It was late March last year when Chaseask me for a favor, to help her organize a cup sleeve event for this group she was so crazy about, well every girl in the country were so crazy about them.

How can they not? They came from this biggest entertainment company in the country, all are crazy talented, can do music of their own, all are impossibly good looking and have their own unique charms. I mean, how that company can even come up with this PERFECT group. INSANE!

Chase have been kind of coercing me to be a fan for years actually, I was just shut off with all the fangirling and all and really not sure If I can still breathe life into it again, not til’ I heard this song  that Chase played after that tiring event and it totally caught me off guard.

 I don’t know there’s something about it that scream excellence, I mean I’ve lived almost all my life being a groupie that I somehow develop this fussiness on music to listen to

FANTASY

And it was even roughly composed by that one member of the group.

I searched for the song as soon as I got home that day and from there, I am a fan of his.

HAMADA ASAHI

“You know, I really expect that you are going to be his fan”

It was December last year and I am busy unboxing my early Christmas gifts, yeah for myself and yeah it was all merch

I laughed how absurdly Chase knew me that well

“You are so whipped with idols who produce their own songs and at the same time, that HANDSOME!”

Asahi got the looks, I mean a differently, overly good looks that made almost all the girls in the country swoon over him, a real visual genius.

“He’s on a dating scandal anyway, with that prettiest girl in the industry, Mina?”

Hearing that kind of news is almost like a torture for a fan like me, well that was then, during my prime days of being fan of a famous idol. Well yeah I guess it’s true, when you got older—older like when you reached the age that you shouldn’t waste your time doing fan works and should be getting married and starting your own family, well exactly describes me right now (lol), that feeling of extreme dislike to that girl your idol is dating and at the same time, at yourself for being born as just as fan, now --- really, all those negativity are all gone in my system

“I know you Ees, you are always that calm fan but there’s also a hidden side of yourself that screams the opposite”

Yeah. I am like that. I get hurt too for some stupid notions that an idol can actually recognize a fan and I did all the crying too.

But now? It’s really different. Maturity, I guess did that.

“It’s not that you got matured or whatever, fangirl never matures! – its him, it because of him”

Yes, Chase is maybe right. It’s again, because of Sun.

He made me a better human.

“Gosh, I think I need someone like him to invade my life. I mean, not that absurd way of how you guys did, I can’t trust someone without actually seeing them in person”

I sat next to Chase on the small couch that I got on my place on the second floor of my shop, snatched the glass of wine she was holding and I gulped everything down.

Sun still got that effect on me and I guess it will never be gone.

“Need Soju??”

Chase asked because she knew. I nodded and she got up to buy bottles on the store nearby, I need maybe 2.

Atleast its now down to 2, compared to 3 years ago that I need at least 10.

“If that ain’t love, then what is that? Ees, it’s been years and you still miss him”

I have to laugh before chugging the bottle of soju

“It’s not that, I just miss him. He is like my ray of sunlight and just imagine losing that?”

“Like eternal sunset, yeah. But you need to bring back your own sun back, he’s gone – you said it yourself, he maybe went back to his alien planet and he will never come back”

I continued opening the box of Merchandise that I got, I know I need to be busy; I’m scared that I might cry in front of Chase again.

“Oh look what I got! I got ASAHI!”

I really screamed, really I got lucky and the CD package have an Asahi photo card with his signature and I think only 3 lucky fans all over the world can have that.

“Maybe Asahi can be your new Sun, I mean his name means Sunlight, I bet you knew”

We’re drunk, yeah. Chase is starting to talk nonsense.

“C’mon! Strictly no falling in love with our idols, I mean you know it’s not normal and it’s pointless”

“Yah like --- We’re two worlds apart and that two worlds are never meant for each other? Gosh, Eeseth! I can still remember when and how you said that 12 years ago while you’re drunk crying!”

We both burst out laughing. Those were the days!

And now we’re still here, still a fangirl but just grew up.

“You know what I like now for being a fan? I am so dedicated to work because I badly want to earn loads and buy all their merchs, damn it!”

“WELL, CHEERS TO US FRIEND, TO MORE MONEY!”

We stayed up so late that night that we totally forgot how hours ago, we were too excited because we got front row VIP tickets for Treasure’s concert and yes that was the next day.

After a year, I got my own business and sure I have enough money, but really—I barely have time to fangirl.

I really did grow up.