Word count: 5,267 words
Reading time: 29 minutes 15 seconds
(if you read average 3 words per second)

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Communication is key. I believe that no matter what you’re dealing with, if you communicate the right way, in favor if what you want to achieve, you’re on the path to success.

The biggest irony of my life is that I ended up in a sticky situation because of one thing I tend to avoid: miscommunication.

My name is Park Yeonji and the moment, from when on I decided to tell you this story, I’m about to throw up.

“Come on, Yeonji. If you don’t think about it, you’ll be fine.” My friend, Saebyul panic-whispered me while holding up the mess my neat bun had become so it won’t fall into the toilet.

I blinked repeatedly, trying to fight all the food I consumed give me a welcome back, but it seemed to be a fight in vain.

“How am I supposed to not think about it when I’m about to-?” I managed to mutter while keeping my eye on the boring tile of the bathroom stall. You’d think a fancy place like this upscale bar, where our annual New Year’s Eve party ended up being organized at, would invest in some nice tiles, not some dull off-white ones but no. I guess all their budget went on catering and those actually fancy chandeliers…

The next wave of nausea hit with full power, causing my useless thinking to stop. I grabbed the toilet lid (one thing I immensely regretted later) and clenched my eyes. The situation was starting to get serious.

Saebyul took a deep breath instead of me and changed tactic:

“Then think about it. Think about how awful you’re going to feel tomorrow, when you find suspicious stains on your beautiful rented dress.”

The suggestion wasn’t bad. In all honesty, it could have worked because I did pay a good money to wear that beautiful dress for one night. It was a cocktail dress in stunning silver that showed off just the right amount of legs (my best assets) and hugged my body in the right places without highlighting critical areas (read everything from the waist up). And I was over the moon I got to wear it! I looked good in it and I received compliments without fishing for them (how usually do sometimes… I have an ego to feed, I’m not sorry.)

However, and this is the biggest however; I instantly thought of one consequence Saebyul forgot to count with and it was over.

I turned my head back to lift teary eyes and a dangerously quivering lower lip at my friend and said:

“What is a beautiful rented dress for when the one person who should appreciate it suddenly showed up with a girlfriend who’s not me?!”

While Saebyul was gasping for air and a good comeback, the door of the stall next to ours swung open and a girl seemingly way too young to be in a bar like this, in a dress even better looking than mine, waltzed out of it with a disdainful look on her delicate face.

“I don’t know who you are and what the pity party is for, but you better stop before you vomit all over the ladies’ room, okay?”

If I was sane, I would have given her a piece of my mind for the attitude but I was pretty much like she said, having a pity party so I just snorted at her and leaned back over the toilet in case I snort up something else too.

Bless her heart, Saebyul stuck up for me even in a situation like this.

“She’s doing her absolute best, okay? Shut the door on your way out, thanks.”

The girl rolled her eyes and walked away in her high heels.

As soon as the door closed, I was back on my bull.

“How dares he?” I wailed; one hundred percent not aware how much the tiled walls reverberate the sound. “Showing up unannounced! With a girlfriend he didn’t tell me about?! The audacity!”

The scene kept replaying in my head like a broken record. Me, standing in the presence of my friends and colleagues, looking phenomenal for once and just starting to get over the fact my crush failed to show up at the party I invited him to... when my crush who said he won’t make it walks in looking amazing and with a girl on his arm whom he introduces as his girlfriend. For a second I felt like I’m having a very bad dream and almost asked the closest person to me to pinch me.

But it wasn’t. It was very much real and after my fifth glass of overpriced champagne I sauntered over to the washroom to empty my sorrows down the drain, accompanied by an alerted Saebyul.

And here we are. Me trying to get over with it and my friend trying to save the little pride I left.

“He has a horrible timing, yeah. If I wasn’t holding up your hair, I would be outside, having a talk with him.” Saebyul sighed before caressing my cheek with featherlight fingers. “He’s going to get what he deserves. But for now, get yourself together, alright? It’s New Year’s Eve. We should be outside having the time of our lives, dancing the night away and making up silly resolutions we never keep.”

It was like a sad and desperate lightbulb went out above my head at the mention of the celebration – I gasped dramatically.

“That’s it! New year, new -”

However I was going to finish that sentence, it got lost in translation among my gurgles and not so y moans. It was kind of disgusting but Saebyul dutifully patted my back and made sure nothing splatters on my dress like a true friend. I owe her.

Once I was done, I leaned back with a blissful smile on my face and a sudden urge to act.

“Ah, I feel much better, thank you. Let’s go!”

But Saebyul knew better.

“Nuh-uh, you rinse your mouth first. Or do you want my toothbrush?” She rummaged through her bag. “I swear I have it with me.”

While she was going through her bag, I poured some tap water in my mouth and ungracefully spit it out in the bathroom sink. Not one of my proudest moments in life but what was coming next, topped even that.

“No, I’m good. In fact, I’ve never felt better!” I spun around, momentarily forgetting my head didn’t stop spinning, and letting out a clumsy giggle I grabbed my friend’s arm. “Come on, Sae. I have an announcement to make.”

“What?”

I decided the action explains itself and instead of answering Saebyul, I just pulled her along back to the lounge where I made the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.

Despite of Saebyul and everyone whom she convinced I’m to be stopped trying to hold me back, I walked up to the stage and, raising a glass of champagne I snatched from a clueless waiter towards the ceiling, started to speak.

 

* * *

 

Next morning, I woke up from the best sleep I’ve had in a while, with the worst hungover ever.

I blinked my eyes open at the blasting sunlight directed right at my eyes and coughed, my throat scratchy and sore. My initial thought was, wow, I must have sung a lot the day before, where did we go, karaoke?

Then, as I slowly came back to life and recollected what actually went down, I felt panic risen in me and let out a frightened yelp.

Not a second later, the door of the room I lied lifelessly in previously, burst open and Kyungsoo jumped in, in nothing but an undershirt, boxer shorts and a spatula in hand.

“What’s wrong?!”

I reflexively shut my eyes to shield them from the nearly view of my friend’s boyfriend. Well, at least I quickly realized where I’m at – in Saebyul’s house.

“I don’t know yet exactly but just the thought of it, scares me. Hi, Kyungsoo.”

At this point Kyungsoo probably realized how underdressed we both are (I was wrapped up in blankets but underneath I was sporting a big nightshirt only) because his tone changed and made a hasty exit.

“Hi, Yeonji. Um... I’ll be in the kitchen. Come down to breakfast when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

I let out a whisper-yell once I was alone again then proceeded to look for my discarded clothes. I only found my rented dress hanged neatly on the wardrobe, the rest of my clothing I guessed Saebyul put in the wash.

I took a closer look at the dress while my mind was busy searching for information about last night. The dress was spotless but my recollection refused to go further than the moment I dumbly decided to steal someone’s champagne and wobbled up to the stage to say something in the microphone. What could I have said? I just did some incoherent, drunk babbling, right? It’s nothing less embarrassing but certainly better than acting upon my feelings and saying something that could hurt or make others uncomfortable.

I had to snort at my goodwill while changing into the shirt and pants Saebyul prepared for me and left on a chair. Me hurting others? Who was hurt in the first place? Me! Last night grabbed me, drained me then left me on the floor to pick up my pieces. And currently I had troubles finding every piece.

I looked into the mirror of Saebyul’s vanity table after getting decently dressed. My reflection showed a person who slept well, but went through something really bad the night before. I had eye bags (more like luggage), herpes bloomed in the corner of my mouth (ew) and my lips were chapped. What most bothered me most, however, were my red eyes. I sure as hell cried a river yesterday, I thought before clearing my throat and fixing my bed hair.

Just before I could have exited the room, my phone signaled an incoming message. After crawling around the floor, I finally found it fallen behind the nightstand. I had too many messages and calls to count – I had a few from friends like Baekhyun, Joohyun and Joy, colleagues like my favorite interns Sehun and Jongin, as well as my direct superior, Junmyeon (oof); a heck ton from Mom and Chanyeol(?) but a particularly lot from... Jongdae.

The last message was of the latter, too. I saw his name flash on the screen then silenced my phone and put it in my bag. I wanted to know what I did first, then suffer the consequences. And as for Jongdae, he might as well enjoy his new girlfriend because I wasn’t planning on seeing him again anytime soon. Serves him right (but nearly not enough).

Downstairs I was welcomed with the savory smell of hungover soup and porridge. Kyungsoo was sitting by the table alone, reading glasses perched atop his nose and the day’s newspaper spread on front of him.

“Where is Saebyul?”

“She went shopping.” The answer came.

“Ah, right. You’re going to her parents’ house the afternoon. She told me about it.” I murmured before sitting down and breaking my chopsticks. “I’ll just quickly eat some and leave, okay? I don’t want to hold you up any longer. Thank you for the meal.”

Kyungsoo closed the newspaper and reached for chopsticks as well. I was quicker and took them for him. He thanked me with a kind smile.

When Saebyul first introduced me to Kyungsoo, my first impression of him was so-so. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated his kind nature, well-paying job and dashing looks, however I found him boring, specifically next to someone as lively as my friend, Saebyul. I never told her that initially I didn’t give them much time. (But time proved me and everyone else who doubted them wrong – it was going to be their third year together.)

Once I got used to Kyungsoo’s calm and collected character, I had no problems getting along with him. I learnt when to shut up and he learnt when to speak. I sometimes wished my relationship with Jongdae was this easy, but oh well.

“How are you feeling?”

I was taken aback by Kyungsoo’s question. Not because it was unexpected, but because I didn’t have time to figure out how I feel about everything.

“Numb.” I replied, finally, after taking a sip of soup. The taste spreading on my taste buds was magnificent. “Kyungsoo, this hungover soup is amazing. I should get drunk more often if it means I can have it.”

My joke wasn’t much appreciated by Kyungsoo. He had a deadpan expression on his face as he reacted.

“I hope you’ll never get drunk ever again.”

“I wasn’t that bad... was I?” I asked last minute because Kyungsoo’s sudden cold demeanor left me nervous. “You only saw the aftermath.”

He didn’t come to the party because he was on duty as GP at the local hospital. Saebyul must have called him to pick us up after my mysterious performance on stage.

Speaking of!

“Did you, maybe, hear about something I did during the party? I usually remember everything, no matter how thick my drunken haze is; but for some reason, I’m stuck at going up on the stage and grabbing the mic.” I asked cautiously, stirring the noodles in my bowl without looking away from Kyungsoo’s eyes, trying to gather as many hints as I could. “I just wished everyone Happy New Year in a very cringey way, right? I call it wasn’t even midnight yet and I spilled champagne on the people in the front.”

Kyungsoo must have visualized the picture I painted him with words because the corners of his heart-shaped mouth went up a little before he fixed his expression back into serious.

“Partially, yes. From what Chanyeol and Saebyul told me, you practically sprayed the unlucky ones standing right in front of you.”

I nodded in sullen acceptance. My coordination is questionable when I’m sober, of course it’s even worse when I’m beyond my drinking limit of two glasses of soju.

“Junmyeon wasn’t among those unlucky ones, right?”

“I don’t know, they didn’t tell me specific names. You better ask him and find out yourself.” Kyungsoo said before letting out a hum. “There’s something else you should know about quicker, although -”

“I’m back!”

Saebyul entered the kitchen with two shopping bags stuffed full and her nose pinched red by the January cold. She pressed a light kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek (he blushed, how shy) before taking a seat next to me and cradling my face in her cold hands. I had to hiss.

She clicked her tongue.

"Park Yeonji, I didn’t complain last night so you better not complain right now.”

“Sorry.” I mumbled then peeled her hands off my face to place them between my palms and warm them up.

“Sae, what would you like to have for breakfast, soup or porridge?” Kyungsoo asked his girlfriend after standing up to start the microwave.

“Porridge!” Saebyul exclaimed. When she turned to me, her expression changed. “I was so worried about you yesterday. You didn’t drink this much since your current company hired you and this time you behaved even worse.”

“Did I? I mean, Kyungsoo told me the accident with the champagne but still, I was okay compared to what happened to me before I spent forever on the toilet.”

I don’t know why I was insisting so hard on this nonexistent storyline of everybody exaggerating my behavior but I was going through with it stubbornly.

Little did I know, I was five feet deep in denial and the truth was about to swing back at me like a boomerang.

Saebyul paused for a second to exchange looks with her boyfriend. Kyungsoo slowly shook his head.

“I was just about to tell her when you arrived.”

“Tell me what?” I asked impatiently, getting more and more worked up as silent seconds passed. I wanted to know what I said and I wanted to know it now. “Come on, guys.”

Kyungsoo was watching intently how the plate of porridge was running in circles in the microwave so it was Saebyul who took on the role of helping me out in stopping running in circles. She took a deep breath then, when I thought she’s finally going to spill the beans, pulled her phone out of the back pocket of her overalls and tapped on it for a few seconds, only to bring up a YTube video.

“Don’t tell me someone filmed it.” I whispered, too mortified to raise my voice.

Embarrassing myself in front of my acquaintances and a handful of bar regulars is one thing but sharing my embarrassment with everyone who knows me or has internet connection, providing perfect blackmail material and a lifelong worth of teasing to anyone who sees this (and has something to do with me), is a whole different thing. I instantly knew I’m screwed, whatever I did or said.

I was ready to jump head first into the ocean of misery... and yet, the fragile string of hope in the back of my mind wasn’t letting go.

Saebyul pulled a face.

“Just watch this, it explains everything.”

My finger lingered on the “start” button a second too long, as my eyes took in the thumbnail to the video: just like I remembered, I was standing on stage, with an empty glass of champagne and a smirk so wide on my face, it didn’t take a village for anyone to guess I wasn’t sober yet. At least my mascara wasn’t running and my dress didn’t ride up, I tried to comfort myself before gathering up enough courage and starting the video.

It was around third minutes long (twice as long as it was supposed to me, in my opinion). I found it so difficult to stand and start speaking, I didn’t even say anything in the first-one and a half minutes, only the whispering and chuckling of the small crowd was heard. And yes, I spilled the champagne. (What a promising start.)

Trouble ensued at the second minute, where I awkwardly greeted anyone, asked how they’re doing like some lame DJ (no shade on Saebyul, she’s a good DJ) and after sharing with everyone how much I was preparing for this New Year’s Eve party (not missing a single detail of getting waxed and renting a dress above my budget, as well as finally asking out my crush, yeah, why I would miss out on telling that!), I proceeded to say I’m turning over a new leaf with the upcoming year and listed five things as my New Year’s resolutions; swearing left and right I’ll keep them no matter what happens, come earthquake or monsoon, I quote “Park Yeonji keeps this resolutions as if her life depends on it”. (Yes, I talked about myself in 3rd person, in front of everybody. Brava, Park Yeonji, brava.)

The resolutions I shared, in the exact order and fully quoted:

• “Move out”
• “Get in shape”
• “Get a job”
• “Notice the little things”
• “Fall in love, for real”

On some of them I elaborated how I should complete them, some of the topics I left untouched: but I obviously explained thoroughly what I meant by saying “fall in love, for real”. Thankfully I didn’t say Jongdae’s name (that would have been super awkward) but those who knew our history, probably guessed anway.

The video ended with a single tear making its way down my cheek and Sehun and Jongin dragging me off stage. According to the data, it had hundreds of views. The comments were disabled... but I knew certain comments were going to be made, whether at my workplace or anywhere my friends find me.

“Are you okay?” was the first thing Saebyul asked and I shrugged.

“Well, what is done is done, so... I think I have a whole lot of explaining to do, to a lot of people.”

That was an understatement.

“Please know that I tried to interrupt you several times but you were so stubborn, at the end I figured it’ll be better if you let it all out. I did not expect anyone recording it.”

“You’re right.” I accepted Saebyul’s apology. If anyone else said that, I wouldn’t have believed a word but with Saebyul, our friendship had been tested so many times, I didn’t have to doubt it anymore. “Who recorded it though? Who uploaded the video? Do we know?”

“It was uploaded by a stranger and he said he didn’t record it. He obtained it from a chatroom, shared by one of the users.” Kyungsoo answered after giving her breakfast to Saebyul. “Chanyeol’s on it. As soon as he gets new information, he tells us. And we’ve already made attempts to remove the video.”

“Thanks... Wow, you did all this while I was peacefully snoring in your bedroom. I feel bad.” I tried to clear the sudden lump in my throat but I only ended up coughing.

Saebyul was instantly on her feet.

“Have some water.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. You need to stay hydrated. Drink lots of water today and rest.” Kyungsoo gave doctor’s orders without getting paid for it and shot a reprimanding look in my way too, in case I’m thinking of doing the opposite. “If you feel worse, don’t hesitate to contact me. Do you understand?”

My friend’s boyfriend can be quite intimidating if he wants, no matter how cute he looks; I made the re-discovery for the umpteenth time before nodding rapidly.

Saebyul giggled and patted my shoulder good-naturedly.

“You’re going to be okay.”

“Oh, I know I am. I’m just not sure that’s what is good for me.”

My words made the couple in the kitchen look at me questioningly.

I let out a sigh.

“I have to go home now and face Mom. Maybe I should dry out instead.”

Kyungsoo shook his head with a grin while collecting the dishes to wash. Well, he hasn’t met my mother so I guess it made no sense to him. But I have, and in my head, I was thinking of the excuses I can pull in case she somehow happened to see me and my fabulous attitude on video. It’s a slim chance, considering she only uses internet to stalk relatives on Acebook, but the chance was there and I needed to be prepared.

After successfully taking over dishwashing from Kyungsoo (it was a struggle, the man is strong both in words and body), I snatched my dress and no matter how much Saebyul asked me to stay, I departed into the cold morning making a promise of calling her up later the day. (They offered to drive me too, but I didn’t want to hold them up any longer so just lied that I could use a breath of fresh air. I don’t think they believe me but at least they didn’t argue with it.)

The time was around 9.30am when I stepped to the streets. The sidewalk felt chilly under my high heels-clad feet so I switched to a quicker shame of walk than I had imagined. Honestly, form the outside it probably didn’t seem that shameful, (thanks to Saebyul’s generosity of lending her clothes), inside though... When a moment from the video flashed in my mind, I cringed and felt like puking again.

The bus stop was right around the corner. I wasn’t supposed to wait more than a few minutes for the right vehicle to arrive but my coffee-crave kicked in so I’d rather went to a nearby coffeeshop to calm my nerves. It’ll be perfect to brainstorm a little too, I figured.

Kyungsoo’s words of hydration kept ringing in my ears, therefore I asked the barista to prepare me something light that tastes like caffeine regardless. The barista blinked at me unsure before half-heartedly getting to work. I could only hope he understood what I meant.

Being it the first day of New Year, not many people were around. If I wasn’t in the situation I was in, I would have been at home too, getting in necessary sleep and catching up on all the K-drama episodes I missed because of year-end workload. But here I was, trying to get myself, my memories and my broken heart together.

Since I started drinking heavily after Jongdae broke my heart, the incident was livid in my mind. And damn, it hurt. But, also, I was confused and angry. I idly flipped through the drink menu while trying the process everything as it is. So, Jongdae isn’t planning on dating me after all. Noted. Does this mean he was fooling around with me all this time? Maybe. Was it a move to answer my unsaid question with showing up with his girlfriend to a New Year’s Eve party I invited him to? One-hundred percent.

It wasn’t even the rejection that hurt (although it hurt very much, thank you). He must had rejected me a long time ago, he’s not the type to just get a girlfriend for a day to have his message come across as clear as day. But that was it, a long time ago! Why couldn’t he tell me sooner? When I wasn’t so head over heels for him? For sure he didn’t tell me once, not at least in a way I noticed. And Jongdae neither is the type to drop subtle hints about things like this, he’s an honest person. Or did I read him wrong? It’s either that or something had been miscommunicated.

My phone buzzed in my coat. Let me guess, another message from Jongdae... or Mom. At the moment I couldn’t decide which is worse. But, I reasoned while my hands were itching to check if I’m right, maybe it’s none of them. What if it’s Junmyeon?!

Fearing my boss’ possible scolding, I pulled out my phone at lightning’s speed.

It was Chanyeol.

“Park Yeonji’s liver speaking. I’m not doing so good, please call me later.”

“Hahaha!” Chanyeol’s loud laugh welcomed me first on the other end of the line. “I wanted to ask how you’re doing but I see you’re fine. Kyungsoo cooked you his legendary hungover soup?”

“You’re reading my mind. Guess now, what am I thinking?” I chatted away.

Chanyeol hummed.

“You need to go to the restroom?”

“How nice of you... No!” I rebutted. Just then, my coffee arrived so I thanked the waiter/barista first before continuing. “I’m wondering if you have any good news for me about a... certain video.”

Chanyeol laughed, again.

“I suppose Saebyul showed you.”

“Yeah. And this is where we stop talking about what it is about.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol went with my suggestion and cleared his throat. “So, the video is taken down now. I doubt anyone downloaded it, you’re safe.”

“Good. Thank you. And what about your copy?” I asked while doubtfully inspecting the cup of something definitely not coffee the waiter put in front of me. Is this a scam, I wondered.

“What copy?”

“Your copy. Don’t try to trick me into believing you didn’t save it for future uses, like at all.”

Chanyeol is notorious for keeping footages of us, his friends, doing stupid and even though he doesn’t use it later for blackmailing us into doing something for him, he sure does mention it a lot and loves to show it to anyone attending the birthday party of said person on video. (Happened to Baekhyun, once or twice. His famous light switch dance is engraved, willy-nilly, in my mind.)

Chanyeol sighed.

“I feel like you’re not giving me enough credit for taking down your video.”

“I’ll buy you a meal later, don’t worry.” I reassured him and, giving up on drinking the suspicious drink, pushed the cup away from me. “Please send me your copy and then delete yours. Everyone who shouldn’t have must have seen it by now, there’s no purpose in you storing it.”

“Why do you need it then? Don’t tell me...” He lowered his voice for dramatic effect. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember everything!”

“I thought we agreed on not talking about anything related to that!”

“Right. I’ll send it to you in a second. Bye -”

I made a sound of disapproval.

“Not so quick, Chanyeol. I didn’t hear you promised to delete yours.”

“Could you stop being smart at least when you’re hungover?” Chanyeol grunted then pretty much purred into the phone. “I’ll be good and delete your copy. Are you satisfied?”

I had to smile at his childlike antics. Chanyeol can be so easy to dote on, it’s incredible.

“I trust you, for now... Bye, Chanyeol. Take care.”

“Same-same. Bye, Yeonji.”

I pocketed my phone with a good feeling. It was liberating to know the 572858 of my acquaintances won’t have a chance to stumble upon me preaching about New Year’s resolutions drunk out of my mind. Now I just have to deal with the rest 389292 people. The question is, how?

My brainstorming was broken by the waiter wandering over to my table.

“Can I help you with anything, miss?”

“Yes, actually. Please take this back and just give some ginger tea for take away. Thanks.” I said and made a move to stand up and leave.

I remembered Junmyeon once said ginger is good for detoxing – funny I remembered this and not my whole three minutes-long monologue.

Stepping back into the cold street, I was just about take a sip when I noticed a man in his forties standing on the other side of the road. His hands were red from the chilly weather and he kept fidgeting in his worn shoes. He didn’t have anything or anyone with him and wasn’t looking like someone going anywhere either.

For a long second, I just stood frozen on the sidewalk then carefully crossed the road and reached out my cup of tea towards the man.

“Happy New Year.”

He looked back at me surprised before taking the cup and lightly nodding his head.

“Happy New Year and bless you.”

I flashed him a small smile and continued my way to the bus stop.

On the bus ride home, I had many thoughts. But one thing that stood out was one of what I thought of as a silly resolution to say the day before - “Notice the little things.” Maybe I did say it for a reason, the other four resolutions likewise. I was drunk, no question, but unconsciously, maybe, I was speaking from the heart.

And that puts the whole situation into an entirely new light.

 

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