7

“Do you mind not doing that?” Jimin hisses, reaching over to place his hand against Jungkook’s shaking knee. The detective snaps out of his thoughts and looks over at Jimin. 

“What?” Jungkook frowns. “I don’t like churches.” 

This is a bad idea, this is a very bad idea. Jungkook is so going to regret this. 

“Neither do I, but you don’t see me freaking out, do you?” 

Jungkook feels tension pull at his shoulders, nerves beginning to buzz with anxiety, but he knows he cannot let it get to him. It’s been ten years, for god’s sake. And now, while on a bloody case, Jungkook has no option but to it up and keep his repressed feelings at bay. 

So he sighs and crosses his arms over his chest before leaning back in his chair. 

There’s no point in getting comfortable, though, because the priests along with the choir enter the church, and everyone moves to their feet. Jimin pulls Jungkook up with him and gives him a stern look before turning to stare at the center of everyone’s attention.

Jungkook has a hard time keeping his lips from twisting into a scowl as he watches the priest humbly smile at his fellow believers, and he decides to focus on the main reason why he’s here to begin with before he snaps and does something reckless.

Mr. Kim and Mrs. Kim along with Taehyung are all standing in the front row, solemn expressions on their faces, and Jungkook notices how the boy looks paler than usual. His eyes are void of any emotion, face a mask of indifference yet it seems weighed down by grief.

Jungkook stares at him until the priest reaches the front row to greet the mourning family before he looks away. 

He doesn’t like priests, he really does not like priests, but this one in particular is a literal devil among believers and Jungkook finds it hard to look at him for more than a couple of seconds at a time. Jimin notices and gives him a worried frown, but Jungkook shrugs it off. 

The funeral mass begins with a prayer. 

Jungkook patiently stands next to Jimin, both of them quietly staring ahead as the believers around them begin singing in one voice. Goosebumps rise across Jungkook’s skin and he feels a shiver run down his spine. 

Memories from a dimly lit church, filled with boys no older than ten, cloud his mind. Empty stares but wide eyes, thundering hearts in chests too small to contain that much fear. Jungkook doesn’t realize how long exactly he stands there as he allows his brain to remember forbidden moments from his past until he feels a hand tug on his sleeve. 

He snaps out of his thoughts and looks around, eyes widening a little in surprise when he notices how everyone is sitting. Some of the people turn to stare at him in curiosity, Jimin tugs on his sleeve again, a little firmer this time, and Jungkook quickly sits down, averting his gaze to his lap.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Jungkook doesn’t need to look at his hyung to know that the boy is frowning. “Is everything okay? Do you want to get some fresh air-”

“Everything is fine,” Jungkook grits out, not allowing Jimin to dwell on it for much longer. He gives the boy a tight-lipped smile and jerks his chin towards the altar. “It’s starting. Let’s focus.” 

“Welcome, children of God,” the priest begins when the choir has moved to the back of the small stage set up at the front. His smile is soft and his eyes are warm, but Jungkook ing knows better. “We are gathered here today to bid a child of God farewell. Her soul may have left earth but we must remember that she has returned to the kingdom of our Father, where she rightfully belongs.”

He stops talking and quietly takes in everyone in front of him. 

Jungkook can see Taehyung if he scoots a little to the left, and he keeps his eyes trained on the boy’s side profile, feeling a little grounded for some reason. His breathing evens out and he wills his heart to do the same. 

“You are scared.”

Jungkook’s heart stops beating.

Why are you scared, child?  

“You are frightened, terrified,” the priest continues, his voice ringing throughout the deadly quiet church, “of what this means. A murder. Why does God allow murder? Why does God allow pain and death?”

Why would God allow pain? 

Jungkook’s fingers shake as he tightly grasps the hem of his coat. 

Do you think God wants me to hurt you? 

“What our Lord wants cannot be fathomed by our brains. We are after all only humans, are we not?” 

Jimin’s fingers are warm around Jungkook’s wrist, his grip tight, and Jungkook clasps onto his arm, eyes wide as he looks over at him. 

“What the hell is goi-”

“God does not want to harm us, he never does. God only wants the best for us.”

It’s suddenly too much. 

Jungkook rips his wrist out of Jimin’s grip and jumps to his feet. 

The priest stops preaching and looks over at him, and Jungkook feels like he’s being burned alive. He quickly whips his head away and rushes past the confused believers sitting next to him before all but running out of the church. 

No one is outside, thankfully, but Jungkook doesn’t stop and keeps running and running, ignoring the paved, pristine street in favour of the grass that leads towards the huge forest behind the church.

Several minutes pass before his lungs burn too much for him to be able to inhale any more of the cold september air, and Jungkook wheezes, dropping to his knees.

He bends forward, placing his palms against the ground, his heart beating loudly in his ears as the taste of copper fills his mouth.

ing hell. 

It was as if he was back in the local church his father had forced him to attend. It was as if he was back in Father Han’s care. Jungkook would have scoffed had he been able to breathe properly, care is the last ing word he’ll use to describe what Father Han did for him and twenty three other children. 

But it’s okay now, isn’t it? 

He’s behind bars now, Father Han, serving thirty eight years for ual assault against minors. Thirty ing eight years, of which only two have passed.

Jungkook feels an irrational surge of anger just thinking about him, and he presses his forehead against the grass beneath him to calm himself down, thinking for a brief moment that to an outsider it would probably look like he’s praying. 

Oh, the irony. 

Several minutes pass before the roaring in Jungkook’s mind finally dies down, but his heart still feels like it might stop any minute and Jungkook mentally throws a half-hearted curse at whoever decided priests should have as much power as they do. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” 

Jungkook chokes on a scream and whips around to stare up at Taehyung, both of them looking equally startled. Taehyung quickly throws his hands up in surrender and takes a step backwards, and Jungkook notices how the boy isn’t wearing his coat. 

Did he follow him out? Exactly how long has he been here for? 

“What are you doing here?” Jungkook snaps, quickly moving to his feet. He dusts off the dirt that has decorated his knees and runs a quick hand down his face in hopes of wiping off any traces of his mental breakdown from earlier. 

“You-you looked a little-.” Taehyung closes his mouth and averts his gaze. “I’m sorry, I just thought something bad had happened and I couldn't just sit there knowing that-”

“I don’t need your pity,” Jungkook seethes, anger bubbling in his belly. 

He ing hates it. No one knows about his past, no one will ever know about it either because that’s what Jungkook wants. 

He couldn’t have Father Han arrested with his own traumatising childhood as the elementary evidence, he had to wait and wait until one of the choir boys had broken down and told him everything.

And when that had happened, as his first case after graduating, Jungkook had sent that son of a behind bars. 

But still, for some ed up reason, Jungkook feels like a part of him still yearns for justice. A part of him knows sending Father Han to jail wasn’t enough. Jungkook wants his ing childhood back. 

It’s an irrational thought, Jungkook is aware, because he knows that’s impossible.

Jungkook knows he cannot go back in time and stop the horrible events from happening, but what he does know is the fact that he can control how much of it he’ll allow himself to remember, to be tormented by, and right now the percentage is at a cold, hard zero.

“Nothing happened,” Jungkook decides, tone low and harsh, and Taehyung’s eyes are wide in both fear and worry. Jungkook ignores the heat rising to his neck and swallows thickly. 

He cannot go back in time to change what happened, but he can stop similar from happening again, can’t he? 

Isn’t that why he became a detective to begin with? The police cannot arrest anyone without proper proof, they cannot dig up old cases either unless there is a connection to recent criminal activities.

But a detective can people up left, right and center. 

Jungkook has been repressing these memories, these feelings and thoughts for a while now, only allowing them some brief air when dealing with Father Han two years ago, but what he seems to have ignored this whole time is the very fact that some other child out there is going through the same as he did.

And Jungkook can stop it from happening. 

Jungkook can quite literally save multiple children in dire need of help - and right now, through this very case, he’s presented with the perfect opportunity to do so.

Maybe that will help him feel some sense of justice? 

Jungkook then thinks back to the conflicting emotions he had felt when first setting his eyes on Kim Taehyung, the curiosity and indescribable feelings he had experienced when getting to know him better, and he realizes that , that’s why Taehyung stood out to him.

That’s why his brain saw the boy and decided he wasn’t allowed to leave Jungkook’s mind anytime soon. 

Jungkook turns his gaze to the boy before him. 

Taehyung looks small.

He looks like he wants to disappear as he curls inwards, shoulders hunched in a manner that seems to come easy to him, as if it’s something he has done for years. His eyes are averted, hands tight around the sleeves of his black shirt, and his brows are furrowed deep in fear.

Jungkook’s heart starts beating faster, the anger from earlier resurfacing, and his jaw clenches. 

He can see himself in Taehyung. 

He can see the ten year old boy who was too scared to speak up, too frightened to even think about disobeying his father’s orders. Jungkook sees someone in desperate need of help, and he suddenly feels an irrational, overwhelming urge to protect.

To protect Taehyung. 

And Taehyung watches him with pure fear in his eyes now, because Jungkook’s chest is rising with deep, angry breaths, his eyes positively murderous, and Taehyung takes a step backwards, fingers shaking as his arms shoot out sideways to find leverage before he stumbles. 

Jungkook snaps out of his thoughts at the sudden movement and his expression goes slack. 

. 

He realizes that he might have scared the boy, and he quickly slumps his shoulders, trying not to appear as intimidating as he apparently does while mentally making a note not to join Jimin on their weekly workout drills.

“Relax,” he carefully says, “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Taehyung doesn’t look like he believes him fully, but being the ever so obedient boy that he is, he halts, cheeks flushed a deep red. His chest is moving with rapid breaths, eyes a little glossed over, and Jungkook feels the urge to lean over and hold him, hard. Reassure him that nothing’s going to happen to him now. 

Jungkook has another reason to solve this case. 

“Th-the funeral isn’t done yet,” Taehyung whispers, clearing his throat, and Jungkook nods.

“Yes, I know. You should head back now.”

Taehyung hesitates, eyes still weary and shoulders still tense. Jungkook wonders how many times the boy must’ve been in a similar situation, on the receiving end of someone’s fury, and the mental image his mind supplies him with sends his blood boiling. 

Hot anger begins to nip at his skin and Jungkook closes his eyes and drags in a deep, calming breath.

He’s gonna drown in Yugyeom’s vodka tonight, for sure, if he bottles everything up right now, but Jungkook decides potential kidney failure is more preferable than giving Taehyung a reason to fear him. 

Opening his eyes, Jungkook sighs and runs a shaky hand through his hair.

He isn’t the only one shaking, though, because Taehyung’s shoulders tense up at the occasional shiver that runs down his spine. It is nine in the morning, and the grey sky is doing nothing to fight the cold air settled around them. 

“Go on,” Jungkook urges, “you should head back. Your family must be worrying.”

So is Jimin. 

, Jungkook only then registers the vibrations against his upper thigh. He’ll figure out a lie on the way back, but right now he must deal with the shivering boy in front of him.

“Are you coming along?” Taehyung murmurs, tension slowly but surely beginning to leave his body. Jungkook feels relieved but tries not to show it and shakes his head. 

“I don’t like churches,” he says, carefully stepping closer, and when Taehyung doesn’t flinch or budge, Jungkook feels the iron-tight wires around his heart loosen, and closes the space between them. “Feels too stuffy.”

He pulls off his coat and drapes it over Taehyung’s shoulders, face dangerously close to the shivering boy’s.

Jungkook tries not to stare into his eyes in fear of getting lost in them, and he notices the way Taehyung’s adam’s apple bobs when he thickly swallows. Taehyung’s breath is warm against his throat, and Jungkook makes the mistake of looking down at him when he pulls the coat tighter around him. 

Taehyung’s eyes are wide. Worried but a little curious. Jungkook then notices his pink, parted lips, and he jerks out of his spiraling thoughts before he does something stupid.

He doesn’t bother buttoning the black coat up because he can smell Taehyung’s vanilla perfume or lotion - whatever the hell it is that makes him smell so ing good. It’s everywhere and keeps getting to Jungkook's head, so he quickly steps backwards and awkwardly clears his throat.

“Sorry for snapping at you,” he says, forcing his lips into a small smile, “it wasn’t sensible of me. Thanks for checking up on me.” 

But Taehyung is still frowning, hands holding onto the coat so it doesn’t slip from his slim frame. Jungkook tries not to think too much about how big his coat looks on the boy and jerks his chin in the direction of the church. 

“Go on now,” he tries again, and Taehyung bites his lip, feet barely moving one step before he comes a stop.

“Are you sure you’re not coming along?” Taehyung arches both eyebrows hopefully. “You don’t have to come back to the church, you know, you can go back home. Your partner looked very worried.”

He’s got a point, Jungkook realizes, and it’s not like he’s got any reason to stay behind.

Plus, he’s kinda cold and the wind seems to have decided they’re enemies because it suddenly picks up, sending an ice cold wave against the two boys.

“Come on, then,” Jungkook sighs, and Taehyung’s eyes light up a little, but he doesn’t say anything and quickly turns on his heel. Jungkook grimaces once the boy’s back is turned to him because ing hell, it’s ice cold, but when Taehyung throws him a quick look over his shoulder Jungkook broods, pretending to be in deep thought. 

The trip back is surprisingly short, and Jungkook realizes that even in a panicked mode, his brain had been smart enough to follow a relatively trodden trail into the woods. Which explains why Taehyung had managed to find him so easily. 

Jungkook stores that information in the back of his head.

Jimin is waiting outside the church, next to the cruiser, and he perks up the second he sees them, breaking out into a jog to meet them halfway. No one else has left the church yet, which Jungkook is really ing grateful for. 

“What the hell happened? Where did you go?” 

“Needed some air,” Jungkook says, stepping past the shorter male.

Jimin frowns and looks at Taehyung, eyes searching him for answers, but the boy looks away, clearly uncomfortable under the officer’s scrutinizing gaze. Jimin then notices the coat draped over his shoulders and arches an eyebrow in surprise.

“Okay then,” he slowly says, looking over his shoulder only to find Jungkook already sitting in the passenger seat of the car, busy fiddling with the heater settings. Jimin turns back towards Taehyung and forces an apologetic smile onto his face. “I am sorry for all the trouble, you shouldn’t have searched for him.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay, I know this place well.” Taehyung’s cheeks are pink and he blinks in realization as he quickly removes the coat from around him before handing it over to Jimin. “It’s his. Uh, yeah, no worries. Thank you for coming today. I really appreciate it.”

Jimin awkwardly laughs and nods, taking a step backwards. “Of course. Just give us a call if anything happens, and we’ll be in touch as always.”

Taehyung just nods in reply and then stiffly turns on his heel, crossing the space to the church entrance. Jimin watches him for a moment before shaking his head, frowning in curiosity at whatever had just happened. 

Jungkook doesn’t bother supplying him with any information, though, not when Jimin enters the car and finds the younger male staring after Taehyung’s retreating figure, and not even fifteen minutes later when they’re on the highway and the car is dead silent. 

Jungkook is too busy plotting potential murder to ease his hyung’s worries, but he does make a mental note in the back of his head to find a sufficient lie that’ll keep Jimin off his back for a while.

Right now, however, he needs to figure out how to bury Father Shin Yongchul six feet under.