Would it be too much?

Would it be selfish of her?

Sana has been asking herself over and over again while staring the vast sky just above her. Dark space and bright stars staring back at her. She doesn’t know what to do nor to think, she’s just tired.

Tired of giving herself false hopes.

Tired of making her friends think that she’ll be okay.

That she’s okay.

But would it be too selfish if she wanted Momo to stay with her? As if she doesn’t hurt her in the first place?

She wants to hug Momo. Kiss her. Love her. Hold her. But how can she? When she already hurt the other woman? And that frustrates Sana, because it is her fault. It is her fault why Momo is avoiding her like she has some contagious disease. As if.

Sana doesn’t even notice the coldness of the night, the chilly air rubbing against her skin and her thin sweater. She’s too deep inside her mind that she stops caring about her surroundings. She’s too much into thinking of Momo. Momo. Momo. Momo.

“What are you doing here?”

Sana jumped out on her seat from shock. Thank God she didn’t get a heart attack from that.

She turned around to face the intruder and couldn’t help but gasp making the latter’s eyebrow raised at her. Sana doesn’t expect to see her, at least not tonight and outside.

After pulling herself together, Sana smiled, “I’m just chilling.” She mumbled softly, before turning around, trying to ignore the questioning gaze of the other.

“You know, I was actually hoping for you to be honest,” the woman says, occupying the empty seat beside Sana, “I was waiting for you to tell me what you feel. To tell me what you are thinking, just everything.”

Sana breathed deeply, her fingers fidgeting before a hand stops her, “I’m sorr—”

“—don’t. There’s no need for you to say sorry,” a timid nod was given, “You have the right to keep things to yourself, of course. I was just hoping you would at least see me and talk to me about what’s making you sad. I am your best friend, Sana. I am also your best friend.”

Sana grabbed the warm hand of her best friend, intertwining it with hers, “I know. I just don’t know how to say it. How to open about it.” Sana glances at the woman beside her, “I know you’re already having a hard time dealing with Jeongyeon and your feelings, Nay. I don’t want to add to that.”

“You’re really dumb, aren’t you?” Nayeon smirked before it faded as fast, “You’re always my priority, Sana. You and Mina. I can set aside everything to make way for you.”

“Exactly, Nayeon.” Sana sighed, “You are always setting aside everything for me, for us. I want you to prioritize yourself. I’m gonna leave soon. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

Nayeon looked at Sana with utmost care and love, feeling the sudden rush of sadness in her chest, “You won’t. You still have more years to spend with us.”

Sana smiled sadly, squeezing Nayeon’s hand gently before leaning her head on the older’s shoulder, “I would love that, you know, but I don’t want to give myself anymore false hope.”

Nayeon leans her head against Sana’s, forcing herself not to cry. She hates everything that’s happening. Why can she not do anything to save her best friend? Why?

Sana doesn’t deserve the things she’s experiencing now. God, she’s too kind to experience such things. So why her beautiful, kind best friend and not those some ty people? Why Sana who couldn’t even hurt a fly?

“Is that why you refused to go to your check–ups?” Nayeon asked after a moment.

Sana hummed, “I’m scared. I don’t want them saying that I’m not going to be okay. I don’t want to hear the things I’ve been hearing my whole life.”

“Because Momo happened?”

“Because Momo happened.”

Sana closes her eyes, appreciating her moment with her best friend, “I love her. So much that it suddenly scares me.” Sana could feel her eyes burning, so closes them tight, “I don’t want to leave her, Nayeon. But I would and I couldn’t do anything about that.”

“Sana.”

“You know, Jeongyeon asked me to just spend my remaining time with Momo but I don’t have enough courage to face her after everything.”

“Do you want to?”

Sana doesn’t answer for a moment, contemplating what to say but ended up with maybe the dumbest answer, “I would love to even though it could possibly hurt her after I leave. I want to be with her until my last day but I don’t think I’m worth of her time.”

Nayeon smiled at herself, “Stop thinking that,” She pulled away from Sana before staring at the Japanese, “We’re going to help you.” She smiled.

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