

Anica straightened up with a huff. Her eyes zeroed in on the lack of space between you and Tao. “So, what? You’re sinking this low now? Whatever.” She turned her icy stare towards you. “Have fun screwing Tao. Just don’t expect much once he drops you. Poor thing gets bored very easily.”

Tao’s chair nearly flung across the room as he jumped up to his feet, a strange growl rumbling in his chest. Anica blinked, a little bit of fear in her eyes, but not as much as you conveyed. You wouldn’t even had thought it possible for Tao to explode like that. While her words certainly cut deep, there was no faliable reason for Tao react in this way. Anica rolled her eyes before walking away.

You wasted no time gathering up your notebook and papers, shoving them into your bag and rising to your own feet. You didn’t want to be here anymore. Not even looking at Tao, you started for the door.

“(y/n), wait!”

Tao caught up to you, blocking your way to freedom from this embarrassing scene. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the other students sneaking glances at the piece of entertainment happening in their vicinity.

“Move,” you ordered through clenched teeth. “I have to get to the shelter. I’m going to be late.”

“Listen to me first-”

But you had no intentions of listening to whatever nonsense he was about to spout out. You managed to squeeze through the space between Tao and the door frame, out into the hallway where you were practically running across the tile.

Tao didn’t catch up to you until you jumped into your car, roaring the engine to life. He slapped his hand against the window, calling out your name repeatedly. He just wouldn’t give up, would he?

You sped off, tires squealing and vehicle vibrating as you headed out of the parking lot, probably cutting off a few other motorists who really had the right-of-way. When you reached the shelter, you killed the engine and fell back into your seat, releasing all the tension that you’d been storing in your muscles with a heavy sigh. What Anica said really shouldn’t be bothering you like this. But it just made the whole ordeal with Tao even more confusing.

Why had he honed in on you? You weren’t anything like any of the girls he’d supposedly been with in the past. Hell, you weren’t even like Kendall. So why did he target you? If this was really some game, then you just wanted him to stop. You wanted him to go away. Because keeping him at arm’s length, staying guarded and not giving in trusting him completely was becoming too hard.

You just didn’t know how to handle something like this. You weren’t equipped with the tools to navigate this sort of board game; you were hardly good at checkers and so far this felt like the world championship of chess that you were just thrown into as a last minute replacement. All the pieces were in Tao’s hands and you had no idea what your next move should be. Running away seemed like your only option. Being done with the whole seemed to be the only way to save yourself.

Letting out another sigh, you took the keys out of the ignition and willed yourself to out of the car.

“So, are you ready to listen now?”

“!” You jumped at the sound of Tao’s voice coming from behind you.

He was leaning against the hood of a red convertible that definitely didn’t belong to any of the employees inside the shelter. Why were you not surprised at his car of choice?

Out of pure instinct, you looked around the parking lot, knowing full well where he came from, but still stunned at his presence. “Did you seriously follow me all the way here?”

“Yes,” Tao stated before pushing off the hood and stalking up to you. “Because you need to know that Anica is full of crap. Did we hook up once or twice? Yes, but that has nothing to do with us now.”

“Us?” you scoffed. “Tao, there is no us. I was tutoring you in math, but you obviously don’t need the help. If you keep insisting that you need help, then I know several other tutors in the math lab that have open slots.” Not wanting to hear any sort of response, you the balls of your feet and headed for the entrance. But Tao stopped you with a hand around your upper arm, whirling you back around.

“Whatever happened to giving me a chance to prove to you that I’m telling the truth?”

Teeth clenched and fists balled at your side, you snapped, “I’m done playing whatever kind of game you have going on, whatever fake intentions you have. There are plenty of other women on campus who will gladly take you back, go to one of them!”

“I’m not playing a game! My intentions are sincere!” But even at his own insistence, he let you go, telling you that maybe he wasn’t as in this as he was expressing in the moment. Until he passed you and walked right up to the shelter’s front doors.

Now it was your turn to stop him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you’re doing?”

He smirked at you, leaning in close with his gaze steadily on yours. “Proving it.”

And then he just swung the door open and marched right on in. At least he waited for you in the hallway instead of waltzing in to a random classroom. He stayed close on your heels, not letting you get too far away. Fine. There wasn’t too much you could do about the situation, anyway.

When you walked into the room with Mrs. Choi and your favorite kids, you waited for the possible fallout of your unannounced visitor. Mrs. Choi was picky about the volunteers who worked in the shelter. She wanted to make sure they’d be good influences on the kids, leading them down productive paths and bettering themselves outside of their circumstances.

“Well, I don’t believe it,” Mrs. Choi gasped.

You cringed. “Mrs. Choi, I am so sorry-”

But she walked right on past you to Tao, throwing her arms around him and rocking him back and forth happily.

“Tao, you’ve grown up so much!” she chuckled. Pulling back, she kept her hands on his shoulders, staring up at him with pride-filled eyes. “Why haven’t you come to visit sooner?”

You stared at the two of them slack-jawed. This was so not happening right now.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged shyly. “I went traveling for a bit, came back to finish school.”

“Well, at least you’ve finally came to say hi.” Mrs. Choi turned to you. “Do the two of you know each other?”

“(y/n)’s been helping me with homework,” Tao loosely explained.

Mrs. Choi was smiling more than you’d ever seen her do so before. “Oh, how nice! You are welcome to stay as long as you want. None of these kids were here when you last came by, but feel free to introduce yourself. And don’t be a stranger!” She looked to you. “(y/n), the kids are working on their multiplication tables if you want to go around and check their work.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you mumbled, walking off in a daze. Tao followed you and the children seemed to light up at the new potential. They were fascinated by the blonde stranger who would crouch down to their level and genuinely listen to them as they rattled on their cute stories.

At one point, you were so engrossed in trying to explain how to find the multiples of nine on their fingers to a table of very excited and talkative children that you didn’t notice at first when Tao had walked away. It wasn’t until Tony kept looking over your shoulder at something that you noticed the absence.

Following Tony’s gaze, you gasped quietly. Tao was off in the corner of the room, slowly walking up to Daeyoung. You watched with anxiety-ridden nerves as he approached the boy, crouching down and waving.

Daeyoung ignored him at first, keeping his focus on the crayon on his hand as he drew random shapes on the construction paper. Instead of forcing a conversation, however, Tao simply picked up another crayon and started drawing on his own piece of paper. A few minutes went by of just the two of them coloring in their own separate worlds until Daeyoung picked up a pink crayon and handed it to Tao without a word. Tao thanked him and went on coloring.

Then Daeyoung pointed towards the door that lead to the playground outside. No one else was out there since recess time was long over and it would be another hour or so before free time started. Taking Daeyoung’s hand, Tao led him through the door. You jumped up and ran after them. Daeyoung was a delicate child and you were worried that he might go into one of his fits if Tao wasn’t careful. But as you leaned against the door frame, you stared in awe as Tao simply helped Daeyoung onto the swing and gently pushed from behind.

Fifteen or twenty minutes went by with you just standing there, watching the two of them play on the swing, Daeyoung even letting out a few giggles that you hadn’t heard before.

Mrs. Choi came up behind you and whispered, “He was always good with the kids who had special needs.” At your questioning look, she explained, “He used to volunteer here several years ago, when he was in high school. I think his older brothers wanted him to stay out of trouble. But I don’t think that boy could really get into anything bad. He’s too soft. His heart is too warm. He was always a little guarded, but it’s nice to see him smile like that.”

“He has a nice smile,” you admitted a little shamefully.

“He’s a nice boy.”

There was no missing Mrs. Choi’s indication behind her words, but she walked away before you could reply. Perhaps… well, maybe she had a point. Seeing this side of Tao was throwing you off. When he declared that he’d prove to you that he wasn’t simply the playboy the rumors made him out to be, you didn’t think he’d actually succeed in doing it. And yet, here he was, showing you another side that you were finding attractive. Very attractive, indeed.

At the end of your shift at the shelter, you were still a little speechless at Tao’s ability to connect with Daeyoung so quickly, so easily. You hadn’t said a word to him when they came back inside just before free time, but he’d certainly caught you staring when he helped Daeyoung eat his dinner.

Outside, Tao stopped you before you could reach your car.

“Still think I’m a bad guy?”

You huffed, biting down on the inside of your cheek so harshly you were sure you’d draw blood. But you didn’t want to smile like the giggly school girl that was bouncing around in your mind at the moment. “I never used the words ‘bad guy’.” You kept your gaze down on your keys that you were fiddling with in your hands. “But that was really sweet how you spent time with Daeyoung.”

“He’s a good kid,” Tao smiled. “Smart, too. You just have to know how to communicate in their way.”

“Mrs. Choi said you’ve had a lot of practice with that.”

“Just a little.”

A silence fell between you two. What was supposed to happen now? You kind of wanted to get in your car so you could have room to breathe again, but you also wanted to stay right there with Tao.

Actually, you didn’t want to just stay there. You kind of wanted to hug him, placing your head against his chest again. He was melting you right there on the asphalt without even trying. But you fought the urge, surprising yourself at not giving in.

“(y/n)?”

You looked up at Tao. “Yes?”

With a hesitant hand, he reached up, the very tips of his thumb and fingers barely brushing against your cheek. His face lowered, coming closer to yours. Was he actually going to kiss you?

In a panic, you dropped your keys, quickly bending down to get them and dodging the possible lip-lock. Disappoint was evident all over his face, but he didn’t push or try again. No matter how sweet he’d been over the last few hours, you weren’t ready for that little step.

“I’ll see you later,” Tao sighed as he took a step back. “Drive safe.”

You nodded. “You, too.”

Shaking his head, Tao walked away and hopped over the door into the driver’s seat. Admittedly, that move kind of made your heart jump, but you were able to recover as he drove away.

It was time to be honest with yourself. You were falling for this boy. All it took was a few sweet moments and you were doomed. He was more determined than you’d previously thought. At this point, you didn’t think he’d run away as easily as you’d planned. And, staying on that honest train, you didn’t want him to run away. You wanted him to run towards you, only you.

Yeah, you were in trouble big time.