When the sky lights up hours later than the usual, you know how time changes and the wind gets colder as it bites your cheeks as it whips past you. I haven’t been paying too much attention as days pass one after the other. I pace back and forth while I do my tie for the fourth time this morning. My hands are shaking and I feel my chest grow tighter with every breath I release. I pull the striped tie hanging around my neck and tosses it on the corner with the frustration building up inside me. 

I turn around and watch my reflection on the full-length mirror. My shoulders are moving up and down as I breathe heavily, with rush and anticipation buzzing on my fingertips. I feel the uneasiness drowning my plans and at times I feel like I’m forgetting to breathe even. 

“I’ve never seen you so…” Aly watches me from the sliding door of my walk-in closet. “… tensed.”

I turn around and slumps on the red accent chair. I rake my fingers over my hair and try to deeply breathe, hoping that the tightness I feel comes out with every exhale. 

“I don’t know what to expect.” I say to my niece.

She funnily glides towards where I’m sitting and leans her head on my shoulder. It’s as if I’m taken back to the time when I used to babysit her when her parents go for an out of the country trip. I remember all the Sunday Ice Cream Nights we look forward to as we down our own pint of ice creams.

“You don’t have to beat yourself too much now that you’re managing the company, uncle. You’re more than competent to handle it. I know because I’ve seen you lead our team the short while that I was there.”

I laugh at her. What’s nerve-wrecking wasn’t the presentation and the bidding of the project. I’ve long accepted that we won’t be getting it since we denied joining the bidding the first time. She isn’t aware of the real reason I’m on my toes, dragging each breath, and even wanting to look beyond good and presentable. She didn’t know that the anticipation of seeing a person you’ve been longing for so long was what kept me up the whole night. She didn’t know that I was torn between wanting to see him again, or just proceed with the bidding without him for my own sanity. 

“You think so?” was all I could reply.

She nods her head a few times before clapping and standing up. She struts all the way to the door and looks at me one last time.

“You know you’d do well, right? You know I’m on your side, right?” Her eyes are beaming. It’s round like a puppy waiting for food. Aly’s been like this with me since she was a kid. I sometimes can’t believe that she had grown into this lady already.

I nod my head. “Of course, I do.”

“Then let’s go.”

~

I stay still even when I hear a lot of swoosh and swish and whip and whap all around me. With my eyes still close, my hearing seems a little more sensitive. I slowly open my eyes to the blinding light that surrounds my view. Guess I’m here again.

I’m here again.

I am here. Again.

You see, when you’re aware of your situation and you know what you want to do, it’s easier to live in the moment. I jolt from my seat and look around me. Thousands of souls are walking past each other again. The flames are much more alive now. It’s kind of looks like there had been a massive firework event while I was away. 

I raise my hand and stare at it… still a silhouette, a shadow… a soul. But to my surprise, as I study my whole form, a part of my neck down to my shoulders are all in flesh. Flesh. I have skin. And it only means one thing.

I run around, keeping