"NEUROSURGERY TO EMERGENCY ROOM NOW. NEUROSURGERY TO EMERGENCY ROOM NOW."

The announcement jolted me from my bed. I'd been trying to stay awake trying to wait for any calls, but since I live in a world where good things don't happen to me, the call just had to come when I had fallen asleep.

I look at my watch. It's 4:05 AM. I have to be there in five minutes or else the patient dies.

Okay, that's a bit exaggerated. But still, I have. To ing. Run.

I meet up with my senior resident, Dr. Choi, at the ER's entrance. He's leading the ER Team this shift.

"Do you have the tackle box?" he asked in a hurry.

"Yes, sir." The tackle box contains the medications that will hopefully save the patient's life.

"Check the patient for me, will you?"

"Yes, sir." If I had a dollar for every yes, thank you, and this is noted I've said to senior doctors this past week I would've been rich.

I check my patient. I couldn't get a proper history because of the patient's slurred speech. There were no relatives around, either. The ER doctor who initially saw him said bystanders just found him collapsed near a convenience store. Probably drinking since he smelled of soju. He had facial asymmetry and can't raise one arm. Classic , I think. I go back to Dr. Choi, who was reading the patient's chart.

"I think it's a , Dr. Choi. Probably middle cerebral artery." I said feeling confident.

"Are you sure?"

"It's pretty textbook." I had zero doubt.

"Textbook, huh? Okay then. The ER attending ordered a CT scan to be sure."

"Okay. I'll take the patient to Radiology then." I felt a knot in my stomach. Did I miss something?

I was looking at the patient while he was being put through the CT machine. I reviewed what I saw from his physical exam in my head over and over while the patient was in there. I was still sure of my diagnosis.

After 15 minutes, I received the radiologist's CT scan reading for my patient:

Hyperdense material filling the subarachnoid space. Consider subarachnoid hemorrhage.

Ah .

Dr. Choi let out a big sigh while scratching his temple.

"Still textbook for you?" he quipped.

"I'm sorry." That's another phrase I've probably said a billion times this week. But only then did I feel the weight of "I'm sorry."

"Be thankful that it was caught in time. I guess the patient is lucky that you're not scrubbed in his surgery right now. You would've killed him." Damn. As an intern you get pretty used to all the scolding, but this one stung.

"I'm sorry." I guess it was all I could say. I couldn't even look at Dr. Choi.

"Jongin, you're a doctor now. A real doctor. Nothing, and I really mean nothing, is ever textbook in medicine. Remember that."

"Yes, sir."

"Don't let me...or another patient remind you, ever again."

He bumped into my shoulder as he left. I deserved it.

As I walked back to the call room, I passed by the outpatient clinics. I caught a glimpse of a familiar face through the window of one of the clinic doors.

Kyungsoo.

It was already 7 AM. Outpatients started to pour in to wait outside the clinics.

He looked so dapper, wearing his long white coat over a blue striped shirt with a black tie. So so handsome. His attending was the one talking to the patient but he was laughing along to the conversation. Those damn heart shaped lips. I could watch them smile and laugh all day. I instantly forgot that I was being scolded only a few minutes earlier.

We locked eyes through the window. I think he caught me. I got ashamed and continued on my way to the call room.

I felt like a teenager who saw his crush while walking to school.

Gosh, Jongin, get over yourself.

I went straight to the cupboard to look for food once I got to our call room. Just some ramyeon and crackers. Not the most comforting food for your bruised mind and soul who got a patient's diagnosis wrong.

To my surprise, there was an Bacon Double Cheese egg drop sandwich on the table. It was still piping hot. On it was a post-it note that said:

For Dr. Kim. From Dr. Doh.

Holy. .

My schoolyard crush bought me breakfast? What the hell. I was screaming inside. Now I really feel like a teenager.

"What, can't colleagues buy breakfast for other colleagues?" I told myself. "This doesn't mean anything, Jongin."

But how did he know I liked egg drop sandwiches? Specifically the Bacon Double Cheese ones?

"Okay, Jongin, it's just a coincidence. This means absolutely nothing." I was trying to calm down my heart.

I sent him a selca of me with the sandwich. "Thanks for breakfast!" I wrote.

No reply. He left me on seen.

"See, Jongin, absolutely nothing." Damn it.

They say food tastes better when it's free. Well, it certainly does if your crush bought it for you.

My post-duty shift started after breakfast. I was asked to scrub into an aneurysm clipping.

"You can do this, Jongin. It's a simple aneurysm clipping. No biggie." I said to myself as I entered into the OR.

The surgery was going well. Until the attending asked me a question.

"Dr. Kim, why did this patient present with double vision?"

"Um, sir...uh..." Come on Jongin. You know this.

"Did you even review the patient's scans, doctor?"

"I did sir." I could feel cold sweat forming.

"Okay, so where was this patient's aneurysm located?"

"At the posterior communicating artery, sir." Okay, I knew that one.

"Good. So why did the patient have double vision?"

"Uh..." Damn it. I always hated anatomy questions.

"Why do you want to be a neurosurgeon, Dr. Kim?" Here we go.

"Uh...sir...I..." I was flustered.

"If you can't speak coherent sentences then you should just get out of my OR." .

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Go. I should've known better than let a doctor who made a misdiagnosis help me operate."

And that was how I was kicked out of the OR for the first time.

"There's always a first time for everything, I guess." I was trying to console myself.

Two misses already. What am I doing?

I ate lunch with Kyungsoo. Ah, my solace in this cruel world.

"So, how's your day so far?" I can't believe Kyungsoo initiated the conversation.

"Well...pretty to say the least, I missed a subarachnoid hemorrhage and I got kicked out of the OR."

"Oh wow." An uniterested reply.

"How about you?"

"Great so far. Saw some outpatients with Dr. Kang the entire morning. She commended me on how I can explain the patient's condition in layman's terms." He said with a smidge of bragging.

I looked at him with jealousy. He's still so good at everything.

"You must really know what you're doing, huh? I guess that's just how top students are." I wonder if he felt the jealousy in my tone.

"We're doctors, Jongin. We're supposed to know what we're doing."

He was right.

"I don't know, Kyungsoo. I mean, I know what I should do and what I should answer, it's just that..."

"You think you know. You don't know what you don't know." he said while smirking at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I never see you study your cases...you wake up minutes before rounds or conferences. You can't rely on stock knowledge all the time, Jongin."

I was a tad bit offended. "I study all the time! You just don't see..."

"We spend all our downtime together in the call room. You either just sleep or play games..."

"So what are you saying, I'm lazy?"

Before Kyungsoo could answer, my pager went off. Dr. Park wanted to see me.

I shot Kyungsoo a glare before leaving.

Damn, that hurt. But he was right.

"You wanted to see me, Dr. Park?" I entered her office.

"Ah Jongin, please sit."

I sit quietly while I wait for her to finish brewing her coffee.

"There have been some concerns about you, during your shift." She sounded serious.

"Word sure gets around fast, huh?" I said jokingly, but I started to get nervous.

"Of course. It does when it has something to do with your learning, which ultimately affects our patients."

"I'm sorry for everything...I'll do better next time."

Dr. Park let out a sigh. "One more strike, Jongin...and you're out."

"Out? What do you mean?"

"You might get dropped from the program."

"What? It...it wasn't so serious..."

"You misdiagnosed a patient, Jongin. The patient could've died. And might I remind you that you're training in Seoul General Hospital, we hold our training standards to the highest level. Hence why they are so strict with us residents."

"I'll do better next time..." A new phrase entered into the Intern's Dictionary.

"You better. For your own good and our patients'."

I left her office feeling defeated.

They want to fire me already. It wasn't even one month into residency. Maybe it was a mistake applying here? What was I thinking? I'm not cut out for this place.

I walk into the call room, and see Kyungsoo...cooking.

"You're cooking?? In the call room??" I thought he was crazy.

"Yeah, didn't you see the ingredients I bought?"

"I guess not..." I was probably too fixated on the Bacon Double Cheese egg drop sandwich.

"But why are you cooking so suddenly?"

My question caught him off guard. "Well, I just thought it would be a hassle to go to the cafeteria for dinner later, since we're busier in the evening."

"Oh. Yeah." He made sense.

"I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I didn't mean to offend you." He said while mixing whatever it was he was cooking.

"Don't mind it. I might be out of here next week, or tomorrow. I don't know when I'll up next."

"What?" He looked concerned.

"They want to fire me."

"Jongin, I'm...I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Are you really? You should be happy. Less competition for you."

"Why would I think that? Residency isn't a competition. Here, try this." He hands me a bowl of what he was cooking. It was gukbap.

The gukbap was amazing. It was like a hug from Kyungsoo.

"You can still turn things around, Jongin."

"You think so?"

"I know so. You just need to realize that you don't know everything, and that's okay." He said while wearing the most comforting smile ever.

His pager went off. "I gotta go. Put the gukbap in the fridge after it cools down a bit." He shot up his seat and took his white coat off the hanger.

"Hey, thanks a lot." I look at him while smiling. "For breakfast...this gukbap...the advice."

"Anytime."

I guess there are still good things in this world.